I am conflicted.

[Octaneforce]

This is a winded girlfriend rant so be forewarned!
Ive been on and off with this chick for literally 12+ years. We are now 26 and shes leaning on me. She wants to have a house together, be engaged, bla bla bla. I mean i get it. We have been steady for the last 3 years or so without any major issues. But man, growing up this girl was vicious towards me. She put me down constantly, she was flat out just an evil bitch towards me, and then She would dead me for weeks at a time with no warning. Then we would start back up again and id have to pretend nothing happened. It was stupidity on my end but we were young and this is what pussy does to dumb teenage boys.

Fast forward to roughly 3 years ago. I saw the pattern happening again for the 10th time and i went ballistic. I told her what a dumb cunt she is for jading me and said to lose my number. I was prepared to write this girl off forever...afterwards her attitude completely changed. Ever since that night she has been in love with me. She is 100% smitten and i can confidently say she is my ride or die and would do anything for me.

HOWEVER, i simply cannot look at her without replaying all the horrific shit she did over the years. I dont know why she even kept me around back then. Its really an awful feeling. Sometimes im mean to her for no other reason than spiting her for some dumb shit she did to me 8 years ago. I’ll be alone and have fits just yelling and punching a pillow while i reminisce on bad memories of her. Its fuckin insanity. Im wrong for holding a grudge, Shes grown into an excellent partner. But i think i am permamently conflicted with this and its going to eventually be the end of a decade long relationship. Sometimes i indulge in the thought of never seeing her again because it means i might not relive those memories anymore. One good thing i will say is that her antics is what pushed me to lift weights from a young age.

Sorry for the sobstory. My estro isnt even high right now I'm just aggravated 24/7 and writing about things actually Releives my aggravation when im not lifting.

[AR's King Silabolin]

As a rule of thumb. The guy must always be the Hunter. The one who tries to impress. Else he will get bored and it will never work.
So always go for a girl who is min 1 but best 2 levels "better" than u.
Most girls passed 25 are into effort, not cold facts. As long ur not a looser.
Atleast where i live.

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[HoldMyBeer]

Imo there are 2 things here:
1. To my understanding she was a teenager when she was like that. People grow, learn, turn into better people (with obvious exceptions). 3 years straight without incident is a good indicator that it's not just a phase.
2. But if you're not able to get over how she used to be, it will always be in the back of your mind. Will you always have one foot out the door? Will it be a hindrance to the rest of your relationship? I would not get into such a commitment with someone when I am not confident in the person. Houses and divorces are expensive, it's a big risk. Is she worth the risk vs reward?
Some women are weird too, if you're smitten with them, they have no problem walking all over you because they think you'll stick w them. If they think they will be quick to dump them, they'll be smitten with you for fear of losing you. Idk if she's that kind of person, just saying they exist. Try getting over your fear and moving on into a trusting relationship, and not giving the vibe you're going to be quick to let her go, she if she stays the same. If so, you have your answer

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[< <Samson> >]

I’m all about low risk - my current wife is cool af, I mean how much cooler can she get if she lets me rail her friends randomly

But, this doesn’t mean shit won’t blow up in my face


Shit, let alone my ex wife is still around & they’re still friends


We’re different, just because it works for me - don’t mean shit for anyone else


I can’t stand “normal” relationships more than ever now

[Beetlegeuse]

Every attractive woman knows that men are just like linoleum. Provided you lay 'em right to start with, you can spend years walking on 'em without a care in the world.

[Octaneforce]

Imo there are 2 things here:
1. To my understanding she was a teenager when she was like that. People grow, learn, turn into better people (with obvious exceptions). 3 years straight without incident is a good indicator that it's not just a phase.
2. But if you're not able to get over how she used to be, it will always be in the back of your mind. Will you always have one foot out the door? Will it be a hindrance to the rest of your relationship? I would not get into such a commitment with someone when I am not confident in the person. Houses and divorces are expensive, it's a big risk. Is she worth the risk vs reward?
Some women are weird too, if you're smitten with them, they have no problem walking all over you because they think you'll stick w them. If they think they will be quick to dump them, they'll be smitten with you for fear of losing you. Idk if she's that kind of person, just saying they exist. Try getting over your fear and moving on into a trusting relationship, and not giving the vibe you're going to be quick to let her go, she if she stays the same. If so, you have your answer

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She definitely is attracted to my demeanor. Women want what they cant have. Me being a douche, although not deliberate, is what keeps her so in love with me (atleast i think so).
Trying to let the walls down and evaluating if her attitude changes is a great idea. Ive always been the kind of guy to push away girls because i know they wont stick around if i just fold for everything they want. Pretty fucked up way to live lol.

great responses, this community is pretty unbelievable. Ive come to this section of the board for life advice several times and ya’ll never failed to impress.

