Anabolic Member
In my opinion, You manned up very well in this situation. Not many people have the strength to make the right decision as you did. We're all proud of you and are here for you brother.
(I've been saying "Oh Snap" all day today. I think everyone should say "Oh Snap!" at LEAST once a day. lol)
Last edited by SnaX; 07-14-2006 at 06:47 PM.
Anabolic Member
Wow man, I’m not kidding as I am reading your post, I feel like I’m typing it.
My girl is an alcoholic and just recently started hanging around her “drinking friends” again. I’m going though the exact same shit bro. Getting excited when she see’s her friends, almost no emotion when I’m around. Same ****ing thing man, drugs ruin some people and it ruins the ones they love. Often we are left wondering how they can love the drugs more than they love us. If you ask them, they always will tell you they love you more, but they love themselves and the drugs more than anything.
Look on the bright side, it sounds like you have an AMAZING mother who is their for you.
Good luck to ya bro, maybe I’ll be seeking advice from you soon.
Banned
what type of drugs are we talking about, surely not marijuana. your referring to a fix so it makes me either think shes doing meth, crack or heroin and if thats the case thats a steep hill downwards.Originally Posted by thegodfather
Banned
Man, I want to call you a ****ing pussy.
But thats just the macho man in me talking.
I know what your going through.
Phucking painful.
Some great advice from the bros on here.
You did the right thing for her and yourself.
Thanks for sharing.
Now,.....quit being a ****ing pussy
Dulce bellum inexpertis
she basically sticks to oxycontin...coke...and xanex...kinda whatever she can get her hands on at the moment but i suspect its mostly oxys...
JDogg ill be p/ming you bro...
Member
those are still serious drugz ive seen people really mess up there lives on those things, one guy in my neighborhood died on oxy recently, i also had a friend go to rehab for xanex addiction and everyone know coke is not good see where u are i five years and where she is
Associate Member
One of the great things about being a man, other than the ability to urinate standing up, is that you can go out, get plastered hit on numerous women that you wont even remember, wake up the next moringing with a killer hangover, and forget all about her......... at least that is what I do.
On a more serois note I hope for your sake that you cut it off clean.
Southern Steel Bodybuilding
godfather,
I had a miserable breakup about 5 months ago. this was the first girl i ever really loved and she broke it off because i didnt live up to her expectations. (she had a ****in kid too) anyway i took it real hard because i knew she already had another guy lined up. i found out that she had been talking to him weeks before we broke up. i couldnt believe someone that i trusted so much could stab me in the back like that.
it took probably 4 months for me to get over her. i resorted to booze and other things that just made everything worse. whatever you do dont go down that road. it really sucks man i know how you feel. keep your head up bud. time is the only thing that heals.
Senior Member
Hey godfather, I'm going through a similiar situation like you. Only I didn't lose her to those kinds of drugs. I lost her to cigarettes, beer, partying, and her best "guy friend" who's now her bf. Here's the thing that bothered me the most, I let her go because she wasn't happy, but she thinks I did the worst thing in the world to her, just by letting her go.
Now three weeks later, I'm still not completely over her, but the pain has diminshed greatly. Trust me man, time will heal all things. You did the right thing, you have nothing to be ashamed about. In the mean time, hang out with friends, talk with your mom, keep yourself busy. Don't let her bring you down too.
I'm gonna give you a little advice that I learned from my break up. Don't live to make someone else happy because it will more than likely bring you down in the end. Always look out for number one. You my friend, are number one.
I wish you the best of luck. Take care bro.
Dulce bellum inexpertis
Exactly why I let her go out bro, if I kept her in she was miserable, and I am just now realising she was miserable because she was withdrawling whenever she had to be home for too long. Her friend came clean with me today and told me all the shit that shes done what specific drugs and when, and she even did them a few times months ago that I suspected but never had proof. I feel so betrayed at this point I dont know what to do with myself. Im trying my hardest to not go down the road everyone is talking about...It sucks to feel like you have no control over ur emotions..
Senior Member
You're going to feel like that for awhile. Just whatever you do, keep on venting. Don't let these emotions build up inside of you. If you feel like crying, let it out. If you feel like venting, call your friends or your mom, or hell, vent to us. Do whatever it takes to make you feel better. I did the exact same thing. I was constantly venting with my parents, friends, coworkers, relatives, etc. It will help you get over her faster.
How religous are you bro? I found that talking to God has really helped me. He's always there to listen bro.
