I Need Confidence...

[Terinox]

Okay, question is pretty simple and self-explanitory, I need confidence.

Always been shy guy, all quiet, can barely ever talk to girls. It's the whole intro/first encounter too that fooks me up, cuz once I'm going, I'm good.

For all you guys who overcame BIG shyness/confidence problems, how did you do it? Please, share your stories of how you overcame it, what helped you become more confident, etc...

Thanks
T.

[i_am_canadian]

Just realized for the most part chicks are just as nervous as you. And who gives a sh*t if you say something stupid...life goes on.

[lucabratzi]

its weird cause if im with my friends from back home i can talk to any girl but down here i feel a lil unconfortable so i am a lil more shy...honestly ur best way is to have a few drinks when ur out...it relaxes u and makes u speak more easily...

[Myka]

I just keep in the back of my mind that Im superior to anyone I speak to

[lucabratzi]

I just keep in the back of my mind that Im superior to anyone I speak to

i know it sounds cocky but i do do this...if u feel like u have the upper hand, and that people should look up to u then u are more confident..and they will look up to u...kinda act like u own the place and everyone likes u..if u act a lil cocky, emphasis on lil, then girls will think ur important/special...

[chest6]

i know it sounds cocky but i do do this...if u feel like u have the upper hand, and that people should look up to u then u are more confident..and they will look up to u...kinda act like u own the place and everyone likes u..if u act a lil cocky, emphasis on lil, then girls will think ur important/special...

Ever notice that you are confident and dont make an ass out of yourself around maybe girls that arent that great looking? I think thats why. I think thats why I attract a lot of ugly girls lately I suck with girls Im interested in..and im good with the ones im not

Btw im the same way..really shy and I suck..confidence is horrible

[RA]

Ever notice that you are confident and dont make an ass out of yourself around maybe girls that arent that great looking? I think thats why. I think thats why I attract a lot of ugly girls lately I suck with girls Im interested in..and im good with the ones im not

Btw im the same way..really shy and I suck..confidence is horrible

Thats why you go up to the hottest girl you know and fumble**** your way through it. The next time you will be better.

[chest6]

Thats why you go up to the hottest girl you know and fumble**** your way through it. The next time you will be better.

dont worry..that happened earlier today. My god I was so nervous..after I was like wow Im pathetic With the uglier ones..its like no problem..I wish I couldtransfer that to the hot ones

[guest589745]

I lifted my ass off until most of the girls that didnt want me, did. I also punched on a speed bag and heavy bag almost everyday, that way if anyone makes me feel bad, I can kick their ass basically.

Just stop giving a ****, hell, I STILL can get nervous if Im around someone I dont know.

AHHHH yes, I almost forgot. You really wanna be conident around chicks or whatever? Do this:

Picture the girl taking a nice big dump. It will TOTALLY bring her down to your level and make it easier to talk to. Im serious!

[Carlos_E]

Picture the girl taking a nice big dump. It will TOTALLY bring her down to your level and make it easier to talk to. Im serious!

Thats a good one.

[guest589745]

Thats a good one.

It is funny but, I have literally dont that before with one of my ex's! It worked!.............for a little while lol.

[Mike_Huck]

I lifted my ass off until most of the girls that didnt want me, did. I also punched on a speed bag and heavy bag almost everyday, that way if anyone makes me feel bad, I can kick their ass basically.

Just stop giving a ****, hell, I STILL can get nervous if Im around someone I dont know.

AHHHH yes, I almost forgot. You really wanna be conident around chicks or whatever? Do this:

Picture the girl taking a nice big dump. It will TOTALLY bring her down to your level and make it easier to talk to. Im serious!

So picture them taking a big old dump? huuuuum i will keep that on mind thanks

[Mizfit]

How old are you?

What type of women r u trying to pick up?

Give us an exmaple of how u would pik up a chick

[Terinox]

How old are you?

What type of women r u trying to pick up?

Give us an exmaple of how u would pik up a chick

Thanks for all the advice guys.

Mizfit, I'm 24, student and working (in a non-female environment). I never pick up a chick, I always chicken out.

