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Thread: Do you wish you would have stayed natural?

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    boisebeast is offline Member
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    Do you wish you would have stayed natural?

    Obviously there is a way to "responsibly use" steroids and there are those who dramatically abuse them. No matter which category you fall into, there is a risk associated with steroids-- especially associated with long term use. Now look, I get the everything in moderation argument, everything presents a risk when abused, alcohol can be more dangerous long term than steroids, yada yada yada. I agree with those points but that's not the point of this thread.

    • I would like to ask the board, especially the vets: If you could go back in time knowing what you do now, would you stay natural or use gear all over again?

    • If you're one of the many members on TRT and do blasts to supplement your TRT, I pose I similar question: If you could stop TRT/gear altogether and have completely normal T levels, would you?

    I think it would be good for the younger members, myself included, to hear what the more experienced members have to say on this topic. Long term health is sometimes put on the back burners when you feel that you are young and have a long time to live, but it's something that is massively important to take into consideration. So please your opinions and reasoning for your answers to this question. Thanks everyone
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    I wish I would have started sooner. That's my only regret.
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    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleScience View Post
    I wish I would have started sooner. That's my only regret.
    Started natty sooner or cycled sooner?

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    Quote Originally Posted by boisebeast View Post
    Obviously there is a way to "responsibly use" steroids and there are those who dramatically abuse them. No matter which category you fall into, there is a risk associated with steroids-- especially associated with long term use. Now look, I get the everything in moderation argument, everything presents a risk when abused, alcohol can be more dangerous long term than steroids, yada yada yada. I agree with those points but that's not the point of this thread.

    • I would like to ask the board, especially the vets: If you could go back in time knowing what you do now, would you stay natural or use gear all over again?
    I would have started learning about nutrition sooner but would have cycled still after i reached my genetic potential

    • If you're one of the many members on TRT and do blasts to supplement your TRT, I pose I similar question: If you could stop TRT/gear altogether and have completely normal T levels, would you?

    Yes

    I think it would be good for the younger members, myself included, to hear what the more experienced members have to say on this topic. Long term health is sometimes put on the back burners when you feel that you are young and have a long time to live, but it's something that is massively important to take into consideration. So please your opinions and reasoning for your answers to this question. Thanks everyone
    See bold
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bio-Active View Post
    Started natty sooner or cycled sooner?
    Cycling, but only if I had stumbled onto a place like this and could have done my homework first. My first cycle went really well and I was hooked. But I was scared shitless to do it.
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    I would have stayed natural ...probably. i was young and dumb and stupid no knowledge didnt know wtf a bodybuilding diet even was and my training was sub par.
    Had i found this forum and made gains naturally for a few yrs i think i would be in better shape. Its a double edge sword pros and cons on both sides.
    Why do we cycle? Because we have seen guys who DO cycle...and we say..".im gonna be that guy one day."
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    I do not regret cycling to a point.

    Have health issues. But not sure if they are directly related to cycling or not. So hard to say on that matter

    Other then that I just wish I would have done it right in the beginning.....who would have thought there was a place on the Internet to get great advice about this life style

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bio-Active View Post
    See bold
    Interesting responses... they kind of contradict each other. Are you saying you would go back and start cycling after reaching your natural potential and hope that you'd avoid TRT this time around? There definitely seems to be an attitude of people wishing they could go off of TRT on this forum, I'm not sure if that stems from health concerns or inconvenience when it comes to injections and managing hormones and the general additional responsibilities.

    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleScience View Post
    Cycling, but only if I had stumbled onto a place like this and could have done my homework first. My first cycle went really well and I was hooked. But I was scared shitless to do it.
    Thanks for sharing your opinion. Also not to get off subject but very interested to hear about your deca only cycles (I think it was you at least)

    Quote Originally Posted by Cuz View Post
    I would have stayed natural ...probably. i was young and dumb and stupid no knowledge didnt know wtf a bodybuilding diet even was and my training was sub par.
    Had i found this forum and made gains naturally for a few yrs i think i would be in better shape. Its a double edge sword pros and cons on both sides.
    Why do we cycle? Because we have seen guys who DO cycle...and we say..".im gonna be that guy one day."
    That sums it up pretty well... I personally find it difficult to justify looking extra good in exchange for possibly trading some time of our life span. It's almost impossible to know the long term consequences for sure though. Thanks for sharing

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sfla80 View Post
    I do not regret cycling to a point.

