Relationship Vent!

[J-Dogg]

I hate to do this, I probably sound like an Idiot but I don’t normally need or like to vent, I just turn it off.
I’ve been with my girl for 5 years, and for the past few months it has been really tuff. I work very hard and have come a long way. 10 years ago, I was in jail, did not have a spot to stay. Today I own a accomplished construction company, 4 investment houses and a primary home.
I impress everyone I know, people always compliment me on my work ethic, my kindness and humbleness. Her family always thanks me for being good to her. Her Ex was a guy who would cheat on her, lie to her and was just not welcome in the home. Her family adores me, her mom can be a little annoying but she is nice and gets along with me great.
The problem is, everyone loves me but her I feel. I get compliments from everyone but her. I constantly tell her she is gorgeous, she is. She thinks she is not, but I still tell her. She says she loves me, but I just don’t feel she does. When we sleep together, she is across the bed, not even close. I’ve had girl friends that love me, you could tell they adore you. I don’t get that vibe from her, but I love her.
She tells me she loves me, but I don’t know if I can believe her. She depends on me for support so she needs me. She is in school and depends on me for everything right now. For all I know she is just saying that because it is easier than stressing about money.
At the same time, I don’t know why she would not love me after 5 years, or what could have happened. I treat her very well, better than her family treats her and better than I treat my own. I’m attractive and in great shape, I work hard and have a better career than anyone I know that is my age. Maybe it is just not there.
Tonight I’m home alone because she wanted to visit her friend tonight. It’s Christmas night and I’m home along and it upsets me. We were suppose to see a movie tonight and she is only home for 2 days and goes back to school tomorrow.
Any how, thanks for listening. I don’t know if I just need to realize it is not going to work and tuffen up, or try to work things out….I suck at relationships!

[firmechicano831]

I've had the same thing happend to me. You just need to tuffen up and let her know how you feel. I needed to do it and I did. I asked her if she loved me why didn't she hug me, kiss me or tell me that she did often. Even though that is not her way of doing things maybe she does love you but in a different way. Just ask and she way tell you. good luck bro

[pumpd4lif]

give her the cold shoulder

[Ajc330]

i'm sorry to hear that and it sucks that this kind of stuff happens to good guys all the time. I used to be a good guy, and would always spoil the girl.. i ended up getting hurt in the end so i learned to play thegame on the opposite end of the spectrum because nice guys do finish last, i'm not saying be mean but don't spoil her with comments or try to be with her 24/7, let her live her life and let her want to spend time with you

best of luck in your relationship

[Atomini]

You must be open with her and tell her this stuff instead of telling us. Just ask her straight out.

[Panzerfaust]

I would have a sit down conversation ASAP and get it all worked out.

Think of it this way, you ignore it and it gets worse and you loose everything or you do something as simple as sit down together and have a heart to heart. Ask her how she feels about everything etc.

Trust me, I wish I could go back and do what I just suggested, if I had I would not have just gone through one hellacious year of being alone.

[J-Dogg]

You guys are great, I appricate the advice from your experinces and listening. It's not exactly always easy for me to sit down with my lifting partner and talk about this type of stuff...

I did talk to her, she explained that she "loves me so much" but I'm having a hard time figuring it out. I'm glad we talked, and I feel better but I think a lot of the problem is I feel she depends on me enough that she would rather tell me "I love you" than stress about finanical situations.

She is in a postion she needs me, she is trying to get away from that which I hope she does soon because I'm obviously not comfortable with it.

We have been together for the past 5 years, it's just since she moved that I feel distant from her....not just physically but emotionally on her side. I just feel like she has to try to act excited when I see her. She use to leave town for a day or 2, and have to come home early because she would miss me so much. Now she is thinking of moving away for good and getting a job in another town (200 miles away). She wants things to work out, and I don't know if they can be with that kind of distances between us. I cannot walk away from my career, it has taken me 10 years to build my real estate and company to what it is today. I've always encourgaged her to chase her dreams, I just never thought that those dreams might not include me in them.

As closed off as I am, she is even more so it is hard to communicate with her.

Thanks again guys, I do appriciate everything.

