sorry to fkn hear this CDP. My dad is a full blown alchi for many years. His case is a bit different than yours b/c he feels like ending it all when he's NOT drinking.
I like the smokey-smokey b/c of its instant gratification, increased imagination and low sides. though i always beat myself up over it because i can picture all the oxygen my muscles and heart are being deprived of.
we all have vices but if its to the point of taking your own life i would suggest getting help. it may or may not work for you but its always an option.
I know a LOT of ppl will disagree with me -- but if i was king of the world i'd have alcohol banned from the face of this planet.
Only thing its really good for is banging chicks that are out of your league
