Relationship advice

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 03:54 PM

Hey,

So im currently going through the first week of my PCT so I wanted more objective advice since I dont know if im being rational or not.

My girlfriend has a good friend who is a lot older than her. He is in his 40's about 400lbs and clearly unattractive, so there is really no attraction between the two. He has a motorcycle and wants to give her a ride on it, and for some reason or another this bothered me a lot since I typically have a romantic association with that, I mean, you dont see two guys on a motorcycle for a reason. I brought it up to her and she thinks its ridiculous and just got upset at the fact it bothered me. She isnt willing to compromise with me on this even though she knows it bothers me, though she did try and comfort me.

I have given up things for her that I didnt feel it was right for her to get upset at. For instance I still talk to this girl I had a few dates on and deleted her number because it bothered my girlfriend, but she still hangs out with a guy she used to have a big crush on.

Im not sure if im being rational or just an insecure asshole, but to me it seems disrespectful. Im have been with her for about 7 months now and im starting to consider our relationship. If this seems silly I dont want any flaming since I feel bad enough as is and hormonal.

**Matt** · 06-15-2009, 04:10 PM

Your not being rational, get over yourself dude and let her go on that ride..

This is so childish its not real....

**Bio-boosted** · 06-15-2009, 04:12 PM

I have given up things for her that I didnt feel it was right for her to get upset at. For instance I still talk to this girl I had a few dates on and deleted her number because it bothered my girlfriend, but she still hangs out with a guy she used to have a big crush on.

I think you could point this quote out to her, and tell her you are feeling as insecure as she was back then. Make sure she knows you well trust her but you just feel a little uncomfortable.
And then just drop it so she doesn't feel too spooked.

Or just let it go. Trouble is, if she's really thinking about an old flame (after 7 months she might be testing herself) you might need to give her the space to work things out and realise she's happier now.
I'd let her go for a bikeride with fatty, then take her out for supper and ask her how it went. (keeping face and showing trust)

Shame it's always one-way traffic, the ex-gf/bf trust bs huh
Good luck

**chuckt12345** · 06-15-2009, 04:14 PM

dude hes 400lbs,, dont worry about it,

**Mooseman33** · 06-15-2009, 04:16 PM

do not let her go man. if he is 400 lbs, there is a safety risk there...tell her he is to fat...
but i feel you man, im the same way, and i had this exact same fight with my fiance about 6 months ago...you will never win man, and they will never see our side...

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 04:45 PM

lol, I might use to "too fat excuse". Im glad I can come here for rational advice, it's one of those things I dont want to bring up to friends because I might feel like a complete dumbass. Either way, do you think she was right to not compromise even though it was irrational?

**amcon** · 06-15-2009, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by Gears

Hey,

So im currently going through the first week of my PCT so I wanted more objective advice since I dont know if im being rational or not.

My girlfriend has a good friend who is a lot older than her. He is in his 40's about 400lbs and clearly unattractive, so there is really no attraction between the two. He has a motorcycle and wants to give her a ride on it, and for some reason or another this bothered me a lot since I typically have a romantic association with that, I mean, you dont see two guys on a motorcycle for a reason. I brought it up to her and she thinks its ridiculous and just got upset at the fact it bothered me. She isnt willing to compromise with me on this even though she knows it bothers me, though she did try and comfort me.

I have given up things for her that I didnt feel it was right for her to get upset at. For instance I still talk to this girl I had a few dates on and deleted her number because it bothered my girlfriend, but she still hangs out with a guy she used to have a big crush on.

Im not sure if im being rational or just an insecure asshole, but to me it seems disrespectful. Im have been with her for about 7 months now and im starting to consider our relationship. If this seems silly I dont want any flaming since I feel bad enough as is and hormonal.

well, think you totally correct the 400 lb'er is not thinking cool this person likes my bike!!! he is thinking that the chick is presssing her boobies agains my back, hands around my body and im going to knock one out later tonight about the ride....

as for her she is not being fair!!! bro, if she can do something so should you... if you cant do something than neither can she...

end of story

you need to set stronger expectations with her or start being swingers

**CHAP** · 06-15-2009, 04:50 PM

No chance. It is disrespectful. She should try to comprimise with you.

