*****Damans first trip to the dark side*****

[damans]

I will be posting this log as a way of keeping track of progress and making sure everything goes as panned.

Stats:

Age:21
Weight:157.3 lb
Body fat: Estimated at 10%
Height:5'9
Bench:176lb x 8
220lb x 2
Military press:132lb x 8
Deadlift 300lbs x 5

History: Had anorexia for teenage years due to numerous reasons. Was down to 95lb before starting weight training which ultimately saved my life. I know my weight and strength is not even close to what should warrant the use of AAS but considering i have put on close to 60lbs of muscle in the last 3 years i would consider my circumstances exceptional.

If have come here to try and deter me from going ahead or bash me for having had anorexia then you are wasting your time. That being said constructive criticism will be appreciated and respected.

Diet:

320g protein - Coming from tuna, chicken breast, egg whites and protein powder post/wo
300 grams carbs - Boiled sweet potato, brown rice and rolled oats
80 grams fat - Nuts, peanut butter, fishoil, avocado, olive oil and flax seed
3200 cals.

Cycle:

Test Prop 500mg a week injected EOD
Arimidex on hand if estrogen sides occur

PCT starts 3 days after last pin

Nolvadex 40/40/20

Training:
Layne Norton's PHAT as it has high volume that will work well with the ability for the body to recover faster when on cycle)

Play a cardio intensive sport (Soccer) (More for overall health than anything)


Aims:

Increase my weight by 18lbs
Bench press 100kg x 12
Bench 125kg x 1
Military Press 80 x 8
Deadlift 365 x 5
Deadlift 400lb for 1 rep max.

Cycle starts 2 days from now. Have everything ready to go.

[DamageDealer]

you're too young to cycle. you may do some serious damage to your endocrine system if you cycle right now. and you should be able to get a lot more muscle mass naturally before jumping on AAS.

[damans]

you're too young to cycle. you may do some serious damage to your endocrine system if you cycle right now. and you should be able to get a lot more muscle mass naturally before jumping on AAS.

Thank you for your concern. I recognize this is a side effect and have determined that the risk to reward ratio is worth it. I am turning 22 next month and have a burning desire to accomplish my goals. My motivation is high because it feels unreal to have beaten an illness that "experts" said would kill me. My life with lifting and eating right alongside AAS is going to be alot safer than if I had not found lifting at all.

I dont mean to trivialize the side effects of AAS but merely put them in comparison with an illness i have already had.

[DamageDealer]

well you're still too light in weight. you can safely put on about 25lbs of muscle without resorting to AAS. just make sure you're eating clean calories and you'll out on lean weight. if you were like 180lbs at 10% bodyfat before jumping on steroids, that would be a totally different thing. anyway, if you're going to cycle anyway, make sure to work on your PCT. it's very weak as of now. PCT should last 4 weeks at least, and you need to add clomid to that nolvadex

[C-BuZz]

Thank you for your concern. I recognize this is a side effect and have determined that the risk to reward ratio is worth it. I am turning 22 next month and have a burning desire to accomplish my goals. My motivation is high because it feels unreal to have beaten an illness that "experts" said would kill me. My life with lifting and eating right alongside AAS is going to be alot safer than if I had not found lifting at all.

I dont mean to trivialize the side effects of AAS but merely put them in comparison with an illness i have already had.

Wait, so your using your illness as an excuse to do AAS at 21yrs old? Because that's how I read it...

[damans]

Wait, so your using your illness as an excuse to do AAS at 21yrs old? Because that's how I read it...

I can see how it can be seen that way. However at nearly 22 years of age i believe that the rewards of running a cycle out weigh the risks/sides. This is my decision and i would respect it if this thread didnt turn into a plethora of "AAS before 25 isnt good" i know its not ideal but i have already read countless studies and have made my decision. Im just using my illness to contrast the side effects as being mild in comparison. I have a new respect for life and to exceed in my ambitions. I know you may see this as counter intuitive but its not how i feel. AAS use is upto the individual not for the forum community to decide or impose their own ideals. I respect however how you phrased your question and what your asking. I hope this answers your question?

Thank you. I hope you can all follow and enjoy my progress.

