I once knew a girl who?

[The Deuce]

I went to hang out with an old friend, his wife, and another couple one evening. We didn't do anything special..sit around and shoot the bull mostly. It was starting to get late and my friend's wife puts in a porno movie. We watch for something like a half hour or so and the married couple leaves (maybe they were getting horny). That should have been my cue to leave too but for some reason I sat and chatted for a little while longer.

Out of the blue my friend's wife comes over and sits next to me. Now, keep in mind that my friend is still in the room. She starts rubbing my crotch and eventually pulls my dick out and starts sucking on it. My friend just smiles and watches. I'm sure my eyes were as big as saucers as I didn't want to upset my friend. Eventually I end up banging her on the floor while my pal watches. After I finished he cheerfully said "my turn," like it was his turn on an amusement ride or something. He banged her while I watched and then that was pretty much it. They didn't seem to really mind the whole thing.

Wow, yah ummm.. that's cool n all.. I'd bang my friends wife/gf/fiance whatever...if he wanted me to.. BUT !! What makes this story very very fvcked up bro.. is THAT YOU STAYED AND WATCHED HIM!! Negative no-no!! You get the fvck out of dodge after situation...

While in Tulsa OK, for work I had sex with a 51 year old (was 23 at the time).
I was mildly hitting on her at the start of the night at a bar - 4 hours later i'm hammered she snatched me up and drove me home with her.

I vaguely remember getting a handjob in the car on the way home - I wake up cuddled up with a cat, no joke. Confused as all hell.

Roll over and there's the woman. She looked good FOR 51. but she was still 51.

As i'm getting a good morning BJ, I say - I think you're almost as old as my mother. She didn't even skip a beat.

Don't feel bad bro, I was 23yo... and i was faced with a similar situation.. she said she was 48 and i believed her.. so we did what two consenting adults do.. and called it a night.. she looked good.. plus she had fake boobies.. cool.. FAST FORWARD 2 YEARS: I Start dating this girl Virginia.. everything's going great and she says one night.. you wanna come over to my Mom's house for her b-day party.. i am all like ok.. sure hun.. if that's what you want. So we go over to her Mom's house.. mind you thiis is the first time i have met her.. or so i thought.. we get there.. and I walk in the door to meet her mom and im starring in the face of Ginny's Mom.. she smiles, winks, and says good to meet you.. Ginny's in the kitchen at this point and I am alone with Granny...She then says don't worry.. secret's safe with me.. You make my daughter happy.. **PHEW** NOW, The lights dim and out walks Ginny and her sis holding the B-day cake..AND WHAT'S ON THAT CAKE BUT 2 Candles.. A BIG FVCKING 6 and a ZERO !!! She is turning 60!!!! She lied to me about her age by a whole effin decade!! Ahhhh... To make matters worse.. we are all sitting in the Living Room later on in the evening.. and Ginny starts talking about SEX.. and she says to her MOTHER.. "Hey, Ma, You used to be quite the ManSlayer back in the day huh?" ... Her Mother replies, "Still am sweetie, Still am !! I like my Young Man Meat.. between the ages of of 23-26 is the best Years.." Then winks at me.. Wow, that was a messed up Night...

I once banged my neighbors wife...several times.

EDIT: Sorry...forgot the details. So this guy is my neighbor, we used to be cool...but a dispute over a fence that he wouldn't repair soured our neighborhood friendship. He started ducking me HARD...straight disrespect, like you can't even talk to me? Anywho..he's a rich guy, pretty hot wife in her mid 30's...never worked a day in her life. So they started having hard times and she booted him out. I was walking my dog one night when I got home at around 3 am, she was driving home and pulled up to me to say hi...exlaiming "wow, you're out late" I reply "yeah you too...out partying?" she says "something like that". Im thinking it's now or never. So I ask "So..I'm not tired yet...wanna hang?" She tells me yes so I say I'll take my dog home and go over to her house. So I go over there, and didn't really have to do a whole lot! We exchanged a few words on the couch and I just figured "**** it...this will either work or it wont" and I just pulled it out, and she went into action...that was that.

We continued to bang for a few weeks, then she got pissed off because I ripped out all the palm trees her husband had planted along the fence line (with a bulldozer) and put up a proper fence. Oh well...it was fun anyway! I did it mainly because he pissed me off. I snagged a pair of her worn panties with her perfume ALL over them during our affair, and left them hanging in the door handle of her husbands truck...just so he knows...LOL.

EPIC !!!

[B][/B

I once knew a girl for a few weeks, and we were partying at her place and got pretty intoxicated one thing led to another and we were in her room. I saw one of those big mag lite flash lights and i told her to masterbate with it, half jokingly not thinking she would at all. And to my disbelief she actually did it with the Mag lite.