    Have health issues. But not sure if they are directly related to cycling or not. So hard to say on that matter

    Other then that I just wish I would have done it right in the beginning.....who would have thought there was a place on the Internet to get great advice about this life style

    Definitely a gift to have this forum and the wealth of knowledge that the users on this board have!

  10. #10
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    I am 27 years old and am on TRT. I ran my first cycle at 21. My biggest regret is not getting blood work done prior to using steroids . Did aas cause me to have low test levels? I really dont know. A large part of me thinks they didnt because I suffered low T symptoms long before I consider steroids.

    To answer your question, no I would not change anything. This lifestyle makes me happy and running cycles gives me something to look forward to. And if I could have my natural levels restored and not have to inject myself 2x a week I gladly would. But I wouldnt give up gear for it.

    However, I am scared to death I may not be able to have kids one day because of this. If this is ends up being the case I will probably have a different response. To lose the ability to have kids over gaining some muscle would probably devastate me... but ive chosen this path and theres nothing I can do about it now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by boisebeast View Post

    Thanks for sharing your opinion. Also not to get off subject but very interested to hear about your deca only cycles (I think it was you at least)

    Yes, that was me. But dont do a Deca only cycle. I maybe just a freak of nature. I dont even get "deca dick."
    “If you can't explain it to a second grader, you probably don't understand it yourself.” Albert Einstein

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    Well I just wish I also had a place like this when I was younger.But hell they weren't using cell phones yet But my diet would've been better.I knew nothing about nutrision and just wanted to get big and I was a Powerlifter at the time.So the only time I had to worry was before a meet.Beef broth for 5 dayz! too make weight beacuse I knew no better.
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    Quote Originally Posted by songdog View Post
    Well I just wish I also had a place like this when I was younger.But hell they weren't using cell phones yet But my diet would've been better.I knew nothing about nutrision and just wanted to get big and I was a Powerlifter at the time.So the only time I had to worry was before a meet.Beef broth for 5 dayz! too make weight beacuse I knew no better.
    Same here on the nutrition... god looking back now I was a mess. I ate fast food every day for lunch. This is how stupid I was- I would usually get a baconator from wendys for lunch, but when I wanted to "cut" I would get a chicken sandwich from wendys instead. haha. That was my idea of cutting haha. I would eat ice cream and all sorts of crap. I was too focused on the number on the scale. I got bigger but could never figure out why I didnt look better. Until one day I stepped back and realized i was just a bigger version of skinny fat. I think I always knew it but never wanted to believe it.
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    I started too early. I quit lifting and cycling all at once and that was my biggest mistake. I did suffer I'll effects from that, 215lb down to 160 and very fast. Drank myself to sleep stayed depressed. Luckily my ex wife came along and put me back on track by fucking my life up. I will continue to cycle and I already see that I will have a huge problem setting the gear down. I am glad for these cycles , to heck with natural. Gives me fuel for my fire and I want a big ass fire.

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    If I were younger I'd want natural T production, but since I'm not I wouldn't stop TRT for anything as it's been a great experience.
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    Euroholic is offline "ARs Pork Eating Crusader"
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    Seeing as my life motto is dont fear the reaper i dont regret my lifes choices. Steroids make you into a better version of your self. So why would you want to hold your self back by not committing yourself 100% to the lifestyle. Your either all in or dont bother

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    you are either young or very immature or both. for this "Steroids make you into a better version of your self" It also made **** a dead version of himself and many many ppl relying on TRT and other crap problems that roids caused them in the aftermath other than the sides you can get while on. I am lucky that my hpa came back on after it was dead and I felt so bad, so to your quote, no, just no.

    @1 boisebeast well you're asking your question on the steroids .com forum...

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    Quote Originally Posted by amar7 View Post
    you are either young or very immature or both. for this "Steroids make you into a better version of your self" It also made **** a dead version of himself and many many ppl relying on TRT and other crap problems that roids caused them in the aftermath other than the sides you can get while on. I am lucky that my hpa came back on after it was dead and I felt so bad, so to your quote, no, just no.

