Attn: Divorced Men & Women I need advice.

[rob35145]

Hey Everyone.

Thanks for reading my thread. I’ve been a long time member, but rarely post.

But I need some relationship advice this time and I can’t turn to anyone I know about this. So I’m turning to you guys to help me clear my head.

I’m married, not so happily, no kids. I have been with my wife for around 11 years, total time together. We hooked up when we were young. I believe we may have grown apart as we just seem to not get along as much and we seem to be good friends as opposed to being in love. I’m not completely unhappy. But I feel like I could be happier, like life is missing something, physical attraction has declined as well, for me.

I met this other women about two and half years ago. We have not done anything physically, she knows I’m married and she wouldn’t make a move out of respect of that.

I’m a trainer and I offered to train her for free, basically so I could get to know her.

At this point I know it’s more than her just wanting to get a workout in. I train really early in the morning (5:30 / 6am) and if she wasn’t into me, she wouldn’t be coming. Over the last two years, we have spent time together outside of working out, several times. We have incredible chemistry, and she has made it clear that she is very attracted to me.

So this is the situation.
She is in a relationship too. She lives with her boyfriend. I know she’s not in love with him. She told me that. And she just told me that she is seriously thinking of heading back to Brazil after the New Year, without him.

So here are my questions.
Should I go for it? Should I tell her how I feel?
When you were married and were considering divorce, how did you know that was the right move?
Am I just in one of these marriage slumps?

Anyone who has been in a similar situation, tell me what you did and how it worked out. I’m seriously stressing over this. I don’t know what to do.

Rob

[higherdesire]

Bro your lack of attraction for your wife and your growing apart is becuase you have allowed yourself to engage mentally and emotionally with someone else period. Stop seeing the other woman and give your wife the attenetion and affection you are giving the other woman. You cannot make a rational decision while engaged in this manner with someone else bro. You wife deserves the chance is my opinion. Good luck. It is a very difficult position but you cant go wrong taking the high road.

[paulzane]

If you think it is time to get out of you comfort zone then go for it!

[Mooseman33]

11 years is a long time man.

im glad my engagement fell apart when it did, or i would be in the same position.

good luck

[ghettoboyd]

Bro your lack of attraction for your wife and your growing apart is becuase you have allowed yourself to engage mentally and emotionally with someone else period. Stop seeing the other woman and give your wife the attenetion and affection you are giving the other woman. You cannot make a rational decision while engaged in this manner with someone else bro. You wife deserves the chance is my opinion. Good luck. It is a very difficult position but you cant go wrong taking the high road.

i agree 100% you both have to work at keeping the "fire" burning...ive been with my wife for 16 yrs married 11 and i am still crazy about her to this day.....i dont want to tell you what to do but a mature adult would at least talk to his spouse with his concernes and see if there was a way to make things better not run to the arms of another woman...good luck bro...

[thegodfather]

Relationships can almost always be worked out, in my opinion. You have stopped trying and put yourself in a position mentally that you don't want it to work. The reasons you gave, you are most likely trying to justify your attraction and your actions for this other broad....I agree with whoever said give your wife the chance.

[rob35145]

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the replies.

I hear what you guys are saying. I thought the exact same thing when I first started to have feeling towards the other women. The thing is my wife and I have talked about our situation, on several different occasions. This is not something that just popped up. There has been a slow deterioration in our relationship over the last five years. After we talk about the issues, things are good for a couple of months, then things go back.

How many times do you confront the same issues? It's not that I don't want it to work, I'm just not sure she can do it. She has emotional issues and after going through this "cycle" several times I'm not 100% sure anymore.

So confused...

[Hazard]

I'm in a tough situation myself..... my wife has some problems. It's different than you situation but I have had other women come on to me..... many many times. Sometimes I think it would be better to just leave and have fun with other women..... I love my wife tho. well.... I love who she used to be and we're working on getting that person back. I was on the brink of divorce 2 nights ago and gave her one last chance.....

Your marriage deserves a second chance..... you should try everything you can to work it out. After you have tried everything..... then decide to leave. Remember one thing..... the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

~Haz~

[higherdesire]

Also have heard of the movie fireproof marriage? and the book that goes with it is The Love Dare. Interesting at worst. Maybe pop it in and watch it together and see if it has any meaning to you. It is a Christian theme, but it has infallible marriage truths in there too.

