easy joke to remember

[krusher]

girls with big tits work at hooters. girls with one leg work where?......IHOP!

[perfect_illusion]

i got one.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: "Always keep your condoms in your car."

[rubix6]

ha ha ha

[krusher]

what a friggin test bro thats wild! I'm personally an animal when it comes to women I don't know what I would have done. anyways congrats and good luck

[JAYROD]

girls with big tits work at hooters. girls with one leg work where?......IHOP!

you can do better than that.

[lucabratzi]

i got one.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: "Always keep your condoms in your car."

bahahahah...i've heard that one before buts thats ****in classic...

[Andorious]

what a friggin test bro thats wild! I'm personally an animal when it comes to women I don't know what I would have done. anyways congrats and good luck

it was a joke, not a personal story

[Doc.Sust]

it was a joke, not a personal story

if that was a real story, that family would be so fcked up for doing something like that.

[donniebrasco]

THESE JOKES ARE NOT INTENDED TO INSULT ANYONE OR THEIR BELIEFS.



whats the differnce between jesus and a painting of jesus.

it only takes one nail to hang a painting.


what goes. click click, is that it. click click is that it.

stevie wonder doing a rubik's cube

[donniebrasco]

why did princess diana have a mercedes

she wouldnt be seen dead in a skoda

why did elton john sing at diana's funeral

because he was the only queen that gave a ****

[donniebrasco]

what do you do with a jew with ADD.

put him in a concentration camp


a paedophile and a small child are walking through the woods. its very stormy, with lightning spearing the sky and crashing thunder. the child looks up at the paedo and says i'm scared'. the paedo shouts back ' your scared, ive gotta walk back on my own'

[donniebrasco]

whats the difference between muslim extremists and smarties.

smarties dont blownthemselves up in the tube.


2 chavs in a car without any music, whos driving.

the police.

[donniebrasco]

an englishman, welshman and west indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth.
there is quite a bit of pacing up and down, when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys.

theres just one problem she says, because they were all born at the same time we got the tags mixed up and we dont know which baby belongs to whom.
would you as their fathers, mind coming to identify them. the men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies.

immediately the englishman stoops down and bicks up the dark baby. yes this is definately my baby, he says confidently.
um excuse me, says the west indian, but i think its fairly obvious that that is my son. the englishman pulls him aside and says,
i see where you are coming from mate, but one of those babies is welsh and im not prepared to take the risk.

[fenceguy]

How do you piss off a welshmen?


tell him the capital is Liverpool.

[aadrenaline]

an englishman, welshman and west indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth.
there is quite a bit of pacing up and down, when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys.

theres just one problem she says, because they were all born at the same time we got the tags mixed up and we dont know which baby belongs to whom.
would you as their fathers, mind coming to identify them. the men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies.

immediately the englishman stoops down and bicks up the dark baby. yes this is definately my baby, he says confidently.
um excuse me, says the west indian, but i think its fairly obvious that that is my son. the englishman pulls him aside and says,
i see where you are coming from mate, but one of those babies is welsh and im not prepared to take the risk.

BAHAHAHAHA

[Schmidty]

OOOOOO I get it, it took me like 10minutes

[Schmidty]

i got one.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: "Always keep your condoms in your car."

HOLY SHIT that is funny

[Schmidty]

Really you shouldnt keep them in your car or walet because they will get hot a britle.

[spywizard]

what do you do with a jew with ADD.

put him in a concentration camp


a paedophile and a small child are walking through the woods. its very stormy, with lightning spearing the sky and crashing thunder. the child looks up at the paedo and says i'm scared'. the paedo shouts back ' your scared, ive gotta walk back on my own'

so you think this would be funny???

[Schmidty]

what do you do with a jew with ADD.

put him in a concentration camp


a paedophile and a small child are walking through the woods. its very stormy, with lightning spearing the sky and crashing thunder. the child looks up at the paedo and says i'm scared'. the paedo shouts back ' your scared, ive gotta walk back on my own'

The second one is pretty funny

[Shane35aa]

i got one.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: "Always keep your condoms in your car."

I think this is the best one so far. Yeah gonna tell it at work tomorrow.

