Most Embarrassing Stories

[Jfew44]

So I know this has probably been done before but I had to share this. So I had this girl over the other night who I've been kinda dating. More just gettin busy with but anyways...

It was like 3 in the morning and we were sleeping. I woke up and had to shit. I went to the bathroom and did my business. I leaned back when I was done and broke the back of the toilet. Water started gushing out all over the bathroom. I couldn't find the water valve to turn it off so I'm running around with no pants on yelling at her to get me some towels. Pretty funny looking back but she's kind of afraid to spend the night again lol. It flooded so bad the first floor ceiling caved in to my kitchen. Roommates were not happy.

Anybody else got some funny stuff?

[firmechicano831]

lol, that shit is funny. Was it expensive to fix everything?

[Skully44420]

i'm sure it will be expensive

thanks for the laugh bro...needed that

[CSAR]

Today, I took my 2 year old son to the public bath house. He shit in one of the baths and there were about 4-5 floaters. The Japs were running around and freaking out. I cleaned it out using our washcloth and took it to the toilet. They had to shut down that particular bath. Does that count?

[GT2]

The other day at work, the cleaner had just cleaned the entire male and women's bathroom and toilets. A couple of minutes later I went into the cubicle and took a dump, and FORGOT to flush the toilet because I heard my name being announced over the PA system that I was needed. As soon as I opened the cubicle door, the cleaner had entered the bathroom and said hello to me and then walked straight into my cubicle and saw that I hadn't flushed and was like "comeon mate I just cleaned this toilet, please flush next time" and I went beetroot red and said "sorry mate" whilst washing my hands.

[BuffBuffalo]

Jesus I've been LOLing for like 5mins! Jfew that was pure comedy!!!

[JohnJenson]

lol, one time i was at my buddies and he had an acoustic guitar so we thought itd be funny to fart in the circle part u kno.....bare a$$ so we did and it sounds funny so we kept doing it anyways after like my third or fourth fart i looked in the guitar and there was a tiny little nuglet not much bigger than the size of a thumbnail... it was really funny

[PandaChicken]

lol some funny shit......John i never thought i would ever read about anyone farting in a guitar lol thats great

[xlxBigSexyxlx]

I went in for a donkey punch.

She moved, and I broke the shower door and busted up my hand.

[Bojangles69]

I have a feeling there will be a few more poop stories added to this lovely thread.

[thetank]

i peed on my X girlfriend once. i was 17. did i mention it was our anniversary? rolled out of bed, hammered, woke her up in my ruckus stumbling around, she crawls to the end of the bed and says something to me, i turn around, pee on her. i also peed on the guitar she bought me infront of her. it was an anniversary present. ahhh teenage love. so full of wonder and possibilty.
something i learned the next morning is a lesson thats stuck with me perrenially into adulthood. if you get black out drunk and pee on your girlfriend, telling her you must have thought she was a toilet is not something you should throw in with your apology.

[Rugger02]

i peed on my X girlfriend once. i was 17. did i mention it was our anniversary? rolled out of bed, hammered, woke her up in my ruckus stumbling around, she crawls to the end of the bed and says something to me, i turn around, pee on her. i also peed on the guitar she bought me infront of her. it was an anniversary present. ahhh teenage love. so full of wonder and possibilty.
something i learned the next morning is a lesson thats stuck with me perrenially into adulthood. if you get black out drunk and pee on your girlfriend, telling her you must have thought she was a toilet is not something you should throw in with your apology.

OMG HILARIOUS

**Noted for future reference

[Bojangles69]

i peed on my X girlfriend once. i was 17. did i mention it was our anniversary? rolled out of bed, hammered, woke her up in my ruckus stumbling around, she crawls to the end of the bed and says something to me, i turn around, pee on her. i also peed on the guitar she bought me infront of her. it was an anniversary present. ahhh teenage love. so full of wonder and possibilty.
something i learned the next morning is a lesson thats stuck with me perrenially into adulthood. if you get black out drunk and pee on your girlfriend, telling her you must have thought she was a toilet is not something you should throw in with your apology.

Dude thats CRAZY. When me & my brother shared a room in highschool he'd come home drunk some nights and do the same thing.
First night I woke up it was pitch dark and hes peeing in the g/damn little trash can in the corner!!
He did it like 2 more times, and always in the trash, its funny because the trash is actually in the direction of the bathroom, but like 30 ft away and in another room.
I know more people must do this.

