Problems with my Girlfriend (female Libido)

[jondoe6]

Basically, lately i've been having a few problems with my girl. She just doesn't seem to want to have sex. When we do it's almost like it's just for me and it's pity sex or something. I've been seeing her for almost 7 months now and i spend a lot of time with her; i love her and i know she loves me. She also isnt' the type to cheat. She tells me how hot I am and that i turn her on, but she never makes sexual advances, ever. I am the only one to initate sex. She does work a lot between being a highschool teacher and working twice a week at starbucks. Before this i was an animal and slept with many random girls frequently... i loved being pursued and having girls just want to jump me (not to toot my own horn or anything).. She tells me that she just isn't the type to be the sexual aggressor and she never has been, i can almost accept this but, It's like this, i go over for a sleepover on thurs night, and she says she's to tired to fool around, fine, she says she wants to fool around when she's off work in the afternoon, she gets home and says she wants to take a nap first.. fine, well her nap goes late and we have to go to my house for a family dinner... we are lying in bed after dinner with nobody home and she says she doesn't want to beacuse she's full.. at this point i'm very upset quetioning a lot of things.... i go to work and sleep over at her place friday night, sat morn, she wants to cuddle and not have sex, though there is an hour and half before she goes to work at starbucks... i suggest we have a shower together to try to get something going and it ends up me going "solo" in the shower, which she is aware of and isnt' mad or anything but doens't want to join in. Between this, her constant "i'm tired, not feeling well, etc exuces, and her never being the one to initate, and my final exams, i am at a loss for things to do... I dont know if shes stressed, or it's the BC pill, or what, but i'm on cycle right now and am really horny all the time, I dont ask for much but sex 1-2x/week isn't up my ally.... I can eaisly grab some test gel, perhaps i should see about using a little of this with her or something. I do believe she is attracted to me, and i do believe she loves me and I spend enough time with her to know what if anything else is going on in her life, i just dont know what to do.... She tells me i'm the hottest guy she's ever been with but ****SIGH****.... i dunno, im at a loss here... all i know is when i jump in the shower with her, its all i can do to run my hands over her body and its all she can do to hand me the soap.. i'm just very fustrated. i apologise for the lousy grammer and long story.....
- she is on no supplements or any aas...
- she has had blood tests in the past as to her fatigue that have shown nothing....

I m not about to cheat on her cause i love her and i see a future for us but this really depresses me.....she also says that a lot of times that just cuddling with me or lying next to me is enough for her to feel close to me; but then all that goes through my head is there is something i'm not doing, something about me she doesn't like; something she isn't telling me or that she isn't satisfied or something... and if thats the case i cant help but question if she's going to leave me or cheat on me or what.... i just cant help but think of something i read that says physologically women cheat out of desire and emotional shortcomings...


Also, when we do have sex she doesn't have an orgasm during intercourse, after i'm done i orally and manually get her off, and she enjoys it... and i dont think she masturbates to much if at all either... perhpas i should dropp all the test out of my cycle, just run tren and bring myslef to her level......

[tough old man]

