Just don't take it as anything personal. And I'm glad you put "people" suck and not that "women" suck. A lot of times when guys break up with thier girls they go into this whole gender bashing charade for 6 months and don't realize it has nothing to do with women as a gender but people in general.Originally Posted by Atomini
I'm not sure what she said but realize its nothing more than just *words. She is the last person on this planet that will give an honest assesment of who you really are given the situation shes in and the person she sounds like.
The whole process of seperating from a partner involves a total and complete reassociation that can take some time.
When couples meet each partner tends to associate inaccurately the real value of thier partner.
Like she may sport love handles and instead of thinking "wow this chick needs to lose some weight" you may rosetint this fact and associate her love handles in your mind in a good way like "her love handles are actually kinda cute".
This goes on for EVERY single characteristic you acknowledge in your partner. So when it comes time to break up, the true bad feelings you feel are a result of the conflict between an old system of associated beliefs vs. a new system of reassociated beliefs.
The actual reassociation is what hurts. Because it is actually a painful process to have beliefs shattered and than your mind is left to take all those pieces and put them together in a new and often more accurate manner. You will start to view your partner as who they truely are and not who you wanted them to be in your mind when you were with them.
Its a fvcked up process but its completely normal.
Just understand humans often form thier identity from a reflection of thier environment. Like you do good in school you come to think you are smart. If your teachers call on you and praise you as a student this further reinforces that aspect of your identity.
If you are abused as a child you may tend to view yourself as worthless. And you may seek partners who will treat you as worthless because you believe they are only being honest and that must mean they care about you. So whats even MORE fvcked up than *people is the way we let them affect our lives.
NEVER forget that shit.
Our identities are always evolving and forming. MOST of its evolution however is done in our youth. Which can be a major setback for a lot of people. Understand right now this minute you identity is seeking reinforcement for however you currently view yourself.
If she's making you nautious, chances are your actually taking pieces of what she said and using them to reinforce who you think you are.
DO NOT DO THAT.
Why?
She is NOT you.
It may sound simple but thinking is such an automatic process for most people that they don't realize what they are really doing to themselves.
Pay attention to your thoughts.
Most thoughts are as random and useless as leaves flowing down a stream. They really aren't good OR bad. They are more neutral than anything.
This is sooo important to realize.
Like snow for instance.
Anytime it snows you ALWAYS have one group of people who can't wait to make snow angels or go skiing & than another group of people who sees nothing but frozen car batteries and the endless aching hours of shoveling.
You see. Snow LIKE what this girl said about you, is niether good or bad. The way it made you nautious another guy may have laughed in her face and felt sorry for her and spared himself that nautious feeling you felt.
I could really go on forever but this should be enough to help you understand it really has NOTHING to do with her or what SHE says, its the - or + energy you attach to the neutral *words coming out of her mouth.
You can go in either direction, and the fact is they are both equally meaningless, so why bother making shit any harder for yourself when you don't need to?
Rock on dude.
-Bo
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