is she cheatin?

[Bojangles69]

so you're telling me that if a girl told you she was concerned you might be cheating, that wouldn't bother you at all? you'd be ok with her not trusting you?

yeh.. exactly, especially if i (or she) was giving her/him a reason not to. which is this threads exact position.

you need to understand that different people have different taste in women. C

conflict of boundaries, not taste. if you dont set certain boundaries in a relationship, and cant collectively discuss significant issues like cheating, thats where you failed. ive had bad taste in the past but still implemented boundaries they KNEW never to cross.

that doesn't mean they're lunatics

lu·na·cy Audio pronunciation of "lunacy" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ln-s)
n. pl. lu·na·cies
1. Great or wild foolishness.
2. A wildly foolish act.
**webster disagrees with you, and so do i. a wildy foolish act aka throwing a fit when asked a question.

that just means they're a different taste than what you prefer.

yes i prefer women i can have a non dramatized civil conversation with, despite the context of the dialouge.

personally, trust in a relationship is very important to me and if i don't have that with someone, that to me would be a problem.

we agree!! but again.. give me a reason not to trust you.. we have more important issues than "expecting trust" that crosses the line to actual betrayal.

i would not be happy cause of them showing concern about our relationship. i would be frustrated that the person doesn't feel they can completely trust me. to me, it wouldn't be about cheating or not, it would be about the trust. however, whether or not it would bother me would all depend on how they go about addressing their concerns to me.

you'd be frustrated that a person has a logical reason to question your fidelity?? (within the context of this threads position and the whole situation we're debating) so if we were dating and you started acting suspicious and disappearing and making excuses youd actually get mad if i had a brain and the common sense to ask you what the hell is going on?!?!?

also, i don't think there should be any "training" in a relationship. you either accept a person for who they are or you don't. simple as that in my book.

your book must be really short. we all TRAIN people how to treat us by what we tolerate from them, despite w/e the hell word you want to use instead of "training" that makes you happy and your personal "taste" for words.

i've had those relationships where you had to "train" the women to learn where the boundaries of what you'd accept were, and it's just not worth it IMO. i actually wasted 4 years of my life in a relationship like that, and probably a good 20-30 other shorter relationships.

.. and you still do it, everyone does. you didnt just all a sudden start tolerating shit now you didnt in the past, because thats exactly what STOPPED TRAINING means aka start tolerating shit you wouldnt.

i think if you address an issue as not a concern for cheating but a concern for the person distancing themselves from you and they get an attitude, then i'm with you 100% in kicking them to the curb. but when it comes to issues of fidelity, that's a real touchy subject with some people that can easily offend if not handled carefully.

you always address the issue, going around and avoiding the real issue is never the way you solve it.

note: for all those who dont set boundaries with women and are AFRAID to address real issues like cheating, have fun a few years down the road ignoring the fact that she comes home every night and you kiss a face full of some other mans semen.. because shes with a man who is actually a women (you) cause your afraid to take a stand for yourself which happens to be the exact reason why shes cheating on you in the first place..

[OSTIE]

I hope all turns out well... but in my honest opinion... its still shady... if you guys are seriously dating and are close... most girls would want the emotional support when goin through anything that may cause pain or change emotion.... All the girls ive dated, high maintanence(sp?) or emotionally strong all wanted the comfort of their guy by their side when they go through sh!t like that... All girls I even know would want a guy to count on because they like that security.... and she is leaving you in the dark...

Ill admit, I always assume the worst, but most times the hunch is right... PRIME EXAMPLE... I started a thread on dating outside my race... I hate titles so Ill just say we were dating, but we were close as shit although I still kept one eye open to reality because this girl, who was raised strict and follows strict beliefs only had ONE bf before me and they were supposed to get married, it was her only sexual partner, BLAH BLAH BLAH, so obviously feelings like that are hard to let go of...