    @1 boisebeast well you're asking your question on the steroids.com forum...
    Horse shit, PROPER USE of steroids will make you a better version of yourself. I am also sick and bloody tired of people's hippy organic natural long life shit. I have seen people make all the healthy choices and die of cancer at 40 and I have seen others drink whiskey all day and smoke like whores and die at 95. USE IT RESPONSIBLY. My genetic predisposition is to contract alzheimers and wander off babbling at old age with my last moments being constant panic attacks. Fuck that. Give me a stroke or heart attack any day. There is such a thing as quality of life. Find your balance. There are billions of just get by lives. No thanks I will pass. This is coming from a man with five kids. I have seen the, "be careful and don't take any chances" lives end. Give me a fucking dream to chase and conquer, let there be no sit off to the side and protect my precious old age! It's a mindset! What makes you happy? If it's protection and insurance stay the fuck away from aas. Don't condemn those who can not live like this! Life is gonna fucking kill you I promise. WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS!!!???
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    Boisebeast, apparently a Amar7 wants you to ask this question on facebook or some shit, where you can get opinions of people who know nothing of the subject. "You're asking your question on steroid dot Com"! No shit that's because there are people on here that have been on juice their entire lives! Some outstanding individuals too! Physicians, servicemen, and people from all walks of life, old and young, male and female. Good thread. Made my fire a little stronger reminding me what I don't want to be. Be responsible brothers.

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    Quote Originally Posted by yeahbuddy289 View Post
    I am 27 years old and am on TRT. I ran my first cycle at 21. My biggest regret is not getting blood work done prior to using steroids . Did aas cause me to have low test levels? I really dont know. A large part of me thinks they didnt because I suffered low T symptoms long before I consider steroids.

    To answer your question, no I would not change anything. This lifestyle makes me happy and running cycles gives me something to look forward to. And if I could have my natural levels restored and not have to inject myself 2x a week I gladly would. But I wouldnt give up gear for it.

    However, I am scared to death I may not be able to have kids one day because of this. If this is ends up being the case I will probably have a different response. To lose the ability to have kids over gaining some muscle would probably devastate me... but ive chosen this path and theres nothing I can do about it now.
    Thanks for giving your take on the matter. I don't have to worry about not being able to have kids like you but I can understand why this would be a big concern for anyone looking to start a family down the line.

    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleScience View Post
    Yes, that was me. But dont do a Deca only cycle. I maybe just a freak of nature. I dont even get "deca dick."
    You're a lucky man!

    Quote Originally Posted by songdog View Post
    Well I just wish I also had a place like this when I was younger.But hell they weren't using cell phones yet But my diet would've been better.I knew nothing about nutrision and just wanted to get big and I was a Powerlifter at the time.So the only time I had to worry was before a meet.Beef broth for 5 dayz! too make weight beacuse I knew no better.
    The internet has done some amazing things, I can't tell you how thankful I am for this community. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

    Quote Originally Posted by Obspowerstroke View Post
    I started too early. I quit lifting and cycling all at once and that was my biggest mistake. I did suffer I'll effects from that, 215lb down to 160 and very fast. Drank myself to sleep stayed depressed. Luckily my ex wife came along and put me back on track by fucking my life up. I will continue to cycle and I already see that I will have a huge problem setting the gear down. I am glad for these cycles , to heck with natural. Gives me fuel for my fire and I want a big ass fire.
    Sounds like it helps you focus on some aspects of your life. I'm glad it acts as an aid for you. Thanks for your opinion

    Quote Originally Posted by kelkel View Post
    If I were younger I'd want natural T production, but since I'm not I wouldn't stop TRT for anything as it's been a great experience.
    I'm really glad to hear that. I have to say, all of these super positive responses are a bit surprising to me but I'm really happy to hear them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Euroholic View Post
    Seeing as my life motto is dont fear the reaper i dont regret my lifes choices. Steroids make you into a better version of your self. So why would you want to hold your self back by not committing yourself 100% to the lifestyle. Your either all in or dont bother
    Not sure I agree 100% with this but I can see where you're coming from. Thanks for your response

