
Originally Posted by
Test Monsterone
Thank you both for your inputs. In the past I wasn't very focused on diet, just mainly bulking. I honestly feel like my testosterone has dropped over the past few years. I don't feel as full in my chest and arms. I don't have as much energy. I have always worked out very intensely and knew what I was doing. Put it this way: people on steroids asked me what cycle I was on.
One thing I didn't mention is that I'm a pretty depressive person. I go up and down, but I stay down for long periods of time. For example now, I feel like complete sh!t. I work out, I eat healthy, etc. I've heard steroids help with depression.
Another thing is I have been getting a lot of joint aches. I can't flex my left bicep because my elbow kills. My hips are sore just from sitting all day. I have aches and pains here and there which are most likely related to lifting. I've been busting my ass in the gym just to maintain an OK physique. Nowhere near where I want to be. So I'm thinking, why am I destroying my joints lifting all this weight, when my body hasn't changed in a decade? Yeah, I can and will lose the weight and drop to about 12% lets say, but then I wont be happy with my size. I'll just look deflated.
I hear you on the dedication, time, and money it takes to be on TRT, but I honestly feel like I got nothing to lose. I don't have kids, don't have a wife, no longer have a GF... I'm just spinning my wheels and feeling like sh!t most of the time. And when I go out I see this kids 25 years old clearly on gear and I just get pissed. I work out harder than anyone in my gym but then I see the cliques of steroid users standing around in the gym, talking, hardly even lifting, and they're as big or bigger than me (and cut). So why try so hard if my body realistically won't change much at all? Believe me, I lift HARD. I sleep 8-9 hours. I don't drink alcohol. I don't smoke. I eat a good healthy diet of complex carbs, vegetables, fish, chicken, and beef. Believe me, I've been obsessed with bodybuilding for the last 17 years - I pretty much know everything there is to know about working out (not trying to sound like a know-it-all but I've been researching and trying things for a long time).
Anyway, I figure I'm on the way down now as far as my natty test levels are concerned and my natty GH production. I'm not getting any younger and I just want to have that solid physique once in my life. I want to look like what I should look like for the effort I put in. Not that my body is chopped liver, but I don't want to just look good with a shirt on. I've seen guys get shredded from a simple cycle. When I cut I don't like how flabby my muscles get. We got one life, I just want to feel like THE MAN again. I'm not gonna live forever anyway, you know? Just want to do it as safely as possible. Knowing how depressive I get, I don't think I could cycle. That would put me in a suicidal state.
Sorry for the essay. I'm gonna cut the next few months and try to get my BF% down as low as I can get it. Then if I'm happy with my body, fine, but if I'm not, I think I'm gonna jump on something very moderate and see how it goes.