Basically, lately i've been having a few problems with my girl. She just doesn't seem to want to have sex. When we do it's almost like it's just for me and it's pity sex or something. I've been seeing her for almost 7 months now and i spend a lot of time with her; i love her and i know she loves me. She also isnt' the type to cheat. She tells me how hot I am and that i turn her on, but she never makes sexual advances, ever. I am the only one to initate sex. She does work a lot between being a highschool teacher and working twice a week at starbucks. Before this i was an animal and slept with many random girls frequently... i loved being pursued and having girls just want to jump me (not to toot my own horn or anything).. She tells me that she just isn't the type to be the sexual aggressor and she never has been, i can almost accept this but, It's like this, i go over for a sleepover on thurs night, and she says she's to tired to fool around, fine, she says she wants to fool around when she's off work in the afternoon, she gets home and says she wants to take a nap first.. fine, well her nap goes late and we have to go to my house for a family dinner... we are lying in bed after dinner with nobody home and she says she doesn't want to beacuse she's full.. at this point i'm very upset quetioning a lot of things.... i go to work and sleep over at her place friday night, sat morn, she wants to cuddle and not have sex, though there is an hour and half before she goes to work at starbucks... i suggest we have a shower together to try to get something going and it ends up me going "solo" in the shower, which she is aware of and isnt' mad or anything but doens't want to join in. Between this, her constant "i'm tired, not feeling well, etc exuces, and her never being the one to initate, and my final exams, i am at a loss for things to do... I dont know if shes stressed, or it's the BC pill, or what, but i'm on cycle right now and am really horny all the time, I dont ask for much but sex 1-2x/week isn't up my ally.... I can eaisly grab some test gel, perhaps i should see about using a little of this with her or something. I do believe she is attracted to me, and i do believe she loves me and I spend enough time with her to know what if anything else is going on in her life, i just dont know what to do.... She tells me i'm the hottest guy she's ever been with but ****SIGH****.... i dunno, im at a loss here... all i know is when i jump in the shower with her, its all i can do to run my hands over her body and its all she can do to hand me the soap.. i'm just very fustrated. i apologise for the lousy grammer and long story.....
- she is on no supplements or any aas...
- she has had blood tests in the past as to her fatigue that have shown nothing....

I m not about to cheat on her cause i love her and i see a future for us but this really depresses me.....she also says that a lot of times that just cuddling with me or lying next to me is enough for her to feel close to me; but then all that goes through my head is there is something i'm not doing, something about me she doesn't like; something she isn't telling me or that she isn't satisfied or something... and if thats the case i cant help but question if she's going to leave me or cheat on me or what.... i just cant help but think of something i read that says physologically women cheat out of desire and emotional shortcomings...


Also, when we do have sex she doesn't have an orgasm during intercourse, after i'm done i orally and manually get her off, and she enjoys it... and i dont think she masturbates to much if at all either... perhpas i should dropp all the test out of my cycle, just run tren and bring myslef to her level......

you need Dr. Ruth. Ok Dr. Ruth speaks out. If you think your sex life is bad now with your partner, just give it a couple of years.
Shit can her now.

[Seattle Junk]

Just tell her how sexy she looks in whatever she's wearing...say "you're giving me a hard on" in her ear when in public. You got to build her up to get her to get on you. She may feel inferior if you're in good shape?

[chest6]

Yup..ur prolly like most other guys..just wanna get off then roll over. Make it your goal to make her orgasm everytime and make it good for her. When I did this, she was beggining for it and I got it at least 2 times a day

[Slow~Mo]

Kill Her...

[Zapp]

I don't know bro, I believe I would have to break up with her. You can't spend the rest of your life with that kind of problem.

[TADOLFI]

It's not you at all - sounds to me like she has a very low self-worth.
Do you know how her past relationships have gone?
What about her relationship with her father?

[chest6]

I don't know bro, I believe I would have to break up with her. You can't spend the rest of your life with that kind of problem.

If you attempt to fix it, and she doesn't change, ultimately that decision would have to be put into consideration

[NYC BIG MIKE]

Dump the bitch.

[TADOLFI]

How do you like that!? - We open our hearts to someone posting for the first time on AR and then they don't stay in the convo.

It hurts - ya know?

[jondoe6]

Guy's thank you for the support, even if it is to dump her. I'm not ready to do that, I would like to work on it, because this isn't some problem we've had the whole relationship, it's realitivly new... i confronted her and asked her why and told her that if it is because something is missing from the relationship (desire, emotional etc) to tell me.... I really think the extra double shifting isn't helping and I agree, i think she may have some self esteem issues slightly moreso then the average girl..... she had boyfriends in the past (one who is bi ploar and snapped on her and everyone frequently) and he had another boyfriend that frequently cheated on her behind her back.. she's amazing though, 5'2 115lbs, c cup... she loves going to the gym with me, she supports everything i do and i do agree with people here, i will not live a life with someone without the same sexual appeitie as myself, but as this isn't the norm, i want to work though it and make things work. i mean, if it doesn't improve then i re-evaluate but for now i know she's waiting in a santa teddy for me to come over so i hope my situation does work out...