[thetank]

Dude thats CRAZY. When me & my brother shared a room in highschool he'd come home drunk some nights and do the same thing.
First night I woke up it was pitch dark and hes peeing in the g/damn little trash can in the corner!!
He did it like 2 more times, and always in the trash, its funny because the trash is actually in the direction of the bathroom, but like 30 ft away and in another room.
I know more people must do this.

lol..yeah i was taking pain killers for a hockey injury at the time, i was told not to drink with them but i didnt think anything of it. little did i know, that was probably the most sound advice a doctor would ever give me in my life.

[Rugger02]

Dude thats CRAZY. When me & my brother shared a room in highschool he'd come home drunk some nights and do the same thing.
First night I woke up it was pitch dark and hes peeing in the g/damn little trash can in the corner!!
He did it like 2 more times, and always in the trash, its funny because the trash is actually in the direction of the bathroom, but like 30 ft away and in another room.
I know more people must do this.

LOL yah, my best bud used to be my roomie, he opened up the door to his entertainment center and pissed in there one night. About a week later he pissed in the hall closet.
Then he moved out and has since pissed n his clean laundry basket and in the middle of his kitchen floor. My buddies started a pool of where he was gonna piss next...

[wukillabee]

I got a good one. My buddy got this chick from work to come over and do the nasty. So hes fuc*in her and decides to try ur ass hole without askin just to see what she would do. He puts it in and shes like yeah, lovin it! So she then starts ridin him with his tool in her pooper. My friend started to then notice a warm feeling on his tool. My bro feels his tool to see what it is and its shit! Im talkin bout full on sh*t! Not a little touch of crap or anything like that but a good handful size of fresh, hot, sh*t! He then tells the gurl hs gonna go to the bathroom real quick. He then goes, cleans himself up wondering wtf to say to the gurl when he gets back to his room. He wasnt mad or anything but was kinda funny to him that this gurl shit on his tool! So he finally goes back to his room, the gurl is already fully clothed and says ima leave and rushes out of his house probably embarrassed as fu*k! She never called him again and he never called her back. At least he was wearin a condom, haha. I would have gave him hell if he wasnt, sh**y di*k!

[Rugger02]

LOL I once hit the pooper by accident and the chick shot across the bed like when you squeeze a watermelon seed....

[wukillabee]

LOL I once hit the pooper by accident and the chick shot across the bed like when you squeeze a watermelon seed....

Oh sh*t, same thing here bro! One hot summer day, doggiestyle on the couch, slipped it in on accident, that puppy slid in no problem cus we were so damn hot and sweaty and she wasnt expecting it i guess, got about 3/4 in and never heard a scream so damn loud, she also flew the fu*k off the couch.

[Jfew44]

lol, that shit is funny. Was it expensive to fix everything?

Haha sorry guys thought this thread was dead without a response. Actually, I just called the landlord and told him I woke up in the middle of the night and it was leaking lol. Got it fixed for free

All these other stories are great. Since we're on the girlfriend topic, when I was younger I was getting my first bj from my new girl. Well I was nervous and relaxed at the same time. Not a good combo in retrospect. I farted while her head was right there. Needless to say, the most embarrassing thing besides my last story lol. That relationship lasted about 4 1/2 years actually. Maybe she liked it... lol

Keep it goin, I want to know Im not the only one who's looked like an idiot in front of people!

[Rugger02]

LMAO, funny F*ckin thread.

[CSAR]

In bootcamp, these two guys wanted to get out, so they pissed on other recruits in the middle of the night and claimed they were sleepwalking/pissing in their sleep. It was pretty funny to hear someone wake up in the middle of the night shouting, "Brown! What the fvck are you doing?! What the fvck...what is this?! Is this...piss?! ARE YOU PISSING ON ME? WHAT THE FVCK BROWN?!?!?!?!?"

Needless to say, those two didn't last until the end of the week before they were shipped back home.

[Mike Dura]

I have two most embarrassing stories in my life. When I was eighteen, I was preparing for my first bodybuilding competition and posing in front of the gym. The owner was teaching me how to properly hit the poses. I was getting run down from the stringent dieting so I had a cold. One one pose he said, "blow out when you flair your lats. I didn't then he said it again louder! When I forcibly exhaled, a wad of flem came spiriling out of my nostril in front of the whole gym and I turned red. I saw my training partner laughing at me from the back of the room.

Another time, I was in Blockbusters and I see my then-girl looking at some movie rentals. I go up behind her, put my arm over her shoulder, grabbed ass, and made a pig-squealing noise. Then I backed up looking up at some of the flicks set higer on the rack. In the corner of my eye I see my girl turned around facing me and leaning back on the wall, seemingly traumatized. Turns out, it's not my girl at all. Damn!