Dulce bellum inexpertis
Truer words have never been spoken, I was stewing about some shit with her all day today and then just broke down crying (guess big guys crying looks stupid but whatever)...then i talked to some people and made me feel a lot better...my mom is in the medical field and thinks she has a 'borderline personality' so im reading up on it and its basically the defintion of her... she was out chillen with a bunch of guys today so i found out from one a her friends, that really choked me up...the more i vent i start to feel somewhat better but then it builds up...by the way i am not religious at all what so ever...but i also find that taking long drives really helps to relax me and clear my mind... i have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow so hopefully he can get my head on strait...im still at the point where i dont wanna be around anyone and have fun, id rather just stay in and feel like shit...honestly and i mean sound stupid, but i feel like im dead on the inside...this is the hardest thing i have had to deal with in my life so far....i mean this pain is worse than undergoing major surgery, because at least with surgery they give u things to make it better...theres no cure for what i have right now... gotta say that my bros here on AR have really helped me out a lot..
Senior Member
I went through the exact same thing man. I felt empty, I felt like a piece of me was gone, and I was almost willing to do anything to get it back. Your emotions will keep building up even if you vent. The best thing that I found to do is just keep on venting. Day by day, the pain will diminish. If you ever need to vent, send me a pm. Keep on truckin bro, you never know what the future has for ya.
Associate Member
hey there, a year ago I had a girl.... we were going out together for more than 4years! then we split up.... that really hurt. Like you said, its the worst thing to deal with, but now I found a new girlfriend that is more supportive of what I do (i am a dj) and is really caring. And as time passed I forgot all about the other one. That is cause I found someone who loves me more and who shows me affection.... and belive me... you will too... JUST HANG IN THERE!!!
Member
bro im pretty sure if she is that into oxys she probably has gone past it and is doing jsut heroin its the same thing. you dont need this in your life. my ex broke up with me cause she rather drink with her friends and cheat on me then hang out and i found it out the hard way. you have to get over it there are so many girls that are better out there, but being bummed isnt going to make them want you. the more sad u look the less they want to talk to you so even if your not happy look like you are and find yourself another girl sitting at home weeping isnt going to get you into a new relationship. even if she comes back dont belive her heroin is a drug that people dont jsut kick even if shes says she is clean she wont be for long just dont even think or want her to come back.
Dulce bellum inexpertis
ok well i found out today she slept with some dude at the shore last night...and 2 weeks ago when i gave her my car so her an 'the girls' could goto the shore, she went alright but she met up with this same kid an went off with him somewhere...
Retired "hall of famer/elite powerlifter"
my friend taker some advice from an old man who has seen it all, the girl did you a favor. i know right now you dont see it, and wont understand, but in the future when you are standing on top of the world and she is in the gutterm you will understand.
relationships have to be equal, you have to love each other equal. this gitl is incapable of even loving herself at this point, you cant expect her to love you if she cant even love herself. if she wsnt willing to put this JUNK behind her, she is a loser. one is NOT suposed to choose drugs over someone you love and if that was her choice, can you picture yourself with somone who would make such a POOR decission?? NO WAY!!! you are to good for that crap. dont pin ANY of this bullshit on you, these are her demons, NOT yours, and there was nothing you could do about it so dont blame yourself.
i have had to face the music myself, truth is , you cant change who or what a person is, and there are people in our lives we have to let go because they arent good for us, arent good for your future, arent good for YOUR life and will drag you down time and time again. you cant take the spots off a leopard or the stripes off a zebra, they are what they are, and your ex is what she is, and THAT isnt you,in time you will meet the rt girl and one day you will look back on this and be thankful you arent still invloved in this mess and you will be much happier with somoeone that treats you with respect and doesnt chose drugs over a relationship. now pick your head up buckaroo, the future is WIDE OPEN with new possibilites and ALOT of new girls
Retired "hall of famer/elite powerlifter"
this should help make it easy, she is a no good and that is so WRONG. fck her , if you ever talk to this crazy lunatic i am going to find you and beat you down!!!you are too good for this and NO one should have to put up withthis shit, people who truly love u would never do such a hurtful thing to someone they love
Senior Member
My ex slept with the guy who was nothing but a "friend" two weeks after we broke up. There were plenty of times when they went off together to do some other stupid shit when we were still together. Oh well, f*ck her. You are too good for her.
Take this as a learning experience man. Because of this, you will become a stronger person, and you will have a different outlook on life. Doc Sust is right. If she truly loved you, she would have never done this to you. Keep on truckin man, you will get through this, and you will become a better person.
Junior Member
Drug addicts only think about one thing, how to get high. It doesn't matter who they are hurting, the high is what makes her happy. So if it makes you feel any better realize in her mind she isn't trying to hurt anyone she just wants to be stoned 24/7 so she feels "happy". As for yourself, tell her everything you want to say and then do everything you can to stay away from her. There is nothing you can do when she is all wrapped up in DRUGS=HER LIFE. The people she is hanging with are dealers/users who can help her get high. THAT IS ALL SHE CARES ABOUT RIGHT NOW. This sucks to deal with but the worst thing you could do is let her use you to continue her lifestyle. BE STRONG.