[paulzane]

Also have heard of the movie fireproof marriage? and the book that goes with it is The Love Dare. Interesting at worst. Maybe pop it in and watch it together and see if it has any meaning to you. It is a Christian theme, but it has infallible marriage truths in there too.

Get "The War of the Roses" with Michael Douglas. That will show you how sh1t relationships can become and it is a good movie as well.

[CBGB]

Bro your lack of attraction for your wife and your growing apart is becuase you have allowed yourself to engage mentally and emotionally with someone else period. Stop seeing the other woman and give your wife the attenetion and affection you are giving the other woman. You cannot make a rational decision while engaged in this manner with someone else bro. You wife deserves the chance is my opinion. Good luck. It is a very difficult position but you cant go wrong taking the high road.

Very solid and 100% agreed.

Also, This woman wants to go back to Brazil. Let her go. Don't be the one she resents when she figures out what she missed.

[higherdesire]

Very solid and 100% agreed.

Also, This woman wants to go back to Brazil. Let her go. Don't be the one she resents when she figures out what she missed.

what did I miss on the Brazil thing? No wonder man, Brazillians are HOT! Seriously though man if her wanting to leave is exacerbating the situation you are too caught up with her, let her go perfect solution to getting her out of your life so you can focus on whats important.

BTW, I left my wife/fiance after almost 6 years a couple of months ago, nothing to with anyone else, but I regret the shit out of it now. Step back and look at the forrest bro.

[lovbyts]

Dont get out of a relationship or marriage because of another woman. Get out of it because it's not right. If you where attracted to her at one point see if you cant fix it.

Would you get out of it if there was NOT another woman?

[Toe.The.Line]

I'm in a tough situation myself..... my wife has some problems. It's different than you situation but I have had other women come on to me..... many many times. Sometimes I think it would be better to just leave and have fun with other women..... I love my wife tho. well.... I love who she used to be and we're working on getting that person back. I was on the brink of divorce 2 nights ago and gave her one last chance.....

Your marriage deserves a second chance..... you should try everything you can to work it out. After you have tried everything..... then decide to leave. Remember one thing..... the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

~Haz~

We are living a mirror life bro.

I agree with higherdesire and think you should put a lot of weight in the words he posted. Been working on keeping my marriage together and it is not easy some days but if you can work together and fix it you guys will be so much stronger. Fireproof is good too.

[energizer bunny]

Good luck whatever you decide.........i have no expereience with marriage and never will..........

[rob35145]

Thanks for all the post. I appreciate all the help.

[DSM4Life]

I'm in a tough situation myself..... my wife has some problems. It's different than you situation but I have had other women come on to me..... many many times. Sometimes I think it would be better to just leave and have fun with other women..... I love my wife tho. well.... I love who she used to be and we're working on getting that person back. I was on the brink of divorce 2 nights ago and gave her one last chance.....

Your marriage deserves a second chance..... you should try everything you can to work it out. After you have tried everything..... then decide to leave. Remember one thing..... the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

~Haz~

Agree

Like they say, a relationship is work ! It is.
I think you need to have a sit down with the wifey and express yourself openly like you did here. If that doesn't work then move on. At least in the end you can say you tried to make it work.

[Cloe85]

All relationships take work and there are ups and downs we all go though as time passes.

I agree with the majority here... get rid of the girl on the side and see what you still have with your wife.

Now you said you both talk and then things are good for a few months... what is going on during those months that make it good?

If you can identify those things that you and she are doing differently, then you can make the effort to treat eachother that way on a regular basis and things would be good right?

This is another thing to sit down with her and talk about the changes you both make.

Dont mention the other woman but do get rid of her.

Good luck
Chloe

[ni4ni]

Cloe, nicely said

[MaNiCC]

Bro your lack of attraction for your wife and your growing apart is becuase you have allowed yourself to engage mentally and emotionally with someone else period. Stop seeing the other woman and give your wife the attenetion and affection you are giving the other woman. You cannot make a rational decision while engaged in this manner with someone else bro. You wife deserves the chance is my opinion. Good luck. It is a very difficult position but you cant go wrong taking the high road.

Nailed it

[DSM4Life]

Nailed it