She was probably in a controlled relationship and dosent stand for shit anymore.

You probably approched it wronge. Id try again and if she is still being head strong just drop her and wait a day or too to see if she rethinks her decision

**KatsMeow** · 06-15-2009, 04:50 PM

More than likely, she's not interested in him but since it's her friend she feels bad for him and that's why she is willing to go on the bike ride with him. She just needs to make it clear to him that she isn't interested in him as anything more than a friend.

**Hoggage_54** · 06-15-2009, 04:52 PM

I think she would look pretty good on a motorcycle...

j/k lol

**warchild** · 06-15-2009, 04:58 PM

hahah. what king of motorcycle can haul a 400lb guy?

**Dancer** · 06-15-2009, 05:22 PM

WOWOWOWOW where to begin.. I do need to be honest

I have rebuilt over 50 well prob 100 sports bikes... I have had more sex on the bad of bikes than I can count...

I have had sex on the back of bikes when bulking or cutting or WTF have you so please let me start there.

who here actually believes that what you look like has 100% to do with how a woman feels about you?

I understand the 400 LB idea but understand this in any relationship you CAN NOT NOT NOT have double standards. < period end of sentance

Women for the most part do NOT NOT NOT repsect you if you are a bitch (not saying you are, I do not know you) But I have never ever met a woman that has said "I wanna be with a weak as bitch" Just me.

So we have to come to a point where cause and effect meet. Here we are, I have been here so lets get at it.

I had a friend she was hot and was all into me my current didnt think it was cool, I was being an asshole and didnt wanna stop being friends with her (never ****ed around with her but as most know most plutomic relationships might lead to other things) As a restult I was TOLD to end it with her or else.... and the or else ended up being all her male friends needed to go also.

So my younger and well not so experienced friend here is what you need.....

Female friends (they do make the best wing women...lol)

Don't fight a fight with emotion you dumbass you fight a fight on the same terms.

vaaaaalaaahhhhh

bithced and the meds they need.

ohhhhh have fun...lol

**Mooseman33** · 06-15-2009, 05:40 PM

what in the hell is this dancer...u lost me....

**Dancer** · 06-15-2009, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by mooseman33

what in the hell is this dancer...u lost me....

Yes moose I know...lol

The I see it bro it is a 40 year old fat **** disrespecting our boy here nad his girl pulling a double standard...

I did give the back ground but I need to go on the bitches and meds part... If she wants to have friends its cool, great go on girl have at it... You have a prob with it and there was a prior issue that she had a prob with...

She says **** it he is 40 something and a fat **** (still the mofo knows he is directly disrespecting you unless he is ****en retarded... any ****en way)

You already told her how you felt and she already told you go **** yourself (or more over you need to have a double standard)

Go through your phone records online and pull the phone number she "made" you delete.

and oohhh get some more female friends...

If she starts going through your phone or being all jelious bitch come on back on here and let us know.

**_CrossroadS_** · 06-15-2009, 05:59 PM

Just be glad she asked you about it. You have nothing to worry about. If she comes home one day saying "I just went on a motorcycle ride with my friend" that would be different. She told you about it meaning she has nothing to hide.

Or, she likes big dudes, and is probably gonna have that sweaty cheesy guy all over her, and love it.

Which one do you believe?

**Dancer** · 06-15-2009, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by _CrossroadS_

Just be glad she asked you about it. You have nothing to worry about. If she comes home one day saying "I just went on a motorcycle ride with my friend" that would be different. She told you about it meaning she has nothing to hide.

Or, she likes big dudes, and is probably gonna have that sweaty cheesy guy all over her, and love it.

Which one do you believe?

Principle of it all...

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 06:21 PM

Hmmm, so what should I do or how do I approach this. Should I even be upset about the motorcycle?

**warchild** · 06-15-2009, 06:23 PM

dude relax, let her go on the ride and be happy that she enjoyed it man. you are really looking to far into this....

**_CrossroadS_** · 06-15-2009, 06:30 PM

Well, between guys, yes it is a matter of principle. However, you are trying to apply reason and logic to a creature that makes decisions based almost 100% on emotion.