Also, it's not just girls, I sorta meant confidence in general too. I mean it is weird, like, inside, I mean mentally I REALLY don't want to be, and don't even THINK that I'm NOT confident, but the feeling suddenly just comes. It's like this very very VERY thin wall, and it's like I want that barrier to break, and the "confidence" to burst out but never happens. I go out in public, sometimes I'll feel good and I'll have my head up and everything, but MOST of the time, head down, stick to myself, mumble when I talk, etc...

I'm looking to fix my confidence problem in general, which naturally would help with the whole female situation.

Thnx,
T.

[Polska]

Thanks for all the advice guys.

Mizfit, I'm 24, student and working (in a non-female environment). I never pick up a chick, I always chicken out.

Also, it's not just girls, I sorta meant confidence in general too. I mean it is weird, like, inside, I mean mentally I REALLY don't want to be, and don't even THINK that I'm NOT confident, but the feeling suddenly just comes. It's like this very very VERY thin wall, and it's like I want that barrier to break, and the "confidence" to burst out but never happens. I go out in public, sometimes I'll feel good and I'll have my head up and everything, but MOST of the time, head down, stick to myself, mumble when I talk, etc...

I'm looking to fix my confidence problem in general, which naturally would help with the whole female situation.

Thnx,
T.

Confidence is a hard thing to acquire if you don't already have it. remember that success breeds confidence. if you're successful you are off to a good start. work on your appearance. you don't have to look like a supermodel but make sure you look like your best self. when I started working out my confidence skyrocketed. and most of all don't be afraid to be social. confident people are usually social people. people that are over confident but not social are presumed to be cocky. cocky isn't a good way to be - it puts more people off than on. I think only the teeny boppers go for the cocky types. whereas if you're confident and charismatic you will be golden. just practice talking to people even if you feel uncomfortable. do it enough and it will come naturally.

[Bojangles69]

Thanks for all the advice guys.

Mizfit, I'm 24, student and working (in a non-female environment). I never pick up a chick, I always chicken out.

Also, it's not just girls, I sorta meant confidence in general too. I mean it is weird, like, inside, I mean mentally I REALLY don't want to be, and don't even THINK that I'm NOT confident, but the feeling suddenly just comes. It's like this very very VERY thin wall, and it's like I want that barrier to break, and the "confidence" to burst out but never happens. I go out in public, sometimes I'll feel good and I'll have my head up and everything, but MOST of the time, head down, stick to myself, mumble when I talk, etc...

I'm looking to fix my confidence problem in general, which naturally would help with the whole female situation.

Thnx,
T.

theres two things you need to pick up chicks, inner game(90%) outergame(10%) outergame is knowing what to say, inner game is knowing how to say it. (theres much more to it, its more how you feel inside when you say something which leaks through your body language nonverbally) but it does NOT matter what you say. its all a self-fullfilling prophecy, its a game you play with yourself that you lose, not with other women. what ever you believe deep down that will happen when you approach a girl (talking about your deep inner beliefs) THAT is what will happen. you have to create an altered ego, by altering you behavoir EVERYDAY. its not about approaching hot girls, its about approaching fat girls, ugly girls, and even guys. its about approaching everyone. its about learning to deal with rejection, about learning how to not eject from a conversation, about learning to deal with really akward situations.
you know where confidence really comes from? one place.. conquering fears. if you have any fear besides approaching girls that are easier to conquer, start there. when you conquer that fear a liberating confidence will spread to other areas of your life and give you more power to conquer other fears. fearless people are confident people. which is why a lot of serial killers have a messiah-like superiority complex. thats one extreme.
it starts with in one place, discontent, a lot of people work on being more content, but where is the motivation when your content? you need motivation, you need reason to strive forward and work on yourself and do things outside of your character and your identity. eventually a new identity will emerge and that will be who you are. and you oldself will always try to come back and make you afraid but by then it will be to late.
learning thing like this take a year minimum for YOU to notice any change, about 3-5 years to confrom to a new identity and 5-10 years to master and own that identity. so be patient. know who you are.. which is really just your perception of who you are and you acting according to your perception to perpetuate that identity, your identity really doesnt exist, its a million different pereceptions, a lot of them flawed.
if you wish to really work on this i can point you in the right direction, pm me and ill tell you what i did, because i use to be painfully shy, and girls were a something i fantasized about, and the anger and discontent is what liberated me.

