Im Insanely Jealous in my relationship--tips?

[thegodfather]

safety

[thegodfather]

Im really sucking at this tonight...Second time Ive posted this in the wrong god damn forum..If someone wouldnt mind moving this to the lounge for me, thatd be great...

[IBdmfkr]

You need to learn to control yourself, stop taking out your own insecurities on her, grow the hell up. If you can't handle guys calling her, tell her to make it stop or break up with her. Very simple, jealousy is a nasty thing, If you don't trust someone, then why would you even fathom being with them.

[CAUSASIAN]

Ok so, Im back with my ex-girlfriend after about a year of us being on bad terms and dating other people. We have been on and off for about 5 years. At one point during that time she was serious with this other guy for about a year. Its really a long story and the point here is about something else so. Whenever this one guy is brought up, anyone else shes hooked up with, or a guy calls her phone, I lose control and freak the **** out. Im a jealous psycho basically, I get pissed so easily, and its not like I do it intentionally I just get flushed red and I cant help the feelin. So, I really feel like this could hurt our relationship in the long run, and Id like some tips on things I could do to chill out...

I was the same way, and still am although I am changing or want to change.

What I have learned is dont think to much, what will happen will happen, and if she leaves she will leave you cannot hold her back with force. Jealousy is insecurity, and girls hate that.

Never think what she might have done, what she is doing, what she will do. Those are all "ifs". Some people are just that way, they worry to much, and think of situations that put them in stress.

What will happen will happen, jealously wont solve anything.

[CAUSASIAN]

Does this happen to you in all relationships or only on this girl?

[ZIA1]

Why is this in the Politics/Religion/War forum?

[IBdmfkr]

I guess it pertains to War? How would you feel if 10guys were banging your girl!

[thegodfather]

Why is this in the Politics/Religion/War forum?

Thats my bad bro, I wasnt paying attention to which forum I was in, and I dont have the ability to delete my thread appearently.

Casusasian...It does not happen in any other relationships, ONLY with her..When it comes to any other girls I could really give a **** wether they stick around or not to be honest, even the other ones I actually cared about. But IBdmfkr, I agree I need to just swallow the pill and get the hell over it. Shes all about doing whatever I say when it comes to who calls her or whatever, I just dont wanna come off as the type who wants to control every aspect of her life like a jerkoff. Know what im sayin? Thanks for the replys...

[CAUSASIAN]

Thats my bad bro, I wasnt paying attention to which forum I was in, and I dont have the ability to delete my thread appearently.

Casusasian...It does not happen in any other relationships, ONLY with her..When it comes to any other girls I could really give a **** wether they stick around or not to be honest, even the other ones I actually cared about. But IBdmfkr, I agree I need to just swallow the pill and get the hell over it. Shes all about doing whatever I say when it comes to who calls her or whatever, I just dont wanna come off as the type who wants to control every aspect of her life like a jerkoff. Know what im sayin? Thanks for the replys...

Did this girl cheat on you by any chance, or something similiar?

Yeah I know what you mean. I am the same way about one person, but the rest I really dont care about, whatever they did, even in past relationships.

Dont tell her what do to, dont be too controlling. Give her space. And as I said, if she wants to leave, she will leave. If she wants to stay she will stay. Its not like your jealously will stop her from doing what she wants to do.

[thegodfather]

Did this girl cheat on you by any chance, or something similiar?

Yeah I know what you mean. I am the same way about one person, but the rest I really dont care about, whatever they did, even in past relationships.

Dont tell her what do to, dont be too controlling. Give her space. And as I said, if she wants to leave, she will leave. If she wants to stay she will stay. Its not like your jealously will stop her from doing what she wants to do.

You hit the nail right on the head bro..Yea about 2 1/2 years ago she cheated on me, and ever since then Im just nuts. I layed the guy out pretty good...broke his nose. In hindsight however, it was a stupid thing to do and was probably more her fault, but he disrespected me so I dealt with that issue as well. She had a problem with drugs for a few years and it really turned her into a different person, she has since gone through rehab and is back to being her normal self and has made a huge change for the better. So shes been doing good for a long time now...I guess Im kinda reliving the passed whenever a guy calls her phone or I get some sort of an incling as to another person.

