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Thread: Wife’s libido is low—pain during sex

  1. #1
    Notpretty is offline Associate Member
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    Wife’s libido is low—pain during sex

    Hello, I’m the husband. 51 and wife’s 54. She’s through memo completely and as my drive has risen with my TRT and occasional blasting, our drives have gone in separate directions and she is missing her desire and drive of old. She wants to explore these options but fears the risks...cancer etc.

    So we want to explore her needs. This starts with bloodwork. I use private labs MD and Labcorp. Which specific test for her should we start with? There are several to choose from so a title of the test is helpful.

    We then want find a doctor where we pay cash. We have Kaiser and I have had zero luck with them. I hear FLorida is common. I also hear walking into a local compounding store can guide you to docs in your area. We are not rich so price matters. We are in Sacramento ca...east suburbs.

    Can anyone help us do this right, reasonably price wise and safely

    Her biggest complaints are low energy, low sex drive but not gone, pain during sex requiring extremely slow penetration and initial warm up, skin and muscle tone rapidly getting worse, hard to get weight lifting gains at all. She is concerned about replacement therapy as it relates to breast cancer/cancer in general. Three co-workers of hers recently passed of breast cancer. And, there’s one Aunt in her family tree who got breast cancer but survived...no one else we know of and her ancestry tree is huge.

    Please help guide us. This is my general plan.

    —First BW
    —Then send to a FL type doc for review and plan and meds
    —Then start slow and be patient for result to kick in
    —Keep prices sane.

    Let’s hear it.

  2. #2
    Old Duffer's Avatar
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    Your situation is not much different from ours.

    Hormone panel & thyroid test for sure to start.
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    One of the reasons Florida has a fair number of anti-aging / hormone restoration clinics is because of the large retiree population here. Maybe there is a similar area near you? Think 'active seniors community', not retirement home. Anyhow, if you can find an area / neighborhood like that, there may be a specialist not too far away.

    BTW, are you seeing a doc for your TRT or doing your own? If you have a doc, maybe they can refer you to someone. Being in Sacramento, how far a drive is it to San Francisco? I would be surprised if there isn't someone there that can help. The drive might be a pain but could be worth it.
    Last edited by cylon357; 01-25-2019 at 07:16 PM. Reason: grammar

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    Quote Originally Posted by cylon357 View Post
    One of the reasons Florida has a fair number of anti-aging / hormone restoration clinics is because of the large retiree population here. Maybe there is a similar area near you? Think 'active seniors community', not retirement home. Anyhow, if you can find an area / neighborhood like that, there may be a specialist not too far away.

    BTW, are you seeing a doc for your TRT or doing your own? If you have a doc, maybe they can refer you to someone. Being in Sacramento, how far a drive is it to San Francisco? I would be surprised if there isn't someone there that can help. The drive might be a pain but could be worth it.
    I am on Trt and was doing it through Kaiser but all the docs I saw followed very conservative protocols and I am now self managing.

    Part of the reason I self manage is cost. Locally in sac the docs want way too much money. But if I found a doc that was about 500.00 to get set up with follow ups 1/2 year to year and BW as needed then I’m okay with that. Most docs here want way more and way more for the meds. 40.00 a week just for meds kind of thing. Maybe I’m cheap...what are other paying? To get set up? On going? Man vs Woman? Are they the same. I’ll take all feedback.

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    Has your wife signed up here? I think there are women's only sections that us males can not even see - someone please correct me if I am wrong on that. If I'm right on that, then maybe this exact issue has been discussed.

    I'm not on TRT EXACTLY. By that I mean I'm not introducing outside Testosterone into my system. Instead, I'm using clomiphene through a local specialist. The drug itself (if I get it from the doc) is $48 for 30 50 mg tabs, less if I get it through some place like health warehouse (note - I'm not a rep and have no interest in them other than saving money on scripts). Keep in mind that those 30 tabs will last me 10 to 15 weeks depending on the protocol I follow. I'm also on Arimidex .5 mg per week. The 30 1 mg tabs I get from the doc will last me about a year and cost $32 for 30.

    While my insurance does cover the doctor's visits, it is particularly picky about covering those drugs since they are both off label usage here. Since I'm not spending a bunch of dough often, I don't sweat it too much. There are discount pharmacy programs all over the place (goodrx is one that comes to mind) that may let you get a walk in discount on your meds. I do like that site in particular because they show you prices in your area and who has it for less. I have not yet tried to use their coupons, but may in the near future.

    Sam's Club, Costco and maybe BJs (heh heh!) have pharmacies that sometimes have the best prices. I believe that most of the time, you do not have to be a member, though I think sometimes if you are, you can get better pricing. I also realize that California is almost like another country lol, so maybe the rules are different there. Also keep in mind that just because one pharmacy has the best price on one drug, doesn't mean they will have it on all of interest.

    Tele-health is another possible option, I believe Dr John Crisler was a pioneer in the field. Maybe just a google of 'tele-health hormone replacement therapy women' will provide answers.

    I wish I could be of more help here. We are in a similar boat - crazy similar in fact - down to our ages being almost the same. This makes me think this situation is more common than we think.