    Quote Originally Posted by Obspowerstroke View Post
    Horse shit, PROPER USE of steroids will make you a better version of yourself. I am also sick and bloody tired of people's hippy organic natural long life shit. I have seen people make all the healthy choices and die of cancer at 40 and I have seen others drink whiskey all day and smoke like whores and die at 95. USE IT RESPONSIBLY. My genetic predisposition is to contract alzheimers and wander off babbling at old age with my last moments being constant panic attacks. Fuck that. Give me a stroke or heart attack any day. There is such a thing as quality of life. Find your balance. There are billions of just get by lives. No thanks I will pass. This is coming from a man with five kids. I have seen the, "be careful and don't take any chances" lives end. Give me a fucking dream to chase and conquer, let there be no sit off to the side and protect my precious old age! It's a mindset! What makes you happy? If it's protection and insurance stay the fuck away from aas. Don't condemn those who can not live like this! Life is gonna fucking kill you I promise. WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS!!!???
    Your opinion speaks loudly since you already have a family. Thanks for giving your take on the matter

    Quote Originally Posted by Obspowerstroke View Post
    Boisebeast, apparently a Amar7 wants you to ask this question on facebook or some shit, where you can get opinions of people who know nothing of the subject. "You're asking your question on steroid dot Com"! No shit that's because there are people on here that have been on juice their entire lives! Some outstanding individuals too! Physicians, servicemen, and people from all walks of life, old and young, male and female. Good thread. Made my fire a little stronger reminding me what I don't want to be. Be responsible brothers.
    I was going to respond to him but this sums up what I was going to say nicely





    I really appreciate everyone's feedback so far. I'd love to hear more opinions from anyone else willing to share

  21. #21
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    I've been bodybuilding for just over 30yrs and been cycling on and off for around 24 yrs. I've done some serious cycles and I did put bodybuilding first before anything for many years which is something I do still have emotion pain to contend with to this day. AAS was a big part of my life and it would shock many the dosages and usage I've done. Was amounts I use to use needed? no I don't think they were but I was within a circle of training and aas use and getting bigger beyond belief was the main driving force.

    I don't think I started to young I think I had a remarkable solid base and foundation before starting aas and I think this helped me a lot with the direction I went in, but I must admit once I started it all snow balled into a long period of using and coming off gear. I did go through low T and I really cant describe it in words because for me it was a living hell, every day and night was hell and the thoughts and feelings I had were horrendous. Low T isn't a nice thing to go though and it takes a lot of hard work to get yourself sorted and balanced so you feel good without any side effects.

    If I could stop trt now would I ? well first thing is I cant stop trt its for life and to be honest it changed my life and it also stopped me cycling a lot, I could maintain with my training and diet with only 1 cycle per year.

    I do have health issues and I do put them down to AAS and hgh usage, I have to donate blood every 12 weeks for life, I have enlarged bladder, kidneys, heart, prostate and recently they are thinking something is wrong with my spleen but I am still having this investigated. I have been under a hematologist for the last 12 months and hopefully will be discharged this Christmas.

    One huge problem for me and I think many go through is if you have been cycling for a few years and you do quality pct and get down to a good normal natural level of T this doesn't feel right and you feel like you have low T because your so use to higher levels of T. This can create a circle of misuse due to your mind set and the feeling and emotions your feeling from normal T, which is all in your head. I know this for a fact with me because I had to go 16 weeks without trt because my T was out of control and other health problems at the time and I thought I was in the very low zone but infact even after 16 weeks I was still at the top end of the natural range of a 20yr old (my trt is nebido by the way) so this just goes to show you how our minds plays games with us.

    With everything ive personally lost which can be replaced no matter what, the place were I am now and my life the way it is and how I look I wouldn't change a thing but I do try my best to steer the younger members away from anything what I've gone through unless your very serious.

    I am 50yrs old next year and i'm 5ft 10" at 250lbs and not cycled for 2 yrs due to health issues. I maintain my size and mass via training and diet. When I get the all clear I will be doing one cycle per year which will be very small.