The guy has every right to get his feelings hurt a little, even to be a little jealous. But part of being a man is dealing with those feelings on your own. I mean, you really have two ways to look at it. You think she's got a thing for the guy, or you don't. If you do, that needs to be your angle when discussing it with her. You cannot let her do it if you really feel that way. She must prove to you that it is not a big deal, and you have nothing to worry about. If you don't believe she wants anything to do with him, then keep your insecurities to yourself. The relationship is too new for showing a little jealousy to be a positive thing.

She's given you no reason to worry, so don't.

Good luck trying to tell her that "It's the fact that you want to do it - it's the principle" while you are at it stick "I would never do something like that to you" and "Can't you see how this would come off to me" hell, toss in "It's a matter of respect, clearly you don't respect me if you'd do something like this"

But to the OP, if it IS a matter of principle to you, then break up with her. If she isn't built of the same moral fibre as you and you are going to let it get to you, then it will never work.

**Dancer** · 06-15-2009, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by Gears

Hmmm, so what should I do or how do I approach this. Should I even be upset about the motorcycle?

NOOOOPEEE... You already told her how you felt and she already told her view... Either the mofo didnt respect your view or she wasn't listening either way that was the past and you need to go to step 2...

Go on and log on to your phone account and pull your ex's number or some other bitches... Let her go on her ride... you got texts to send and calls to make

Originally Posted by Gears

_CrossroadS_ Well, between guys, yes it is a matter of principle. However, you are trying to apply reason and logic to a creature that makes decisions based almost 100% on emotion.

The guy has every right to get his feelings hurt a little, even to be a little jealous. But part of being a man is dealing with those feelings on your own. I mean, you really have two ways to look at it. You think she's got a thing for the guy, or you don't. If you do, that needs to be your angle when discussing it with her. You cannot let her do it if you really feel that way. She must prove to you that it is not a big deal, and you have nothing to worry about. If you don't believe she wants anything to do with him, then keep your insecurities to yourself. The relationship is too new for showing a little jealousy to be a positive thing.

She's given you no reason to worry, so don't.

Good luck trying to tell her that "It's the fact that you want to do it - it's the principle" while you are at it stick "I would never do something like that to you" and "Can't you see how this would come off to me" hell, toss in "It's a matter of respect, clearly you don't respect me if you'd do something like this"

But to the OP, if it IS a matter of principle to you, then break up with her. If she isn't built of the same moral fibre as you and you are going to let it get to you, then it will never work.

DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT... look if she wont respect him here and walks over him at that point then she will do it again.

Breaking up is an option I can't say its not but practicle at this point.

bitches play games and have a back up brotha... they do... I am just trying to get our boy here to get his own back up.

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by _CrossroadS_

Well, between guys, yes it is a matter of principle. However, you are trying to apply reason and logic to a creature that makes decisions based almost 100% on emotion.

The guy has every right to get his feelings hurt a little, even to be a little jealous. But part of being a man is dealing with those feelings on your own. I mean, you really have two ways to look at it. You think she's got a thing for the guy, or you don't. If you do, that needs to be your angle when discussing it with her. You cannot let her do it if you really feel that way. She must prove to you that it is not a big deal, and you have nothing to worry about. If you don't believe she wants anything to do with him, then keep your insecurities to yourself. The relationship is too new for showing a little jealousy to be a positive thing.

She's given you no reason to worry, so don't.

Good luck trying to tell her that "It's the fact that you want to do it - it's the principle" while you are at it stick "I would never do something like that to you" and "Can't you see how this would come off to me" hell, toss in "It's a matter of respect, clearly you don't respect me if you'd do something like this"

But to the OP, if it IS a matter of principle to you, then break up with her. If she isn't built of the same moral fibre as you and you are going to let it get to you, then it will never work.

It is principle, I know she dosent have anything for him, but I still think its disrespectful. I bend over backwards for her with things I think are silly to make her feel better.

**Dancer** · 06-15-2009, 06:46 PM

Originally Posted by Gears

It is principle, I know she dosent have anything for him, but I still think its disrespectful. I bend over backwards for her with things I think are silly to make her feel better.