I tend to stay clear of any woman that is taking a MAG*LITE ... Yah uhhh NO... I am in No way small BUT.. I am in no way a friggen MAG*LITE.. Plus, i think a woman that can take a mag*lite... will probably be loose as a Porn Starlet lol...

[Nooomoto]

Thanks for all the compliments gentlemen. However, there wasn't much skill involved. I'm usually not good at picking up chicks on the fly, I take my time to get in there, do some damage for a couple weeks and get out. It happened so fast, didn't really plan it out. Plus I was on test at the time...maybe she smelled it? LOL.

To make it better, when I finally had the trees ripped out she came over yelling at me about "her" trees...as if SHE paid for them. She's like "WHeres all my trees?!" I pointed to the pile of trees in front of my house waiting for trash pick up "Right there." I continued to explain how this couldve have been avoided if her husband had been a man and worked something out with me (this situation had existed since Hurricane Katrina!!!), instead of running away every time he saw me. I also explained she was way out of line coming over to yell at me...go yell at your fkin husband!

[DCI]

Man, your ****ing hilarious. Just go cruising in the M5 and you'll pick up all types of hos lol.

Best bit is "my trees, my trees" bahaha

[Eddie_m63]

I once new a girl that dumped my ass, before we even dated. Nothing to tell but great stories, wish i had something to share too.

[vaders4]

I knew a girl who once...

let me shove a huge sake bottle in her *****, and I fisted her.

I have pics

[warchild]

Back in April I banged a girl who used to date a friend (well she was his gf 5 yrs ago)...she was the best fvck i ever had...licked my ass and we did all sorts of freaky stuff to each other. So i came inside her...then i didnt talk to her for a few months cus i felt bad about doing it. SO one night after a few drinks I wrote her an email on facebook and the next day she wrote back how she thinks about the night often and how she has a bf or she'd do it again (ya rite, she get mad at him and call me one night) the part that sticks in my head was when she said the best part was "feeling my cum drip out of her"... I fvckn jackoff to her everyday!!!!!!!

[kalspic]

I knew a girl who once...

let me shove a huge sake bottle in her *****, and I fisted her.

I have pics

thats a little loose for me. are they for our viewing pleasure?

[CHUCKYthentic]

how the hell did i miss this thread! well, i could go on for days with this one, but wont to be over zealous... lets start with...

...let me put it in her ass, BUT then she would INSIST i let her suck my Kok and gizz, not only in her mouth, but literally DOWN her throat. wouldnt take her mouth off it at all!

[Friend]

how the hell did i miss this thread! well, i could go on for days with this one, but wont to be over zerlous... lets start with...

...let me put it in her ass, BUT then she would INSIST i let her suck my Kok and gizz, not only in her mouth, but literally DOWN her throat. wouldnt take her mouth off it at all!

Marry this woman

[Bojangles69]

I once knew a tiny girl who got angry one day and threw a laptop literally right threw a window.
Then proceeded to break things in the house and dragged a 300lb piece of furniture down a flight of stairs.

My brother will be marrying that girl very soon lmao

[CHUCKYthentic]

I once knew a tiny girl who got angry one day and threw a laptop literally right threw a window.
Then proceeded to break things in the house and dragged a 300lb piece of furniture down a flight of stairs.

My brother will be marrying that girl very soon lmao

wow sounds like almost every hispanic chick ive dated... or in this region should i say. on that note...

i once knew a girl that woke me up at 4am with a knife at my chin! goodfellas style! glad it wasnt my pistol

[Necrosaro]

BUT then she would INSIST i let her suck my Kok and gizz, not only in her mouth, but literally DOWN her throat. wouldnt take her mouth off it at all!

^ Happened to me before as well. I had this one girl that just wanted to blow so she did and when I got to the moment I told her just to be nice but she didn't say a thing so I said it a bit louder just in case she didn't hear it and she just kept going and boom I went and she swallowed as well. She just continued till the next one right after no break at all. It was insane!