  22. #22
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    Im 45. Started at 22. Over 20 cycles. Clean bill of health as we speek. Accept from test. But i dont know, maybe it will come back to the level of a normal 45 year old if i stayed off for six months. But its doesnt worry me, trt are not the end of the world. And it can be done by gel. A friend of mine was put on testogel and he is in the 600s and lean as fuck and 50 years old.
    I would have done it again. First ten years we didnt know shit about anyting. We just swallowed dbols and shot deca . But intuitivt we knew steroids were dangerous and sticked to 2 months on, 4 months off and low doses.
    Ill guess if i knew what i know to day i would have upped the dosages. Ive seen it so many times. The more you know the more you think you can use.
    And. She wont admit it but i would never get a wife like the one ive got today if it wasnt for the gear. (Even marcus thinks she is a fat pig, well, she is not). I met her when she was 27 and my town is like 200 000 people and she def was top 5. As a matter of fact i only knew of one girl who could match her.
    Me growing up was only average. Most girl didnt know my existence. But after some years with 2 months on, 4 months off i translated into a 120 kg wide as fuck dude with good self esteem. I always was pretty smart but when i was missing a dooropener, the girls wouldnt let me show.
    So yeah, i would def do it again.
    Jobwize it did not help but the bodybuilding way of thinking made me start my own buisness and today i make twice as much bucks as the job i was trained for.
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    I started cycling at 47. Luckily i found a site like this on my second cycle of tren with no test. PCT - whats that?
    Cycling actually made me review my health and realize that i have low test. I thought it was just age.
    I compete in bodybuilding so I would do the same thing again. If I were not competing, i would not cycle.
    I presently am reviewing my kidneys because the show high BUN. Im not sure if AAS caused this and hopefully everything will be OK.

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    to be honest as much as I love this lifestyle and am in the best shape of my life...a big part of me wishes I never touched the stuff...
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    Quote Originally Posted by boisebeast View Post
    If you're one of the many members on TRT and do blasts to supplement your TRT, I pose I similar question: If you could stop TRT/gear altogether and have completely normal T levels, would you?
    Absolutely. I'd take an healthy HTPA over anything. I got my low T at 24 out of nowhere (never touched AAS) so I had pretty much no choice.

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    I Don't have an addictive personality but when i commit to something i go balls deep. 100% or bust. I just dont understand why you would not get the maximum out of anything that you do in life. Thats why it annoys me how pro sports players get ridiculed for drug use. They are trying to be the best they can be no judgment from me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by marcus300 View Post
    I've been bodybuilding for just over 30yrs and been cycling on and off for around 24 yrs. I've done some serious cycles and I did put bodybuilding first before anything for many years which is something I do still have emotion pain to contend with to this day. AAS was a big part of my life and it would shock many the dosages and usage I've done. Was amounts I use to use needed? no I don't think they were but I was within a circle of training and aas use and getting bigger beyond belief was the main driving force.

    I don't think I started to young I think I had a remarkable solid base and foundation before starting aas and I think this helped me a lot with the direction I went in, but I must admit once I started it all snow balled into a long period of using and coming off gear. I did go through low T and I really cant describe it in words because for me it was a living hell, every day and night was hell and the thoughts and feelings I had were horrendous. Low T isn't a nice thing to go though and it takes a lot of hard work to get yourself sorted and balanced so you feel good without any side effects.

    If I could stop trt now would I ? well first thing is I cant stop trt its for life and to be honest it changed my life and it also stopped me cycling a lot, I could maintain with my training and diet with only 1 cycle per year.

    I do have health issues and I do put them down to AAS and hgh usage, I have to donate blood every 12 weeks for life, I have enlarged bladder, kidneys, heart, prostate and recently they are thinking something is wrong with my spleen but I am still having this investigated. I have been under a hematologist for the last 12 months and hopefully will be discharged this Christmas.

    One huge problem for me and I think many go through is if you have been cycling for a few years and you do quality pct and get down to a good normal natural level of T this doesn't feel right and you feel like you have low T because your so use to higher levels of T. This can create a circle of misuse due to your mind set and the feeling and emotions your feeling from normal T, which is all in your head. I know this for a fact with me because I had to go 16 weeks without trt because my T was out of control and other health problems at the time and I thought I was in the very low zone but infact even after 16 weeks I was still at the top end of the natural range of a 20yr old (my trt is nebido by the way) so this just goes to show you how our minds plays games with us.

    With everything ive personally lost which can be replaced no matter what, the place were I am now and my life the way it is and how I look I wouldn't change a thing but I do try my best to steer the younger members away from anything what I've gone through unless your very serious.

