Bro sounds like you have an addictive personality, I have to be careful to keep mine in check especially when times are tuff. We all know PCT and AS can mess up the hormones and when some people are borderline with a chemical imbalance it can reeck havoc to one. I can only say stop and think out the decisions you make because it can have life altering consequences. Find something positive and keep at it, it will look up bro.