When I was 18 I started selling illegal substances on a serious level as I got older it became more of a lifestyle that I enjoyed,who wouldn't love being the man right somebody wants something you got it and they love you for it.So from 18 to 24 I lived on the misery of others taking there money to provide them with a brief sanctuary from there everyday grind."Life is fukin good"I would say to myself but as time went on I realized that I really didn't have a fukin thing,yeah I had a pocket full of money all the time but that still wasn't enough,I treated alot of people like they didn't matter and I thought I was better than everybody cause money came easy and money is what makes this fuked up world go round.
Around the time I was 22 I started using (LIFEKILLERS)Painkillers on a serious level and with my new rockstar euphoria chased with the bar life dragging home horizontal refreshment at will nothing was gonna stop me.At 22 a pocket full of money my phone ringing off the hook selling jobs for a new concrete company I started I really thought I made it.It took one bad decision on a job I sold and a plethera of substance to fuk it all up,I lost about 7500 on a job that totaled 16000 and that was all it took to really fuk my mind up completly.As a result of this failure nothing existed but misery and sadness I didn't like what I saw in the mirror anymore so I just wouldn't get up in the morning,sometimes I 'd just lay in bed for 24 hours straight replaying all my faults in my mind over and over and over,and after about a week of that the only thing that temporarly absolved my soul of this self loathing mind set was"Define Irony"the same thing that put money in my pocket is what I turned to in order to function in a constructive copacity.
Not a day went by after that I wasn't on painkillers to eliminate this melancholy meltdown,roughly about a year and a half,and that's all the time it took for me to piss everybody off that didn't care how bad I fuked up and just wanted me to move on get over my mistakes.After a couple mornings waking up with vomit on my face I knew the lights were gonna go out if I didn't stop this shit,so for 30 which felt like a eternity I didn't sleep I layed in bed sometimes sleeping for a couple of minutes at a time here and there but you don't even relize it cause when kicking (lifekillers)in the begining of it there's time when your body convulses so hard you feel like your gonna break your own back your not even thinking about sleep your thinking I'm a loser how the **** did this happen.So I made it through hell I was able to work again,so with the smell of sulfer still lurking in the air from hell what did I do I started taken xanax like a straight fukin asshole I guess I didn't learn.A couple weeks go by I worked up a tolerance of 20 blues at once sometimes twice a day.
I got through that shit too but nothing straightend me out like sleeping in the woods for about 7-8days and then finally ending up in the most dangerous city's county jail "Camden County New Jersey"the murder capitol of the country for 16 days that was fun,gave me a tremendous amount of time to reflect on my life and what I accomplished from 18 to 25,7 day lock down will give anyone the oppurtunity to figure out how they fuked up(7 days only out for 1 hour a day)nothing like a 8by12 that only holds 2 but your in there with 4 other guys that thought they knew more than the last guy who thought he could make a life out of selling drugs.I got out on 1-6-05 moved in with my bro and found new vigor in sobriety and training.
Some of you have heard me talk about this killer job oppurtunity I got that could change my life in a major way like 80,000 a year major way after 5 years
and I'll know if I passed the test for a interview on monday.I've dedicated myself to training and preserverance on a serious level hence the "Dedic8ed1".I wanna thank my brothers Gabe and John,you guys no John as Pumpd4life,for giving me a second chance at being your brother again after being such a piece of shit for alot of years my two brothers never gave up on me and I'll never give up on acheiving more to be a better brother a better father and a straight up success in this world.
Death is certain life is not
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Originally Posted by 1buffsob
