can't resist any longer...
ok, so i've read about tons of fem problems you guys have been having for a while now. i used to post about mine a long time ago, but decided to stop and never mention my female issues again on this board (if for nothing than i thought i sounded pathetic).
anyways, i'm rock bottom...again. so here goes.
met girl, dated for a while, etc. at first she >really< liked me. to the point where i would brag to my friends about how much this girl liked me. it made me feel good too, especially after what happened with my ex gf. at first i was hesistant to get involved with this new girl, but i finally gave in...and soon enough i was really starting to like her. so not too long after i start having feelings for her, she gets pregnant...by me. so we have an abortion (hey, no flack or opinions about that, thats for a seperate thread, not this one, ok?).
here's where it gets hairy. i felt that going thru something so traumatic like that made me feel even closer to her. but she felt the opposite. she started to see less and less of me...started to answer less and less of my calls. i'm miserable and really hurt because i really like her. i think about her all the time, etc. so tonight we saw each other for the first time in 2.5 weeks!!!! =( we went on a dinner date. it was very casual at first, we laughed a lot and stared into each others eyes and what not...i thought there was hope after all. but then i let my stupid insecurities get to me and i said some not too nice things.
i basically said something about how i think she just wanted me, then got me, then threw me to the curb after she was done having fun with me. she got really mad and started saying how i have no idea what it was like to go through what she did etc. i wanted to die right there...=( i felt really bad.
anyways, she goes on to say that she >did< really really like me...and that she's sorry that "circumstances" stopped us from becoming really serious or what not. i got the impression that because of what happened, things are >over< between us.
and now i want to fucking punch through my wall, all i feel is anger and hate. i can't stop thinking about the night the condom broke and how i wish i could go back and change that. i feel like i lost such a great girl because of something that could have been easily prevented. i know i can't live in the past, and i just have to deal with mistakes that were made (even if they are not my fault), but its fucking hard. i'm left wondering where i would be now if i had done something so simple as use high quality condoms. maybe i would be happy now...instead of sad, depressed, angry, and whatever.
life is just one crushing blow after another, isn't it?
and just to pour salt on my wounds, this is the first relationship since my ex that i actually saw hope for. for 6+ months i've been miserable after my breakup, and then this great girl enters my life...and i quickly fuck it up. i want to die...=(
-- clocky baby