Ouch!!
Ok guys before you read these get some tissues ready - painful is the only way you can explain it.
DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE FEELING *IN ANY WAY* QUEASY!!!
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When a 40-year old man turned up at a hospital asking to see a doctor
specialising in men's troubles, he was shown into a cubicle. There he
gingerly unwrapped three yards of foul smelling stained gauze from around
his scrotum, which had swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit.
On further inspection, it was discovered that his left testicle was missing
completely, and, embedded within the swollen, tender and weeping wound, were
a number of dark objects which the patient confessed were one inch staple
nails from an industrial staple gun.
It transpired that the man spent his lunch times alone in his workshop,
where he regularly enjoyed the sexual thrill of placing his penis on the
moving canvas fan-belt of a piece of machinery. One day, the excitement had
caused him to lose his concentration, and the fan-belt had snatched his
scrotum into the fly-wheel, throwing him several feet across the floor and
tearing off his left nut.
Rather than go to the hospital, he performed first-aid on himself with the
stapling gun, then went back to work when his colleagues returned.
It was two weeks before he got around to visiting the hospital.
******************
A man turned up at a hospital wearing an overcoat, and with blood dripping
down his leg. When he removed the coat, the doctor saw he had a geranium
inserted in his penis.
The man had got the flower in without any difficulty, but when he tried to
remove it, the hairs on the stem of the flower had dug into the urethra and
ripped it to shreds.
******************
A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to his wife
preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped a slice of bread
around his penis, at which point the dog leapt up and took a bite out of it.
The man needed cosmetic surgery to restore the damage.
******************
A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to
heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his girlfriend
on not one but two occasions he noticed that his erection was still at its
full glory. Having struggled to sleep through
the night he woke up to find his boner still standing proud, and, due to him
worrying about the police finding out about his possession and indeed the
use of an illegal substance he decided against visiting his doctor.
However after three days of enduring headaches and nausea caused by the
constant trouser swelling, he went to the hospital in search of help.
He was admitted immediately and referred to a specialist who diagnosed lack
of oxygen to vital bloodstreams in his body as the cause of his sickness.
He was given numerous drugs and antibiotics to combat the swelling, but
shortly afterwards, developed blood clots in various parts of his body and
gangrene set in.
As a result he lost both legs, nine fingers and his penis.
*******************
(You may want to grit your teeth before you read this !! This is *really*
gruesome...)
When Alan was studying in Ireland, he took up rugby.
As his first season wore on, the lads and him were eventually scheduled to
play a team which had a reputation for violent play. Considering that they
weren't the most talented outfit to have ever taken the field, they decided
to accept the challenge with a "do or die" attitude , hoping things would
eventually swing their way.
They didn't and to make matters worse their star player dislocated his hip
after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was clearly in a lot of pain, so
they all stood back to allow the medic to, in one swift movement, slot the
hip back into its socket. Then Alan began a long blood curdling scream.
To their horror, they realised that one of his testicles had also been
jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip.
Incidentally, Alan managed to rip a vocal chord with his screaming.
How ya feeling now??
Billy
Originally Posted by RuhlFreak55
