I just got dumped.... =/

**tripmachine** · 02-09-2010, 04:40 PM

So basically i was with my girl for the last 8 months and we've hung out a lot in those months and have gotten pretty close... The last few weeks though we have been fighting and bickering about non sense basically... I also got drunk on saturday night and was way out of hand... she spend the night that night and the next night and we had a lot of sex the next night (she was drunk though) the following day she was really distant and ignored me most the day.... then just a few hours ago i called her while she was at work and she told me it's best we stop seeing each other..

This really makes me feel shitty (i'm sure it makes anyone that gets dumped feel shitty) I'm so needy it seems I wish I could be like normal guys and not be as needy as I am but I must have some issues with my self esteem or something. I'm insecure but I'm not a bad looking guy, if anyone could help me out with some advice or point me in a direction to fix myself some how that would be awesome..... i just feel like such a ***** and it sucks. Thanks everyone

**calgarian** · 02-09-2010, 04:46 PM

Originally Posted by tripmachine

So basically i was with my girl for the last 8 months and we've hung out a lot in those months and have gotten pretty close... The last few weeks though we have been fighting and bickering about non sense basically... I also got drunk on saturday night and was way out of hand... she spend the night that night and the next night and we had a lot of sex the next night (she was drunk though) the following day she was really distant and ignored me most the day.... then just a few hours ago i called her while she was at work and she told me it's best we stop seeing each other..

This really makes me feel shitty (i'm sure it makes anyone that gets dumped feel shitty) I'm so needy it seems I wish I could be like normal guys and not be as needy as I am but I must have some issues with my self esteem or something. I'm insecure but I'm not a bad looking guy, if anyone could help me out with some advice or point me in a direction to fix myself some how that would be awesome..... i just feel like such a ***** and it sucks. Thanks everyone

not needy but clingy.......u have to start whoring take my advise....start whoring fvck it and forget it.......dont take my advise i am drunk in the after noon....

**rc3477** · 02-09-2010, 05:02 PM

sorry to hear that...were u planning on marrying this girl? eh...i agree **** it and forget it. you'll find someone else.. im in the same boat right now. 4 yr relationship with a girl i thought was the one, out of the blue one day she comes out with i dont know who i am on my own? get your dick wet goodluck

**tripmachine** · 02-09-2010, 05:12 PM

haha ok thanks guys.. I don't know, I don't really work that way it seems.... I get too into girls I date and get into relationships with them. I think it may have something to do with never dating a girl until I was 19 since all through jr. high and high school I was a fat kid... that probably makes me needy or clingy or something.

**rc3477** · 02-09-2010, 05:14 PM

could be true? not a virgin are u? virgins are usually clingy

**tripmachine** · 02-09-2010, 05:29 PM

No i'm not a virgin..... before this 8 month relationship I had just gotten out of a 6 year one.... before the 6 year one i had just gotten out of a 3 1/2 year one... it seems i'm always going for long term ones and then just get crushed by them all

**warchild** · 02-09-2010, 05:33 PM

sounds like you have spent a better part of your life with a gf....live it up and date/sleep around. have this time to yourself to see what makes you happy w/o a gf

**tripmachine** · 02-09-2010, 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by warchild

sounds like you have spent a better part of your life with a gf....live it up and date/sleep around. have this time to yourself to see what makes you happy w/o a gf

yeah that's very true.... i'm 29 now and have been in long term relationships with NO breaks since i was 19 (the time i lost my weight) It just seems hard for me to just date/sleep around if there is a girl I am interested in more than that because i'd feel she may just get away if I were to do that.... but then again there are plenty of girls out there. I need to value myself a lot more.

Does anyone know what I can do to improve my self esteem? Any audio books anyone can link me to or send me? Maybe I need to go speak to a counselor or something because I seem to use steroids to help boost my confidence / self esteem.