SO, I tried to be understanding, but after I called her house two nights in a row after she got outta work and her roommate(brother) said she never came home and she canceled our plans for dinner and a movie... I CUT THAT SH!T off because my assumption is past emotions caught up to her and shes letting herself get emotionally hurt again by her EX... YES, their may be valid reasons and yes I really care for this person... but im not going to take the chance of letting myself get hurt more and lied too.... Ill live with the possibility I was wrong and fcked up a good thing, because I know atleast ill never have the chance of gettin cheated on and getting hurt

Point is... ditch her and move on

[EKLM]

Man, you better do your homework dog these days being in a relationship is big risk all by itself. That defitnetley sounds a little funny.

[Mizfit]

How old is she and how old r u?

Sorr not sure we dealt with that am im on my way to the gym.. but will check it out when i get bak

[Rookie1974]

How old is she and how old r u?

Sorr not sure we dealt with that am im on my way to the gym.. but will check it out when i get bak

She is 24 I am 32. We are both professional students (and study lots!!!) which is why we normally spend so much time together. It starts to seem odd when she runs off when we both have a national exam comming up.

[stuball]

She is 24 I am 32. We are both professional students (and study lots!!!) which is why we normally spend so much time together. It starts to seem odd when she runs off when we both have a national exam comming up.

Dude shes 24 and your 32, forget it she will be clubbin, youll be nappin..8 years is a big difference, and at 24 she just startin to test the waters, anyway good luck, hope it works out for ya...

[Tren Bull]

I got a funny feeling about this....doing things that she normaly does'nt do, like hanging with her sister all day....going to 3 dentist appointments (one 2 hours out of town) for a sore tooth and now not anwsering her phone.

would you
1. confront her
2. be patient and see what happens
3. drop her like a hot penny

dentist appointments only happen once every 6 months... and you always go to the same dentist. seems pretty shady to me bro.

[firmechicano831]

just bang her really hard and then say next!

[fatale]

Always suspect there's something wrong when your Significant Other doesn't call you back after you leave a voicemail or haven't answered the phone after you call them so many times.

[Mizfit]

Always suspect there's something wrong when your Significant Other doesn't call you back after you leave a voicemail or haven't answered the phone after you call them so many times.

calling ur significant other alot of times without them calling you back is a bit psychotic

[PROTEINSHAKE]

if you even have to ask us---she's up to something..been there bro---tail her,confront her --do something.

[ascendant]

if you even have to ask us---she's up to something..been there bro---tail her,confront her --do something.

apparently another person who posts before reading through a thread

[Rookie1974]

Ok, Shes definatley cheating......I played it cool and kept my eyes open. Its her x-husband. Whom now lives in Chicago. She mde up some BS story bout her going with her couzin to Chi-town. So I figure...Id like to meet your couzin. Dont you know it she seeks out of town. And I try to call he as she is driving. I call leave a message and she calls back...4X this happened. And everytime she was stopped at a rest stop, or at least not in the car.

K, I know about when she is comming back, I have his My Space page ( but no Phone #)

Any good Ideas on how to OWN the hoe?

[DNoMac]

Oh snap! Public humiliation always works.

[Mizfit]

do you think her ex knows about u?

[Rookie1974]

do you think her ex knows about u?

I would suspect he suspects.....

I came close to getting into it with this guy. He shows up one day at the coffee house and calls her on the celly to come out to the parking lot. The guys got a history of pushing her around, leaving some bruises ect... (he an over wt 220 shes 107) So I watch and he grabs her and forces her to the other side of this truck (they are both out of site now). Im thinking hes going to hit her or at least it cannot be good.

I come bolting out of the coffee house dragging as many people with me as possible. He get in my face, noting happens to her and he leaves.

She puts him out of the house and he moves to Chicago.

So does he know about me? I dont know but she said he suspects she is sleeping with one of her study partners (me or two others). After that incident he has to suspect its me. He's fairly intuitive.

[Mizfit]

I would suspect he suspects.....

I came close to getting into it with this guy. He shows up one day at the coffee house and calls her on the celly to come out to the parking lot. The guys got a history of pushing her around, leaving some bruises ect... (he an over wt 220 shes 107) So I watch and he grabs her and forces her to the other side of this truck (they are both out of site now). Im thinking hes going to hit her or at least it cannot be good.

I come bolting out of the coffee house dragging as many people with me as possible. He get in my face, noting happens to her and he leaves.