[Bigen12]

What has 5 teeth and 6 legs?
















The night shift at Waffle House.

[krusher]

I get it now haha!

[Timm1704]

Bigen12 thats great! i like all of them, although i have heard pretty much all of them before, apart from the welsh baby joke, thats good shit.. oh and the chav joke

*** whats black and loud?

stevie wonder answering the iron

*** A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"

[ebjack]

horse walks into a bar ...bartender says "why the long face"

[ebjack]

Man walks into his house with a chicken under his arm..says "look, this is the pig I've been screwing" his wife says "that's no pig, it's a chicken"

guy says "I was talkin to the chicken"

[Timm1704]

*** Joe, a notoriously bad golfer, hits his ball off the first tee and watches as it slices to the right and disappears through an open window. Figuring that's the end of it, he gets another ball out of his bag and plays on.
On the eighth hole, a police officer walks up to Joe on the course and says, "Did you hit a golf ball through a window back there?"

Joe says, "Yes I did."

"Well," says the police officer, "it knocked a lamp over, scaring the dog, which raced out of the house onto the highway. A driver rammed into a brick wall to avoid the dog, sending three people to hospital. And it's all because you sliced the ball."

"Oh my goodness," says Joe, "is there anything I can do?"

"Yes there is," the cop says.

"Try keeping your head down and close up your stance a bit."

*** There was a cruise ship that was going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small abandoned island.
There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl.

They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it.

Well time went by and of course the guys still had their 'needs'. But after a couple of years they began to feel absolutely horrible about what they where doing.

So . . .

. . . they buried her

[Timm1704]

Man walks into his house with a chicken under his arm..says "look, this is the pig I've been screwing" his wife says "that's no pig, it's a chicken"

guy says "I was talkin to the chicken"

BWHAHAHAHAHAA

[krusher]

Bigen12 thats great! i like all of them, although i have heard pretty much all of them before, apart from the welsh baby joke, thats good shit.. oh and the chav joke

*** whats black and loud?

stevie wonder answering the iron

*** A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"

funny!

[krusher]

who else has got one?

[Timm1704]

three priests were roaming the african plains, on a refuge mission of some sort. within afew days, they were captured and taken prisoners by a tribe of african zulu warriors. There, tied to totem poles, the priests watched as the tribe leader read them the riot act. "

you have broken our rules, and disrespected our gods by trespassing on our land. As you are also men of faith, I shall give you TWO choices of punishment: DEATH.... or OOGA BOOGA..."

the leader turned to the first priest, and nodded, pushing him for his choice.

"well, sir, i am far from ready to die, so i will have to pick Ooga Booga..."

"OOGAAAAA BOOGAAAAA!" wails the tribe leader, followed by ten of the tribesmen ripping off their loincloths, pushing the priest to the floor, and one after the other, buttfvcking the poor chap into oblivion...

as he lay therere whimpering, the tribe leader turns to the second priest

"that was bad, i mean REALLY bad, but, like him, i am far from ready for death, I shall choose Ooga Booga.."

"OOGAAAAA BOOGAAAA!" repeats the leader, and 10 fresh tribesmen rip off their loincloths, down goes the priest, and each go to work on the priests ringpiece.

the tribe leader turns to the last priest, and gives the nod...

looking down at his fallen companions, sobbing, violated, and their anus each a bloody mess, he looks at the tribe in disgust

"You people are heathens, sick, twisted, and will rot in hell. i would rather DIE than face such a massacre. I CHOOSE DEATH!"

the tribe leader looks back at his tribe, and says calmly...

"alright then, death....

by OOGAAAAA BOOGAAAA!"

[ebjack]

^^^^ funny

[Timm1704]

bump for more jokes

[billyd]

Why do Polish mothers have big arms?
From raising dumbbells.

[krusher]

^^^^^^ haha!

[billyd]

Why do Pollacks make good astronauts?
Because they took up space in school.

[Bojangles69]

love the ooga booga one too.

[perfect_illusion]

What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?


He smashed his nose.

[tinyguy2]

2 peanuts walk down the street..one is assaulted

[Superhuman]

Why did *insert name* cross the road?

Cause his dick was stuck in the chicken!!!