Losing my wife

[D3m3nt3d]

It's all just a bunch of BS drama more than likely until she gets a more solid foundation to leave. Trust me I am learning it right now.

My wife called yesterday wanting to come over and 'talk about our child'...I refused to let her, and all the 1 hr conversation turned into was her telling me everyone she thinks I'm banging. She did what she did, she wanted the divorce why should it matter?

Point being, girls don't want to lose that security blanket they see in you, but they dont necessarily want to be with you either. She is sneaking behind your back in one way or the other, and it's all going to boil down to how much you can stand to be walked on.

[Shinalynn]

OH I tried to resist from posting in this damn thread but I just cant help myself. Haz I get what your saying. I agree and she should put more effort into it too. More that him anyway...but I still stick with my first point, both of you have to work at it for it to be worth anything.

[D3m3nt3d]

OH I tried to resist from posting in this damn thread but I just cant help myself. Haz I get what your saying. I agree and she should put more effort into it too. More that him anyway...but I still stick with my first point, both of you have to work at it for it to be worth anything.

Absolutely agree. One can not give 95% and the other give 5%

[calgarian]

Absolutely agree. One can not give 95% and the other give 5%

they normally scream even when I give them 95%......whats up with that???

[vanduhl]

Blinded by Love.....thats all I gotta say about that Stig.

The "loves you but is not in love with you" line...translates to

I'm losing interest in our realtionship entirely but I want to let you down easy.

Leave her pathetic ass bro....you will be much happier in the long run!

[D3m3nt3d]

Blinded by Love.....thats all I gotta say about that Stig.

The "loves you but is not in love with you" line...translates to

I'm losing interest in our realtionship entirely but I want to let you down easy.

Leave her pathetic ass bro....you will be much happier in the long run!

Agreed! Over time you will feel better. It's not the best day for me to say that, I seen my wife for the first time since everything happened a month ago, where we could actually sit down and talk a little about anything and everything that happened.

So, today I have been a mixed emotion basketcase and kinda want to hang myself, not to be taken literal.

[calgarian]

OH I tried to resist from posting in this damn thread but I just cant help myself. Haz I get what your saying. I agree and she should put more effort into it too. More that him anyway...but I still stick with my first point, both of you have to work at it for it to be worth anything.

isnt it hypocrite of you to say if u were in the same situation u will leave Tai but giving him advise of making up????
Also she cheated on him and u r telling him to be nice to her and suck up to her???? I am confused I thought it was suppose to be other way around......did the rules changed and no one told me?

[Shinalynn]

isnt it hypocrite of you to say if u were in the same situation u will leave Tai but giving him advise of making up????
Also she cheated on him and u r telling him to be nice to her and suck up to her???? I am confused I thought it was suppose to be other way around......did the rules changed and no one told me?

Oh Cal you kill me! To make it work and to make up are two different things. I am sayin it takes two to make things work, no matter who is in the wrong. I do think she should be doing something extra special..to make up. I did not see where she actually cheated, NOR do I see where she wanted to end it. I did not see where he wanted it to be over.. So yes if they both want it to work I give adivse on how to make it work. I am hopeless when it comes to love, I believe there is a chance as long as both parties are willing to give it a chance. I have given my advise based on the fact that both of them want to work it out. I dont get where you are not seeing that.

I said if i were in her position I would have left before I cheated..however if I was the one who was cheated on...I would prolly stay, and try to work it out. I dont give up..its a very bittersweet quality I have.

[D3m3nt3d]

I dont give up..its a very bittersweet quality I have.

What do you do if they have already given up on you?

[Shinalynn]

I do what I told Stig to do.. I did it in my first marriage.. He loves me and wants me back to this day..The reason we divorced was bc I wanted what was best for my daughter.

[lovbyts]

I do what I told Stig to do.. I did it in my first marriage.. He loves me and wants me back to this day..The reason we divorced was bc I wanted what was best for my daughter.