Women take kindness as weakness...

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 06:51 PM

poll added

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 06:52 PM

Or should I just let her know there will be no more double standards?

**Dancer** · 06-15-2009, 06:53 PM

poll doesn't have

go on and get in touch with other women

option...

Look just do it, it will make you feel much better

**sizerp** · 06-15-2009, 06:55 PM

Here's some advice. Get a motorcycle and take her on your own damn ride. F that fatass friend of hers.

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 06:59 PM

Originally Posted by sizerp

Here's some advice. Get a motorcycle and take her on your own damn ride. F that fatass friend of hers.

im not going to get a motorcycle just so she dosent ride with her fat friend.

**kojak_x** · 06-15-2009, 07:04 PM

I would let my girlfriend of 9 years go for a one ride without a doubt for the experience. Now if she wanted to go for another ride I would tell her to take a ride out of my life. Thats just me personally.

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 07:15 PM

I think I might give her an ultimatum, or tell her there will be no more double standards.

**Dancer** · 06-15-2009, 07:45 PM

You want me to tell you how she will respond?

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 08:01 PM

Originally Posted by Dancer

You want me to tell you how she will respond?

lets hear it

**Dancer** · 06-15-2009, 08:07 PM

If you give her an ultimatum what she will think is that you a weirdo. She already brought it up to you and you didn't have a prob with it to the point of bringing up an ultimatum in the first place... you see she told you she was gonna go out on a ride blah blah blah blah to see what you say and well you didn't so that was the past.

The double standard conversation is logical but really women don't see it like that. She sees what she is doing as something completely diff than you not talking to your girl friend... Its just gonna be like that.

**JDawg1536** · 06-15-2009, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by Gears

I think I might give her an ultimatum, or tell her there will be no more double standards.

The ultimatum should be for both of you. If you don't trust each other why are you dating?

**higherdesire** · 06-15-2009, 08:22 PM

Bro I had a situation recently where I was being irrational and I jst told my wife "look wring or right I really don't like this, so I am asking you to give it up because you know it bothers me even if you disagree. You can be sure I would do the same for oyu. I would appreciate it" It friggin worked for me. Shocked me. I said it like I was asking her if she wanted ice cream or not.

**Gears** · 06-15-2009, 08:34 PM

Originally Posted by higherdesire

Bro I had a situation recently where I was being irrational and I jst told my wife "look wring or right I really don't like this, so I am asking you to give it up because you know it bothers me even if you disagree. You can be sure I would do the same for oyu. I would appreciate it" It friggin worked for me. Shocked me. I said it like I was asking her if she wanted ice cream or not.

Thats the problem bro, she knows how much it bothers me and wont budge. She thinks im being unreasonable, but its still upsetting knowing she wont take my feelings into consideration.

**Iron_Pig** · 06-15-2009, 08:41 PM

Are you really this isucure or do you have somthing to hide

**Chitown Raider** · 06-15-2009, 08:51 PM

Originally Posted by mooseman33

you will never win man, and they will never see our side...

It's all about picking your battles.

**higherdesire** · 06-15-2009, 09:01 PM

Originally Posted by Gears

Thats the problem bro, she knows how much it bothers me and wont budge. She thinks im being unreasonable, but its still upsetting knowing she wont take my feelings into consideration.

That is my point. Tell her you know it is unreasonable and that on this one you need some latitude. believe me it is in the delivery tecnique. "Listen babe I know this is kinda of an insecure moment or irrational, but the fact reamins that my feelings are hurt, so in light of that alone, not whether its right or wrong, just that it hurts me, i am asking you not to do it." Bro if you can't break through in this small area your relationship may not be that strong yet, or you are both on different pages maybe. Good luck!

**Tigershark** · 06-15-2009, 09:53 PM

Let her go on the ride.

**scerpico22** · 06-15-2009, 10:13 PM

HD has given the best advice on this thread yet and i second his suggestion. if she cannot take into consideration your feelings that this really bothers you right or wrong. if she cannot let this go on that alone...

bro...you need to look into the seriousness of this relationship. you may have to analyze if she is putting in what you are...its a give and take man.

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