Suicide Help Groups for Grieving Mothers

[RaginCajun]

As the title states, anyone know of any groups like this?


Got a call from my ex today and she was really struggling with the loss of her daughter (22 yr old committed suicide in November). She is 6 hours away so it’s not like I can go over and hug/console/talk face to face with her. I want to find her some help groups in her area, she really needs it. It hurts hearing her so sad and I miss her little girl as well. It’s really hard to find the words on the phone to say to her as I know nothing will bring her little girl back. I struggle with it as well as that is the only reason the ex is back in my life. Hadn’t heard from her in about 5 months then she popped that on me, actually wrecked the side of my truck reading the text numerous times. And I was parked before I wrecked it, doh! I really want to get her some kind of help as she sounds really really depressed and she is such a spunky woman. She hasn’t been the same since the incident, sucks as I want her to be jubilant self again.

Depression sucks!

[The Deadlifting Dog]

I do not know of any good groups unfortunately.

I simply can only hope for the best for her.

Maybe you can touch base with her from time to time to help with the pain.

[Capebuffalo]

No personal experience but this turned up

https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group/

[RaginCajun]

I do not know of any good groups unfortunately.

I simply can only hope for the best for her.

Maybe you can touch base with her from time to time to help with the pain.

I have been keeping up with her more often since it’s happened. She didn’t tell me until almost two months after it happened, sucks because I would have been there for her and her family even if we weren’t together.

I’m going to do some searches in a little while just figured I would ask around here first

[RaginCajun]

No personal experience but this turned up

https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group/

Thanks!

[SampsonandDelilah]

Hearts and prayers...

Don’t know of any, but hope she’s ok. You’re a good man for being there

[Test Monsterone]

Tell her that she needs to be strong for you, that even if you're not currently together, her health and presence in this world is vital to your survival. Her daughter killing herself can only make her feel like she is to blame. It's really sad. I don't have kids, but I can only imagine the pain of losing a child, especially to something like suicide... Best of luck to her and you.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

My expartner suicided 4.5 years ago. It's a long and difficult road to recover from the suicide of a person close to you. It's been 4 years for me and I'm still not back to normal.

I had been attending a monthly 'Bereavement Through Suicide' group. Some people at the group lost their partner, some lost a parent, some lost a sibling, some lost a friend, some lost a child. Actually now that I think of it, they also had a smaller group for parents who lost a child.

If I were back in your ex's shoes again and recently bereaved then I'd take the max dose of an antidepressant (e.g. 20mg of Cipralex/Lexapro per day) and attend a monthly group. It can be really difficult to attend the group and actually walk in and sit down and listen to other people telling their stories, but an antidepressant makes it a lot more easier. An antidepressant would also make it less likely that a person would turn to alcohol. Also makes it easier to get out of bed in the morning. And makes it easier to get through the day.

Being realistic about things, this isn't something that your ex will bounce back from overnight. This really is like slowly peeling layers off an onion. She'll be a bit better after a year, and a bit better again after 2 years, and a bit better again after 3 years. With that said, some people recover a lot more quickly than others : there are the people who bounce back within a year or two. Sadly though some people never get over it.

Once you've lost the joy in life, it doesn't come back to you. You actually have to go out and find it again... so if that means Salsa classes, or rollercoasters, or learning a new musical instrument, or doing the parkrun at the weekend. I like reading my poetry at Open Mic Nights. Whatever it takes.

[Fluidic Kimbo]

Bereavement through suicide has a way of turning people inside out that I haven't seen in other life events.

[BG]

Hearts and prayers...

Likewise.

Super tough times for some people.

[< <Samson> >]

Fuck, that’s terrible shit


I’m not good at this stuff at all - but, like I always do think - there are worse things than death


I wouldn’t even know what 2 say

Wish her(as many others) Luck

[ghettoboyd]

thought and prayers to you both...I wish I had something inspiring to say brother but that has to be every parents worst nightmare...I know if it was me I would never be the same again sadly...

[Fluidic Kimbo]

For what it's worth, I could tell you a real-life story about a guy I met who's had it a lot worse than many.

I started attending a monthly 'Bereavement Through Suicide' group in 2017, and there was a guy there at the group named Donatello (not his real name). Donatello was a man who looked to be in his early 40's, and he was wearing shorts the first time he came so he looked quite young and vibrant. Lots of times after that, he would typically come straight from work and so he would be wearing his work clothes (sometimes also a high-viz vest). He's self-employed and has his own business doing plumbing. I later found out that Donatello is actually in his 60's but that he's taken really good care of himself and looks like he's 20 years younger.

