A little bit about me/Chapter 2 -Starting over with nothing

**dedic8ed1** · 11-13-2006, 01:29 PM

Chapter 1 the down fall
A little bit about me

Chapter 2
Starting over with nothing

Starting over when you come home from a short guest appearence in jail returning home with nothing was the most difficult task for me to overcome to this day.One of my boys I finally got to come bail me out,they made him wait there 4 hours just to give these fukers money what a system rite.He got there at 1pm with my bail and the diks didn't let me out until 3am and it's January and in jersey need I say more,it's cold as fuk.I didn't even know where I was gonna go so I just went back to my old neighborhood by bus from camden.I woke up a friend of mine at about 5am and let 'em know what's going on and just to come in from the cold to land for a minute and figure out where I was gonna live and how I'm gonna start my life over in a constructive copacity.My boy takes me out to breakfest and tells me that my brother heard I was sleeping in the woods and went back there looking for me,and said that maybe he'd let me live with'em for a while to get started.I was like yeah rite I havn't spoke more then a couple words to him in 2 years and he's saying I can live with him.So after breakfest my buddy dropped me off at a friends house to get shit figured out.By later that night I had nothing so I said fuk it I just started walkin to my brother's house to see if what he said was true,it was about 3 or 4 miles and raining that was fun but it was all I had.When I got there it was the first both of my brothers have seen of me even way before I sat in jail for 16 days.At that moment I was reduced to the size of a decimal point,where was that loud a$$ cocky mthrfkr that had drugs to sell all the time and didn't need anyone,well that mthrfkr was dead and broken down to nothing and was desperate but didn't deserve a fukin thing,and I knew that they knew that but my brothers stepped up and embraced me as there brother after all.

I was lucky enough to get a pretty decent job rite off the bat which was absolutly neccessary,but when you ain't got no wheels what do you do,in true scumbag fashion you take the bus with the rest of the losers that fuked up.So for 15 months I left my brothers house 2 hours before my shift only to walk 1 mile to catch the bus at 10pm and to get off the bus to walk another 1.5 miles to get to my plant where I worked and even then it was only 11pm and my shift didn't start until 12midnight.It took 15 months of this shit to save up enough cake to get a decent ride and live like a civilized human being,Goddamn that was so demasculating being totally reduced to the equivalent of somewhere between a cockroach and the white stuff that accumilates at the corner of your mouth when your thirsty.All that walking and waiting at the bus and waiting for my shift to start and then walking back to the bus stop and waiting for the bus again,talk about a straight up loser man you can't get any lower.There's nothing more humbling then shit like this man nothing comes close.All in all when your givin that much time to yourself to think 2 things can happen you can either meltdown and feel sorry for yourself possibly relapsing with drugs or alcohol whatever your thing is or you can embrace the fact that you've been giving one more shot by the only people that really give a fuk and make the best of a bad situation that you and only you put yourself in.And for me there was nothing else it's like the ultimate test,pushing yourself past that reflection in the mirror that says your a loser,your gonna lose,nobody likes ya,your a peice of shit so give the fuk up already.To this day I still don't like what I see in the mirror but I think if I was satisfied with myself and what I've become I wouldn't feel the need to push myself and be so hard on myself for what I feel is acceptable.

I've had to live like a monk and totally isolate myself in order to keep acheiving more and maintaine an effective lifestyle beneficial to my preserverence and success.And that's alright cause I ain't dead and I ain't no junkie.

**lucabratzi** · 11-13-2006, 03:22 PM

dam brutha, i didnt know u were workin that hard day to day...ur a strong guy though so keep ur die hard mentality up...u got some serious anecdotes...cause u know i can relate to both...i was pushin them thangs, not as hardcore as u, but enough to have nice money and make payments on my car..livin that "rockstar" not givin a **** attitude..were one in the same...keep at it man,u know what u have to do/keep doin.... and it'll all pay off in the end...