She puts him out of the house and he moves to Chicago.

So does he know about me? I dont know but she said he suspects she is sleeping with one of her study partners (me or two others). After that incident he has to suspect its me. He's fairly intuitive.

msg him on my space and ask what's up

[Rookie1974]

msg him on my space and ask what's up

Yea thought about that, guys kind of violent. They are seperated, and hes moved out, but hes still got her photos of him and her on his myspace, says he still married and loves his wife bla bla bla.

I thinking this guy is nuts

[taiboxa]

i said it once i'll say it again.. SHIV her w/ a piece of glass..

[kloter1]

I got a funny feeling about this....doing things that she normaly does'nt do, like hanging with her sister all day....going to 3 dentist appointments (one 2 hours out of town) for a sore tooth and now not anwsering her phone.

would you
1. confront her
2. be patient and see what happens
3. drop her like a hot penny

i wouldnt suspect anything just yet. i would confront her. then see where it goes.

[kloter1]

**** that sucks man. make her life miserable. stupid beotch.

[Rookie1974]

She decides to fly back today. She could tell I was gettin distant and a bit upset...kind of hard to completely hide it.....

Hell I dont know anymore...life is too good to be messin with this BS. It aint like I'll have any problems filling in her absence.

Trust is Key and must come first, and frankly right now if the good Lord told me noting was happening, I would'nt believe it!

[1819]

She decides to fly back today. She could tell I was gettin distant and a bit upset...kind of hard to completely hide it.....

Hell I dont know anymore...life is too good to be messin with this BS. It aint like I'll have any problems filling in her absence.

Trust is Key and must come first, and frankly right now if the good Lord told me noting was happening, I would'nt believe it!

you said it yourself. life is too good to mess with the b.s. run far and fast from this mess.

[Mizfit]

She decides to fly back today. She could tell I was gettin distant and a bit upset...kind of hard to completely hide it.....

Hell I dont know anymore...life is too good to be messin with this BS. It aint like I'll have any problems filling in her absence.

Trust is Key and must come first, and frankly right now if the good Lord told me noting was happening, I would'nt believe it!

then walk away and forget bout it.. seriously..

[Rookie1974]

I broke it off....then decided to MySpace her husband. I hate that I may be killing a relationship that I truly wanted, so I had to dig a bit to verify the situation.

I asked this guy in as peaceful a mannor as I could...What's UP????? The following is the conversation ovee My Space.

Tim,

I respect your marriage to LS and would not want to come between it.

Whats up with you and LS? Do you still see her? She telling me that you and her have not seen each other for months?

Im getting from her that you two are divoriced and moved on and I see that your in Chicago. However, your myspace seems to indicate otherwise?

I mean no disrespect to you, but just would like your help to clarify your relationship with LS.

Best Wishes


Tim's (the x husband) Response:

Glenn,
How are you? I trust all is well. I read your message with a great amount of curiousity. LS my wife just left Chicago on Saturday. I fail to understand why it matters to you or why you are asking me these questions. Are you interested in my wife? If you are please let me know. If your not excuse me for asking.

If you think that she wants to date you please let me know. She and I have not gotten a divorce nor are we separated. I'm here for work reasons. We maintain an apartment here in the city. It's as much her home as it is mine. I'm in Little Rock as mu schedule permits. I really think you should reavaluate your relationship with my wife. Karma is nothing to play with. Please don't take anything I have said here the wrong way. I thank you for your questions. Please feel free to call me on my mobile anytime you have further questions about my wife and I and I will be more than happy to inform you. The number is ................ or you can email me on my private email [email protected].

By the way I like the pix.

timothy

And another response left late last night.... From Tim

Why do you call yourself, the vanila gorilla? That's priceless...

After reading your message again, it appears that you and my wife have been seeing each other romantically? Is this true. When did she tell you we were divorced? We were in [Local Town] two weeks ago, and she just flew back to [home] on Saturday. I'll be there next week then agin in August. I know this is none of your business but we have never been happier. I'm not afraid of losing my wife, to you or anyone, If she wants someone else I'm sure I would be the first to know. Furthermore, I doubt she would see you. She told me you were Gay, and that you lacked the capacity to understand women, hence your not dating them. Correct me if I'm wrong but she struggled to maintain a friendship with you because of your low test scores, borderline failing med school. She speaks of you as if you were stupid. I often wonder why she was so hard on you. Now don't take that the wrong way, you were not the topic of many conversations. However, when she did speak of you it was as if you were a pest, a white boy who had no friends white or black who latched on to her because of your failing second year, and she could help you.