How was your daughter not being with her father also not best for her? I think we need some details...That can mean many many things. Husband with more $$$, better provider? or was her father dangerous in some way? Does she get to visit with him now?
Most of the time when someone says something like that it's just and excuse and it's still about them.

[Shinalynn]

He was abusive to me, and if you look at a thread I posted FML, it kinda tells that he just hit her. He used to have visitaion, but now he only has supervised visitation. I he was my first love and I thought he would get better, until one day he was abusive in front of my baby girl. I left him shortly after that. I don't want my daughter to think its ok for a man to hit a woman.
I am a very independent woman, I bought my first house at 20, I have had the same job for 8 years.. I provide for my daughter just fine on my own. As a matter of face I am having a hard time quitting my job now bc I don't want to completley depend on my bf.

[lovbyts]

He was abusive to me, and if you look at a thread I posted FML, it kinda tells that he just hit her. He used to have visitaion, but now he only has supervised visitation. I he was my first love and I thought he would get better, until one day he was abusive in front of my baby girl. I left him shortly after that. I don't want my daughter to think its ok for a man to hit a woman.
I am a very independent woman, I bought my first house at 20, I have had the same job for 8 years.. I provide for my daughter just fine on my own. As a matter of face I am having a hard time quitting my job now bc I don't want to completley depend on my bf.

OK with those fact I agree with you 100% but that is not usually the case. Im sure you now most of the time the child is used as a took and I believe 90% of the accusations against men in divorce are made up only for leverage for the woman to get more and try to destroy him.

I have been through similar. I divorced to save my daughter. I did what I could to help her but after my daughter was born and put in harms way due to her drug use it was over, no looking back. It took 1 1/2 years due to the BS games and accusations but I got custody in the end even before her accidental suicide....

Some people just suck. Some people just have no moral right and wrong or empathy for others. I will never understand how anyone can be like that but they are out there.

[D3m3nt3d]

OK with those fact I agree with you 100% but that is not usually the case. Im sure you now most of the time the child is used as a took and I believe 90% of the accusations against men in divorce are made up only for leverage for the woman to get more and try to destroy him.

I have been through similar. I divorced to save my daughter. I did what I could to help her but after my daughter was born and put in harms way due to her drug use it was over, no looking back. It took 1 1/2 years due to the BS games and accusations but I got custody in the end even before her accidental suicide....

Some people just suck. Some people just have no moral right and wrong or empathy for others. I will never understand how anyone can be like that but they are out there.

This is how I feel about my situation. When a wife tells you that you did nothing wrong, she will probably just never be happy, but yet feels its right to me that I gave her and her son and our daughter everything a loving home should have, and in the end she walks away with her RN job and doesn't look back. No care for the financial burden she has left on me, no care that she has taken her daughter from a loving home, nothing. All to satisfy her, who rightfully admits she will never be happy. That's a sick person. Hindsight is 20/20 tho, looking back we should have never got back together. What at one point seemed like the perfect marriage to me, I now wonder if anything was real at all.

[lovbyts]

This is how I feel about my situation. When a wife tells you that you did nothing wrong, she will probably just never be happy, but yet feels its right to me that I gave her and her son and our daughter everything a loving home should have, and in the end she walks away with her RN job and doesn't look back. No care for the financial burden she has left on me, no care that she has taken her daughter from a loving home, nothing. All to satisfy her, who rightfully admits she will never be happy. That's a sick person. Hindsight is 20/20 tho, looking back we should have never got back together. What at one point seemed like the perfect marriage to me, I now wonder if anything was real at all.

Yup, I have head that same story many times over. I cant figure it out except for someone being Evil and purposely using the other person. It's hard to imagine but there are people who think it's OK to do that just like there are many women who are getting divorced and will do anything to destroy her ex even if he has not done anything wrong.

[D3m3nt3d]

Yup, I have head that same story many times over. I cant figure it out except for someone being Evil and purposely using the other person. It's hard to imagine but there are people who think it's OK to do that just like there are many women who are getting divorced and will do anything to destroy her ex even if he has not done anything wrong.