**cj1capp** · 11-13-2006, 04:37 PM

I was lucky enough to get a pretty decent job rite off the bat which was absolutly neccessary,but when you ain't got no wheels what do you do,in true scumbag fashion you take the bus with the rest of the losers that fuked up.So for 15 months I left my brothers house 2 hours before my shift only to walk 1 mile to catch the bus at 10pm and to get off the bus to walk another 1.5 miles to get to my plant where I worked and even then it was only 11pm and my shift didn't start until 12midnight.It took 15 months of this shit to save up enough cake to get a decent ride and live like a civilized human being,Goddamn that was so demasculating being totally reduced to the equivalent of somewhere between a cockroach

just reading this i would you should not feel as you write, you have prove your self to be a man. Doing the mundane and tedious and not looking for a fast buck in my book makes you a man.
keep up the awesome vaules.

**dedic8ed1** · 11-13-2006, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by cj1capp

I was lucky enough to get a pretty decent job rite off the bat which was absolutly neccessary,but when you ain't got no wheels what do you do,in true scumbag fashion you take the bus with the rest of the losers that fuked up.So for 15 months I left my brothers house 2 hours before my shift only to walk 1 mile to catch the bus at 10pm and to get off the bus to walk another 1.5 miles to get to my plant where I worked and even then it was only 11pm and my shift didn't start until 12midnight.It took 15 months of this shit to save up enough cake to get a decent ride and live like a civilized human being,Goddamn that was so demasculating being totally reduced to the equivalent of somewhere between a cockroach

just reading this i would you should not feel as you write, you have prove your self to be a man. Doing the mundane and tedious and not looking for a fast buck in my book makes you a man.
keep up the awesome vaules.

That's all I can do brother

**lucabratzi** · 11-13-2006, 06:44 PM

Originally Posted by cj1capp

I was lucky enough to get a pretty decent job rite off the bat which was absolutly neccessary,but when you ain't got no wheels what do you do,in true scumbag fashion you take the bus with the rest of the losers that fuked up.So for 15 months I left my brothers house 2 hours before my shift only to walk 1 mile to catch the bus at 10pm and to get off the bus to walk another 1.5 miles to get to my plant where I worked and even then it was only 11pm and my shift didn't start until 12midnight.It took 15 months of this shit to save up enough cake to get a decent ride and live like a civilized human being,Goddamn that was so demasculating being totally reduced to the equivalent of somewhere between a cockroach

just reading this i would you should not feel as you write, you have prove your self to be a man. Doing the mundane and tedious and not looking for a fast buck in my book makes you a man.
keep up the awesome vaules.

thats the truth...most people, myself most likely included would have started flippin them thangs to get back on my feet...but it is much more respectable and smarter to take the right path back to normalcy..

**big L 17** · 11-13-2006, 06:57 PM

dude u should write a back

**l2elapse** · 11-13-2006, 07:07 PM

this happened in January?

BG · 11-13-2006, 07:13 PM

Been there twice, it makes you a man, some of us need a kick in the ass to grow up. Learn from it and grow, dont make the mistake again. Good luck.

**dedic8ed1** · 11-14-2006, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by big L 17

dude u should write a back

What do you mean? A book

**dedic8ed1** · 11-14-2006, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by justinandrews7

this happened in January?

I got out of camden county corrections on january 6,05

**dedic8ed1** · 11-14-2006, 08:46 AM

Originally Posted by lucabratzi

dam brutha, i didnt know u were workin that hard day to day...ur a strong guy though so keep ur die hard mentality up...u got some serious anecdotes...cause u know i can relate to both...i was pushin them thangs, not as hardcore as u, but enough to have nice money and make payments on my car..livin that "rockstar" not givin a **** attitude..were one in the same...keep at it man,u know what u have to do/keep doin.... and it'll all pay off in the end...

You know what bro I had a couple projects and some toys but for the most part for all those years drugs and partying was my main interests.Being the man and the dude in the bar or at the party that was the rockstar.But all that shit is over man I'm now a rockstar of diet,nutrition and training.If only my back would heal up so I can see my true potential in this game.