[CAUSASIAN]

I would suggest that even though you might love her alot, dont invest too much in her.

I was "married" when I was 17 to a Polish girl who was way older than me. She also "cheated" on me. And since then I dont trust any girl. My current fiance is as close to being morally perfect you can be on earth, probably didnt do one bad thing in her life, yet I dont trust her at all. I just learned to live with it, and whatever happens will happen.

[hoss827]

Bro if shes bringing you down because of your jealousy find another girl..........Is the relationship OK besides the jealousy or is she (no offense) bitchy to you or anything like that?

Take it from me.......even if you love her bro, NEVER let someone else become your priority by making yourself THEIR option.

[Tock]

Two words -- "professional counseling." What you're feeling now, with this lady, is the natural consequence of previous experiences you've had with other people.
I'm guessing you've had some sort of situation in the past where you lost the love or friendship of someone (or came close to losing it), and for whatever reason, this woman generates those same feelings whenever you think you might lose her.

You can talk to a professional and work past this stuff, or maybe you might could read a few books on the subject and come to terms with it on your own (if you're lucky). One way or the other, you'll be reacting this way for years and years and years until you deal with it.

Good luck . . .

-Tock

[Kale]

Grow up amd end the realtionship. How can you be with sombody that has cheated on you once. You think she wont do it again ? Cut your loses and run.

[notanormalgent]

The only reason this is happening is because you're insecure. Clearly you haven't been with too many women. She gets a lot of attention and she can replace you in a heartbeat, but you can't replace her as easily and that pisses you off more than anything.

You have a major case of "one-itis" which is, you probably think this is the only girl in the world, she's the one, and she means everything to you. If so, cut it out and go to www.doubleyourdating.com and get that program. Build up some confidence by talking to other girls, get a nice body, and then just mack those hoes. Remember man, girls come and go. If you've broken up with her once before there's an even better chance that it'll happen again, you're both the same people.

[timvds]

You hit the nail right on the head bro..Yea about 2 1/2 years ago she cheated on me, and ever since then Im just nuts. I layed the guy out pretty good...broke his nose. In hindsight however, it was a stupid thing to do and was probably more her fault, but he disrespected me so I dealt with that issue as well. She had a problem with drugs for a few years and it really turned her into a different person, she has since gone through rehab and is back to being her normal self and has made a huge change for the better. So shes been doing good for a long time now...I guess Im kinda reliving the passed whenever a guy calls her phone or I get some sort of an incling as to another person.

You cannot change the stripes on a zebra.

A slut she once be, trust her you will not.

[SwoleCat]

Why other guys are still calling her phone if you are supposed to be a couple is a recipe for disaster from the beginning.

~SC~

[hotstuff]

If she truely loves you then she will have enough respect for you to NOT talk to her exes because she knows it bothers you. Your relationship should be more important to her than some friendship with an ex.
Now if you are just getting pissed every time a guy calls then that's your problem. Some professional couneling would probably help.

[Anna Bollick]

Girlfriend, when you are in a jealous rage, she is controlling you. She is getting a solid emotional reaction out of you. She is pulling strings and making puppet dance. You have to break those strings, somehow.

ALWAYS count to ten. Works wonders. Otherwise you will end up in jail sooner or later, and you will probably hurt her, which will make you feel really bad.

She has to moderate her behavior and not do things that are sure to bring out the green monster. If she is really enjoying this as a mind game, talking to her might not do any good. Refusing to take the bait might make her bored with her little game.

She might not be playing games, and maybe you can get her to stop doing these things, but I think she is playing you like a jukebox, Darling.

Who knows? You may have to dump her ass. Poisonous women usually remain so for as long as they live.

If you feel that you really have nothing to lose, turn the tables on her. Talk to other chicks, or even other men. Admire them openly. Let her catch you hanging up the phone suddenly when she comes in. Come home at night with lipstick smeared on face or collar, or a whiff of perfume on you. Once in a while, tell her you are too tired to make love, roll over and go right off to sleep. After a few weeks, ask her how it feels to be disrespected that way. Tell her you weren't really seeing anyone else, but that you do know this hot chick named Anna who has things to offer that your GF doesn't. That should get her thinking, after she cools down.