**bjpennnn** · 02-09-2010, 05:38 PM

someone said it another post and I have been using it when counseling at the rehabs when people come to me about relationship advice/brake ups. Sometimes the insecurities that we have before the relationship go away when we enter into one because the person makes us feel great and tells us how great we are. Then when you break up and she/he is not there anymore we start to second guess ourselves and the insecurities we had before are even more blown out of proportion because we believe we are less then. The bottom line time heals man, learn from your mistakes i know you personally and your a great guy. I use this time whenever something bads happens to me to get my ass into the best shape ever, i use the negative energy and turn it into something good.

If she does not want to be with you, then why the hell would you want to be with her? I would never want to be with someone that does not want to be with me.

There are other fish in the sea, if your having a tough time write down all the things you are grateful for man. Trust me you have a lot going for you, you can walk, you are not deathly sick, you live in america(not a 3rd world country), you can seeeeeee ya know. Sounds corny but when you think about it you got a lot to be greatful for. Sometimes it comes down to that. Just realizing what you do have instead of what you dont. Hang in there bud.

Now turn on the most hardcore ****en song you have grab your balls and beat your chest and go hit it hard.

**rc3477** · 02-09-2010, 05:43 PM

bjpennnn, love the speech, you have motivated me as well thanks for that

**tripmachine** · 02-09-2010, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by bjpennnn

someone said it another post and I have been using it when counseling at the rehabs when people come to me about relationship advice/brake ups. Sometimes the insecurities that we have before the relationship go away when we enter into one because the person makes us feel great and tells us how great we are. Then when you break up and she/he is not there anymore we start to second guess ourselves and the insecurities we had before are even more blown out of proportion because we believe we are less then. The bottom line time heals man, learn from your mistakes i know you personally and your a great guy. I use this time whenever something bads happens to me to get my ass into the best shape ever, i use the negative energy and turn it into something good.

If she does not want to be with you, then why the hell would you want to be with her? I would never want to be with someone that does not want to be with me.

There are other fish in the sea, if your having a tough time write down all the things you are grateful for man. Trust me you have a lot going for you, you can walk, you are not deathly sick, you live in america(not a 3rd world country), you can seeeeeee ya know. Sounds corny but when you think about it you got a lot to be greatful for. Sometimes it comes down to that. Just realizing what you do have instead of what you dont. Hang in there bud.

Now turn on the most hardcore ****en song you have grab your balls and beat your chest and go hit it hard.

Thanks bj! yeah you're like spot on about her making me feel good and telling me all these good things about me.... That made me really confident back when she used to tell me stuff like that more often... And you're also right on about working out and going crazy in the gym when you have some negative energy from a break up or something similar... I personally got into the best shape of my life last summer due to my ex of 6 years breaking up with me.. I did turn that negative energy into a positive that helped me achieve many goals.... This summer I'm going to make sure I'm in better shape than last.. Thanks man

**bjpennnn** · 02-09-2010, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by rc3477

bjpennnn, love the speech, you have motivated me as well thanks for that

its what i do bro ha. good luck guys.

**DCI** · 02-09-2010, 05:52 PM

What warchild do, repeat, reapeatly.

**FranciscoG** · 02-09-2010, 05:57 PM

Sounds like me on Tren Ace. I hate it when it makes me over emotional.

**tripmachine** · 02-09-2010, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by PharmDoc-Cyrus

Sounds like me on Tren Ace. I hate it when it makes me over emotional.

what do you do when it does make you over emotional?

**bjpennnn** · 02-09-2010, 06:04 PM

Originally Posted by tripmachine

what do you do when it does make you over emotional?

cardio! lol.

**tripmachine** · 02-09-2010, 06:05 PM

Originally Posted by bjpennnn

cardio! lol.

that sounds good to me.... do you think 30 minutes after every workout is enough for me? It's 30 minutes on the stair stepper... not the stepper but the moving stairs one... I burn about 350 calories it says and i'm completely soaked in sweat

**bjpennnn** · 02-09-2010, 06:07 PM

ya bud for sure. Also stay away from the caffeine and stimulants stuff of that nature. It can get you over thinking and jumping from one thought to another in your head a little anxious ya know. I would limit that for a bit until things feel a little more normal in your head.

**FranciscoG** · 02-09-2010, 06:11 PM

Cardio is a good natural high.

Are you on tren now?