Seems she was out to do this to me as well, until i agreed to the terms she wanted for custody, just like now she wants to keep my daughter on my insurance only because it benefits her - she wont have to pay to carry it. Everything is all about her, and for the most part always has been. I would say maybe originally getting together, rather i started as a rebound or not, was maybe real. But, any point past that I don't believe too much in.

[HawaiianPride.]

Wise move. Always look in what is in your child's best interest, along with yours.

[D3m3nt3d]

Well in my case I happened to get one of them "runner" girls. You know the ones who are temporarily happy, then lose interest and run, usually back to an ex. Last time it was to her still technically married husband, then she ran back to me a month later. Now 2.5 yrs later, I dunno who she has ran to, don't really care.

My problem is, I was great to her, gave her everything she wanted, I was a super father, always put my family first, our chemistry (both communication and sexually) used to be dynamic...but she lost in interest in me all the same. Only thing is, it took 2.5 yrs to lose it in me, not just in a matter of months like everyone else. Then again she had a lot to gain from me. I was supporting her and my stepson and putting her thru school.

Point being, it was NOT in the best interest of our children for her to do what she did and walk out. Even if nothing was real to start with, which in 3 yrs I feel something had to be atleast - when we had a child and she had a good thing going, she definitely shouldn't have left. I understand she wasn't as happy, but had no reason not to be...but it was still something we could have probably worked thru. Hell the worst was over, her schooling was out, we were fixing to have two incomes - then she bounced.

[lovbyts]

Karma has a way of coming around; unfortunately most of the time we never get to see it in work.
Unfortunately due to the kids you cant separate yourself 100% unless you can catch her in a moment of weakness and she gives up all rights to you. Let her decide through reverse psychology that she the kids are just holding her back and it would be easier for her without them and worse on your. Once you get them quietly make it official if at all possible.

I had a friend who found out his wife was going to divorce him and try to take everything. He quickly and quietly hid assets and liquidated. She still initially got 3x what she should have but in the end when she could not get EVERYTHING and destroy him it drove her crazy to the point she lost 90% custody and ended up being institutionalized for a while. He played it cool, never got upset and worked the system.

Same basic thing with my wife. Maybe that's why she cracked at the end?

[D3m3nt3d]

Karma has a way of coming around; unfortunately most of the time we never get to see it in work.
Unfortunately due to the kids you cant separate yourself 100% unless you can catch her in a moment of weakness and she gives up all rights to you. Let her decide through reverse psychology that she the kids are just holding her back and it would be easier for her without them and worse on your. Once you get them quietly make it official if at all possible.

I had a friend who found out his wife was going to divorce him and try to take everything. He quickly and quietly hid assets and liquidated. She still initially got 3x what she should have but in the end when she could not get EVERYTHING and destroy him it drove her crazy to the point she lost 90% custody and ended up being institutionalized for a while. He played it cool, never got upset and worked the system.

Same basic thing with my wife. Maybe that's why she cracked at the end?

I had an ex who I was engaged to after dating 4 yrs, ended in a bad way. These days she is getting married, but I just heard last week she is not over me still, so I guess thats Karma at work haha.

My wife isn't going to give up the kids, but I be damn if she is going to drag my daughter man to man like she did with her son. It will be noted in a court order, that she is not to live with a man unless they are married. If a man is to stay the night, it will be on nights my daughter is not there. I thought about throwing in that if the contract is breached when it comes to that, then I am to be awarded full custody of our child.

[Neevor]

So has she been good still? Are you still keepin tabs on her texts?

I had been watching this but didnt really know what to say that everyone else didnt already tell you.

[Flagg]

Hmm, this thread again.

Well, nothing in life is black and white. It's easy to tarnish Stigs wife as a cheat, a liar, and so on, and call this third person a bastard and that he deserves his head kicked in and that Stig is hard done by (I dont mean that in a harsh way, but you'll see what I mean in this post). But every story has two sides to tell.