[helium3]

theres two things you need to pick up chicks, inner game(90%) outergame(10%) outergame is knowing what to say, inner game is knowing how to say it. (theres much more to it, its more how you feel inside when you say something which leaks through your body language nonverbally) but it does NOT matter what you say. its all a self-fullfilling prophecy, its a game you play with yourself that you lose, not with other women. what ever you believe deep down that will happen when you approach a girl (talking about your deep inner beliefs) THAT is what will happen. you have to create an altered ego, by altering you behavoir EVERYDAY. its not about approaching hot girls, its about approaching fat girls, ugly girls, and even guys. its about approaching everyone. its about learning to deal with rejection, about learning how to not eject from a conversation, about learning to deal with really akward situations.
you know where confidence really comes from? one place.. conquering fears. if you have any fear besides approaching girls that are easier to conquer, start there. when you conquer that fear a liberating confidence will spread to other areas of your life and give you more power to conquer other fears. fearless people are confident people. which is why a lot of serial killers have a messiah-like superiority complex. thats one extreme.
it starts with in one place, discontent, a lot of people work on being more content, but where is the motivation when your content? you need motivation, you need reason to strive forward and work on yourself and do things outside of your character and your identity. eventually a new identity will emerge and that will be who you are. and you oldself will always try to come back and make you afraid but by then it will be to late.
learning thing like this take a year minimum for YOU to notice any change, about 3-5 years to confrom to a new identity and 5-10 years to master and own that identity. so be patient. know who you are.. which is really just your perception of who you are and you acting according to your perception to perpetuate that identity, your identity really doesnt exist, its a million different pereceptions, a lot of them flawed.
if you wish to really work on this i can point you in the right direction, pm me and ill tell you what i did, because i use to be painfully shy, and girls were a something i fantasized about, and the anger and discontent is what liberated me.

good post

ive never had much confidence,sometimes you have to face facts you either have it or you dont.i tried to force it once or twice but just couldnt bring it out.having said that right now my confidence is up as im happily married it allows me to be more confident/assertive in other areas like work,i must admit the more confidence i have the more attention i get.

[bonerdonor]

r minimum for YOU to notice any change, about 3-5 years to confrom to a new identity and 5-10 years to master and own that identity.

Good advice but but where did you come up with these time frames?

[stunner5000pt]

I used to be very hyperactive... i have that under control now... for the most part. I am able to talk to girls... i am surprised about that too. i ll just start conversations and make them do talking. I was surprised that i was actually tlaking to this girl at this office party on tuesday.

The next problem i have to tackle is knowing when the right time to ask a girl out/her number comes up. I hesitated the whole night, tuesday night, and my 'friend' ended up stealing her and smoking up with her, after she had gone out for a smoke.


He told me afterwards that nothing happend.

[GunTotingHipGangster]

i have the same problem

like luca said, a few drinks definatly helps

[THE_DOME]

i tend to refrence my penis and women love it, and then i give them a double bicept and then its all over hahaha

[THE_DOME]

on a serious note a few drinks be kind, who cares if you get rejected at least you tried better to go home knowing you tried then going home and saying i wish i would have. just do it

[GreenLantern12]

Buy a Sean Paul CD and dance to it in your living room before you go out.....works for me

[thedoctordavo]

I used to be exceptionally shy, like women would be blatantly checking me out or even trying to flirt with me and they'd think I was shutting them down because I was so nervious. Then I got a job one summer doing door to door sales, you hear no 200 times a day it doesn't bother you much anymore. But in all honesty just be calm and confident, if they don't want it thats they're loss not yours, and if you get shut down then you made it just as far as if you never tried. get those last to principals slowly but surely ingrained into your mind until they are part of your nature and you'll be a completely diffrent person because of it.

[zimmy]

eh...i'll let you know when i get over it myself

[Steve80]

I have the same problem sorta. I am eaither way to shy, or occassionally I will be extremely outgoing. It matters, for the most part i am shy. A hot chick can be staring dead a me and I wont do shit. I usually make em come to me.