    Oh, one final thought - what about driving to Nevada, like Reno or Lake Tahoe? Maybe Nevada opens up some options.
    Last edited by cylon357; 01-28-2019 at 05:44 PM. Reason: clarification

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    Notpretty is offline Associate Member
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    Okay thanks.

    Does anyone have a name of an online type doctor that they would recommend and are happy with as it pertains to female hormone replacement?

    If you do could you also give me a sense of cost I should expect for his/her services.

    Are my wife’s concerns of increased cancer risks using these compounds real? She has one aunt who had breast cancer but live 25 years before passing of old age. There’s no other breast, ovarian, uterine, or any other cancer in her family

    Last last.... how bad are increased hair/clitoral enlargement/voice/etc. with a typical replacement dose?

    Thanks

  7. #7
    spywizard's Avatar
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    easy one, my wife was 48 when she started.. it's early onset of menopause ... light dose of estrogen makes for a great life. , and yes cancer is an issue, that's why they force a strong "cycle" every 2 months but it's better than painful sex
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    Notpretty is offline Associate Member
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    Does anyone have a name of an online type doctor that they would recommend and are happy with as it pertains to female hormone replacement?

    If you do could you also give me a sense of cost I should expect for his/her services.

    Are my wife’s concerns of increased cancer risks using these compounds real? She has one aunt who had breast cancer but live 25 years before passing of old age. There’s no other breast, ovarian, uterine, or any other cancer in her family

    Last last.... how bad are increased hair/clitoral enlargement/voice/etc. with a typical replacement dose?

  9. #9
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    Estrogen AND progesterone are probably low. Progesterone is often overlooked on women but is extremely important. A full on hormone panel would be the best place to start.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Notpretty View Post
    Does anyone have a name of an online type doctor that they would recommend and are happy with as it pertains to female hormone replacement?

    If you do could you also give me a sense of cost I should expect for his/her services.

    Are my wife’s concerns of increased cancer risks using these compounds real? She has one aunt who had breast cancer but live 25 years before passing of old age. There’s no other breast, ovarian, uterine, or any other cancer in her family

    Last last.... how bad are increased hair/clitoral enlargement/voice/etc. with a typical replacement dose?
    It looks like those first 3 questions are going to involve leg work, phone calls, and web searches. Sorry! Maybe checking the stickies on 'how to find a good doctor' would help. There is some good general advice here, though, hats off to Old Duffer, Muscle Science and spywizard for that!

    As for that last last, are we talking estrogen or testosterone replacement ? Because I don't think estrogen should cause these sides, someone please correct me if I am wrong.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by cylon357 View Post
    It looks like those first 3 questions are going to involve leg work, phone calls, and web searches. Sorry! Maybe checking the stickies on 'how to find a good doctor' would help. There is some good general advice here, though, hats off to Old Duffer, Muscle Science and spywizard for that!

    As for that last last, are we talking estrogen or testosterone replacement? Because I don't think estrogen should cause these sides, someone please correct me if I am wrong.
    Well, I am learning so my assumption was that some low dose Testosterone would be part of a replacement plan. I definitely could be wrong. Maybe I should start with more basic questions...

    My wife wants to address the pain during sex. And her sex drive/libido is much lower then it use to be which she is also concerned about and is willing to address if reasonably safe. She’s open to testing and doing a replacement plan but fears clitoral and hair changes. If they are mild I think she will be fine. It just can’t be glaring significant changes.

    I don’t have a clue how to address her concerns hormonally or with other meds and methods. So I’m here asking. I know testing is the place to start and advice is harder lacking that, but I’m still interested in general comments about taking steps to doing this correctly and as safely as possible...oh and yes reasonably priced.

  12. #12
    Old Duffer's Avatar
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    The bloodwork/hormone panel is pretty cheap. Insurance and her GP may run with it, especially if she really bitches about the sex pain.

    For my wife, after years of seeing me manipulate my own hormones, agreed to try some sub-q injection compound tests.

    We ran between 20mg/wk n 40mg/wk test cyp first. That's a huge libido boost but also big sides. No voice change but more peach fuzz and clit growth.

    She then quit for 3 months n everything returned to normal

    Now she is trying 40mg/wk primo. Strong libido, less clit growth, no voice change.

    I let her decide how much, based on how she feels.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Duffer View Post
    The bloodwork/hormone panel is pretty cheap. Insurance and her GP may run with it, especially if she really bitches about the sex pain.

    For my wife, after years of seeing me manipulate my own hormones, agreed to try some sub-q injection compound tests.

    We ran between 20mg/wk n 40mg/wk test cyp first. That's a huge libido boost but also big sides. No voice change but more peach fuzz and clit growth.

    She then quit for 3 months n everything returned to normal

    Now she is trying 40mg/wk primo. Strong libido, less clit growth, no voice change.

    I let her decide how much, based on how she feels.
    Is she doing BW? What about her Estrogen progesterone level? I ask only because many seem to say E and P level are important and should be “balanced” but I don’t really know what that means or at what ratios.

