Originally Posted by
bor
I wanted a thread with only people who consider me a friend or a bro to come here and read this ambien induded blog....
As you know my father died recently, he wasn't actually my father, he was my stepfather.......BUT i never really talked to my real dad who was a scumbag thinking we'll be father and son whenever he felt like it. Well, **** you real father, you never did sh!t for me, you have your life I have my own......
As I wright about my father (stepfather - but from now on father), tears still run down my face just from thinking about him...He was my best friend, he was the one that would make my problems go away and I was the one , that he knew could count on NO MATTER WHAT!Isn't that what its all about. We loved and understod eachother very much!
And now he'e gone, he was a top gastroenterologist in m country and he died of stomach cancer . ...I'm sure you can see the irony in that.....He was dying for a year and a half rigth in front of me.........When he did die I went to the hospital (I was there all the time anyway) and saw him, I don't know if it was him, it was a dead covered up body.I took up a pice of the cover saw him there, lifeless, and gave him one last kiss on the chick, and told him I loved and respected him for the last time.............................................. ............................
We burried him, the ceremony was beautifull,and after a while all the fuss sorta came down......and it was just my mom and me in appartements next to each other.....
LIfe should get back to normal, or so they say.....and it was christmats time...I am usually a ver optimistic happy person that belives that you can achieve anything just by trying hard, but .......not here...........my father was dead and there is nothing I could to bring him back...and this made me very mad......I started leaading a self-dectructive life ; I drank really heavilly, stayed out all nights, got into more figts then I can remember, luckily my friends were always two steps behind me to keep me from killin myself by doing something stupid...
And then, there was this party, that a friend of mine made, I got really drunk, did all kinds of stupid sh"t until I had an actual nervous breakdown........I went outside and just cried, and cried, and cried.....
My friends took me home to my bed to sleep, I woke up in the morning and decided that this isn't life and that I won' t no part of it!
I sat in my living room and started pounding all kinds of sh!t with alchohol because thats how I saw it done on the movies....I also had a magnum .357 in case the pills wouldn' work....Soooo after a shitload of pills I decided stop being a pussy and I took out the gun.I put it undr my chin and said ok this is it, fvck you all, you made me do this (by you I guess I meant God or someome responsible)..................closed my eyes but all that I could see was my mother crying over my dead body, my friends crying......and I decided
I won't do it for them...That decision took about 2 hours to be made...
Thankfully like a month later I went on a skiing trip with a big group of friends which showed me that my dad wants me to be happy till my time comes! And I meet a girl, who become the sun of my life, someone that doesn't want me to chnage because of her and I love her for it....
Seemes like an angel ,or my dad, sent her from above to whatch out over me....I will do mY best to repay her in any way I can, and that's a PROMISE!
Because she doesn't even realize she saved my life....
Dad, If you can see us, I miss you very much, I'm sorry for the fights we sometimes had, but I loved you, and I know you loved me too!
Stari fališ mi (that means dad I miss ya)
Thank you all for taking th time to read this
bor....people who know me please read this thread
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