There are two types of cheaters in my opinion. Manipulative cheaters who do what they do because they can and think they are smart and clever, and then there are unhappy cheaters.

The former are a waste of time, the latter....well they do what they do because they are unhappy. Is it wrong? Well you have to ask yourself what is going on in the current relationship that makes the other person so unhappy, that they seek happiness elsewhere.

Problem is, people dont talk, there is no communication and often one person in a relationship simply will not change.

[D3m3nt3d]

Hmm, this thread again.

Well, nothing in life is black and white. It's easy to tarnish Stigs wife as a cheat, a liar, and so on, and call this third person a bastard and that he deserves his head kicked in and that Stig is hard done by (I dont mean that in a harsh way, but you'll see what I mean in this post). But every story has two sides to tell.

There are two types of cheaters in my opinion. Manipulative cheaters who do what they do because they can and think they are smart and clever, and then there are unhappy cheaters.

The former are a waste of time, the latter....well they do what they do because they are unhappy. Is it wrong? Well you have to ask yourself what is going on in the current relationship that makes the other person so unhappy, that they seek happiness elsewhere.

Problem is, people dont talk, there is no communication and often one person in a relationship simply will not change.

Well my wife was an unhappy cheater. She may not have cheated physically, but what she did is all the same to me. But, as far as communication goes, she seems to think us having too many talks is what made her hate being married to me. Mind you the talks only happened after she stated she was unhappy, but whenever there was a problem I addressed it. She says maybe that's her fault for letting 'little things add up'.

But, to me its horse shit. It's the same bullshit story I heard the first time we dated when she shafted me to run around with her ex husband, only to come right back. If they are a dirty skank whore cheater, no matter how 'hot' they may look - they will always do it. Matter of fact, her ex husband caught her doing the same shit I did.

[Flagg]

Well my wife was an unhappy cheater. She may not have cheated physically, but what she did is all the same to me. But, as far as communication goes, she seems to think us having too many talks is what made her hate being married to me. Mind you the talks only happened after she stated she was unhappy, but whenever there was a problem I addressed it. She says maybe that's her fault for letting 'little things add up'.

But, to me its horse shit. It's the same bullshit story I heard the first time we dated when she shafted me to run around with her ex husband, only to come right back. If they are a dirty skank whore cheater, no matter how 'hot' they may look - they will always do it. Matter of fact, her ex husband caught her doing the same shit I did.

When you say "there was a problem, I addressed it" what do you mean? You simply said "right, this is how things are going to be from now on and thats that"? You should both be addressing the issue, not one person fixing stuff and thinking that's the end of it.

You also say these talks only happened after she said she was unhappy. Well women like to think men are mind readers. The reason she is pissed off is because its only now that she stated she is depressed that you decide to do something about it.

Im not making excuses for her, or stating that it's all you....but both people are culpable in bad relationships. One person becomes apathetic, while the other becomes frustrated and depressed. But rarely do people talk about it. If someone doesnt want to change, well....you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

[D3m3nt3d]

When you say "there was a problem, I addressed it" what do you mean? You simply said "right, this is how things are going to be from now on and thats that"? You should both be addressing the issue, not one person fixing stuff and thinking that's the end of it.

You also say these talks only happened after she said she was unhappy. Well women like to think men are mind readers. The reason she is pissed off is because its only now that she stated she is depressed that you decide to do something about it.

Im not making excuses for her, or stating that it's all you....but both people are culpable in bad relationships. One person becomes apathetic, while the other becomes frustrated and depressed. But rarely do people talk about it. If someone doesnt want to change, well....you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

I mean whatever she said she had a problem with I corrected it. The bitch just called me and went to my house and took my laptop. I cussed her for everythings she's worth until she brought it back. She wants to sit here and name things from 6-7 months ago that I didnt do right to try and justify her actions. She wants to throw that her son and me never bonded, which hurts the most because I never had the TIME to dedicate to him. She said even her dad said I rode his ass all the time. Which, I dont EVER remember riding his ass in front of her family, ever. But, he was a boy, he was hardheaded. She wanted me to discipline him, and when I do, now that we are separated I never bonded, thats one reason she left etc....bullshit.