I didn't think you were gay but if you are then that's your busniess. Please give me a call, or email me regular email, if something is going on between you two that I should know about. I must admit you sending me an email like this makes me feel like you are attempting to provoke me. I am not a violent person, I have no ill will towards you or anyone for that matter. I apologize to you if you feel the contrary. We can talk like men (gentlemen) anytime our schedules permit. I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot previously.

[ascendant]

I broke it off....then decided to MySpace her husband. I hate that I may be killing a relationship that I truly wanted, so I had to dig a bit to verify the situation.

I asked this guy in as peaceful a mannor as I could...What's UP????? The following is the conversation ovee My Space.

Tim,

I respect your marriage to LS and would not want to come between it.

Whats up with you and LS? Do you still see her? She telling me that you and her have not seen each other for months?

Im getting from her that you two are divoriced and moved on and I see that your in Chicago. However, your myspace seems to indicate otherwise?

I mean no disrespect to you, but just would like your help to clarify your relationship with LS.

Best Wishes


Tim's (the x husband) Response:

Glenn,
How are you? I trust all is well. I read your message with a great amount of curiousity. LS my wife just left Chicago on Saturday. I fail to understand why it matters to you or why you are asking me these questions. Are you interested in my wife? If you are please let me know. If your not excuse me for asking.

If you think that she wants to date you please let me know. She and I have not gotten a divorce nor are we separated. I'm here for work reasons. We maintain an apartment here in the city. It's as much her home as it is mine. I'm in Little Rock as mu schedule permits. I really think you should reavaluate your relationship with my wife. Karma is nothing to play with. Please don't take anything I have said here the wrong way. I thank you for your questions. Please feel free to call me on my mobile anytime you have further questions about my wife and I and I will be more than happy to inform you. The number is ................ or you can email me on my private email [email protected].

By the way I like the pix.

timothy

And another response left late last night.... From Tim

Why do you call yourself, the vanila gorilla? That's priceless...

After reading your message again, it appears that you and my wife have been seeing each other romantically? Is this true. When did she tell you we were divorced? We were in [Local Town] two weeks ago, and she just flew back to [home] on Saturday. I'll be there next week then agin in August. I know this is none of your business but we have never been happier. I'm not afraid of losing my wife, to you or anyone, If she wants someone else I'm sure I would be the first to know. Furthermore, I doubt she would see you. She told me you were Gay, and that you lacked the capacity to understand women, hence your not dating them. Correct me if I'm wrong but she struggled to maintain a friendship with you because of your low test scores, borderline failing med school. She speaks of you as if you were stupid. I often wonder why she was so hard on you. Now don't take that the wrong way, you were not the topic of many conversations. However, when she did speak of you it was as if you were a pest, a white boy who had no friends white or black who latched on to her because of your failing second year, and she could help you.

I didn't think you were gay but if you are then that's your busniess. Please give me a call, or email me regular email, if something is going on between you two that I should know about. I must admit you sending me an email like this makes me feel like you are attempting to provoke me. I am not a violent person, I have no ill will towards you or anyone for that matter. I apologize to you if you feel the contrary. We can talk like men (gentlemen) anytime our schedules permit. I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot previously.

good move bro. as far as the comments made by this guy, i'd ask him why he'd think you would lie to him? i know the intention behind it could possibly be to break them up and get with her, but he should know enough that by lying like that it would kill your chances of ever getting her.

i'd just leave him with something along the lines of letting him know what she told you, what you guys had together, and tell him you're done with her but just wanted to let him know she was playing both of you. tell him if he chooses to believe you or not is up to him, but you just wanted to let him know and not just let her get away with it.

a good way you could catch her is maybe give her a call and record the call, like call on a cell, put it on speakerphone, and record the conversation with a mic on your comp or something along those lines. though from what you explained you seem to have already broken things off, you could just tell her that you just wanted to try to end things on a good note with her and just ask her if she's really divorced or not. if she admits she is still married, ask her why she lied. basically, record her lying and give it to him. he's obviously in denial and her saying all those negative things about you to him was merely to cover up him suspecting anything between the two of you.

too bad you broke things off before you could mess with her more. could've been fun!