[CHUCKYthentic]

oh got a funny one! so there were these 2 girls, one i was kinda dating for awhile but didnt work out. the other one, her roommate, i just had some fun with and banged a few times... they were roommates. lived in a very small 2 bed 1 bath apt

so the one i banged a few times, we ll call her #2, we just had fun together. we would go partying on the weekends and just get smashed and have great sex. most of the time was at my apt cuz of the roommate thing

a few times were at here apt... well every time over there this girl would be SOOOOO loud, seriously like ridiculous to the point of annoying but i didnt mind too much cuz i was wasted haha. she would yel obscene sh1t, WIERD shit. after the 2nd time i got to thinkin that she was doing it purposely to piss her roommate off or maybe she was just some nympho psycho (well she kinda was). come to find out from my cousin, who is her good friend, it was true, she would tell her she did it on purpose. psycho slut

so anyway... one night, it was a random wednesday night, her and i went and had drinks with some friends and got smashed! went back to her apt, got down to business and i swear it was like her ultimate performance, just screaming the craziest sh!t!

well her rommmate opened the door mid-sex and threw a damn text book at us! screamed some sort of mess for a good 20-30 seconds, pissed as hell, and shut the door!

hahaha damn book hit me in the leg... she must have been studying

[LastFighter]

they are both gone.

[Hazard]

That ex-stripper I was hittin' gave me my 1st "ass clapping" show LOLOLOL - anything that can be done with an ass..... she did. I might have to give her a call

~Haz~

[DCI]

how the hell did i miss this thread! well, i could go on for days with this one, but wont to be over zealous... lets start with...

...let me put it in her ass, BUT then she would INSIST i let her suck my Kok and gizz, not only in her mouth, but literally DOWN her throat. wouldnt take her mouth off it at all!

I used go out with a girl like that. She'd suck a golf ball through a garden hose not a bother. Was great we'd fook and that be it blow the head off me.

[Schmidty]

i remember one from way back when!!! i went to this chicks place i met at school n she lived w her bf at the time well after a lil bit of partyin few drinks and a few other things her and i aere really clicken and we leave and drive t oa empty parking lot, we in the back seat and im goin down on her n fingering her and it was the sexiest thing i had ever heared she was purring and meowing like a ****n cat n the shits got my all wound up it was sooooo fvckn hot n we start bangin n shes doin this whole cat ting the whole time. was wiered though she had sum plastic thing or sumthin up her ***** my dick kept hitn and she told me not to mind it lol i really didnt put much thought in it cause i was loaded but i wonder wtf was up her... i drove her back to her bfs and drank his beer and chilled the rest the night lol

[stack_it]

^^ prolly a birth control ring. I've ran into this a couple of times.

[Necrosaro]

It better not have been a tampon^

[Hazard]

It better not have been a tampon^

or a bag of heroin

~Haz~

[TinyTexan]

I was at a bar once and an attractive older lady, about 45 years old or so, stuck up a conversation. Wasnt long and the convo got colorful. Now she was attractive no doubt, but I was only like 30. So ok whatever. So she asks me if I had ever had the sportsmans double. I say no whats that. She says a mother daughter combo. Well the short version is Iended up going back to her house with her. We walked through the front door, she put her purse down and screamed up stairs "HEY MA? YOU STILL UP?" I was like WTF?

[bjpennnn]

LET ME BLOW Y LOAD IN HER ear, and then days later she got an ear infection

[TinyTexan]

I took a customer to my house one time. We had been flirting around and she had said she liked to give head. As it happens I like head, so I invited her over for a movie. the movie came on I put my arm around her right away. once the movie actually started I just grabbed the back of her head and pushed down in my lap. I was on cycle. She started doing her business. Finally she got on the ground in front of me and was getting after it. When I blew she had just pulled her head up off of it, and it blew up her nostril! She grabbed her nose and said "oh!" with a real high pitch, then got right back on the rest of it. I laughed while she finished me! That one is true

[DangerDave]

Once dated a girl in high school who had a really dirty mind. We were both 14 but she begged me to come to her house after school the following day and shag her. I thought that was a good idea so got some domes from my father and went to her house the following day.

Within a few minutes of being there we making out but my phone keeps ringing, its my mom frantically trying to call me. I ignore it and continue with my little lady. A few short minutes later we hear a loud banging on the front door, we panic thinking its her folks. We get all our clothes on and have a look. I look out of the window and see my mom in the driveway, next to a police car, and a police officer at the front door.

Turns out my mom overheard me asking my dad for domes and knew my plans. She raced to my girls house but on the way stopped next to a cop and told him: 'my son is in big trouble'. The cops thinking that it was something serious followed my mom to the house. She really wanted to give me a big scare and clearly didnt want me to to shag. The one cop was really angry with my mother for wasting their time but the other was in stiches with laughter.

Needless to say we were rather embarassed. The girl broke up with me and told her friends at school.

I've always had a great laugh thinking about that.

So basically I know a woman (my mom) who actually pitched up with the cops to prevent me from having sex

[Hazard]

Once dated a girl in high school who had a really dirty mind. We were both 14 but she begged me to come to her house after school the following day and shag her. I thought that was a good idea so got some domes from my father and went to her house the following day.

