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Thread: Chuck Norris Facts

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  1. 03-02-2013, 08:21 PM #1
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    Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
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  2. 03-02-2013, 08:22 PM #2
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    The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
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  3. 03-02-2013, 08:23 PM #3
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    Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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  4. 03-02-2013, 08:23 PM #4
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    Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
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  5. 03-02-2013, 08:24 PM #5
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    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Jeep.
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  6. 03-02-2013, 08:25 PM #6
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    A Handicap parking sign is actually, in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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  7. 03-02-2013, 08:26 PM #7
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    Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the **** out of the way.
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  8. 03-02-2013, 08:26 PM #8
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    Chuck Norris has perfect death perception.
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  9. 03-02-2013, 08:27 PM #9
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    Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
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  10. 03-02-2013, 08:27 PM #10
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    Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism.
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  11. 03-02-2013, 08:28 PM #11
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    Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
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  12. 03-02-2013, 08:29 PM #12
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    Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
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  13. 03-02-2013, 08:30 PM #13
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    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
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  14. 03-02-2013, 08:30 PM #14
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    Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
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  15. 03-02-2013, 08:31 PM #15
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    Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
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  16. 03-02-2013, 08:32 PM #16
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    Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
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  17. 03-02-2013, 08:13 PM #17
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    The reason no shots were fired during the cold war was because both sides were too afraid of waking chuck norris from his slumber.
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  18. 03-02-2013, 08:14 PM #18
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    Chuck norris sand rain rain go away.. And it did..
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  19. 03-02-2013, 08:15 PM #19
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    Chuck norris CAN Compare Apples to oranges..
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  20. 03-02-2013, 08:17 PM #20
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    Chuck norris is the only person who can stab u with a basketball..
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  21. 03-02-2013, 08:19 PM #21
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    Chuck norris once round house kicked a salesman over the phone.
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  22. 03-02-2013, 08:19 PM #22
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    Chuck norris once stapled water to a tree.
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  23. 03-02-2013, 08:21 PM #23
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    Who would win a fight between luke skywalker and darth vader?? Chuck norris..
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  24. 03-02-2013, 08:25 PM #24
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    Curiosity killed the cat. Every other cause of death: chuck norris
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  25. 03-02-2013, 08:08 PM #25
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    My smart phone auto corrects 'chuck norris' to 'bad ass'
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  26. 03-02-2013, 08:16 PM #26
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    Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
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  27. 03-02-2013, 08:18 PM #27
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    Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
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  28. 03-03-2013, 09:12 AM #28
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    Too much E2 gives Chuck Norris a hard on.
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  29. 03-04-2013, 01:49 AM #29
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    Chuck Norris has never had a threesome, it's 5 girls minimum!
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  30. 03-04-2013, 02:23 AM #30
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    Whats under chuck norris's beard? another fist.
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  31. 03-04-2013, 04:28 AM #31
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    Chuck Norris can speak braille
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  32. 03-04-2013, 06:44 AM #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Capebuffalo
    Chuck Norris can speak braille
    Chuck Norris can speak Spanish- in French
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  33. 03-04-2013, 06:51 AM #33
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    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
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  34. 03-04-2013, 08:15 AM #34
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    Chuck Norris can lose fat and gain muscle during a bulk cycle
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  35. 03-04-2013, 10:01 AM #35
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    Chuck Norris is immune to deca dick

    Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
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  36. 03-04-2013, 10:04 AM #36
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    You know why there are so many Chuck Norris jokes but no Bruce Lee jokes?

    Because Bruce Lee is no joke.
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  37. 03-04-2013, 10:12 AM #37
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    Chuck Norris has had Bruce Lee pull his chest hair off one time but this was only possible because he cut it and glued it back on.
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  38. 03-04-2013, 10:50 AM #38
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    Chuck Norris was originally considered for the part of Jesus in the Passion of the Christ. However, the director realized that Chuck Norris cannot show the emotion of pain. He can only inflict it.
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  39. 03-04-2013, 11:17 AM #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by cherrydrpepper
    Chuck Norris has had Bruce Lee pull his chest hair off one time but this was only possible because he cut it and glued it back on.
    Hahaha
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  40. 03-04-2013, 11:22 AM #40
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    Whats the difference between Usher and Chuck Norris?

    Chuck Norris actually CAN make love in this club where Usher can only sing about it
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