[Rookie1974]

good move bro. as far as the comments made by this guy, i'd ask him why he'd think you would lie to him? i know the intention behind it could possibly be to break them up and get with her, but he should know enough that by lying like that it would kill your chances of ever getting her.

i'd just leave him with something along the lines of letting him know what she told you, what you guys had together, and tell him you're done with her but just wanted to let him know she was playing both of you. tell him if he chooses to believe you or not is up to him, but you just wanted to let him know and not just let her get away with it.

a good way you could catch her is maybe give her a call and record the call, like call on a cell, put it on speakerphone, and record the conversation with a mic on your comp or something along those lines. though from what you explained you seem to have already broken things off, you could just tell her that you just wanted to try to end things on a good note with her and just ask her if she's really divorced or not. if she admits she is still married, ask her why she lied. basically, record her lying and give it to him. he's obviously in denial and her saying all those negative things about you to him was merely to cover up him suspecting anything between the two of you.

too bad you broke things off before you could mess with her more. could've been fun!

good point I did'nt think about that. Ive never had to put up with this BS before.

I called the guy and I was getting the vibe that if I was blunt with him he was going to take it as I was provoking him, so I just left it at "your wife is telling me your divoriced/seperated and she is available"...The dumbass swears that she would'nt date me??? go figure.

So basically she came back crying and lying the whole nine yards.....I figure this shes either telling the truth (yea right) or wanting some more pain.
Ill just get some incriminating photos up on myspace and let him make his own call.

At this point I just dont give two shits about her anymore it's more of a game. She better not say a dam thing about me putting photos of "US" on Myspace h ah ha ha ha

[ascendant]

good point I did'nt think about that. Ive never had to put up with this BS before.

I called the guy and I was getting the vibe that if I was blunt with him he was going to take it as I was provoking him, so I just left it at "your wife is telling me your divoriced/seperated and she is available"...The dumbass swears that she would'nt date me??? go figure.

So basically she came back crying and lying the whole nine yards.....I figure this shes either telling the truth (yea right) or wanting some more pain.
Ill just get some incriminating photos up on myspace and let him make his own call.

At this point I just dont give two shits about her anymore it's more of a game. She better not say a dam thing about me putting photos of "US" on Myspace h ah ha ha ha

bro, i'm telling you, if you got a webcam or other kind of recorder, use it. leave the comp turned on and the cam to record and record the two of you getting it on. if you set it up right, you can get a great camera angle and she won't suspect a thing. if you don't have a webcam, simply buy one from best buy or some other local computer store, use it, then return it. simple as that. just make sure wherever you get it from has a return policy that will give you a full refund withing x amount of days.

after you make the video, and i do mean after so you have some ammo first, then here's a surefire way to see if she's lying or her husband/ex-husband is... simply tell her to call him on her cellphone and put it on speakerphone and have her ask him right in front of you why he's lying and saying they're still together. if she refuses, then 99.9% guaranteed she's lying. if she does it, then obviously he wouldn't lie to her and then you caught him in a lie. either way, one of them is lying here, but things aren't looking good for her. be easy about asking her for this, but just tell her with all that's been going on, you need some reassurance. though it may upset her, seems it would be the best option at this point for unquestionable confirmation of the truth on this matter for you.

if you really like this girl, get that video made up first, then do what i mentioned above. don't just toss the relationship and give him the satisfaction of chasing you away from what might actually be his ex that he's still trying to keep men away from.