[Amorphic]

i'm sorry to hear that and it sucks that this kind of stuff happens to good guys all the time. I used to be a good guy, and would always spoil the girl.. i ended up getting hurt in the end so i learned to play thegame on the opposite end of the spectrum because nice guys do finish last, i'm not saying be mean but don't spoil her with comments or try to be with her 24/7, let her live her life and let her want to spend time with you

best of luck in your relationship

i was the exact same way as well

[Stock]

Are you the same one that told us that your GF was taking money from your business and giving it to her family, then she went off to school? If you are, you already know the answer to your own question, move on.

[xero]

I would be worried. Based on what you have said, she seems to be emotionally and physically distancing herself from you, yet not prepared to go all the way as she is financially dependent on you.

Be very sure to get to the bottom of this. Seems odd.

[Expat]

I hate to do this, I probably sound like an Idiot but I don’t normally need or like to vent, I just turn it off.
I’ve been with my girl for 5 years, and for the past few months it has been really tuff. I work very hard and have come a long way. 10 years ago, I was in jail, did not have a spot to stay. Today I own a accomplished construction company, 4 investment houses and a primary home.
I impress everyone I know, people always compliment me on my work ethic, my kindness and humbleness. Her family always thanks me for being good to her. Her Ex was a guy who would cheat on her, lie to her and was just not welcome in the home. Her family adores me, her mom can be a little annoying but she is nice and gets along with me great.
The problem is, everyone loves me but her I feel. I get compliments from everyone but her. I constantly tell her she is gorgeous, she is. She thinks she is not, but I still tell her. She says she loves me, but I just don’t feel she does. When we sleep together, she is across the bed, not even close. I’ve had girl friends that love me, you could tell they adore you. I don’t get that vibe from her, but I love her.
She tells me she loves me, but I don’t know if I can believe her. She depends on me for support so she needs me. She is in school and depends on me for everything right now. For all I know she is just saying that because it is easier than stressing about money.
At the same time, I don’t know why she would not love me after 5 years, or what could have happened. I treat her very well, better than her family treats her and better than I treat my own. I’m attractive and in great shape, I work hard and have a better career than anyone I know that is my age. Maybe it is just not there.
Tonight I’m home alone because she wanted to visit her friend tonight. It’s Christmas night and I’m home along and it upsets me. We were suppose to see a movie tonight and she is only home for 2 days and goes back to school tomorrow.
Any how, thanks for listening. I don’t know if I just need to realize it is not going to work and tuffen up, or try to work things out….I suck at relationships!

J-dogg...there are some red flags there you have as much mentioned them in the above vent...please feel free to do so...it always helps to get another's view and writing can be somewhat cathartic..

BUT..I can tell you if that girl was me doing that to you...it would say volumes......it says everything it needs to say

and sometimes when you vent aloud to someone and actually hear yourself saying (like what you did in writing)

sometimes...it becomes crystal clear...

you had pre-planned to go to the movies together...she blew that off to go hang with someone else???...That is not only fvcked up...but wrong...I hate this saying bro but..."it sounds like she's just not that into you"...and that is truly her loss...it is said the new seven year break up point has changed to 4-5 year time range...

and the fvcked up thing is sometimes you are so deep into someone...

that it would not matter what they do...you take it.........................
Good Luck Sweetheart...been there...done that...got a t-shirt...feel free to pm me

[Panzerfaust]

J-dogg...there are some red flags there you have as much mentioned them in the above vent...please feel free to do so...it always helps to get another's view and writing can be somewhat cathartic..

BUT..I can tell you if that girl was me doing that to you...it would say volumes......it says everything it needs to say

and sometimes when you vent aloud to someone and actually hear yourself saying (like what you did in writing)

sometimes...it becomes crystal clear...

you had pre-planned to go to the movies together...she blew that off to go hang with someone else???...That is not only fvcked up...but wrong...I hate this saying bro but..."it sounds like she's just not that into you"...and that is truly her loss...it is said the new seven year break up point has changed to 4-5 year time range...

and the fvcked up thing is sometimes you are so deep into someone...

that it would not matter what they do...you take it.........................
Good Luck Sweetheart...been there...done that...got a t-shirt...feel free to pm me

Can't argue with this, sorry J-Dogg. Its pretty much over so if I were you I would get it over with. Only time can heal this kind of pain and dragging things out only makes it worse.