[thedoctordavo]

I have the same problem sorta. I am eaither way to shy, or occassionally I will be extremely outgoing. It matters, for the most part i am shy. A hot chick can be staring dead a me and I wont do shit. I usually make em come to me.

Thats actually a good concept when done right, to make them come to you. Thats the base of my strategy at dance clubs. Works great most of the time.

[Polska]

Thats actually a good concept when done right, to make them come to you. Thats the base of my strategy at dance clubs. Works great most of the time.

The girls that approach me are usually the girls I don't want. i don't like the "brave" ones, so to speak. Most girls expect the guy to come to them and make the first moves. sucks if you're shy, but that's the way it is. I used to be really shy. then I stopped caring. this is the key to c unt: you must not care if you get her or not.

[SwoleCat]

Okay, question is pretty simple and self-explanitory, I need confidence.

Always been shy guy, all quiet, can barely ever talk to girls. It's the whole intro/first encounter too that fooks me up, cuz once I'm going, I'm good.

For all you guys who overcame BIG shyness/confidence problems, how did you do it? Please, share your stories of how you overcame it, what helped you become more confident, etc...

Thanks
T.

I don't know if we ever overcome this.

~SC~

[SwoleCat]

For what it's worth, I'd wait for females to come to me, or usually their "friends" would do so.

Shit, whatever works.

~SC~

[bonerdonor]

Make up a character and act him out. That way if you get turned down you wont feel rejected.

[Polska]

Make up a character and act him out. That way if you get turned down you wont feel rejected.

I believe in "fake it till you make it". but don't take it so far that you're creating entirely different personas. then you will never be truly confident. you have to be comfortable in your own skin and with who you are to be truly confident

[SwoleCat]

If you act like someone you aren't, you're pretty much assured you'll get rejected.

Be yourself, that's good enough.

~SC~

[thedoctordavo]

I would actually say confidence breeds success, success give you a feeling of accomplishment, feeling accomplished give you even more confidence. But really confidence is a choice, it doesn't have to be something you wait to have you can make a conscious decision, and if you know the right steps to take and take the nescesary actions to ingrain it into your being you will be confident. And then here comes the flood gates of success opening up for you. I don't want to sound like I'm trying to sell something on here because thats not my intent. I own my own investment company yes, but I also do a fair bit of life coaching and am writing a book on this very subject as we speak. if you'd like some more info I don't claim to have all the answers but I'd love to help you out with any questions on specifics, just shoot me a message.

[RA]

I've found with all the fears that I have that if I continue to put myself in those situations all the time that I get better and better at them.

[zimmy]

my friends all tell me i need to quit putting girls i dig on a pedistool and it be easier for me

[chest6]

Yeah maybe thats it Polska...should just stop caring

[chest6]

there ya go..

[Rookie1974]

Nice approach roid!!!! Take small steps before the bigger ones. Dont try and eat the elephant in one gulp. Hell whats the worst that can happen, and if you make an ass out of you self, laugh at it....If she laughs your golden (just work with it).

[SnaX]

Okay, question is pretty simple and self-explanitory, I need confidence.

Always been shy guy, all quiet, can barely ever talk to girls. It's the whole intro/first encounter too that fooks me up, cuz once I'm going, I'm good.

For all you guys who overcame BIG shyness/confidence problems, how did you do it? Please, share your stories of how you overcame it, what helped you become more confident, etc...

Thanks
T.

Shiiiit son..... I think you have confidence; shyness... thats a tricky one.
You'll come out of your shell when you're ready, so don't rush it. I've been comming out of my shell for the passed year, and i can safely say im not shy, but now im moved onto finding out more about who i am. So be patient, and don't try to play someone else in order to appear not shy/ to get people to like you... be you...because thats what makes you unique.

Another thing, is know what you want in life and in every situation, and the rest, such as meeting people is all fun. Gotta know how to roll with it, and realize that not everyone out there is going to like you. And thats something you'll have to be prepared for.

SO, be you, and if some people don't like you, oh well. Life goes on. Knowing this, you can walk up to anyone, introduce yourself (knowing ahead of time you may not click), be yourself, and the rest will come along. People will appreciate you for who you are, shy or not.

Got it?