To be honest... you're just lazy.

For your goals, you should learn to eat and train right. You want to lose weight and retain muscle? Learn about low intensity cardio (amount and timing), correct dieting (carbohydrate manipulation/timing, caloric threshold), macro nutrient breakdown, a few supplements, correct lifting, and SLEEP.

Those things will get you into the shape you want. You can't just do what you want to, or do what you do now and just expect to throw some (powerful/dangerous) chemicals into your body and get these dream results.

Knowledge and Will are what you need, get more of both.