**Friend** · 02-09-2010, 06:15 PM

**tripmachine** · 02-09-2010, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by PharmDoc-Cyrus

Cardio is a good natural high.

Are you on tren now?

I'm not currently on tren... i'm currently on test / npp... but i'm going to be starting a tren/mast/test cycle in the near future...

**tripmachine** · 02-09-2010, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by Friend

yeah pretty much it seems..

**bjpennnn** · 02-09-2010, 06:59 PM

lol bro honestly do not answer any of her phone calls, or texts or anything for like a month. that shit will re-open the wound every time. dont beat yourself up for it the guys are just poking fun at you ha.

**Nooomoto** · 02-09-2010, 07:10 PM

Fist that bitch!

**rc3477** · 02-09-2010, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by Nooomoto

Fist that bitch!

awesome haha

**F4iGuy** · 02-09-2010, 07:22 PM

I have a simple strategy that works. You need to become more aware of your negative self talk, you know the crap you say to yourself that makes you feel down.

Once you're aware of that negative voice in your head IMMEDIATELY say something positive to yourself. It doesn't have to be out loud, just flip the script.

I've been through some rough times. In my experience feeling down/depressed can be a result of allowing yourself to become 'brainwashed' by your own negative thoughts. Something as simple as realizing YOU have control over what's said internally can allow you to change up these internal conversations to a point where they fade and it doesn't feel like work.

Cognitive behavior therapy is clinically proven more effective than medication. This simple concept is at its core.

**ReX357** · 02-09-2010, 09:19 PM

Originally Posted by F4iGuy

I have a simple strategy that works. You need to become more aware of your negative self talk, you know the crap you say to yourself that makes you feel down.

Once you're aware of that negative voice in your head IMMEDIATELY say something positive to yourself. It doesn't have to be out loud, just flip the script.

I've been through some rough times. In my experience feeling down/depressed can be a result of allowing yourself to become 'brainwashed' by your own negative thoughts. Something as simple as realizing YOU have control over what's said internally can allow you to change up these internal conversations to a point where they fade and it doesn't feel like work.

Cognitive behavior therapy is clinically proven more effective than medication. This simple concept is at its core.

I agree a 100%. Shit's not going good for me right now. I'm about to file for bankruptcy. Yet I'm one of the happiest guys around. Why? I don't know. But I know if I depressed day in day out, it's gonna be even harder to deal with.

Just be happy.

**stevey_6t9** · 02-09-2010, 09:23 PM

dont worry about the bitch man. im so sick of girls atm i wona bash the fuk outa so many lol. but seriously you'll move on easy and in a few months time you wont even remember her.

**DangerDave** · 02-10-2010, 06:07 AM

Originally Posted by F4iGuy

I have a simple strategy that works. You need to become more aware of your negative self talk, you know the crap you say to yourself that makes you feel down.

Once you're aware of that negative voice in your head IMMEDIATELY say something positive to yourself. It doesn't have to be out loud, just flip the script.

I've been through some rough times. In my experience feeling down/depressed can be a result of allowing yourself to become 'brainwashed' by your own negative thoughts. Something as simple as realizing YOU have control over what's said internally can allow you to change up these internal conversations to a point where they fade and it doesn't feel like work.

Cognitive behavior therapy is clinically proven more effective than medication. This simple concept is at its core.

I agree with this 100%. When you speak negatively to yourself you are speaking to the emotional side of you and that side doesnt handle insults well. My phone background is: 'positive self talk' just to remind me. Otherwise it get down and beat myself up.

Also came out of a long relationship recently and I'd like to give my .02. Be by yourself for a while. I realise with myself that I was too dependent on my ex and in fact too dependent on validation from woman. Learn to be happy on your own and bring a girl into YOUR world (when you ready), do not enter her world.

hang with your friends again and just learn to have fun without needing her or any other woman. Stop looking for validation from woman, I suspect thats why you move from long term relationship to another. Not bashing you bro but I suspect that you suffer from the same shit that I have. Learn to be happy on your own

**tripmachine** · 02-10-2010, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by F4iGuy

I have a simple strategy that works. You need to become more aware of your negative self talk, you know the crap you say to yourself that makes you feel down.