I loved that kid like my own, I hated that I had to get on him so much, but like I told her guess what? You said him and your ex bonded well towards the end of you breaking up, didn't stop you from leaving him did it? Hell if you want to get technical, and you want to worry about who bonds with your son the most, in that case you should have stayed with his FATHER. Fvcking bitch.

[Neevor]

Well my wife was an unhappy cheater. She may not have cheated physically, but what she did is all the same to me. But, as far as communication goes, she seems to think us having too many talks is what made her hate being married to me. Mind you the talks only happened after she stated she was unhappy, but whenever there was a problem I addressed it. She says maybe that's her fault for letting 'little things add up'.

But, to me its horse shit. It's the same bullshit story I heard the first time we dated when she shafted me to run around with her ex husband, only to come right back. If they are a dirty skank whore cheater, no matter how 'hot' they may look - they will always do it. Matter of fact, her ex husband caught her doing the same shit I did.

Great googly moogly... I didn't want to start another fire about all the cheating... just wanted to know how Stig was gettin along...

[D3m3nt3d]

Great googly moogly... I didn't want to start another fire about all the cheating... just wanted to know how Stig was gettin along...

Sorry about that bro. Phone call just took place and I vented on it.

[Stigmata101]

......

[Stigmata101]

Well so far things are going OK....Were goin to counselling regularly....It's a big help

The texts have stopped and have the phone calls....

I guess time will tell, I'd hate to have to post a thread "you guys were right"

[Neevor]

Well so far things are going OK....Were goin to counselling regularly....It's a big help

The texts have stopped and have the phone calls....

I guess time will tell, I'd hate to have to post a thread "you guys were right"

I'm glad to hear that.

My gf said that chicks like your wife don't usually bail on their relationship emotionally like that unless there is something missing from the one they have. Were you not pressent in the relationship for a while or something? Or did she really just lose it for a while?

[lovbyts]

I'm glad to hear that.

My gf said that chicks like your wife don't usually bail on their relationship emotionally like that unless there is something missing from the one they have. Were you not pressent in the relationship for a while or something? Or did she really just lose it for a while?

I disagree and women LOVE to use that excuse. Plenty are just looking for something new, something better, exciting or the grass is always greener.

Women do not usually bail on a relationship until they are sure they have another one to jump into....

I wish you luck with the counseling. It didnt help with me because the counselor told my wife she was fvcking up and it was her fault. LOL She didnt like him anymore even though it was her counselor LONG before I knew her.

[D3m3nt3d]

I disagree and women LOVE to use that excuse. Plenty are just looking for something new, something better, exciting or the grass is always greener.

Exactly my friend. Some women lose interest, such as my wife - no matter how great they had it. In my case, I was the best husband, best father, best lover etc...but then she lost all intimacy towards me. I don't mean just the sex, I mean most affection altogether. Anytime there was a kiss, minus the 'goodnight' kiss, it was always me who did it. There was never any passion behind it, rarely did she ever want to hold hands, only on 'good days', very little cuddling etc..

There was no life changing experience in our marriage to cause this. I was told she was catch and release, and was known to be happy as ever at one point, then the next point, it all be over with. I think my wife suffers from narcisissm disorder, which is probably related to her childhood of abuse, cheating, neglect etc...Problem I could never understand is, if it has affected you so bad, why would you put others, including your own children, through it. Accept you have a problem and try to get help.