[jimmyinkedup]

The very obsession / compulsion that fuels anorexia , imo you have now sustituted with working out and now steroids.
This is dangerous as you can justify its healthier blah blah blah. The fact is the behavior is the same , the lack of personal acceptance and self worth will be the same, and ultimately the pain and even consequences could be the same. Whats more dangerous is your obsession is hidden behind "rose colored glasses" or a "new lease on life" blah blah blah. So incideous are these forms of diseases its scary.
You are seeking self worth from outside rather than from within. Its a losing proposition.
You are disregarding and justifying the dangers as you are so wrapped up in this obsession you cant see past it to the truth.
There are dangers to using aas at your age , but first and formost substituting one obsession / form of addiction for another ultimately will lead your down the same painful road.
Try to live a life of balance - its not easy but with a support system to keep you in check it can be done. Your happiness and very life could depend on it.
Im not trying to lecture you , I say this out of concern , and wish you all the best.

[< <Samson> >]

You seem like you did some research. But, I would wait at least a year and put this amount of focus running just natural.

Plus when you do jump in to AAS you will have even better result.

I'm 31 and on my 1st cycle, if I can do it all over again. I would lift as best as possible until about 23-25 then run a cycle.


Good luck bro, be safe(er at least).

[phoenix44]

History: Had anorexia for teenage years due to numerous reasons. Was down to 95lb before starting weight training which ultimately saved my life. I know my weight and strength is not even close to what should warrant the use of AAS but considering i have put on close to 60lbs of muscle in the last 3 years i would consider my circumstances exceptional.

i truly wish you the best in your journey. But I don't want you to think juice is a miracle. Everything you have as far as diet and your breakdowns look great.

But as far as you putting 60lbs on in 3 years being a big achievement. The fact that your disease put you to an abnormal starting weight is the main reason you have bounced back so quickly.

I know your going to do this no matter what is said but you truly could have great gains still before starting, but as I said before I wish you the best and let us know how it goes. Just be careful not to try and go up weight so fast in your lifts you will end up hurting your tendons and ligaments if you go up too fast.

[< <Samson> >]

You can never be over prepared for your first cycle. I kind of wish now, I would have done even more to prepare myself.


Take your time, waiting a year or so will not make a negative difference in the long run.

[C-BuZz]

I can see how it can be seen that way. However at nearly 22 years of age i believe that the rewards of running a cycle out weigh the risks/sides. This is my decision and i would respect it if this thread didnt turn into a plethora of "AAS before 25 isnt good" i know its not ideal but i have already read countless studies and have made my decision. Im just using my illness to contrast the side effects as being mild in comparison. I have a new respect for life and to exceed in my ambitions. I know you may see this as counter intuitive but its not how i feel. AAS use is upto the individual not for the forum community to decide or impose their own ideals. I respect however how you phrased your question and what your asking. I hope this answers your question?

Thank you. I hope you can all follow and enjoy my progress.

What exactly is the reward of running AAS at 21? Have you thought about all the weight your going to loose when your cycles finished because your nowhere near ready to start a cycle? This alone could very well put you right back, or God forbid even worse off than when you started.

[damans]

The very obsession / compulsion that fuels anorexia , imo you have now sustituted with working out and now steroids.
This is dangerous as you can justify its healthier blah blah blah. The fact is the behavior is the same , the lack of personal acceptance and self worth will be the same, and ultimately the pain and even consequences could be the same. Whats more dangerous is your obsession is hidden behind "rose colored glasses" or a "new lease on life" blah blah blah. So incideous are these forms of diseases its scary.
You are seeking self worth from outside rather than from within. Its a losing proposition.
You are disregarding and justifying the dangers as you are so wrapped up in this obsession you cant see past it to the truth.
There are dangers to using aas at your age , but first and formost substituting one obsession / form of addiction for another ultimately will lead your down the same painful road.
Try to live a life of balance - its not easy but with a support system to keep you in check it can be done. Your happiness and very life could depend on it.
Im not trying to lecture you , I say this out of concern , and wish you all the best.