Love
Anna

[timvds]

Girlfriend, when you are in a jealous rage, she is controlling you. She is getting a solid emotional reaction out of you. She is pulling strings and making puppet dance. You have to break those strings, somehow.

ALWAYS count to ten. Works wonders. Otherwise you will end up in jail sooner or later, and you will probably hurt her, which will make you feel really bad.

She has to moderate her behavior and not do things that are sure to bring out the green monster. If she is really enjoying this as a mind game, talking to her might not do any good. Refusing to take the bait might make her bored with her little game.

She might not be playing games, and maybe you can get her to stop doing these things, but I think she is playing you like a jukebox, Darling.

Who knows? You may have to dump her ass. Poisonous women usually remain so for as long as they live.

If you feel that you really have nothing to lose, turn the tables on her. Talk to other chicks, or even other men. Admire them openly. Let her catch you hanging up the phone suddenly when she comes in. Come home at night with lipstick smeared on face or collar, or a whiff of perfume on you. Once in a while, tell her you are too tired to make love, roll over and go right off to sleep. After a few weeks, ask her how it feels to be disrespected that way. Tell her you weren't really seeing anyone else, but that you do know this hot chick named Anna who has things to offer that your GF doesn't. That should get her thinking, after she cools down.

Love
Anna

Now theres a man thats in touch with his femine side... LITERALLY!

Good advice!

[jbarker111]

well dude i have been situtations like this but the shoe was on differant foot. I can tell ya that i put up with a jealous freak for about two yrs. and that is the last time that will ever happen. I don't know what i was thinking staying with her for so long, but now i look back and it was hell. life is to short for that bullsh*t. basically if you don't trust her don't be with her. dont waste your and her time cause it will not work unless there is trust.

[spywizard]

Ok so, Im back with my ex-girlfriend after about a year of us being on bad terms and dating other people. We have been on and off for about 5 years. At one point during that time she was serious with this other guy for about a year. Its really a long story and the point here is about something else so. Whenever this one guy is brought up, anyone else shes hooked up with, or a guy calls her phone, I lose control and freak the **** out. Im a jealous psycho basically, I get pissed so easily, and its not like I do it intentionally I just get flushed red and I cant help the feelin. So, I really feel like this could hurt our relationship in the long run, and Id like some tips on things I could do to chill out...

the only way you will ever "chill out" is when you look her in the eye and say you don't care.. and mean it..

then she will be your's forever..

women like to be wanted.. not needed.. there is a difference.. and besides.. get over it..

tell her that when guys call her it makes you feel insecure.. if she cares she will take action to stop it..

if she doesn't.. bro.. it's time to move on..

[stayinstacked]

Those other guys are still calling her b/ they want a piece of ass still, and she wont tell them to stop calling b/ she likes the way they **** her. Sorry bro, not trying to make you mad, but the truth hurts sometimes. Truth is, she's a slut

[heavyrotation92]

Shit like this makes me start to think if I ever want to date another extremely hot girl again. I was dating a 9 or 10 for a good year and a half a while back and fell into the same situation you are. she ended up cheating on me, blah blah blah. I'm almost convinced now that it's just better to date a good-looking but not "bombshell" type of girl that I can trust easier.

It seems the hottest ones are always the most insecure and feel they need to get the attention and/or affection of other guys eventually. They can't appreciate what they already have with ONE person as apposed to the not-as-hot girls who want to be with only you...

any thoughts on this???

just my $.02

[IBdmfkr]

I think you are stereotyping women, I married a 10 and have never had to worry about her cheating on me. It all depends on the person you are with and the way you treat them. If you don't respect them, then don't expect it in return.

[Panzerfaust]

I was the same way, and still am although I am changing or want to change.

What I have learned is dont think to much, what will happen will happen, and if she leaves she will leave you cannot hold her back with force. Jealousy is insecurity, and girls hate that.

Never think what she might have done, what she is doing, what she will do. Those are all "ifs". Some people are just that way, they worry to much, and think of situations that put them in stress.