[10nispro]

J-dogg, what is the age diffeerence, if any, between you two? It sounds as though she doesn't know how to tell you that things are over, even though she probably does "love you", but not in the same way you do. You have been very good to her and have shown what love can be like from someone. Be the mature one, and let her go. It will ler her off the hook(which I feel she doesn't want to her you) and it may hurt but its easier to deal with in your heart.

Good Luck with everything....

[Expat]

Can't argue with this, sorry J-Dogg. Its pretty much over so if I were you I would get it over with. Only time can heal this kind of pain and dragging things out only makes it worse.

Hey Murmiester..not gonna hijack this thread...good to see you tho

[facile]

Are you the same one that told us that your GF was taking money from your business and giving it to her family, then she went off to school? If you are, you already know the answer to your own question, move on.

I thought this was familiar. If you are asking yourself the same question over and over you know the answer. Of course knowing what to do doesn't make any easier, especially this time of year. I have been there I was supporting a beautiful girl with a few kids, towards the end we would split and then the phone would ring, "she missed me" but it was usually because she needed some help, she nearly ruined me and today she doesn't even give it a second thought.
Be honest with her but be alert to her non-verbal cues during the discussion, to determine she is not telling you what you want to hear. If the sex goes and the communication goes, she has one foot out the door.

You are in a difficult situation, but if she is off doing her own thing and keeping you in the lerch for your support $$, your relationship is already over. Of course since you are a nice guy, cutting her off financially, may be difficult for you because you care, wean her off over a month.

Do not leave her with any CC in your name !!!!! After a while women feel they are entitled to your shit and $$, I left some checks behind she paid her bills with them. The only way to get it back is to press felony charges, which I couldn't.

Good luck, plenty of nice girls out there. What ever you decide you are in for a shitty new year, but you'll get through it.

[BOOST]

Drop her and move on bro, you cannot make someone love you regardless of how well you treat them. They either love, care and adore you or they don't. You sound like a good guy, plenty of good women out there looking for a good man like you. Sleeping on the other side of the bed, been there done that. Never again

[hunkunderconstruct]

i'm sorry to hear that and it sucks that this kind of stuff happens to good guys all the time. I used to be a good guy, and would always spoil the girl.. i ended up getting hurt in the end so i learned to play thegame on the opposite end of the spectrum because nice guys do finish last, i'm not saying be mean but don't spoil her with comments or try to be with her 24/7, let her live her life and let her want to spend time with you

best of luck in your relationship

I back your comment !!!!

[legobricks]

I say cut her off from your money like.....10mins ago! Thatll get her attention. Happened to me, I was paying my girlfriend's cell phone bill for 8 months and finally cut her plan. I laughed when she called from her house phone asking why she couldnt use it. F*CK that bro, cut her off NOW and then call her over for a "chit chat" and tell her its not working out and think its best that we be single so we can "find ourselves." If she really does love you she will come back, might be a month, might be a year but if she does love ya she will come back. Just make sure she doesnt start asking for money.

[J-Dogg]

Considering the help and advice I received, I thought it would be appropriate to give an update.


I’m feeling at least 100 times better and confident now. We’ve decided it’s just time to stop seeing each other. On occasion we probably will still meet up, but just not very often.


What finally did it for me, was a harsh talking by my sister and I got sick of listening to someone I love plan their entire life and somehow forget to mention me in it. When we saw her family together she made plans to move with her sister in the next year, blah blah.


Now she is having 2nd guesses and is worried I might just move on. I’m glad I finally snapped out of it and just removed her as being the most important thing in my ilfe. It’s been her choice the entire time, I tried, offered to move, offered to see counseling with her, all of which she declined.


I finally just talked and explained to her that I’m too proud and too good of a person to be in love with a person who does not love me back. I don’t deserve better than her, but I deserve to be unquestionably loved by someone

[xero]

Considering the help and advice I received, I thought it would be appropriate to give an update.


I’m feeling at least 100 times better and confident now. We’ve decided it’s just time to stop seeing each other. On occasion we probably will still meet up, but just not very often.