Senior Member
keep ur head up, literally... it might be hard but it changes your psychology instantly. look up, be proud you stuck to your guns and just remember that time will heal. every day, even if you cant tell, is a little better and ur a little stronger. we've all been there. stay up brutha.
Retired "hall of famer/elite powerlifter"
yes keep around all the people that support you, friends and family, try not to be alone, thats when it hurts the most, when you have to much time to think about it. keep yourself busy with work,hobbies anyhing to not think about it, go away for a few days. only other advice i cantell you is dont go get piss drunk because of it, in these situations, that never turns out good. a long time ago i went through a similar situation, i went to new orleans and started throwing garbage cans and pizza at people on bourbon st when i was drunk and upset, well i spent sometime in jail, trust me no place worse to be depresseed then that place! so dont act out,keep a level head, it isnt worth losing it or getting yourself in trouble
Dulce bellum inexpertis
Thanks for the kind words Doc Sust....Right now Im riding an emotional roller coaster... Yesterday I was mostly angry, angry at her for the stuff she did and I found out. Today, Im mostly sad that shes not here when I come home from class....To keep her from being able to play her games with me I got my number changed yesterday so that she now has no way to get a hold of me. I told her off yesterday and she didnt even have a response and Im glad she didnt. I told her to forget my number, forget me, and not to come crawling back to me once she sobers up because I will NOT be there. I really dont know how to feel right now, but after all these years and all the FAITH I had in her that she claimed I didnt, and all the trust I had in her that she tried to say I didnt..Im just hurt overall, and the anger has helped me want to put her behind me for good. I agree with everyone who said it, no one who truely loves you would do those kind of things to you EVER!
Retired "hall of famer/elite powerlifter"
good move on the number change. i had to do that to an ex before. dont make the mistake and give the number to anyone who may give it to her. stay strong , and no matter how bad it hurts ,never look back or go back
Dulce bellum inexpertis
yea man its so hard to not break down and call her...and today i was sittin alone in the house an started thinkin about her bein with another guy an just got really down...yesterday i was angry today im ****in just exhasutd with sadness....she wrote me a bunch of shit in an email like 'i hope i never see u again' and 'take ur memories i dont need em'....like I ****in did something wrong to her or some crazy shit like that...i just dont understand what the **** is in her head...My therapist wants me to goto some NARNON meeting or somethin like that for spouses/significant others of drug addicts but i told him i wouldnt feel comfortable since im not with her anymore...my mom also wants me to talk to someone she works with whos an addiction specialist she said he can shed a lot of light on my situation and possibly make me feel better...I mean im doin nething in my power here guys its not ****ing easy when youve lived with a woman that long and gave her every inch of ur devotion...im experiencing a different emotion everyday and it sucks trying to go about my day an just havin a breakdown in the middle of it...i didnt realise how truely attached to her i am...
Senior Member
What you've described is exactly how I felt. In fact, I broke down a couple of times and did call her. But that just made my situation even worse. You're doing the right thing by not contacting her at all.
Keep venting man, it will help you get over her. Keep on trucking bro, you're going to learn from this experience, and you will become a better person.
"Vanity Redefined" ~VET~
see.. this is what happens when u dont fallow tai's advice... "shoulda shanked her w/ a piece of glass" that learns em EVERY time!
Member
I agree with those who said you just need to let her go. I'm sure you'll love this girl for a while to come, but you shouldn't be required to love her to death. If she wants to fuvk herself up on drugs then the only thing you can do is make sure you're as far away as possible. If she cleans up her act, who knows what could happen? But you're probably better off not going down that road again. Good luck though and stay strong. Try to stay in the gym as much as possible too...that's really helped me in similar situations. You could try to drown your sadness and pain in bottom of a bottle or you can let it out and go lift some weights.
Last edited by MoneyAddyct; 07-19-2006 at 01:34 PM.
Dulce bellum inexpertis
solid advice....so i got the entire scoop...she was cheating on me for the last MONTH striaght...and now shes with this waste of life everyday, most likely because he buys her drugs or does them with her, something id never do...its got me sick to my stomach but whatever...
Member
Forget about her. Just go on living, hit the gym, hang out with friends, listen to music. (I dunno but music is probably the second best thing next to working out that helps me when I'm in a shitty mood.) Take it easy man. It'll all work out in the end.
Dulce bellum inexpertis
talked to her today and she told me how shes not on drugs anymore but shes so much happier with this new guy and how good it makes her feel...i just cant believe the words leaving her mouth....the only way i know how to describe how i feel is dead...i feel absolutely dead inside, i dont even wanna get up outa the chair i feel weak like i have no energy and just feel completely dead...
Banned
Fvck it man, you're too nice, stop talking to her you dont need her in your life nemore......why the fvck are you doing this to yourself?
