Well, that relationships over

[RedBranchKnight]

Things with my girlfriend just ended today. Im 22 and shes turning 20 in a few weeks. We were going out for 14 months. We met and I kinda knew this was gonna happen as I felt that way myself slightly for a while. Anyway, she said she just felt things had fizzled out and we didnt get along as well as we used to anymore and she didnt feel the same love for me as she used too. Like I said, I agreed with this too regards her to a large extent. She wanted to break up and that was that... But I feel so empty and sad right now... I dont necessarily wish I was still going out with her, but I just feel so sad, almost as if she just died and Im grieving for her...

She was the first serious girlfriend I ever had, first girl I slept with and first girl I loved and who said she loved me. So many firsts, but now its over I kinda made a hint at possible future relationships in years to come, but she didnt acknowledge it, just said she wanted to make sure we still talked and didnt end up being nothing more than fond memories to one another...

Im gutted over this, havnt got many friends and they dont seem to understand me, so Im just posting here. Just want other people who have had this situation to PLEASE tell me that what Im feeling is normal and that in time Ill get over this and move on. Has anyone in this situation ever ended up getting back with their ex years down the line? Not that Im dying to start counting down the weeks or something, I just find the thought that this isnt an abolute and utter end comforting for now. Way I feel now is that Ill never have another girl like her, and it took me so long to find a girl like that, that now Ill be lonely for years and years to come again

Thanks for reading bros

[goaheadandhitme]

hang in there.... yep i been there.... there anit much anyone can say, except its just life, and if you take some time before jumping into the next one, It *will* be better than the last one...just my opinon

[paulzane]

Oh to be 22 again!!

It is usually shit when you finish your first serious sexual relationship. To answer your questions ..... Yes you sometimes get back together. I got back with my 2nd wife 3 times!! Yes you'll get over it .... I couldn't tell you how many people I have got over so far!!

[PROTEINSHAKE]

its tough bro.... you're a young guy... it will only take 1 to make u forget her..... & if you dont.... then you will come back together eventually. I married my hi school sweetie at 24 after being together for 7yrs on & off... then divorced at 30... these are the things that will make you stronger as a man & give you learning experiences as you go. gd luck

[Stock]

Look at it as a chapter in your life, that one is over and start reading the next. You might get back together, and you might not, but live your life and move on. I'm sure you are feeling like you dont know how to act around everyone now that you are by yourself, and not always with your SO. Get going with your life and see what the next chapter brings...

[johnmacdan]

I generally got over one when I got the next one. I still have fond memories of the women I cared about and hope they feel the same about me, but I wouldn't give up my wife for any of them. This type of relationship will do nothing but give you strenght and wisdom for future relationships. Good luck.

[facile]

sometimes life's lessons suck and unfortunately this probably won't be the last time you lose someone you care for. At your age I was engaged and was completed devastated when we broke up. I can barely remember that relationship. Since then I was married and divorced and now I finally believe I have found the right girl and you will to. Lifting is great therapy.

[Atomini]

Welcome to the club. Wanna merge threads? lol.

My ex's birthday is in a few weeks too.

[domeyeahaigh]

snap out of it man, pretty girls are a dime a dozen...6 billion people in this world, roughly half of em women thats 3 billion take ONE percent of that are chicks who will bang you, and are hot, and are cool that is 3 million women, quit bein a douche man and go lay some pipe.

[Psychotron]

Things with my girlfriend just ended today. Im 22 and shes turning 20 in a few weeks. We were going out for 14 months. We met and I kinda knew this was gonna happen as I felt that way myself slightly for a while. Anyway, she said she just felt things had fizzled out and we didnt get along as well as we used to anymore and she didnt feel the same love for me as she used too. Like I said, I agreed with this too regards her to a large extent. She wanted to break up and that was that... But I feel so empty and sad right now... I dont necessarily wish I was still going out with her, but I just feel so sad, almost as if she just died and Im grieving for her...