[TinTin78]

I have one advice for you, let it be for a while, let her take the first step, how hard it may be just ignore it. Some time will pass by, but she will get questions as if you are not attracted by her anymore and it will be reversed and you will get more attention. But be sure that she does not do it entirely for you, if she don't want she don't. I know alot of girls that are not so very into the sex thing. I personally think love should be so strong that games like this should not excist. The worst scenario for me is if they have sex to please me, what is the point and love in that. Tell her you feel mentally ill by this freezeout and say that you are a man and have a need for sex to feel loved. Just talk with her, and I know how you feel, I kinda broke up one relationship because it got to psychic for me. You don't have to stay and suffer, when things like that popup "Am I good enough, is she happy with me, do I turn her on" I guess you will have to see if this relationship is the one you dreamed on, but you should not feel sad all the time waiting for her.

I really feel for you man, that is so tough on the selfesteem, but people are different to, I realise that now and you can't help that, we can't change people. What we can change is the love for ourselves that much so we don't stand up with things that make us feel bad. The road is long and may seem lonely, but there is always some to pick you up when you feel you can't take no more.

Good luck man

[jondoe6]

thank you tintin.

[TADOLFI]

I feel better now jondoe6 - thanks for checking back.
TinTin78 has some good points and I agree with lettin it ride for a while.

Hate to say it, but you're gettin all the baggage right now buddy.
Just help her unpack and settle in.

And you'll know deep down when it is time to make a break - if that time really comes.

[TinTin78]

It sounds like you have found a really nice girl jon, maybe she is a little afraid what you might think of her and so on. If the love is there, it will conquer everything, just try to understand her perspective. She might feel that previous boys had taking advantage of her body and were only interested in sex. So now she really loves you, and she wants you to love her also, even without the sex thing. When she understands that, she will not want spill one more moment, and you can use your bodies to do sweet love. I know for sure I wouldn't wanna give pleasure to someone I thought were only interested in my body. I think this will work out, just let sex be the second thing and in the meantime, work it out by talking to her.

[Power40]

How old are you? Eventually not getting sex from her is going to drive you to find someone that does. Maybe that is why her old boyfriend cheated on her. My opinon would be to dump her.

[vitor]

[QUOTE=jondoe6... perhpas i should dropp all the test out of my cycle, just run tren and bring myslef to her level......[/QUOTE]
HE HE, thats funny!

[Tyrone_Biggums]

Sounds like you dont turn her on....
Dump her and find a girl who likes you.

[Anna Bollick]

Just a dab of test cream in the inside of her elbow ought to help, it it is a hormonal problem. The Pill can put a woman's mones out of whack. If you give her any test, remember a little dab'll do ya, here. The more you give her, the hornier she will get, but it doesn't do you any good to get her horny if she is a hairy gorilla with a deep voice, facial hair, and enlarged clit.

On second thought, the enlarged clit might be okay.

Try to eliminate any possible psychological or self esteem issues. Make sure she has no hangups or is not paranoid about you having a disease or something.

Oh, if you are not drinkers, try a couple glasses of wine. For her, that is. It might be enough to loosen up her inhibitions and let her motor run. Success while she is buzzed would indicate that her hormones are okay and no test is needed, and that the problems are mental ones.

Love
Anna

[Panzerfaust]

I'm not touching this one with a twenty foot pole.

[legobricks]

hahaha, this is funny man!!! My girl is the EXACT SAME WAY!!! BUUUUttttt, when we do have sex, she gets off like a god dayum freight train!!!! and 1-2x per week is not good enough for you??? Y dont you get into my shoes. yes, 1-2x per month. try that. AND im on cycle. it sucks.

[jondoe6]

legobricks, that does suck......
Guy's i'll let you know i spent the evening with my girl before work and I realised something. I realised that something as good as I have is worth a little work every now and then. I think it's a combination of factors that is taking a toll on my girl. Christmas break will be a fun relaxing time for the both of us..... oh we also had some amazing sex, that helped too. For everyone who said for me to dump her; i can see where you guys are coming from, and with a different girl i'd have just cheated or dumped her or something, but i'm sure you same guys can also know what i mean when i say, not this one. Thanks everyone for the support here.

