All I can say is that it happens to everyone. I have days where I literally wish I was dead after I look at myself lol. When you spend thousands of hours in the gym and have to deal with injuries and wear and tear of joints, and you STILL are not where you wanna be, that's a motherfucker. At the end of the day, the answers are not in the gym or on this forum. I would recommend you focus on another interest or project you've been meaning to do for a few months while you continue training. Don't make training and your body your #1 priority, because when you get disappointed (which you will be, because that's human nature), it affects every part of your life, as you can already see. Keep training consistently and eating right and let nature do it's thing. Accept you are who you are and you will only improve in time with consistency and dedication.