Thank you for a very well thought out and rational post. I do agree that i have substituted anorexia with lifting to a slight degree. Although however i dont believe it will end in the same manner. Lets just remember im doing a relative safe short cycle of testosterone. Im not abusing insulin, hgh or any other compounds. The countless medical documentation points towards it not being a "painful road" similar to anorexia. I believe everyone who takes AAS for aesthetic purposes is in some way searching for approval from others. I think this form of motavation is shared by nearly all members on this site. My HPTA system even after a mild cycle should be fine. I am yet to here of anyone who's HPTA system has stuffed up at age 21 after a 8 week 500mg per week test only cycle. Sure there may be weak anecdotal evidence such as "a friend of a friend of my cousin told me it shuts down HPTA forever after the first pin" - If you have proof or atleast some evidence that points to the contrary i would like to see it.

Im sorry if i sound obtuse but once again thank you for your input but i will still be doing the cycle. It is however good to have people caring about my safety and which is why i will continue to post here and share any problems i may encounter.

Again thanks for your post and i will keep it in mind to ensure i dont do anything dangerous/irrational.

EDIT: I will continue to post here for 3 months after my last PIN to show how this all turns out for the long term. Any fool can make great gains on a cycle and then lose half of it during/after pct. I would like to share my experience post cycle as well as on.

[NotConvincedYet]

See what position you put the vets in here and the whole board??? What happens when you have questions and vets feel obligated to help you because you have decided to do it anyway. You put Vets at a moral dilemma - they advise you not to do it, but you need help and guidance at the same time. What message is this sending to other youngsters? Obviously people care about your safety, you know that. But will you posting your results as a '21 year old' encourage other so called underage use?? How about seeing a greater purpose than your own - you may have no regard for your own safety, but what about others.

This is an irresponsible log.

If you are going to do it, do it in silence!

[damans]

See what position you put the vets in here and the whole board??? What happens when you have questions and vets feel obligated to help you because you have decided to do it anyway. You put Vets at a moral dilemma - they advise you not to do it, but you need help and guidance at the same time. What message is this sending to other youngsters? Obviously people care about your safety, you know that. But will you posting your results as a '21 year old' encourage other so called underage use?? How about seeing a greater purpose than your own - you may have no regard for your own safety, but what about others.

This is an irresponsible log.

If you are going to do it, do it in silence!

If another 21 year has decided to do an AAS cycle then i think this log would actually be beneficial to see how my body responds. I have had blood work done and will have it after PCT and again 6 months after. I will post here to show what has in fact happened to my hormone levels etc. This log will aid in what to do and not to do. If our "youngsters" as you call other 21 year olds are going to be doing this then they might as well know for certain the effects on a 21 year of a test cycle rather than speculation that it will shut down HPTA for life etc etc. So i think you have taken a rather pessimistic view of my log and havent considered the benefits it may yield to others in the same boat.

Its not like i am 16, i am nearly 22. I am not doing a tren, 1g of test p/w, dbol and masteron cycle. I am doing test only. Please see that this is not going to be a path to my death.

Once again if you have any hard evidence that this will infact have dramatically more effect on my health than when i am 25 then please share it with me. I have in my research found none. I may not have searched the right medical journals but please share away.

[DamageDealer]

If another 21 year has decided to do an AAS cycle then i think this log would actually be beneficial to see how my body responds. I have had blood work done and will have it after PCT and again 6 months after. I will post here to show what has in fact happened to my hormone levels etc. This log will aid in what to do and not to do. If our "youngsters" as you call other 21 year olds are going to be doing this then they might as well know for certain the effects on a 21 year of a test cycle rather than speculation that it will shut down HPTA for life etc etc. So i think you have taken a rather pessimistic view of my log and havent considered the benefits it may yield to others in the same boat.

Its not like i am 16, i am nearly 22. I am not doing a tren, 1g of test p/w, dbol and masteron cycle. I am doing test only. Please see that this is not going to be a path to my death.