She was the first serious girlfriend I ever had, first girl I slept with and first girl I loved and who said she loved me. So many firsts, but now its over I kinda made a hint at possible future relationships in years to come, but she didnt acknowledge it, just said she wanted to make sure we still talked and didnt end up being nothing more than fond memories to one another...

Im gutted over this, havnt got many friends and they dont seem to understand me, so Im just posting here. Just want other people who have had this situation to PLEASE tell me that what Im feeling is normal and that in time Ill get over this and move on. Has anyone in this situation ever ended up getting back with their ex years down the line? Not that Im dying to start counting down the weeks or something, I just find the thought that this isnt an abolute and utter end comforting for now. Way I feel now is that Ill never have another girl like her, and it took me so long to find a girl like that, that now Ill be lonely for years and years to come again

Thanks for reading bros

Same situation for me some months back. She was a Christian, I wasn't. I told her to make a decision, and we both agreed and we split. It didnt help that I truely loved her, so even though I knew it was coming and it was mutual, it still sucked for months.

[lightwaytbaby]

consider yourself lucky bro...your young, girls are a dime a dozen.

[lightwaytbaby]

consider yourself lucky bro...your young, girls are a dime a dozen.

[goaheadandhitme]

Same situation for me some months back. She was a Christian, I wasn't. I told her to make a decision, and we both agreed and we split. It didnt help that I truely loved her, so even though I knew it was coming and it was mutual, it still sucked for months.

i'm speechless. well I guess some ppl can be Fanatical.. I hope you didn't next her because she went to church on sundays. "i'm sorry baby but it's either me, or Heaven"

[importeater91]

its tough bro.... you're a young guy... it will only take 1 to make u forget her..... & if you dont.... then you will come back together eventually. I married my hi school sweetie at 24 after being together for 7yrs on & off... then divorced at 30... these are the things that will make you stronger as a man & give you learning experiences as you go. gd luck

+1 your still young young there will be more to come. once you find someone else she will be out of ur mind

[LawMan018]

Things with my girlfriend just ended today. Im 22 and shes turning 20 in a few weeks. We were going out for 14 months. We met and I kinda knew this was gonna happen as I felt that way myself slightly for a while. Anyway, she said she just felt things had fizzled out and we didnt get along as well as we used to anymore and she didnt feel the same love for me as she used too. Like I said, I agreed with this too regards her to a large extent. She wanted to break up and that was that... But I feel so empty and sad right now... I dont necessarily wish I was still going out with her, but I just feel so sad, almost as if she just died and Im grieving for her...

She was the first serious girlfriend I ever had, first girl I slept with and first girl I loved and who said she loved me. So many firsts, but now its over I kinda made a hint at possible future relationships in years to come, but she didnt acknowledge it, just said she wanted to make sure we still talked and didnt end up being nothing more than fond memories to one another...

Im gutted over this, havnt got many friends and they dont seem to understand me, so Im just posting here. Just want other people who have had this situation to PLEASE tell me that what Im feeling is normal and that in time Ill get over this and move on. Has anyone in this situation ever ended up getting back with their ex years down the line? Not that Im dying to start counting down the weeks or something, I just find the thought that this isnt an abolute and utter end comforting for now. Way I feel now is that Ill never have another girl like her, and it took me so long to find a girl like that, that now Ill be lonely for years and years to come again

Thanks for reading bros

It's totally understandable. I was 18 and she was 17... We met senior year in highschool. We dated for about a year and a half. Perfect girl in every way except a few minor things but hey, what're you gunna do. Pretty much highschool sweethearts and talked about marriage, blah blah blah. She was a virgin before she met me, but I was not... But yeh, it is tough bro. She broke up with me a week before Christmas and a few days after my b-day. The sad heartbreak Christmas songs at work pretty much made me want to die as well, lol... But it has been almost 9 months since, she said she wanted to remain friends but ignores me completely... But all for the better... things will get better, it might be a month or two before you're completely "out of it" but things will get better, no matter how much you loved the person. And hey, maybe she'll take the same route my ex did and end up dating some funny ass looking chubby guy, trust me, it makes you feel all that much better!