[big_ron]

Good to here man....everything can be repaired in time if everyone is working towards the same goal

[foxycce]

Uh go UFC style on hime! make him tapout

[DOM6]

lol is this a joke?
Bro grab your flat screens and bail

[maxdose]

Im getting on this one late-but your wife needs to be an ex-wife.
She's cheating bro....no ****ing doubt...my ex did the same exact thing with a ****ing baseball player...7 years of my life wasted .... I had all sorts of suspicious shit like your story too...she said 'hes just a friend'.
After we seperated I took the house comp (**** I paid for it) one day I stumbled on a second email acct that she had created under her maiden name.
The comp cookies had the password saved and I opened it- she had been cheating on me since the 1st year of our relationship. They had been seeing each other the whole time- in fact he broke it off with her and thats when she started hounding me to marry her...after we were married she started it back up-asked me for a divorce made up some shit about AAS use blah blah (she knew about it from day 1) so I just told her I thought she was full of it, 7 months later I found those emails back n forth from them and they had been ****ing for years-I was pissed and all I could think was I should have ditched the whore after the second year when I suspected she may be ****ing around- kicked myself for wasting 5 more years on that idiot.
Trust me- shes making you miserable- thats not love- shes a peice of garbage- dump her divorce her and if you can first catch her lying ass.
Then find someone who loves you and appreciates you bro...I did.

[Gears]

Im getting on this one late-but your wife needs to be an ex-wife.
She's cheating bro....no ****ing doubt...my ex did the same exact thing with a ****ing baseball player...7 years of my life wasted .... I had all sorts of suspicious shit like your story too...she said 'hes just a friend'.
After we seperated I took the house comp (**** I paid for it) one day I stumbled on a second email acct that she had created under her maiden name.
The comp cookies had the password saved and I opened it- she had been cheating on me since the 1st year of our relationship. They had been seeing each other the whole time- in fact he broke it off with her and thats when she started hounding me to marry her...after we were married she started it back up-asked me for a divorce made up some shit about AAS use blah blah (she knew about it from day 1) so I just told her I thought she was full of it, 7 months later I found those emails back n forth from them and they had been ****ing for years-I was pissed and all I could think was I should have ditched the whore after the second year when I suspected she may be ****ing around- kicked myself for wasting 5 more years on that idiot.
Trust me- shes making you miserable- thats not love- shes a peice of garbage- dump her divorce her and if you can first catch her lying ass.
Then find someone who loves you and appreciates you bro...I did.

The mans right, show some self-respect and do both of you a favor. Trust me, she isn't going to be happy in the relationship and it's going to make you miserable. Think with your head not with the emotional pain, it's easy to make completely irrational decisions to try and make the pain stop. It's a chemical addiction in your brain, so no, it wont be easy, but you gotta let go.

Otherwise it to me looks like you are just setting youself up for a big fall, i've seen this before a few times and it never ends pretty.

[DSM4Life]

Im getting on this one late-but your wife needs to be an ex-wife.
She's cheating bro....no ****ing doubt...my ex did the same exact thing with a ****ing baseball player...7 years of my life wasted .... I had all sorts of suspicious shit like your story too...she said 'hes just a friend'.
After we seperated I took the house comp (**** I paid for it) one day I stumbled on a second email acct that she had created under her maiden name.
The comp cookies had the password saved and I opened it- she had been cheating on me since the 1st year of our relationship. They had been seeing each other the whole time- in fact he broke it off with her and thats when she started hounding me to marry her...after we were married she started it back up-asked me for a divorce made up some shit about AAS use blah blah (she knew about it from day 1) so I just told her I thought she was full of it, 7 months later I found those emails back n forth from them and they had been ****ing for years-I was pissed and all I could think was I should have ditched the whore after the second year when I suspected she may be ****ing around- kicked myself for wasting 5 more years on that idiot.
Trust me- shes making you miserable- thats not love- shes a peice of garbage- dump her divorce her and if you can first catch her lying ass.
Then find someone who loves you and appreciates you bro...I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4R5NQPdi42w







This goes for all you guys who have been cheating on. Beating up the guy is the dumbest thing possible. Did he cheat sure but your girl is the whore. Be mad at her not the other guy/girl. Shes the one that put his c0ck in her mouth then came home for you to kiss.

[big_ron]

whats happening these days?

[NMacFar]

Any updates?