I was pschoanalyzing myself today.
That's pretty much a constant process.
I bumped into this feller named "Intermittent Explosive Disorder."
I thought for sure I fit this bill perfectly. Until I got to the part, "...acts disproportionately more agressive than the situation calls for."
First off, that's just your gd opinion, I say I acted as needed. Secondly, I suppose healthy behavior is hard to define on a broad spectrum.
I get in a mode to work. My work requires extreme agression and it can be hard to turn off. I have shit to do and you are driving slow in the left lane. I have to haul ass and I might be done by dark if everything goes right.
I am also a very deep thinker and single tasker. Don't talk to me when I am typing and expect me to hear you and dont expect me to stop until I am done. You are interrupting my conversation for fucks sake. Thats rude!
I am not in things to take my time and "easy does it" circle jerk my time away. I am a hard charger. Does not mean I am explosively violent. I am usually almost always irritable though. I cannot fix this, though I want to for others sometimes.
My flaws are what makes me capable though. If I "chill out" I wont be running 90mph with random ass tools and shit all over my truck seat squeezing in that last job for the day. I honestly feel like I would be, "normal" and I don't need that in my life. Normal slow people just plugging along are the primary instigator of my irritability.
I need them. I need them to piss me off and give me an example of what I dont want to be. I ain't gonna hurt them.
There is a difference between violent and aggressive. I got a slew of mfers just waiting to call me violent. "I fkin told you! The juice monkey lost it!"
I am hardcore aggressive in a world of candy ass and laid back. I dont think it can be labeled with a psychoanalytical label.
I wish I had more patience. I know what patience gets people though. It gets them a half full glass of mediocre. I traded patience for persistently, relentlessly, and consistently kicking ass and getting shit done.
Now I wish I could be that cool calm laid back fucker for everyone. As soon as I tried though I would be staring at 100,000 lbs of wood over houses and powerlines I had to remove.
That cool, calm, laid back fucker pitched in the towel and quit. I know because I killed the poor bankrupt bastard. He couldn't take the workload.
I have my anger under control because I am not violent. My aggression is not going anywhere.
I made me irritable, not everyone else.
I chose this because I did not set out to be a turtle fucking non-hacker.
So get your ass in the right lane and have patience while life cooks you up your reward for patience, Mr. Chillax.
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