[AandF6969]

And hey, maybe she'll take the same route my ex did and end up dating some funny ass looking chubby guy, trust me, it makes you feel all that much better!

That's always the best... when you see her a year or two later and you're in 10x better shape than you were back then... and she's dating a tool... and she got chubby

"Hahah you dumb bitch"

[J-Dogg]

That's always the best... when you see her a year or two later and you're in 10x better shape than you were back then... and she's dating a tool... and she got chubby

"Hahah you dumb bitch"

On of my Ex's, her parents always thought I would be a looser (in high school). Things did not work out, not either of our faults really, they just did not. Did not really leave on bad terms.

Needless to say, her dad is always very happy to see me, almost excited now.

[youknowit45]

hang in there.... yep i been there.... there anit much anyone can say, except its just life, and if you take some time before jumping into the next one, It *will* be better than the last one...just my opinon

agree completely.. now I found a girl that i feel is 10x better

[briancb1]

You are most likly feeling this way just because it was simply your first.

Once your head is clear of emotions (can take a while) you will see what you really want and think back at the good times you had but you wont envy them....

There has only been one girl that I still want back after all this time... no girl I've come across has been anywhere near her, but she hardly wants to be friends so thats life isn't it...

don't worry bro there is another girl out there that will make you happy, go find her.

[Kale]

Oh to be 22 again!!

It is usually shit when you finish your first serious sexual relationship. To answer your questions ..... Yes you sometimes get back together. I got back with my 2nd wife 3 times!! Yes you'll get over it .... I couldn't tell you how many people I have got over so far!!

Ah how true !!!! Me and paulzane are both 52. In my case after two wives and five kids 22 was a farking long time ago. Listen dude, same thing happened to me and I was pretty much the same age as you with the same first. I still think about that chic as well even after all these years. You will get over it and there will be others who are way better !!!!

[paulzane]

Ah how true !!!! Me and paulzane are both 52. In my case after two wives and five kids 22 was a farking long time ago. Listen dude, same thing happened to me and I was pretty much the same age as you with the same first. I still think about that chic as well even after all these years. You will get over it and there will be others who are way better !!!!

We should set ourselves up as relationship councellors on this site .... the Yanks would love it!

[Atomini]

We should set ourselves up as relationship councellors on this site .... the Yanks would love it!

Wouldn't be a bad idea, lol.

[BadBenny]

Are you serious; a 21 year old pouting about a girl, who he said he felt the same way about her? Listen close my friend, and listen good, life is what YOU make of it. I can tell by the pouting your a person with little ambition, and are lacking in self confidence, if you live your life like this it will will be a long, sad life for you.
Now let's start the self help course... Everything happens for a reason, trust me i am 48 yrs old and never understood that saying until i reflected upon my life thus far and figured out what has happened in my life and why!
First, and most important is this, your 21 years old, you should not have a steady girl until you hit your 30's, also why in the Lords name would you even want one? Listen, women are like buses, another one comes along every 15 minutes. I waited until i was 37 years old to get married, yes it took that long to find the rite girl. Now until that time i had a fabulous time with the 200 girls before her.
Now a few years ago at the age of 45 we had our first child, this year we celebrated our 10 year Wedding Anniversary, i am the happiest i have ever been in my life.
Now along the way there were a couple of chicks who i thought might be "The Ones", guess what, there still out there waiting to be someones the ones as well.
The point is this, when the rite one comes along you will know it for sure, trust me you will. I was 35 when i met my wife, she had just turned 21 as well. I met her when i was in the hospital recovering from a motorcycle accident, she was my nurse. Yes busted, and cut to ribbons, i still was out on the hunt for beaver. When we made eye contact i knew she was the one, i dated her for 6 months and asked her to marry me, she said yes, been together ever since.
Enjoy life, date, and have fun, trust me, it all comes together in time!