[Rookie1974]

bro, i'm telling you, if you got a webcam or other kind of recorder, use it. leave the comp turned on and the cam to record and record the two of you getting it on. if you set it up right, you can get a great camera angle and she won't suspect a thing. if you don't have a webcam, simply buy one from best buy or some other local computer store, use it, then return it. simple as that. just make sure wherever you get it from has a return policy that will give you a full refund withing x amount of days.

after you make the video, and i do mean after so you have some ammo first, then here's a surefire way to see if she's lying or her husband/ex-husband is... simply tell her to call him on her cellphone and put it on speakerphone and have her ask him right in front of you why he's lying and saying they're still together. if she refuses, then 99.9% guaranteed she's lying. if she does it, then obviously he wouldn't lie to her and then you caught him in a lie. either way, one of them is lying here, but things aren't looking good for her. be easy about asking her for this, but just tell her with all that's been going on, you need some reassurance. though it may upset her, seems it would be the best option at this point for unquestionable confirmation of the truth on this matter for you.

if you really like this girl, get that video made up first, then do what i mentioned above. don't just toss the relationship and give him the satisfaction of chasing you away from what might actually be his ex that he's still trying to keep men away from.

I tried to get her to do this one with a bit of a twist.....When she first came back from Chicago I wanted her to talk to him and let me listen and she refused saying that he will say anything to ruin our relationship. My response was "Im sure he would, but he's not going to know the details such as the SOX tattoo (removeable) that she has on her arm ect..." She responded that he would probably know because its her M.O.

Man this s*** is getting deep. The sacary thing is he knew when she was gone two weeks ago, and when she was in chicago, what she did, and shes telling me he knows about the tat on her arm.....no way! Somthings up.

[stayinstacked]

Look bro, just drop the bitch and leave it alone. Do not message the guy back, do not call him on his phone, just drop it. The whole thing is most definitely eating the guy up anyways or he wouldnt have messaged you back like that and demand you call him or email him. So let him have the headache of it, forget about the entire thing. Some women are so ****ing stupid, she's probably sitting at home right now w/ a black eye wishing she had stayed w/ you and never left.

[DNoMac]

Look bro, just drop the bitch and leave it alone. Do not message the guy back, do not call him on his phone, just drop it. The whole thing is most definitely eating the guy up anyways or he wouldnt have messaged you back like that and demand you call him or email him. So let him have the headache of it, forget about the entire thing. Some women are so ****ing stupid, she's probably sitting at home right now w/ a black eye wishing she had stayed w/ you and never left.

Word.

[ascendant]

Look bro, just drop the bitch and leave it alone. Do not message the guy back, do not call him on his phone, just drop it. The whole thing is most definitely eating the guy up anyways or he wouldnt have messaged you back like that and demand you call him or email him. So let him have the headache of it, forget about the entire thing. Some women are so ****ing stupid, she's probably sitting at home right now w/ a black eye wishing she had stayed w/ you and never left.

personally, i feel the guy has a right to know if his wife's slutting around. also, why give her the satisfaction of going back to her man and screwing him over when he has the opportunity to catch her in her bs?

[scriptfactory]

Wow, you got played like a mother****er by that bitch. You're lucky it was only a couple of months instead of a couple of years...

[dolfyns70]

Be patent and wait…the dirt always comes out in the wash!!

[ascendant]

Be patent and wait…the dirt always comes out in the wash!!

yea, but the washer doesn't turn on itself, nor does it put the detergent in, and sometimes you get those really tough stains that you need to scrub...

get my point? things just don't happen, you need to make them happen.

i believe in karma, but i think many people use karma as an excuse to not take action when they should. also, karma seems to be limited by ones belief in it and ones own judgement of wrong-doing. so sometimes, it just needs a little kickstart. after all, if you don't take action against someone who does you wrong, why should karma do anything for you in the situation?

[spywizard]

this one is easy, do to her what she is doing to you... be unavailable.. lie, or better yet, don't tell her what you are doing..

it will either end the relationship and you can both go your happy ways..

or it will make her understand what she is doing to you...

[stee]

I got a funny feeling about this....doing things that she normaly does'nt do, like hanging with her sister all day....going to 3 dentist appointments (one 2 hours out of town) for a sore tooth and now not anwsering her phone.

would you
1. confront her
2. be patient and see what happens
3. drop her like a hot penny

you missed out the 4th and final option
Ask her if its ok for you to watch.