    I am 50yrs old next year and i'm 5ft 10" at 250lbs and not cycled for 2 yrs due to health issues. I maintain my size and mass via training and diet. When I get the all clear I will be doing one cycle per year which will be very small.
    Marcus what was your age and weight when you started. I'm very curious is all. Not stirring shit. You are just a good example for this thread I think.
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  28. #28
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    Good thread I think.

    Like hearing everyone's story.

    Would like a thread on how you got into this lifestyle trt/cycling....

  29. #29
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    I'd obviously want regular T levels... but as Kel stated TRT has been great in every way for myself

    I started BBing/PLing in HS - I really wish I new half of the dietary knowledge then that I know now... I'd have been much farther along prior to cycling -

    I waited till I was 30... I wish I was able to start sooner but injuries stopped that from happening - I'm just about 2.5yrs in now strictly and only will get better and smarter as time goes on... I'm just happy to be making the gains I can & also enjoying the ride along the way... it hasn't been pretty all the time by any means - actually have gone through some things I wouldn't have if I didn't choose this route... and also wouldn't have accomplished what I have thus far in BBing w/out the good & the bad... the gym is obviously my release!!
    Last edited by NACH3; 10-23-2016 at 02:31 PM.

  30. #30
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    TheTaxMan is offline 100% BRITISH BEEF
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    No regrets but wish i researched and had more knowledge before starting, as well as being closer towards my full genetic potential and better knowledge in the kitchen

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Obspowerstroke View Post
    Marcus what was your age and weight when you started. I'm very curious is all. Not stirring shit. You are just a good example for this thread I think.
    You can ask me anything no issues at all. I was around 168lbs when I first started training and my first few years was in power lifting
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  32. #32
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    Marcus what made you switch from powerlifting to bodybuilding?
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  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeahbuddy289 View Post
    Marcus what made you switch from powerlifting to bodybuilding?
    I grew bigger and was very muscular like a bodybuilder so I went down that route, also I started to get some slight injuries so I switched over to BB'ing.
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  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by marcus300 View Post
    You can ask me anything no issues at all. I was around 168lbs when I first started training and my first few years was in power lifting
    That's great. You are an inspiration. Just shows what we are capable of if we try hard enough
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    I regret:

    1. not starting to lift and wrestle sooner in life.

    2. AAS use without proper knowledge/resources.

    i would definitely still have used gear though, but that's just my personality and the path in life i took. had i made different decisions in life maybe not. do i love gear? YES

  36. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Obspowerstroke View Post
    That's great. You are an inspiration. Just shows what we are capable of if we try hard enough
    I did live the lifestyle for many years, I wouldn't say I have the best genetics but I did what I could
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  37. #37
    Proximal is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by MuscleScience View Post
    I wish I would have started sooner. That's my only regret.
    Agreed. BTW, Great question bb!

  38. #38
    fazedsb is offline New Member
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    I started cycling when I was 23. Before that I was baby faced, after 3 cycles over 2 years (one of which was ridiculous as I didn't know what I was doing) I look like a different person. I have basically a full face of hair, I went from skinny weak touching 11 stone to 14 and a half stone and constantly get commented on my size. I maybe regret blast and cruise for the past yeas as I think I'm shut down now and i'm 25 but I have 2 children and do not want any more

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    Absolutely wish i would have stayed natural. It's great while on, but then the mental games begin when you're off... like thinking you can't make gains without being on, it sucks, man!
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  40. #40
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    I did not start cycling until 46.
    I am happy about the way that I did it. Naturally, I dropped from 240 to 165 and competed in my first B.B. competition. I competed again and soon realized that I needed to cycle to compete. I realized my potential naturally before cycling.
    I tried the protocol cycle off=cycle on +PCT. I soon realized that you need to take calculated risks on your cycles to compete. I have been bitten by the comp bug and cannot stop.
    I never would have realized that I had low test if it were not for my cycling and blood tests. At about 40, I thought that there was something wrong with me because I did not get aroused and I was tired. I thought that it was just a process that everyone experienced as they got older.

    I guess that I would probably do it again. I just wish that I knew more when I started. It was a trial and error thing and AAS had a bad reputation so you could not talk openly about it.



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