[NYC BIG MIKE]

Jondoe,
You left out the most important part.......does she at least swallow?

[BobShocker]

cheating only counts when your not taking test.

[Mighty Joe]

cheating only counts when your not taking test.

That is my new line from now on bro!

[juicy_brucy]

Enjoy your "i just did you a favour sex" from your G/F...
My g/f describes sex as a "chore"....
Lotsa fun there! NOT!
It won't get any better, trust me. I have been in your situation for well over 3 years, and trust me, nothing has changed for me.
I only hope the best for you. Good luck brother.

P.S. when my nuts shut down, it's like a little vacation for her... I don't even think she notices the missing sex.
Zzzzzzzz.

[NotSmall]

Dude, the only advice I have is to get her off first.

Rather than going down on her as an afterthought once you're done, start off almost every time by going down on her and don't even fuck her till she's on the verge of coming, sometimes make her come before you even get to stickin' it in.

This way she knows that sex starts with a lovely treat for her and she'll be way more up for it, instigate it by whispering to her "Let's go upstairs, I wanna lick your pussy", they love it, and personally nothing gets me more turned on than a bit of cunnilingus - it's a win win!

[BOUNCER]

I don't know bro, I believe I would have to break up with her. You can't spend the rest of your life with that kind of problem.

Agreed, your going to have to fix that if your to have a future together. If she can't communicate her love to you (at this early stage) physically the future looks bleak.

I've been down this road in a marriage, better work that shit out buddy.

[jondoe6]

It's not a fucntionality of the sex part, she's amazing in bed (yes she swallows!!). And as i've said, i'd probably be the first to pack my bags if this was a problem from the get-go but it wasn't. The only thing from the get-go is that she's a bit shy and it's her personality. I did however do what one of you guys later recommended and I got her off first, I went down on her and didn't stop unitl she exploded; she more than returned the favor. I can see if this is still an issue a few months down the road then it'd be time to re-evaluate.

[NotSmall]

It's not a fucntionality of the sex part, she's amazing in bed (yes she swallows!!). And as i've said, i'd probably be the first to pack my bags if this was a problem from the get-go but it wasn't. The only thing from the get-go is that she's a bit shy and it's her personality. I did however do what one of you guys later recommended and I got her off first, I went down on her and didn't stop unitl she exploded; she more than returned the favor. I can see if this is still an issue a few months down the road then it'd be time to re-evaluate.

Definitely the way forward, lots of girls rarely climax through penetrative sex so if she's one of them then why start off that way? By going down on her first almost every time and seeing that she "explodes" that will then be in the forefront of her mind every time you suggest sex - much more appealing from her point of view!
Also personally I lose all interest once I've come, not a selfish thing but a hormonal one I believe, once I've blown my drive mostly goes, making her come then is just a chore. Whereas with most girls I think it's just the opposite, my girlie says that an orgasm just makes her even hornier - so whatever way you look at it it's best to look after her needs first!

[jondoe6]

I agree. It's amost 5050, some girls need the full penetration to orgasam and others, like my gf, like more outer-lip type of stimulation to orgasm. I usually have sex with my girlfriend before finishing her off after i'm done, and i usually use my hands.. but i think you're right, i think girls do het hornier once they climax and then you have intercourse, mine sure did!!! But also, i really enjoy going down on my girl, it turns me on in a BIG way!! I love having my mouth make her squirm, it's great.... Anyways, today is a much better day then yesterday.

[NotSmall]

I agree. It's amost 5050, some girls need the full penetration to orgasam and others, like my gf, like more outer-lip type of stimulation to orgasm. I usually have sex with my girlfriend before finishing her off after i'm done, and i usually use my hands.. but i think you're right, i think girls do het hornier once they climax and then you have intercourse, mine sure did!!! But also, i really enjoy going down on my girl, it turns me on in a BIG way!! I love having my mouth make her squirm, it's great.... Anyways, today is a much better day then yesterday.

I couldn't agree more!

[spywizard]

hmmmmmmmmmm...\

if she's mild mannered during dating.. she will be more so laer in life..

just my own experience..

try trib

[Mighty Joe]

Your problem is not unique bro & you're lucky actually that you are single and not married to her. Seems most woman are into the sex until the pressures of life and marriage just zap there sex drive. Gee, I wonder why there are so many divorces these days! Go figure.