[domeyeahaigh]

uhhhh....riight

[Timm1704]

You will likely get back together in a week or so, but it wont last long. You broke up for a reason, and usually it takes a second go to realise that properly. You will likely both feel like shit now, will miss each other, and get back together just because it feels so easy, and an instant fix, then, after a week or two, you or her, or both, will suddenly have a wake up call, and you will go through all this again, only it isnt so bad, as its diluted, and you could both see it coming.

I predict, and Im dead confident of this happening, in 2 years time, you will barely know each other anymore, she may be on your friends list on myspace or something, but apart from that you will not see her or talk to her.

These are just from my experiences, and of those around me. I have seen it countless times, and dont recall a situation where this scenario differs.

At the end of pretty much every longterm/serious relationship, the "we will always be friends, and be a big part of each others lives" line is said, pretty much word for word. You will likely stay in contact for afew months, but eventually it will fizzle out, and you will both move on.

You will feel better soon, but it may take afew years to get completely over her, or, it may take afew months. There is no set time limit im afraid.

This exact situation happened to me when I was 19, and she was 17, we had been together for 11 months, first girl i truly loved (and man did i take some shit off her that i still look back and think "shit, was i *****-whipped!"), and we both were each others first fvck.

Whatever happens, you will end up fine, both of you. In years to come, you will likely still think of her occasionally, nothing major, or hurtful, just she will pop up in your thoughts, or make a quick cameo appearance in your dreams from time to time.

It feels horrible now, and there is nothing you can do about it, but it will go away, and you shall feel no pain concerning this.

[spywizard]

Remember this.. when a woman breaks up with you.. she already has her eye on another pony, or has already cut you out of the herd..

Relationships are like death when they end.. give yourself time to mourn the ending, and then get drunk, go to a strip show, laugh with your friends..

best revenge you can ever have against a woman that breaks up with you.. go on to make ungodly amounts of money..
she'll hate you for it..

[goodcents]

Remember this.. when a woman breaks up with you.. she already has her eye on another pony, or has already cut you out of the herd..

Relationships are like death when they end.. give yourself time to mourn the ending, and then get drunk, go to a strip show, laugh with your friends..

best revenge you can ever have against a woman that breaks up with you.. go on to make ungodly amounts of money..
she'll hate you for it..

Jeff Foxworthy

[Psychotron]

i'm speechless. well I guess some ppl can be Fanatical.. I hope you didn't next her because she went to church on sundays. "i'm sorry baby but it's either me, or Heaven"

No actually it was her dropping the ball about how she couldnt marry me, and i told her to think on it, and then she came to the conclusion that her beliefs forbid her from marrying a non-believer. So what was I to say? It had nothing to do with me, it was her. I was perfectly fine having a relationship with a Christian.

[AandF6969]

she came to the conclusion that her beliefs forbid her from marrying a non-believer.

Thats the gayest shit I've ever heard

[pumpd4lif]

brother before u know it u willl forget all about her. but if u want to get her attention just next time u talk to her, tell her u cant talk rite now u have plans call me after the weekend ,i bet u any amount of money she willl call u back that same night

[goaheadandhitme]

Thats the gayest shit I've ever heard

Why? She made a decision. Probably a painfull one.

This is the gayest thing ive ever seen:



http://tinyurl.com/2xfkdv

[Bojangles69]

Because I get tired of saying the same stuff over & over I'll just copy & paste for yah.
And all you m/fkrs who doubted me years ago even my old ass posts are still on point about all the break ups in sept/oct.. and thats when I was a newbie.

I searched for some of my classic break up posts but its been like 20mins and I can't find any of my real favorites. One day I'll have to condense it all into an archive.

************************************************** ************************************************** **********
Gunwitch:
Section 15:
Relations with women. This isn't integral to the system just some advice I'd like to dispense, which you may find useful in dealing with women. I’m no relationship expert but these have been ideal ways of looking at things in my experience.