Once you're aware of that negative voice in your head IMMEDIATELY say something positive to yourself. It doesn't have to be out loud, just flip the script.

I've been through some rough times. In my experience feeling down/depressed can be a result of allowing yourself to become 'brainwashed' by your own negative thoughts. Something as simple as realizing YOU have control over what's said internally can allow you to change up these internal conversations to a point where they fade and it doesn't feel like work.

Cognitive behavior therapy is clinically proven more effective than medication. This simple concept is at its core.

Thanks for the great advice! I will start trying to do what you explained and catch my negative thinking about myself.... That sounds like it will help quite a bit. Thanks again!

Originally Posted by ReX357

I agree a 100%. Shit's not going good for me right now. I'm about to file for bankruptcy. Yet I'm one of the happiest guys around. Why? I don't know. But I know if I depressed day in day out, it's gonna be even harder to deal with.

Just be happy.

That's cool you are still really happy because I know how it is to get in those rough times, I usually always let myself get down about what's going on. I can't wait to start thinking in a more positive way now... seriously Thanks for the response!

Originally Posted by stevey_6t9

dont worry about the bitch man. im so sick of girls atm i wona bash the fuk outa so many lol. but seriously you'll move on easy and in a few months time you wont even remember her.

Thanks man... Yeah time will heal me and I know what you mean about bashing girls in.... I don't really want to do that to them but they sometimes make me feel like that lol. Thanks for replying.

Originally Posted by DangerDave

I agree with this 100%. When you speak negatively to yourself you are speaking to the emotional side of you and that side doesnt handle insults well. My phone background is: 'positive self talk' just to remind me. Otherwise it get down and beat myself up.

Also came out of a long relationship recently and I'd like to give my .02. Be by yourself for a while. I realise with myself that I was too dependent on my ex and in fact too dependent on validation from woman. Learn to be happy on your own and bring a girl into YOUR world (when you ready), do not enter her world.

hang with your friends again and just learn to have fun without needing her or any other woman. Stop looking for validation from woman, I suspect thats why you move from long term relationship to another. Not bashing you bro but I suspect that you suffer from the same shit that I have. Learn to be happy on your own

Oh I didn't take that as a bash at all... Thanks for that response. I think that's exactly how I am... always looking for that validation. Also I was REALLY dependent on my ex of 6 years as well.... I should have never let that happen. Thanks for the advice and I will try to just bang girls from now on without getting attached. haha that sounds pretty fun actually =P

**energizer bunny** · 02-10-2010, 11:42 AM

some excellent advice above......

hey man sorry to hear about your break up......been there myself and it sure can be tough!......keep your head up man and follow the advice given!....

**number twelve** · 02-10-2010, 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by calgarian

not needy but clingy.......u have to start whoring take my advise....start whoring fvck it and forget it.......dont take my advise i am drunk in the after noon....

honestly bro i think thatll only get u so far...and im speaking from experience...for about 5 years i was unstoppable i had sex with as many girls as possible...i even had a gf for 2 years during that time...it wasnt a real relationship tho i had no respect for her and cheated on her all the time..i got caught once and one of the ways i convinced her that i hadnt was a made a thread on this forum and left it up for her to read, it was total bullshit but she bought it. lol. anyway, what im trying to say is during that whole time i really was pretty numb to life and to any sort of emotion. then out of nowhere i met this amazing girl and i totally changed my lifestyle. aka i have treated her right and been honest with her. and i have to say its a lot more fulfilling.

anyway i know the OP is feeling like shit right now. youll bounce back bro, maybe slay a few strumpets to get back in the game, but dont close yourself off to meeting a good girl..

12

after reading the other posts..the guys make a good point that i agree with...definitely take time for yourself and get comfortable in your own skin

**NC600cbr** · 02-10-2010, 12:26 PM

Don't worry guys - I have the solution.

Words of wisdom to live by in times like these.

"Nothing gets you over the last one - like getting under the next time."