Once again if you have any hard evidence that this will infact have dramatically more effect on my health than when i am 25 then please share it with me. I have in my research found none. I may not have searched the right medical journals but please share away.

you don't get it, dude. it doesn't matter what compound you're putting into yourself at this age. any AAS will shut you down, and THIS is the main problem. you may get away with it once, yes. but still, it's like you're playing a russian roulette. and your bloodwork after PCT and 6 months later will tell us nothing. you may feel fine after the cycle, for a year or two, maybe five. then you may start feeling depressed, low libido, tired.
if you're still gonna do it, i wish you good luck. i hope you come out of this unharmed

[damans]

you don't get it, dude. it doesn't matter what compound you're putting into yourself at this age. any AAS will shut you down, and THIS is the main problem. you may get away with it once, yes. but still, it's like you're playing a russian roulette. and your bloodwork after PCT and 6 months later will tell us nothing. you may feel fine after the cycle, for a year or two, maybe five. then you may start feeling depressed, low libido, tired.
if you're still gonna do it, i wish you good luck. i hope you come out of this unharmed

Please tell me where you are getting this information from that it is possible for me to recover fine, feel fine and have blood work to prove it after PCT yet 5 years later have my HPTA function repressed?

This is ignorant speculation that should not be spread around without evidence to prove it. Your fear mongering is unnecessary.

[jimmyinkedup]

You misinterpreted my point. What you have done in misinterpreting my post is akin to saying food is the problem for anorexics (foolish huh). The preoblem is not the substance - the problem is you. You have a disease. You have body image issues. You have self esteem issues. You look outside yourself to make yourself ok. You are never "cured" from a disease like you have. It is so cunning you cant even see the forrest through the trees. You are going from one side of the disease (wasting away) to the other and you will find that it will be just as ineffective at making you ok with yourself. Your fighting a losing fight - deal with the core issues and learn to live a life of balance for your own good. Your rationalizations and justifications are so transparent its scary. Your disease so cunning it has you using your disease to justify actions that will be feeding into the very disease!!
I pray you have a moment of clarity where you see how foolish this is and take some appropriate actions to deal with the issues you obviously feel are gone - which in fact are never gone.
All the best my friend.

[damans]

You misinterpreted my point. What you have done in misinterpreting my post is akin to saying food is the problem for anorexics (foolish huh). The preoblem is not the substance - the problem is you. You have a disease. You have body image issues. You have self esteem issues. You look outside yourself to make yourself ok. You are never "cured" from a disease like you have. It is so cunning you cant even see the forrest through the trees. You are going from one side of the disease (wasting away) to the other and you will find that it will be just as ineffective at making you ok with yourself. Your fighting a losing fight - deal with the core issues and learn to live a life of balance for your own good. Your rationalizations and justifications are so transparent its scary. Your disease so cunning it has you using your disease to justify actions that will be feeding into the very disease!!
I pray you have a moment of clarity where you see how foolish this is and take some appropriate actions to deal with the issues you obviously feel are gone - which in fact are never gone.
All the best my friend.

I dont think those feelings will ever go but i have told my doctor and my psychiatrist about this cycle and will be seeing them regularly to make sure everything is going smoothly. I understand exactly what your saying and agree with you but i have tried tackling the core problems. I think it is better to continue lifting and to cycle alongside my friends than to just live a life of balance. I feel kind of ripped off that bodybuilding to everyone else is seen as a passion while my intentions for bodybuilding are seen as obsessive.

[C-BuZz]

I dont think those feelings will ever go but i have told my doctor and my psychiatrist about this cycle and will be seeing them regularly to make sure everything is going smoothly. I understand exactly what your saying and agree with you but i have tried tackling the core problems. I think it is better to continue lifting and to cycle alongside my friends than to just live a life of balance. I feel kind of ripped off that bodybuilding to everyone else is seen as a passion while my intentions for bodybuilding are seen as obsessive.

Jimmy make's a lot of excellent points. Very few people go from one extreme to the other. In your situation, being 21yrs old, going from a 90lb anorexic to 200lb muscle monster is basically one in the same. Your not dealing with the real issues at hand.

IMO you need to find balance & doing steroids at 21 is not what I would consider balance. If you consider that balance, then your delusional. Your substituting one for the other. Both with equally dire consequences.

[jimmyinkedup]

I dont think those feelings will ever go but i have told my doctor and my psychiatrist about this cycle and will be seeing them regularly to make sure everything is going smoothly. I understand exactly what your saying and agree with you but i have tried tackling the core problems. I think it is better to continue lifting and to cycle alongside my friends than to just live a life of balance. I feel kind of ripped off that bodybuilding to everyone else is seen as a passion while my intentions for bodybuilding are seen as obsessive.