[darmadoc]

I have been there. I married a girl in the thought that things would get better with a formal commitment. They only got worse. I lived with it for almost 20 years, because I could not bring myself to break my marriage promise and hurt our kids. It got to the point where sex was once every month or two. I begged her to get help, but she didn't see it as a problem. Her life was "too hectic" to be in the mood. We tried vacations, houskeepers, baby sitters, all to no avail. I finally threatened to leave, and when she saw I was serious she finally reluctantly agreed to councilling. By then I was too angry, and she was too angry. She would do nothing in therapy except deny that we had any problems. I finally ended up with a divorce.

If your girlfriend won't get help for this problem, she needs to find someone with an equally low sex drive. You are only setting yourself up for heart-ache.

[bedrock]

Bro,
I've been married for 14 years and the last 10 has been just what you described. At least I had a few good years. And it ain't me.
So I can tell you. IT WON'T GET ANY BETTER, IT WILL GET WORSE !
SAVE YOURSELF FROM A LIFETIME OF WONDERING WHY ? AND TRYING TO FIX IT. SEX IS IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WON'T HAVE A SATISFYING SEX LIFE. I REPEAT SAVE YOURSELF AND GET OUT NOW ! ITS HELL TO BE WANTED BY OTHER WOMEN AND NOT YOUR WIFE, WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS AND WANT TO BE FAITHFUL.
GET OUT NOW OR YOU WILL BE ****ED!

[Mighty Joe]

Bro,
I've been married for 14 years and the last 10 has been just what you described. At least I had a few good years. And it ain't me.
So I can tell you. IT WON'T GET ANY BETTER, IT WILL GET WORSE !
SAVE YOURSELF FROM A LIFETIME OF WONDERING WHY ? AND TRYING TO FIX IT. SEX IS IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WON'T HAVE A SATISFYING SEX LIFE. I REPEAT SAVE YOURSELF AND GET OUT NOW ! ITS HELL TO BE WANTED BY OTHER WOMEN AND NOT YOUR WIFE, WHEN YOU HAVE KIDS AND WANT TO BE FAITHFUL.
GET OUT NOW OR YOU WILL BE ****ED!

So many guys have this problem. Why? Are woman just too independent to care enough about pleasing their man? You know, most woman work these days and the money makes them a bit more EQUAL I guess. Since when is Sex bad for a marriage. Sex is the glue that holds a Marraige together not kids! I'm proud of how the guys in this thread really want to stay true to their Marriage vows too! Some Woman just don't know when they have a good man.

Nuff Said, MJ

[jondoe6]

Those are very valid points folks, and believe me when i say I will not marry a girl who doesn't satisfy me in the bedroom (either frequency or quality) but the fact for myself remains that this problem has been recent and wasn't part of a steady decline....

[Dally]

ahhh well.....all women start out wanting to do it all the time etc etc...then it just goes away for one reason or another.

FUK.

kinda like a best before date...every woman has their own date tho of course....some longer than others, but they all go rotten at some point.

A man can only take so much .... especially when there are other chicks out there....just fukin throwin there poon at yah!

guess you just gotta decide whats worth what to ya....her, or the poon.

[Hard Head]

I have been there. I married a girl in the thought that things would get better with a formal commitment. They only got worse. I lived with it for almost 20 years, because I could not bring myself to break my marriage promise and hurt our kids. It got to the point where sex was once every month or two. I begged her to get help, but she didn't see it as a problem. Her life was "too hectic" to be in the mood. We tried vacations, houskeepers, baby sitters, all to no avail. I finally threatened to leave, and when she saw I was serious she finally reluctantly agreed to councilling. By then I was too angry, and she was too angry. She would do nothing in therapy except deny that we had any problems. I finally ended up with a divorce.

If your girlfriend won't get help for this problem, she needs to find someone with an equally low sex drive. You are only setting yourself up for heart-ache.

Cut and run! This shit isn't going to get better. Listen to this man, he knows of what he speaks.