**NVR2BIG1** · 02-10-2010, 01:19 PM

well first off you have to be honest with yourself. Were you a dick to this girl all the time, or was it just a stupid moment? Because we all have those moments where we act like dickheads and no relationship goes 100% smooth forever. So if that was her excuse its not a realistic one and you shouldn't worry. Did she ever bother to sit down with you and talk with you about what was bothering her? If the answer is no then she was not serious to begin with and this is actually a good thing, no sense in wasting time w/ the wrong one. Relationships take work, nothing perfect just falls into anybody's lap. The one thing I will say about girls these days is they definitely are not as loyal as they used to be, and girls or guys are quick to bail out. You say that your clingy and negative acting, maybe this is it? Girls def dont like that, it comes across as very weak and not masculine at all, u need to change that or you'll be just another guy stuck with a fat chick

**scorpion62** · 02-10-2010, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by NC600cbr

Don't worry guys - I have the solution.

Words of wisdom to live by in times like these.

"Nothing gets you over the last one - like getting under the next time."

Give yours self a good pull and leave her in the past look forward theres a lot more great sex out there go get it

**Bojangles69** · 02-10-2010, 02:28 PM

Originally Posted by bjpennnn

someone said it another post and I have been using it when counseling at the rehabs when people come to me about relationship advice/brake ups. Sometimes the insecurities that we have before the relationship go away when we enter into one because the person makes us feel great and tells us how great we are. Then when you break up and she/he is not there anymore we start to second guess ourselves and the insecurities we had before are even more blown out of proportion because we believe we are less then. The bottom line time heals man, learn from your mistakes i know you personally and your a great guy. I use this time whenever something bads happens to me to get my ass into the best shape ever, i use the negative energy and turn it into something good.

If she does not want to be with you, then why the hell would you want to be with her? I would never want to be with someone that does not want to be with me.

There are other fish in the sea, if your having a tough time write down all the things you are grateful for man. Trust me you have a lot going for you, you can walk, you are not deathly sick, you live in america(not a 3rd world country), you can seeeeeee ya know. Sounds corny but when you think about it you got a lot to be greatful for. Sometimes it comes down to that. Just realizing what you do have instead of what you dont. Hang in there bud.

Now turn on the most hardcore ****en song you have grab your balls and beat your chest and go hit it hard.

I knew this sounded familiar.

Its the melting pot of self esteem in relationships, in psychology when 2 people pair bond or date, their self esteem levels actually pool together, its been studied for quite some time now.

So if you are an insecure girl, and you pair bond (date) a secure confident man, the woman actually gets to enjoy the benefits of having high self esteem just by BEING WITH a confident man. So naturally a lot of her past insecurites wind up getting quelled in the process, the man in effect becomes a drug masking all her insecurities. Works the same for men too.

The end of a relationship is the BEST way of calibrating your true self esteem levels. (unless you're on drugs) And is also the best time to work on self esteem so in the future you have less insecurites that your partner can mask, and less overall pain when your break up. Which is another reason you see people quit functional behavoirs when they find a new partner. Like stopping going to the gym, stopping going out, stopping all sorts of activities that kept your self esteem high. When you have a partner, they can easily replace all that.
Its bad, because if you're the type of person who quits working out when you find a girl, that just means you lift purely out of insecurity, and when the girl is gone, you're fvcked.

Theres so much interesting shit about this topic alone but it would take forever to write.

**NC600cbr** · 02-10-2010, 02:31 PM

So what if you're a narcissistic arrogant prick bojangles? Say for.. hmm.. arguments sake, or rather this friend of mine that I know sorta fits that description ...

**IGot80HD** · 02-10-2010, 02:50 PM

i was in a 5.5 yr relationship. as soon as i got out i did a little googling

came across this

http://www. pick-up-artist-forum .com/

read up a shlt load on techniques and what not and have pretty solid game now and will approach any and all girls i am interested in.

i was on a good streak at the beginning of this year. 5 girls in 5 days (make out) banged 2 of the 5.

its a numbers game. you will be alright.

and if you REALLY care for her she is maybe shit testing you to see if you really want to be with her. so maybe you can tell her "look i know you said you dont want to be together. but i love/like you. i enjoy being with you and would like our relationship to move forward. if you do not feel the same then i will respect your desicion"

**bjpennnn** · 02-10-2010, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

I knew this sounded familiar.