15.1 Relationships are really based on attraction. If one partner knows they can do better they will usually treat the other party poorly or not reciprocate the attention. If you are a "5" and want a long lasting relationship that you feel some love in, find another "5" with a compatible personality. Of course, you’ll know you can do better (with these skills), but you’ll also know they can’t.

Less jealousy, insecurity, and overall hidden desire to get someone better. You get with a 3 and you are a 5, and you won’t feel much of anything for them in the way of passion and desire, so you’ll make them kinda miserable and insecure. You get with a 10 and you’ll know you can get another one (with these skills) but your attraction will cause you a rampant level of lust and desire that just isn't reciprocated. That will just make you feel like shit all the time. Kinda the "only people I fall in love with don't love me back" syndrome, so common these days.

15.2 In ANY relationship a good method to avoid pain, mess, and eventual heartbreak is to ALWAYS look at how you are being treated and how the relationship makes you feel. NOT at what you feel for them. To do this gauges the base level of passion and attraction she has to you. At the FIRST discomfort or pain caused by the woman in your life, LEAVE. Make her crawl back and apologize. Following this method will set boundaries that will last. You leave and won’t take her calls, and she has to crawl back to you crying the first time she yells at you, holds out sex or hurts you in some way, and there probably wont be a second serving of that dish. It’s hard to do, but it’s important to your well-being. Jaded? Flighty? No. I’d say smart, as it doesn't drag out something that's gonna end anyway, leaving you hurt worse than if it had ended sooner. " It is far better to resist at the beginning than at the end" – somebody clever.

15.3 If a relationship goes bad, or hurts at all, and is dragging out as "friendship" or such, CUT IT CLEAN and you’ll get over it sooner. If you don't it may drag on for a long time, with you getting degraded and rejected. These kinds of relationships drain you in all other areas of life, try to avoid them at all costs, but if you find yourself in one, RUN! “Work it out” with someone new, the next one with a clean slate who hasn’t pushed so far into your boundaries yet.

“When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues” – Balzac.

15.4 When you are in the grasp of love and obsession over a girl always ask, "If I could have sex and a relationship (if I wanted one) with the next 10 beautiful women I see, would I forget that I ever knew the one I am with right now?" If yes, you would, you don't love her. You are sex-addicted and probably putting up with way too much shit. Its time to have a showdown with her, unless she’s just a fancy of yours or a stranger of course, in that event its time to try to sex her. Also ask yourself when in an LTR or when being just friends, "if I could come and have sex with this woman as frequent as I want, but would lose ALL other activities and conversations with her, would I trade that?" If you would only want her for sex, don't put up with her shit if she’s giving you any. Don’t waste time with someone you really don't enjoy, when you could be out finding something more enjoyable and compatible, ALONG with sex in that time spent.

15.5 Women sooth issues. A break up from a long term relationship can be murder on your limbic system, self esteem and well being. The main reason for this is that you have mental issues you’ve learned to deal with. A woman comes along who not only makes your dealing with those issues easier, but quells them altogether. She makes you feel desirable to women, makes you feel like a good lover, makes you feel like someone worthy of love. She leaves, BOOM, you aren’t only missing her ability to quell these issues, but NOW have to learn to deal with them and get used to them all over again.

Realize this. Use a pain filled break up as an opportunity to recognize and GET RID of these self esteem problems. Don’t be a co- dependant, always defining who is important to you by what gaps of yours they can fill (mind out of the gutter people), instead be a complete person (self help jargon I know). Seek the permanent company of people you WANT around you, not NEED around you. Eventually you don’t hurt anymore this way.

15.6 Grief as a rebound. OFTEN when you don’t want a relationship to end and it does anyway you will hold onto the pain as a means of not accepting it as REALLY over. You fantasize about the other person crawling back begging to be with you, because they’ve seen the error of their ways. Not a good idea, this only prolongs things, focus on YOU and what she did to “complete you” that needs to be complete on its own by your own rethinking of self esteem, goals and ability to succeed. Remember YOU are physically the same now as before you were ever hurting over this woman, only now you aren’t used to being you anymore, you are used to being you AND her together. The electricity in that brain of yours lies, true love is new love, not someone sticking around forever in order to fill each others needs.