What will happen will happen, jealously wont solve anything.

Exactly, if she wants to go..let her go and then go train.

[heavyrotation92]

I think you are stereotyping women, I married a 10 and have never had to worry about her cheating on me. It all depends on the person you are with and the way you treat them. If you don't respect them, then don't expect it in return.

you must have an anomoly and thats why you married her. i would too if i found one...

[thegodfather]

She has in fact told the people who I didnt want calling her to stop calling. She even changed her number for me last week to let me know how serious she is about it. Even when Im not with her if someone calls, she'll call me and tell me. It's not really about her, i think its more about me and my jealously problem. But Im pretty sure from now on, Ill just take a deep deep breathe, take a step back, and say I dont care. What you guys are saying makes sense, and I thank everyone for their replys...

[heavyrotation92]

She has in fact told the people who I didnt want calling her to stop calling. She even changed her number for me last week to let me know how serious she is about it. Even when Im not with her if someone calls, she'll call me and tell me. It's not really about her, i think its more about me and my jealously problem. But Im pretty sure from now on, Ill just take a deep deep breathe, take a step back, and say I dont care. What you guys are saying makes sense, and I thank everyone for their replys...

damn, at least she is trying to make you feel better about the situation.

i would say just tell he how you get jealous easily and tell her you're working on it. at least she will give you some leeway (sp?) when you blow up.

weird, my ex loved it when i went to a jealous rage, maybe because it showed i cared, or maybe she thought she me

[kloter1]

Those other guys are still calling her b/ they want a piece of ass still, and she wont tell them to stop calling b/ she likes the way they **** her. Sorry bro, not trying to make you mad, but the truth hurts sometimes. Truth is, she's a slut

thats basically what i was going to say. the reason guys are calling is because she wont tell them that yall are together. she likes the attention of a few guys it seems. cmon man get the hell out.

[spywizard]

She has in fact told the people who I didnt want calling her to stop calling. She even changed her number for me last week to let me know how serious she is about it. Even when Im not with her if someone calls, she'll call me and tell me. It's not really about her, i think its more about me and my jealously problem. But Im pretty sure from now on, Ill just take a deep deep breathe, take a step back, and say I dont care. What you guys are saying makes sense, and I thank everyone for their replys...

ahhh.. so she is trying to make you feel secure.. good for you

[Pinkvelvet]

It sounds as though there are a lot of feelings that haven't been dealt with. What has happened in the past is exactly that....In The Past! But, obviously has not been forgotten. And, without acknowledging the feelings, you can't move forward. There is truth to everyones comments here; from counseling to moving on.

Without sometype of closure, your never going to have a healthy, truly fulfilling relationship in the future with the girl, and will even carry on to future relationships (if any).

As much pride as you may have to seek the help of a counsellor...please think about it. Pride is the crutch of the insecure!

Good Luck Sweetie!
HUGS!

[Pinkvelvet]

It sounds as though there are a lot of feelings that haven't been dealt with. What has happened in the past is exactly that....In The Past! But, obviously has not been forgotten. And, without acknowledging the feelings, you can't move forward. There is truth to everyones comments here; from counseling to moving on.

Without sometype of closure, your never going to have a healthy, truly fulfilling relationship in the future with the girl, and will even carry on to future relationships (if any).

As much pride as you may have to seek the help of a counsellor...please think about it. Pride is the crutch of the insecure!

Good Luck Sweetie!
HUGS!

[Panzerfaust]

Hit it one more time...and then run like hell. This "relationship" is gonna lead to nothing but a steaming pile of mountain lion shit!

[Tren Bull]

i know this sucks, but its best to not over react to petty things, cause even small sh_t can be aggrivating. ive been in relationships where i suspected that the bitch was cheating, but i didn't say anything if i didn't have any proof. now if she does something in front of you like sitting on some other guys lap (which has happened to me), or shes playing grab ass with your friends (which has happened too) then its time to law down the law.

[Poison Ivy]

Is pretty simple , If you dont trust the person you are with and you dont like the way she's making you feel then get out of the relationship.