Save the self pity bs for someone else. It is what it is. Body image and self esteem issues havent casused "everyone else" to starve their body to the point of malnutrition and sometimes death. A statement like you made above just reenforces that you lack the acceptance of your disease to even consider taking the step your mind is set on taking. I dont see your bodybuilding aspirations as obsessive - given the route you are choosing and actions u r taking given your individual circumstances - I see them as outright stupid. I dont give a fvck what your dr or shrink say - someone has to shoot it to you straight - and I am. What you do is on you, but im not gonna sit here and stroke you off. Im not gonna tell you the obvious steroids at a young age is a bad idea when someone like you has far bigger issues taking that step. At a young age its foolish - in your case its downright stupid bro.

[damans]

Save the self pity bs for someone else. It is what it is. Body image and self esteem issues havent casused "everyone else" to starve their body to the point of malnutrition and sometimes death. A statement like you made above just reenforces that you lack the acceptance of your disease to even consider taking the step your mind is set on taking. I dont see your bodybuilding aspirations as obsessive - given the route you are choosing and actions u r taking given your individual circumstances - I see them as outright stupid. I dont give a fvck what your dr or shrink say - someone has to shoot it to you straight - and I am. What you do is on you, but im not gonna sit here and stroke you off. Im not gonna tell you the obvious steroids at a young age is a bad idea when someone like you has far bigger issues taking that step. At a young age its foolish - in your case its downright stupid bro.

I think its best if we stop arguing. Ill do this log in private where there won't be so much controversy.

I might post back in a couple years and share how my experiences were but for the time being i dont think is the time or place to share my experience with AAS.

goodluck with all your fitness and cycling goals of 2012

[Gaspari1255]

Curing one addiction by starting another isn't the way to go.

[jimmyinkedup]

I think its best if we stop arguing. Ill do this log in private where there won't be so much controversy.

I might post back in a couple years and share how my experiences were but for the time being i dont think is the time or place to share my experience with AAS.

goodluck with all your fitness and cycling goals of 2012

I dont consider it an argument.
Your going to do what your going to do.
I said what I said out of concern, as much for me as for you. What kind of ass would I be - knowing what I do re: this topic if I didnt post and shoot you the real truth. On some level you know im right - but whatever.
Feel free to log this wherever - ive said my piece and would surely not disrupt your log. I was hoping to help you BEFORE you undertook this foolish endeavor.
One final question - If it isnt unhealthy and obsession driven (to someone where such behavior could prove deadly) then why not just wait??
You dont even have to respond, just think about it.
All the best.

[NotConvincedYet]

Before you do go off in silence have a read of this thread. Full of individuals with evidence and first hand experience that you were asking for regarding cycling under 25, and where they are at years after the fact, despite proper PCT protocol. There are more threads like that on this board, but I guess you aint really looking for them... Funny how we don't search for what we don't wanna hear.

http://forums.steroid.com/showthread...!#.T4Zg6I5c_zc

[DamageDealer]

I think its best if we stop arguing. Ill do this log in private where there won't be so much controversy.

I might post back in a couple years and share how my experiences were but for the time being i dont think is the time or place to share my experience with AAS.

goodluck with all your fitness and cycling goals of 2012

post it here, it would be interesting to read. nobody is going to flame you, people just warned you about the possible dangers of using AAS at such a young age and your transition from anorexia to steroids

[JackSwole]

Though I agree completely with what has been said by jimmy and others, I'm not here to lecture or jump on the flame train. It's a convoluted issue as your age goes against the principle, but if you're determined to use AAS I feel posting your results and questions here would be better than going off into silence and potentially doing more damage.

With that said...

I just finished up a cycle of prop. I have yet to read a thread from anyone else that used prop and also ran quite a bit. It will be interesting to see how this effects you when it comes to soccer. I know it's a fairly running intensive sport and I'll tell you that prop created such intense muscle cramps for me that running was nearly impossible. I also had a few issues with the constant discomfort from the pins that it inhibited my ability to do simple stretches - prop hurts. While I suffered in the cardio department, my strength and size gains went through the roof. Perhaps your experience will be different from mine. At any rate, I'm interested in seeing how this works for you and I do hope for the best. I'll be reading along as you post. Good luck.