Dude like others said...get suicide out of your head, just think of all the people in your life who you would hurt if that happened!! Things will get better...you will be in the gym again in the near future throwing heavier wights than ever before and still growing. I would take a week off from the gym and not even think about working out or even check yourself out in the mirror. Don't be vain and go critquing yourself in the mirror it wont help. Try to think positive and think about all the positive things that the road ahead of you may have in store...it will be worth it to push through this.. mkae sure you PCT and i would def. use some HCG if you can get some.