Its the melting pot of self esteem in relationships, in psychology when 2 people pair bond or date, their self esteem levels actually pool together, its been studied for quite some time now.

So if you are an insecure girl, and you pair bond (date) a secure confident man, the woman actually gets to enjoy the benefits of having high self esteem just by BEING WITH a confident man. So naturally a lot of her past insecurites wind up getting quelled in the process, the man in effect becomes a drug masking all her insecurities. Works the same for men too.

The end of a relationship is the BEST way of calibrating your true self esteem levels. (unless you're on drugs) And is also the best time to work on self esteem so in the future you have less insecurites that your partner can mask, and less overall pain when your break up. Which is another reason you see people quit functional behavoirs when they find a new partner. Like stopping going to the gym, stopping going out, stopping all sorts of activities that kept your self esteem high. When you have a partner, they can easily replace all that.
Its bad, because if you're the type of person who quits working out when you find a girl, that just means you lift purely out of insecurity, and when the girl is gone, you're fvcked.

Theres so much interesting shit about this topic alone but it would take forever to write.

were you the one rite the paper for their thesis or something? If so how did it go?

Its such an easy concept and it can really help someone sort through why they may be feeling like shit after a breakup. Thanks a lot for the info. I will use it for the rest of my life to help my clients understand.

**Bojangles69** · 02-11-2010, 12:26 AM

Originally Posted by bjpennnn

were you the one rite the paper for their thesis or something? If so how did it go?

Its such an easy concept and it can really help someone sort through why they may be feeling like shit after a breakup. Thanks a lot for the info. I will use it for the rest of my life to help my clients understand.

Yes I'm him lol. Its a 3 month process though I'm only 4 weeks into it right now. Will be sure to post the study when its all said and done.

Ideally with break ups therapy can help, but believe it or not therapy can become a huge distraction. Because therapy really ISN'T important, at some point that person you're talking to is gonna leave that room and be left to their own devices.

Which is why in person I treat people rather brashly. You won't see me doing it online because its too easy to miscalibrate a response and say something stupid. But I do usually try to avoid a lot of the cliche "it will get better" shit. Its soothing to the ears (and to the therapist who says it), but noone really believes it when they're freshly broken up from a relationship.

I usually prefer the route of lighting a fire under peoples asses so they DO get mad, and I try not to distract them from their anger with too much psychobabble (the "it will get better" stuff). But you have to calibrate by what the person responds to the most.
Most people I meet DO want to fight, and you can tell when they get angry about something (mostly their ex) and actually start talking about it, that they just seem liberated in some strange way.
Anger is good, anger directed outside yourself that is. Not in the form of violence, but the form of making decisions outside your comfort zone. "So your angry, what are you gonna do about it?" Person usually never has answers or they say "join a gym? hit a punchin bag?"
Thats not the anger they need to address.

No matter how angry someone can be at their ex, they are usually always MORE angry at themself. Think about it, if they weren't mad at themself, how could the ex possibly affect them? Theres no bridge for those emotions to logically travel into your brain. Being angry at yourself forms that bridge, and ALLOWS all that shit to ravage your mind.
"I'm a pos, I'm not good enough, someone better then me got my girl.. I must be a loser"
No, you're not a loser, you're really just angry with yourself right now, and negative self talk is your coping mechanism to deal with it.

In order to vent that anger, you need to validate your ego usually, which usually happens via social feedback.
"Ok so you're angry, first thing I want you to do when you leave this room is start a conversation with the first girl you see".
Most people are so numb to the world they will go start a conversation, and even if the conversation goes bad, as long as you made them do something they normally don't, they instantly feel better.

Because what you are doing is helping them solidify their self esteem, you want that shit to be an arsenal of concrete and steel, little exercises like this (Facing your fears) is like a drug for any break up.