    Her insurance is Kaiser as is mine and I’ve had zero luck with them

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    Little different for her. Total hysterectomy in her 20s so she takes estrogen/progesterone already

    We did bloods but I'm not an expert on target levels. She adjusts by how she feels

    Privatemdlabs needs no insurance, script or doctor. Just order n pay online, go to nearest draw station for blood draw, wait for results to be emailed to you

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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Duffer View Post
    Little different for her. Total hysterectomy in her 20s so she takes estrogen/progesterone already

    We did bloods but I'm not an expert on target levels. She adjusts by how she feels

    Privatemdlabs needs no insurance, script or doctor. Just order n pay online, go to nearest draw station for blood draw, wait for results to be emailed to you
    If anyone else has comments I’m interested.

    Got it. Thx.

    And yeah I use privLabs for my blood work. Draw station just 1/2 mile away

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    How are things going? Did she start hrt?

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    Quote Originally Posted by PeanutbutterDC View Post
    How are things going? Did she start hrt?
    Yes. She did some precautions mammogram and Gyno-exam. All clear and for 9 days she’s been taking .5 mg estrodial and 100 mg progrestin. It my understand .625 estrodial is a more successful dose but Kaiser permanente is conservative. Taking pills over creams or patches. So far breast tenderness and some abdominal pain that is “like cramps pain but not exactly the same.” The location suggest ovaries but that’s hard to tell. The symptoms fluctuate in severity but are mild to moderate. F’ing up our sex but I am seeing the big picture down the road.

    Questions: symptoms will last how long? How long to see vaginal wall thickening and or suppleness return? Should we be having sex to help things along or let it occur with time.

    I know we should direct these questions to her doc and we will but I’m curious about other people’s experience. I’m sure it’s depends on the person...case by case... but I’d still like feedback.
    Last edited by Notpretty; 04-18-2019 at 11:37 AM.

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    If your in the states (USA) I know a great clinic that could probably help your wife drastically. PM if you need the info.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashop View Post
    If your in the states (USA) I know a great clinic that could probably help your wife drastically. PM if you need the info.
    PM sent

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashop View Post
    If your in the states (USA) I know a great clinic that could probably help your wife drastically. PM if you need the info.
    I'd like clinic info, please

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    Update: my wife has taken progestin and Estrogen for over 3 months now in the doses I stated earlier. All her symptoms of vaginal pain and are totally gone. Her breast are 15 years younger...they are fuller and rounder like they were before meno. They may be slightly larger...tiny bit though. She’s taking 5 mg anavar tabs once a day and her sex drive has risen dramatically. That was three weeks ago. At first we were conservative. She was taking 1/3 a pill (10mg pills) and saw no affect. Then she got frustrated and took 3 full 10 mg pills in three days and boom off the charts...so the pills are legit. Backed off to 1/2 a pill and it appears to be the sweet spot. No viralization symptoms at all. She went from desiring sex once a week at best to 3-4 times a week. We’ve found that more than that and she’s just not recovering her sensitivity fast enough to reach strong orgasms. If we ease up with a day or two break and she’s primed. If she waits 4-5 days she is very very orgasmic. Frankly, this does not seem real to us. Maybe the risks do not justify the gains but going from little and very unsatisfying sex...heck painful sex to this is amazing. If anyone with more experience that can tell us we’re nuts adding the anavar we want to hear it. She does not have a death wish and I want her to out live me by a ton. She is my world and means everything even without the sex. But if we can have our cake and eat it too...well that would be nice.

    Feedback please..,

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    Quote Originally Posted by Notpretty View Post
    Does anyone have a name of an online type doctor that they would recommend and are happy with as it pertains to female hormone replacement?

    If you do could you also give me a sense of cost I should expect for his/her services.

    Are my wife’s concerns of increased cancer risks using these compounds real? She has one aunt who had breast cancer but live 25 years before passing of old age. There’s no other breast, ovarian, uterine, or any other cancer in her family

    Last last.... how bad are increased hair/clitoral enlargement/voice/etc. with a typical replacement dose?
    I know this is an older thread, but since people search the forums and read when they have questions, I thought would put this up. HRT has not been shown to cause cancer. The famous Women's Health Initiative (WHI) study that trumpeted concerns that HRT was causing breast cancer was put out in the mainstream media in a very deceptive way. If you look at the study, the breast cancer incidences were not statistically significant. When you are looking at the statistics and comparing two events, one of the things you try to do is to show that the correlation between two things happens frequently enough such that what you are seeing is not a random occurrence - if you take a group of women large enough, there will always be incidences of breast cancer, so what you want to know if the amount is larger than what the range of random results of breast cancer would be (because randomly, some groups would have lower and higher amounts of breast cancer) - and the WHI study did not pass the threshold of statistical significance.

    Secondly, outcomes for women who did have cancer were better for those on HRT than for those not on it!

    Thirdly, heart and cardiovascular issues are much more deadly for women than breast cancer, and HRT has been shown to protect against those. However, my understanding is that women with preexisting heart problems need to be carefully evaluated by a knowledgeable physician in order to decide if HRT is the best choice for them, bc it isn't always for women w history of heart problems.

    Just putting that out there!

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