Romance writers of old are responsible for all the pain you’ve ever felt over lost love, remember monogamy and commitment, even the word “love” are a 100th as old as man, while sex and short pair bonds are timeless. No one ever killed themselves over losing a sex partner until someone decided co-dependant relationships were some mystical bond that must hurt when severed then told and wrote about it.

Just my thoughts on how to stay happy when it comes to love and relationships, tested, used, and approved by me, myself and I. Once I’m complete emotionally, ill find an emotionally complete woman to attempt a permanent bond with. Til then as temporary as possible hot sexual unions, and a little pain in completing myself through future failed relationships and finally the search for the emotionally complete, “semi attractive” woman looks good to me.

Section 16:
WILLPOWER is all you need in life. As a rule try not to fantasize period, fantasy is what tells your super ego that it has what it wants, because you “id” knows it isn’t possible. To purposefully fantasize, visualize and imagine things at length is to also tell the “id” that something isn’t possible. You must have some slight visualization of anything to create initial desire, but to actively fantasize will only cause you to see something as impossible in the form of diminished willpower. ACTIONS are SPARKED by thoughts, not carried out by them. Thoughts paralyse action after a while. My one life lesson, WILL to do what YOU want in life is all you need.

************************************************** ****************
Not me:
v1.3
Q- What is one-itis?
A- One-itis is defined as an infatuation with another individual who does not return those same feelings. One-itis victims can usually be seen pining over a single individual, constantly overanalyzing every situation, and asking his friends what he can do "to get this girl". One-itis is generally seen a malady because the "relationship" in question does not produce similar feelings from all individuals involved.

Q- How do I get over my one-itis?
A- Women tend to get over a guy when she's away from him. Men, on the other hand, have intensified feelings about a girl when she's around. You know what this means, right? Do the girl ritual.
Step 1- Delete her number and name from her cell phone. If she calls, tell her you "have to do ---. I'll talk to you later."

Step 2- Rid yourself of any pictures of her. Throw them in a deep closet. You're only defeating yourself by keeping them around.

Step 3- Delete your e-mail transactions and her messager screenname, in addition to any online connections that you may reach her at. Don't block her. You don't hate her; you just don't care anymore. She is not a special vagina.

Step 4- Avoid places that she frequents for a period of time. If you work with her, that's your fault for getting involved with your ****ing coworker.
Step 5-You're not angry at her; you're just moving on to bigger and better.

Step 6- Surround yourself with friends. Sarge immediately. NOW you position yourself to GFTOW.

Q- But she's special; she's different; she's perfect for me.
A- As of the last census, there are 6.5 billion people in the world. As the rough percentage of women is 53% of the total population, there are almost 3.5 billion women out there. Are you telling me that you just coincidentally tripped and fell into "the one"? There's a statistically higher chance of being struck by lightning three times than that being your "one special girl".

Q- Then why is she "perfect" for me?
A- Because males tend to rosetint and accentuate positive characteristics of women they feel they have a chance with. Try being critical of her one day. Notice how she doesn't shave her arms, or how she sports lovehandles, or has no common sense.

Q- Why do I feel that I have a chance?
A- She was either nice to you once or is still nice to you, but won't have sex with you because she likes feeling wanted. Thus, she likes having you around so that she can feel sexy, but she's not going to have sex with you. I've seen it work ONCE. ONE TIME. That's a single instance out of hundreds. Don't take the risk. Don't feed her ego and kick yourself in the balls day in and day out. Her bowel movements don't smell like lilacs. She's not special. You, on the other hand, are special, because when you realize that you can get ANY girl, one single girl means nothing to you.

Q- Why is one-itis bad?
A- Because a normal, healthy relationship consists of two (or more) individuals fulfilling each other and strengthening each individual. One-itis is one individual improving their confidence at the expense of another person. You can do better.