[Octaneforce]

I’m all about low risk - my current wife is cool af, I mean how much cooler can she get if she lets me rail her friends randomly

But, this doesn’t mean shit won’t blow up in my face


Shit, let alone my ex wife is still around & they’re still friends


We’re different, just because it works for me - don’t mean shit for anyone else


I can’t stand “normal” relationships more than ever now

Dude your wife lets you bang her friends? Thats bananas lol. Sounds like you hot the lottery. I forgot what i was even complaining about when i read that

[< <Samson> >]

She definitely is attracted to my demeanor. Women want what they cant have. Me being a douche, although not deliberate, is what keeps her so in love with me (atleast i think so).

Sounds like me too much - seems to really work out tho



Yeah, she does - it's something alright. I couldn't ask for shit to be this good - but, it fucks with my head(a lot) < I feel like losing my situation would be just so beyond terrible

[GirlyGymRat]

I’m glad she is treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Love cannot come from shame, anger, hurt.

Seems u need to decide if you can forgive the poor treatment portion of relationship or go talk to professional to release feelings so the relationship can blossom.

Has she ever say “I’m sorry” for specific actions. Would that be enough for you to move forward?

Personally I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who is holding back.

[GirlyGymRat]

Be thankful and grateful for the unpleasant season since it mad you realize value of self respect and boundaries and u have to release this burden. It is only weighing you down. [emoji4]

[songdog]

Now if I had to do it all over I would stay single just sayin it's cheaper.

[< <Samson> >]

Now if I had to do it all over I would stay single just sayin it's cheaper.

Dude

Truth



Prob is that I like my live in pussy for life. . . I can’t go longer than a day or 2 without, it’s def a win for the wife on that part. . . I can’t see myself being single long, I’ll run around chasing strange all day

[GirlyGymRat]

Now if I had to do it all over I would stay single just sayin it's cheaper.

Well well well....where have you been!!!

[Octaneforce]

I’m glad she is treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Love cannot come from shame, anger, hurt.

Seems u need to decide if you can forgive the poor treatment portion of relationship or go talk to professional to release feelings so the relationship can blossom.

Has she ever say “I’m sorry” for specific actions. Would that be enough for you to move forward?

Personally I wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who is holding back.

You are the professional im talking to to release feelings lol.
She has kind of said “i dont know why i did that...i was a different person” bla bla bla typical bullshit everyone says when they fuck up. No an apology is not enough. Im haunted by it. I will say it has gotten better in the last year or so. I probably just need more time and its gonna require me to continue being a distant asshole for an unknown amount of time. Pretty cool to hear a chicks opinion! I wasnt expecting that

[Octaneforce]

Now if I had to do it all over I would stay single just sayin it's cheaper.

The man the myth the legend. Spewing brilliance as usual.

[GirlyGymRat]

Pretty cool to hear a chicks opinion! I wasnt expecting that

I’ve watched soooo many men be mistreated by girls, girl friends and even wifes. It messed up. I don’t get it....emotional abuse is as bad and worst then physical abuse. Both should never be tolerated in a loving relationship. NEVER


You need to forgive for this relationship to be better. The baggage you carry is only hurting yourself.

[deusromanus]

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/a...ellion/284512/

[Chrisp83TRT]

As a rule of thumb. The guy must always be the Hunter. The one who tries to impress. Else he will get bored and it will never work.
So always go for a girl who is min 1 but best 2 levels "better" than u.
Most girls passed 25 are into effort, not cold facts. As long ur not a looser.
Atleast where i live.

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Woman will be woman , no offence ladies.

If they want to grow up they will , if they don't , they wont.

Age will forever be a number bro.


Most never grow the fuck up.

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[Chrisp83TRT]

I’ve watched soooo many men be mistreated by girls, girl friends and even wifes. It messed up. I don’t get it....emotional abuse is as bad and worst then physical abuse. Both should never be tolerated in a loving relationship. NEVER


You need to forgive for this relationship to be better. The baggage you carry is only hurting yourself.

I agree.

If she has changed, try and work through the shit man.
If she is ride or die, talk to her and she will listen and be there for you.

If she kept doing the same shit, I can see why you'd be in such a shit storm

I'm happy she's treating you better bro.

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