[mick86]

While on school camp we are going on a ridiculously long up hill hike in the mud and rain. Not only do I hate hiking I am not feeling well and have packed to much in my pack so its heavy and I'm struggling. When we finally get to the end of the days hike with great relief I take of my pack, sit it on the ground and pop open the top to get something out. To my horror my bag is completely full to the top with rain water. I exclaim to the hike leader in a distressed tone "no wonder my bag was so heavy, its completely full of water. All my things are soaked". The hike leader pokes around in my bag and removes the clear water bottle from the top of my bag which was what I was looking at to reveal a completely dry pack. We both break out laughing.

100% true story.

[DSM4Life]

i love these types of stories, keep them coming.

[Rugger02]

While on school camp we are going on a ridiculously long up hill hike in the mud and rain. Not only do I hate hiking I am not feeling well and have packed to much in my pack so its heavy and I'm struggling. When we finally get to the end of the days hike with great relief I take of my pack, sit it on the ground and pop open the top to get something out. To my horror my bag is completely full to the top with rain water. I exclaim to the hike leader in a distressed tone "no wonder my bag was so heavy, its completely full of water. All my things are soaked". The hike leader pokes around in my bag and removes the clear water bottle from the top of my bag which was what I was looking at to reveal a completely dry pack. We both break out laughing.

100% true story.

LOL That sounds like a blonde joke

[BuffBuffalo]

God this thread is getting better and better. The bj fart one was priceless.

[testigator]

OK, I'll tell it. Road trip with the boys a few years ago. You know the days when you just have to take a sheet and know there is no time to waste. I wasn't driving and the driver was the usual funny dude that thinks me having to sheet my pants will be hilarious..until I decide that I wasn't going to sheet my pants but sheet his car floor! He decided to pull of into a seemingly quite subdivision. Lots of homes but tree lined and off the road a bit. So I am squating beside the car on the side of the road. Some head lights come and its not a big deal as its pretty dark and I'm in the catchers position. The big deal comes when I realize I don't have anything to wipe with..so I decide to use my boxers as I usually don't wear underwear anyway. A couple cars are going by and this place isn't as quite as we thought. So my 'friends' tell me to just take off the boxers and wipe. To do that I obviously need to take my pants off. I do that. As soon as I get my boxers down and start the wipe...A COUPLE FREAKING CARS COME. I AM STANDING. MY FRIEND PULLS AWAY TO LEAVE ME WITH SHEETY BOXERS AND PANTS IN MY HAND. Laugh away. Oh yeah, I also drive on most road trips now.

[Rugger02]

HAHA A female friend of mine from school (I think she was a senior at the time) was deer hunting with her dad, she wasn't actually hunting (Like carrying a gun I guess) She was just there to watch. Anyways, they spent all day in the woods and had a good time, and they decided to go to the bar on the way home to have a drink and some food.
Well They got there and everyone was staying clear of them and giving them funny looks and what-not. Until this girl finally realized that:
1) She shit in the woods that day and had never done that before
2) She didn't move her jacket far enough away when she squatted down
3) She shit in the hood of her jacket
4) She had since used that hood and there was her own shit stuck all over in her hair!

How do you not realize that earlier!!

[testigator]

HAHA A female friend of mine from school (I think she was a senior at the time) was deer hunting with her dad, she wasn't actually hunting (Like carrying a gun I guess) She was just there to watch. Anyways, they spent all day in the woods and had a good time, and they decided to go to the bar on the way home to have a drink and some food.
Well They got there and everyone was staying clear of them and giving them funny looks and what-not. Until this girl finally realized that:
1) She shit in the woods that day and had never done that before
2) She didn't move her jacket far enough away when she squatted down
3) She shit in the hood of her jacket
4) She had since used that hood and there was her own shit stuck all over in her hair!

How do you not realize that earlier!!

She shit in her hood! How bad do things have to smell to not notice a 'shitty hood' near your face! Great story.

[mick86]

HAHA A female friend of mine from school (I think she was a senior at the time) was deer hunting with her dad, she wasn't actually hunting (Like carrying a gun I guess) She was just there to watch. Anyways, they spent all day in the woods and had a good time, and they decided to go to the bar on the way home to have a drink and some food.
Well They got there and everyone was staying clear of them and giving them funny looks and what-not. Until this girl finally realized that:
1) She shit in the woods that day and had never done that before
2) She didn't move her jacket far enough away when she squatted down
3) She shit in the hood of her jacket
4) She had since used that hood and there was her own shit stuck all over in her hair!

How do you not realize that earlier!!

You sure thats a true story..? That would have stank, how could you not notice the stench......

[redz]

Golden thread. My god some of these posts made me lose it, I had to stop reading for a minute to calm myself down.

[pitbullxx]

the old bj and fart yep happend to me also