Q- How can I make sure I never get one-itis again?
A- Unlike what you would normally do in most situations (stop talking to women altogether), the goal here is to remain in contact with as many women as possible. This allows you to keep a "there's always more fish in the sea" perspective. Experience a lot of women, have sex with them if you choose, and attempt to hold a MLTR (multiple long term relationship). Try and balance two or three girls at the same time.

Q- So if I forget about her and move on, then I'll get her?
A- Get that out of your mind. Time and time again, I've seen buddies who only go after girls in hopes that the girl he's "forgotten" about will get jealous and chase him. Not gonna happen.
...and if it does happen, once you come around, she'll drop you again in seconds. Accept the inevitability that she has to be tossed aside.

************************************************** *****************


Bojangles69:

I apologize in advance..

Within the content of any decision lies the information/value assessment. Many people as they come into these forums with relationship problems seem to be highly approval seeking in nature. They are confronted with some sort of conflict in a relationship and their first thought is to “seek information” or another words “seek approval” regarding the right thing to do. This leads us to briefly access the value of the information we’re about to receive. One common fault people make in life is using the age of someone to determine the value of the information. So lets take a look at some facts.

Basic first fact one. Its estimated that roughly 50% of every thought a person has through out the course of a day revolves around the sex/relationship area. Therefore there is bound to be a surplus of faulty information regarding the right thing to do because EVERYONE has not only one, but often a thousand opinions, and feels the need to express every one of them. For the majority, people form their foundations, boundaries, and standards in relationships at a young age, and although their views may change throughout a lifetime, this “foundation” will always remain pivotal in their thought process.

One of the most common examples is a line mommy probably uses about a thousand times in the course of our adolescence, the “just be yourself” line. This is to say the least from any rational perspective, a recipe for absolute disaster. How so you ask? Well take a look at yourself 5, maybe 10 years ago. Maybe when you were 14 for this specific example. Mommy says “just be yourself”. This implies that accepting this advice would condemn you to a life lived in the mentality of a 14 year old. We as humans, in nature, are constantly evolving, responding, and changing creatures. Even in the event of approaching a woman, failing to go outside your character and try something new or different will afford you absolutely no improvement whatsoever.

We had to learn how to cook, we had to learn how to wipe our ass, so why should relationships be anything that’s ingrained into our natural struggle for comfort? Its not, it will never be, so stop “being yourself”. After all who is yourself? Just who YOU think you are. So as long as you think your someone who has to struggle in relationships, and continue to just be yourself.. your doomed for failure.

The cliché “with age doesn’t always come wisdom” rings MUCH truth especially in this area for the fact that people are somewhat embarrassed or resilient in exposing their personal relationship problems. Because this is a natural tendency, the person you receive advice from most likely will have went through a similar issue and will only have mediocre at best advice to dispense. With wisdom, comes one thing, willingness to experience. And also, the ability to decide without contemplating the outcome for too long. People who contemplate outcomes, rob themselves of the wisdom their decision will provide them. The most successful people in this world make decisions and do it often. Delaying decisions, perpetuates confusion, and fills your information banks with less valuable data. This doesn’t go to say act without thinking, but more to avoid the think without acting syndrome so prevalent with people today.

Another factor in relationships that is rarely noted is climatic changes. With the arrival of summer, and the scarcity of clothing, biological urges naturally become more pronounced. This is why the majority of conflict in relationships arises with the onset of warm weather. And it is in my opinion that most break ups happen around September/Octoberish. The time in between the onset of summer and its departure usually marks the length of time it takes someone to make a decision, like breaking up. They’ll spend their summer in a masquerade of flings, infidelities, and uncertainty. Than as winter peeks its frosty face, the need for closure increases.

So as natural the cycle of weather, as natural these threads become bombarded with “approval seekers”. Raising questions like “is she cheating” or “can you help me solve MY relationship problems. Interesting how we become so desperate we’ll pose a question on an internet forum, relying on someone half way around the world who knows neither the specifics of the relationship, nor the specifics of our individual personalities (or our partner). So we type a paragraph or two, cross our fingers, and make a decision we still most likely will have made regardless of posting the thread in the first place.