When the group starts, we begin by introducing ourselves, for example "Hi I'm Thomas and I lost my expartner 14 months ago". When it came to Donatello, he explained that his son hanged himself in the shed out his back garden 4 years ago. Then he explained that his wife, 2 years ago, went out to the garden shed to the same spot, and strangled herself with her scarf while holding a photograph of her departed son.

Donatello was a bit of a 'rock' for me, he was quite well-grounded, and I imagine that having his own business and being busy made it easier for him to continue on with his life. He still had two daughters and one other son, and while one of his daughters was now drinking very heavily, he still had some sort of life to continue. If his life was a storm, he seemed to be weathering it.

Some time last year in 2019, I attended the monthly group again. I think this was around about November-ish. We walked in and sat down, and two or three of the regulars with chit-chatting quietly among themselves before the group began. I heard Donatello's name spoken once, and I then heard it a second time. I listened for a second and asked, "What about Donatello?". Everyone stopped talking and the room fell silent -- so I immediately knew something had happened. I sort of psychologically tried to brace myself for the news that was coming next. To be honest, in my own head, I was bracing myself emotionally/psychologically/mentally to be told that Donatello had died (and of course I would have jumped immediately to the conclusion of how he died). Well Donatello is still alive. It turns out that his one remaining son took his life in October of last year. This information didn't quite register in my mind at first, I think I asked the same question 3 or 4 times until I stopped talking. His son had even sent him a text message telling him where his body could be found, and by the time Donatello got to the site, the police were there and they were taking his body down from a tree.

Donatello didn't attend the monthly group after that for a few months. More often than not, Donatello had previously attended the group with his brother of similar age named Leonardo (not his real name). Previously Donatello had always been the vibrant one, and Leonardo showed his age more and wasn't quite as "Get Up And Go". Leonardo and Donatello came to the group together in February of this year about four months after the death of his second son. I think all the regulars in the group were charged with static electricity when Donatello and Leonardo arrived. The first thing I noticed was that Leonardo looked a lot more clean-cut than before, he looked a lot more like he'd gotten his act together. (This extreme positive change in welbeing is actually not unusual when a person feels that they must instantly get their act together because they need to support a friend or sibling). Donatello looked normal enough I suppose, although people had been saying that they'd seen him out and about the town and he was looking skinnier, but I don't think I really noticed.

The group started clockwise at the 1 O'Clock position, and I was seated at the 5 O'Clock position. Everyone was waiting for it to get around to Donatello, who was sitting at about the 10 O'Clock position. Previously Donatello had always been calm and well-spoken, and came across as mature, level-headed, and maybe even a bit wise. Well, the Donatello that arrived to the group that day sounded like a 15-year-old boy who had a string of complaints about the packed lunch that his mother had made for him. Donatello was quite clearly turned inside out. He was clearly traumatised.

Having already attended the group for 2.5 years, Donatello and I had already exchanged phone numbers and we sent each other a text message from time to time. We had talked about going hiking together in the forest/mountainous region near by. Now before I say what I'm about to say, I need to explain that there was a very long build-up to me asking the following question. It might sound like a very flippant and inconsiderate question to ask, but I had been growing more and more curious as time went by. And seeing now as how Donatello and I were getting chatty and had already exchanged numbers, there came a day when I asked him the question that was on my mind:
Thomas: "After your first suicide, was the second one easier to deal with? Do they get easier?".
Donatello: "The second one wasn't as bad".

Having been bereaved through suicide myself, and having been in rehabs and lived in homeless hostels, I've seen plenty of traumatised people. I can usually tell with 10 seconds whether or not a person will quickly bounce back. I mean, there are times when I immediately note to myself, "He's going to be like that for at least a year or two and he's going to need to take up all sorts of new hobbies". Given that this is Donatello's third suicide of a close family member, he might recover more quickly and get back to the way he was when I met him in 2017. Then again though, he might be too deeply hurt.

I disagree with the use of medical terms in anything to do with affairs of the heart and mind. I'm very much against the term, "mental health", and prefer terms such as "welbeing". Well anyway, in my monthly group, they talk about the "contagion" of suicide. What they mean by this, is that a person becomes bereaved through suicide, and then all of a sudden suicide becomes a viable option in their life. Up until they were bereaved, suicide may not have been on the table. When I was kid, I remember one of my older sisters came home one time, and they was nobody home and they didn't have a key, and so they broke a small window to get in. Up until then, breaking a window because you haven't got a key to get in was an unthinkable act. But once it had been done once, sure enough another sibling came home at another time, couldn't get in, and broke a small window. Something that had never been a viable option had become okay. A lot of people recently bereaved through suicide go through a phase of worrying that they will come to the same fate.

In the year or two or three after my expartner's death, I attended all manner of churches, temples, meditation centres, etc.. It was actually a Muslim imam who told me what I really needed to hear: Pray that God will protect you from the same fate.