If you really want one of the most affective answers in the world to a break up, when someone asks you "how do I get over this I'm a mess?"
You say "you begin a mission to conquer all your fears in life". Fears are the ONLY thing that work directly on low self esteem, if you rid the fears, you rid the low self esteem.
Those fears get covered up the day you meet someone, and the day they are gone 90% of them come right back. You might get more angry at yourself for avoiding your fears because NOW you have to work on them. But if a person feels bad enough, and has enough trust in the therapist, they WILL listen to you.

And if they try to conquer even one of their fears, its a brick added to their self esteem that CAN NOT be removed by insecure thinking. No matter how much they say to themself "im a pos", its not going to trigger the same emotions that it use to, and the negative self talk slowly fades away the more they do it. Also, it doesn't take a lot of bricks to set people off on a journey of all out self discovery. Some people won't need to do this, but those people have most likely already done this unconsciously in their developmental years and won't be in therapy in the first place.
Break ups suck, they wreak havoc on your limbic system, and no longer can you rosetint all the shit that tricked you into love in the first place.

You use to say "her love handles were cute" but now you tell yourself the truth "her love handles were a sign of her bad diet and lazy attitude"

You use to say "the hair on her arms was an imperfection I learned to value", now you say "the hair on her arms was fvckn nasty and I should have told her to shave that shit"

THATS the proverbial "smack in the face", when you realize all this shit one by one and realize "wow, I made so many mistakes in the way I viewed this girl. I knew it all along, but STILL chose to ignore it".
This far reaches into the depths of personality too, thats actually what you will feel the worst about.
"Why the FVCK did I let her stay over my house that night she was acting like a total psycho?" One by one all those past decisions invade your well being.

Thats why all you have left is new decisions. Decisions that FEEL RIGHT and MAKE SENSE, decisions that are congruent to your morals and beliefs.
You make NO exceptions for future partners, don't justify one bad thing with one good thing, when one bad thing pops up you confront it verbally with your partner and you must NEVER FEAR the fact that one day you may just need to literally drop a girl.
All the good things they did, you have to understand that certain bad behavoirs are never cancelled out by good ones.
If she bought you pizza last week, and this week she is asking you to be her daddy (pay bills, make phone calls for her) you dont use last weeks pizza to justify this weeks being her daddy.
You are NOT her father and NEVER will be. If that becomes a pattern where she needs you to handle her problems because shes too much of a mess to handle her own, thats the point you need to be ready to leave.

People are ALWAYS pushing this shit off then regretting it later. A right can never correct a wrong. If she offers to give you anal after a fight (no pun intended ranging) I'm sorry but you don't just ****ing make trades like that in relationships. You have no idea what you are REALLY trading or REALLY showing to your partner.

THIS is what you would show them in situation like that.
"Ok we can fight, and you can curse me out and call me a pos loser then tell me you wanna **** my friend, but I will let that all slide if you give me anal"? wtf!?
How often do you see shit like this in real life? Its appauling.

You JUST TOLD your girl I WILL TOLERATE YOUR BAD ATTITUDE AS LONG AS YOU GIVE ME UNLIMITED ACCESS TO YOUR BODY.
You aren't "making up", you're subconsiously sending your partner the message that you are a superficial pushover.
Thats why noone is perfect, because everyone makes these mistakes every day of their life. But you REALLY need to try to seperate yourself from the majority. The majority is who teaches you to tolerate this type of crap in the first place.

It all comes down to how much you believe in yourself, and how willing you are to act like you believe in yourself. People who believe in themselves don't let fears run their life, they live w/out apologies because they make smart decisions. I hate to see any man going through a break up, you but NEED to realize you are where you are for a reason.
Not being dumped or broken up, but being SAD. That is where you are right now. You can get dumped and not have a care in the world, but that comes with self esteem. Self esteem is one of the few things in this world that is actually worth the price you pay for it. In most break ups, the ONLY thing that really makes it tough in the end is self esteem. You may have ignored that word for the first 20 years of your life (or however long) but now you realize what price you pay when you DON'T have self esteem. And I'm telling you, its always smarter to pay the price now so you don't have to pay 10 fold later.

The death of your fears marks the birth of your liberation, never forget that.

-Bo

Thread: I just got dumped.... =/

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I just got dumped.... =/

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