Here’s a few basic rules of thumb. At the first hint of disinterest or suspicion of infidelity, PULL BACK. Women despise approval seekers. You posting a thread is only perpetuating that function of your personality. A wise man recently said (and wrote a book about) the saying, “attraction is not a choice”. No amount of bickering, whining, complaining or supplicating will change anyone’s mindset, and is most likely to repel them even further. Relationships diminish your social skills to a degree. Instead of working to gain those skills back, you may naturally, yet sadly want to save it at ANY cost. Some of the issues I’ve read about should not even have been brought into this world as a “decision” but as a “direct action”. She’s pulling away, you NEVER EVER EVER under ANY circumstance, step forward. You never SEEK APPROVAL about the right thing to do. Its like chasing your dog when it gets loose, unless you’ve trained the shit out of it most likely it will run away. And even when it does come back there’s the relief, but a lingering disappointment that you got what you wanted and that your dog was “loyal” but too ****ing weak to do what it really wanted, like run into oncoming traffic.

Ask yourself a few serious questions prior to making your decision. First, if there was no such thing as a romance movie or novel how would that change your overall perspective. Where did you learn to love? You weren’t born knowing how to love. You learned it from your environment, and a lot of times a lot of what society believes is love is simply what they learned from movies or books. Because how else can we teach society? Start teaching love in school? (some places may scratch the surface, but ultimately that would ruin the true essence of love) So examine you own personal beliefs, be sure to have as few ideals as possible. Idealistic love is the product of social conditioning, social conditioning is realer than a heart attack, but the source of social conditioning is often illusive, idealistic or completely non-existent.

The fact is relationships are very comparable to business economics. Both partners are trading different forms of currencies to suit their needs. But the ultimate and most valuable currency in any relationship is self esteem. When two partners decide to become an “item” their self-esteems will merge into the same tank. So depending on the amount of self-esteem your partner has, that’s exactly how much your own self-esteem will increase when your with them. This is why when you first meet someone you actually feel like a different person, happier and (as some narcissist’s would like to dispute) more confident.

Other forms of currency are social value/status, sexual favors, protection, financial benefits, time, freedom, (ie: a good looking woman may pay a rich man time, freedom, and sexual favors in turn for his financial benefits, and social recognition) The specific currencies we value determine the mate we ultimately choose.

I can turn any relationship into a map of currency exchange (and sometimes people will refuse the idea because of their social conditioning) but w/e the case your paying your partner something to gain something in return, as much as you’d like to believe otherwise (Its ok, those are the romance movies thinking for you, I won’t be offended) that’s exactly the case.
But the main point of this thread is to point out that as much as you fumble around and debate the “right thing to do” there are LOTS of people out there who won’t give it a second thought and know the EXACT right thing to do in your situation. As obvious as the answer is to them it is to you to, you just are insecure about yourself therefore insecure about the decision.

Self-esteem is what delays decision, if you find yourself a very indecisive person, it’s a tell-tale sign of your insecurity. Secure people are secure within their decisions, trust themselves, and have faith that things will work out for the best. The only way you gain self-esteem is to conquer fears. If you have a fear of getting your heart broke and devote your life to avoid that, you’ll always be insecure in relationships.

So I’ll end on this note, before you post that thread, I assure you, you know exactly what you should do. Don’t complicate things. Ask yourself what would your ideal self do in that situation? And miraculously the answer will come, unless your ideal self is a squirrel or some shit.

And I should note, this thread wasn’t made to belittle or offend ANYONE. I genuinely care about my fellow man and I don’t profess to be anything more than what I am, I just hate to see people make things so hard on themselves, or fumble around and **** up the most obvious thing in the world.

And I’ll end with a favorite quote:

If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back its yours,
If it doesn’t, it never really was in the first place.

~RC

[Kale]

Fvck dude, havnt you heard of paragraphs !!!!

[Bojangles69]

There yah go =]