I'm 28 and my wife and daughter were both killed in a car accident 11 months ago. Lifting has been the only thing keeping me alive. I've felt I have nothing to live for and have had constant suicidal thoughts but have kept pushing through. But lifting is my release. I have been lifting for about 4 years now naturally and have become fairly strong, but the gains have slowed greatly and I just need to feel and see more progress. The lack of progress just makes me more depressed for whatever reason, gains make me happy. Anyway, I have done a lot of research the last few weeks and read 3 books about anabolics and androgens and such, and I decided I am going to do a cycle of Testosterone Enanthate. Just a light recommended starting dose of 250mg twice a week (500mg/week). I want to know which PCT is best to maintain the gains from the cycle, and when and for how long it should be taken and at what dosage. I also want to take an aromatase inhibitor during the cycle to help combat some of the estrogen related side effects. Which AI is best for a Test E cycle? And at what dosage?

I just want to start with a short 5 week cycle and see what happens and how my body responds. If it responds negatively obviously I will find an alternative that my body responds better to. I know steroids are not the best thing for the body, I am well aware. I am making this choice and it is my final decision, being full-aware of the possible side effects and health risks. I just don't feel like I have much to live for other than this right now. Thanks in advance for any help, I appreciate it.