Within a few minutes of being there we making out but my phone keeps ringing, its my mom frantically trying to call me. I ignore it and continue with my little lady. A few short minutes later we hear a loud banging on the front door, we panic thinking its her folks. We get all our clothes on and have a look. I look out of the window and see my mom in the driveway, next to a police car, and a police officer at the front door.

Turns out my mom overheard me asking my dad for domes and knew my plans. She raced to my girls house but on the way stopped next to a cop and told him: 'my son is in big trouble'. The cops thinking that it was something serious followed my mom to the house. She really wanted to give me a big scare and clearly didnt want me to to shag. The one cop was really angry with my mother for wasting their time but the other was in stiches with laughter.

Needless to say we were rather embarassed. The girl broke up with me and told her friends at school.

I've always had a great laugh thinking about that.

So basically I know a woman (my mom) who actually pitched up with the cops to prevent me from having sex

Thats frickin ridiculous..... I would have killed her.....

I took a customer to my house one time. We had been flirting around and she had said she liked to give head. As it happens I like head, so I invited her over for a movie. the movie came on I put my arm around her right away. once the movie actually started I just grabbed the back of her head and pushed down in my lap. I was on cycle. She started doing her business. Finally she got on the ground in front of me and was getting after it. When I blew she had just pulled her head up off of it, and it blew up her nostril! She grabbed her nose and said "oh!" with a real high pitch, then got right back on the rest of it. I laughed while she finished me! That one is true

LOLOLOL I would have been dying.....

LET ME BLOW Y LOAD IN HER ear, and then days later she got an ear infection

thats just not right..... LOL serves her right

I was at a bar once and an attractive older lady, about 45 years old or so, stuck up a conversation. Wasnt long and the convo got colorful. Now she was attractive no doubt, but I was only like 30. So ok whatever. So she asks me if I had ever had the sportsmans double. I say no whats that. She says a mother daughter combo. Well the short version is Iended up going back to her house with her. We walked through the front door, she put her purse down and screamed up stairs "HEY MA? YOU STILL UP?" I was like WTF?

tell me this is fake..... LOLOLOL - if not..... this is EPIC......

~Haz~

[TITANIUM]

I got laid on a work out bench before.

Got a hand job by a girl, in the back seat when her parents were driving.

Tagged a rich model a few times.

Nailed a school teacher before, then flew to Florida and did it some more.

In my younger years though.

I wonder what happened to that one, as she had a rack to die for!

Best

T

(I hate getting old!)

[intensityfreak]

i was once recieving oral, with the girl lieng on her back and i was sitting over her face and when the big bang happend i guess i crapped on her.lol she looks at her shirt and goes, oh its just anal leakage.lol i didnt know that was possible till then.lolololol

i was going through a rough time in my life so i was banging a disgusing pizza hut girl, yea i was miserable throughout the whole thing.

[DangerDave]

i was once recieving oral, with the girl lieng on her back and i was sitting over her face and when the big bang happend i guess i crapped on her.lol she looks at her shirt and goes, oh its just anal leakage.lol i didnt know that was possible till then.lolololol

i was going through a rough time in my life so i was banging a disgusing pizza hut girl, yea i was miserable throughout the whole thing.

[Hate Being Small]

i was once recieving oral, with the girl lieng on her back and i was sitting over her face and when the big bang happend i guess i crapped on her.lol she looks at her shirt and goes, oh its just anal leakage.lol i didnt know that was possible till then.lolololol

i was going through a rough time in my life so i was banging a disgusing pizza hut girl, yea i was miserable throughout the whole thing.

funny bro

[kalspic]

i was once recieving oral, with the girl lieng on her back and i was sitting over her face and when the big bang happend i guess i crapped on her.lol she looks at her shirt and goes, oh its just anal leakage.lol i didnt know that was possible till then.lolololol

i was going through a rough time in my life so i was banging a disgusing pizza hut girl, yea i was miserable throughout the whole thing.

Wait she didnt even care? just kept sucking?

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah... thats low

[Chitown Raider]

I once dated this chick who lived w/ her roomate a sucka, although he called her his girlfriend. Anyways, she gives me a ride home after a night at the bar, we get busy in her back seat. She's wearing these thigh boots with the pointy heel, now to the best part. We are banging and she's got her heels leaving footprints on the headliner of the roof. Well the roomate takes her car to work the next day and sees the boot marks. He confronts her when he got home and she blew it off as it was from the boxes he hauls around for work that scratched up the liner. The sucka fell for it, it was about 6 months later she told her mom about it, and even she thought it was funny. On top of things, her mom liked this bozo she was living with.