Banned
She's just a warm body that you liked fvcking that's all, many more of those out there and alot better than that one......
Senior Member
Bro, I will be the first to say that that's more than likely a bunch of bullshit. My ex told everyone that she was so happy with her new bf. But I just found out recently, that she told a buddy of mine that she wasn't happy. She also said that she knows that she's just digging herself a grave by constantly partying, drinking and shit. She also said that she didn't really want to associate with my friend anymore because she'd bring him down.
It really sounds to me like she's saying that to make you feel bad..and it seems to be working. Don't let her bring you down. Do you honestly think she could quit those drugs just like that, and be happy all of a sudden? There's no way bro.
Dulce bellum inexpertis
I dont know man...she told me she has a 'fresh start' with him and shes living her life day by day and only living for herself now and loving it...she said to stop trying to make her feel like shit for what she did cuz shes putting it out of her mind and not caring about....so basically shes tellin me she shouldn't feel bad for doing it....its been a full 7 days now today, and im no better than i was the day it happend but now im just finding out more and more...its ****ing tearing me apart from the inside out....the other day i was really angry, and today im so hurt and sad that i cant even cry, i just feel nautious and have a burning feeling in my chest...my emotions are everywhere, and my friends arent the most sympathetic in the world... on one hand i feel like i wanna get out there and better myself even more, then on the other hand i feel like it all means nothing without her...i keep asking myself why she would cheat on me, was i not good enough for her? i feel worthless about myself like there was somethin she gets from him she wasnt gettin at home..i just keep trying to find reasons for how she could do such a thing to me, and then not even feel bad about it.... i hooked up with a girl last night, and it made me feel two thousand times worse, it made me sick to even touch her...its just not the same....i ****ing hate her and at the same time i want her back so badly...what she did is unforgiveable but it hurts so bad...why the **** do i want someone who can hurt me so bad it doesnt make sense....i dont know what the **** im doing anymore...i really dont know what to do with myself or how i feel...im a total ****ing mess...its hard to even get through my day and wanna get up outa bed...but when i lay in bed i feel worse...i just feel like im nothing without her...and the way the message she wrote me was like its all my fault for why she did what she did and saying she was miserable and now shes happy..... i woke up for the passed 3 days just wishing i would die somehow...i feel so horrible inside i feel like i would be better off if i could just die...
New Member
bro, youve heard the saying that time heals all wounds- its true. i went thru the same thing 2 years ago and i fell into a deep depression. like you, i had the support of my mom and now, two years later , i have a newborn baby girl with my beautiful fiance! i now wonder why i ever shed a tear over my ex. thank her bro, for making you a stronger man. i promise you youll come out of this a better man, i promise!
Senior Member
Dude, she thinks she's happy. But she's not. She knows that she wronged you, and she's just trying to mask the pain by making you feel bad, and saying she has a fresh start or whatever. She probably wont ever admit it to you, but here in a little while she'll realize that she's not really happy.
I hope this makes you feel better. But the fact that you can go out and pick up a girl means that you won't have a problem finding another girlfriend. Now for me, I can't pick up a girl to save my life. I just got lucky with this last one. But I'm doing fine. Give yourself more time. You will get through this. If I can, you can too.
Dulce bellum inexpertis
im real down right now...horribly...i went over an talked to her today face to face so we could settle shit plus i had things to give back to her....she told me how great this guy is and how different he is than anyone shes ever met..then she looked me right in the eyes and said i dont love you anymore...she said a bunch of shit concernin this dude and how she wasnt happy and how much better she is now..and all day after that i was fine i almost felt refreshed...i come home just now an sit down and i feel the worst i have yet..im so ****in drained from all this i just cant take it all in and my emotions are everywhere..it seems like nothing anyone says to me makes it better..i feel like a chump, a sucker, a ****in idiot, a loser, i feel worthless after everything she said...this is so ****in unlike me im usually a confident strong willed person and can deal with tuff situations better than most people i know...when bad things go wrong in the family people are usually leaning on me because im staying strong...but this is absolutely breaking me down and winning and taking its toll on me...im ripped apart from the inside out and i just dont know what ill do anymore i hope nothing stupid...
Banned
Dude that bitch is just showing you her true colors by telling you how good she's doing with the other guy, plus she was cheating while you guys were still togheter, do you really thing that she loves you??????
Cause if you do your as sick as her, sorry to sound like this but your a man thats why you have a set of balls hanging beetwen your legs, move on why do you want a person like that in your life?
Cheating on you doing drugs, come on i know your better than that so dont let this excuse of human being take you down with her.
Best of luck to you, God bless.
Dulce bellum inexpertis
Lol thanks man... I cut her off completely...it really kills me..but I know in the long run its better...Im finally focusing all my energy on me and its refreshing...
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