What finally did it for me, was a harsh talking by my sister and I got sick of listening to someone I love plan their entire life and somehow forget to mention me in it. When we saw her family together she made plans to move with her sister in the next year, blah blah.


Now she is having 2nd guesses and is worried I might just move on. I’m glad I finally snapped out of it and just removed her as being the most important thing in my ilfe. It’s been her choice the entire time, I tried, offered to move, offered to see counseling with her, all of which she declined.


I finally just talked and explained to her that I’m too proud and too good of a person to be in love with a person who does not love me back. I don’t deserve better than her, but I deserve to be unquestionably loved by someone

Congrats Dogg, you have taken the hard road, but definitely the right one.

respect.

[bulldawg_28]

Good job man. Now the next step is to find that someone else that will love you unquestionably.

[paulzane]

Good decision J-Dogg ...... well done!

[Z-Ro]

Considering the help and advice I received, I thought it would be appropriate to give an update.


I’m feeling at least 100 times better and confident now. We’ve decided it’s just time to stop seeing each other. On occasion we probably will still meet up, but just not very often.


What finally did it for me, was a harsh talking by my sister and I got sick of listening to someone I love plan their entire life and somehow forget to mention me in it. When we saw her family together she made plans to move with her sister in the next year, blah blah.


Now she is having 2nd guesses and is worried I might just move on. I’m glad I finally snapped out of it and just removed her as being the most important thing in my ilfe. It’s been her choice the entire time, I tried, offered to move, offered to see counseling with her, all of which she declined.


I finally just talked and explained to her that I’m too proud and too good of a person to be in love with a person who does not love me back. I don’t deserve better than her, but I deserve to be unquestionably loved by someone

Hey man, I know its rough but I want to congratulate you on making the right decision.

Time heals all and just keep working out doing other things that make you happy. Now is not the time to fail but to shine your shoes and keep making yourself a better person as you already have.

Keep kicking butt bro,

take care, God Bless!

[goodcents]

Go bang some 18 yr olds, perks me right up every time

[goodcents]

Think about your ex while you are pounding this new chics and just get nasty with her

[goodcents]

You should of already had some mistresses already5 years, damn that's a long time:feels the same, looks the same and taste the same You can only eat so many green m&m's before you go fuk, I want a red one

[J-Dogg]

Thanks guys, the support has helped!

I know this is going to make me happier. I've got 3 dates set up for this week already. I'm not looking to man whore it up or replace the ex but it feels good to be desired.

Goodcents as always, 18 yr olds are the answer, lol. I don't even really think about the Ex though, I don't hate her, just don't want to be with her.

[xtreme171]

Hey Man good luck. I have been following your thread here and your first post sounded like me and my wife. We have been seperated for 3 months now and its hard but trust me when you get down just think of something good to take your mind off and remember time heals all.

[Chitown Raider]

Sleeping on the other side of the bed, been there done that. Never again

Exactly

[firmechicano831]

yeah baby. You did the right thing. The ocean is full of beautiful fish and we should taste them all.

[DSM4Life]

A girl should want to be with you but not need to be with you.

[J-Dogg]

SHe really wants me back now, I guess in the long run I was hurting. I don't want her back now, so I win!

[Chitown Raider]

SHe really wants me back now, I guess in the long run I was hurting. I don't want her back now, so I win!

Bingo!!!

[goodcents]

Bingo!!!

A little bitter?Welcome to women haters local#25

[Z-Ro]

SHe really wants me back now, I guess in the long run I was hurting. I don't want her back now, so I win!

She wants what she can't have...its just like a guy messing up with a good woman, we just are accustomed to hearing about guys f'ing up stuff. Good luck J-Dogg and it seems that you have made the right decision and keep strong and do not question yourself!

Take care brotha!

[Chitown Raider]

A little bitter?Welcome to women haters local#25

LOL, nah just a little wiser now

[Commando_Barbi]

Sorry to hear about the end of a long relationship, but it sounds like you are better off. Whatever you do, stick to your guns and do not take her back. I spent 7 years in a relationship with a man (off and on) that couldn't make up his mind on what he wanted. I gave up a lot to go be with him and 2 weeks before I got ready to move overseas to be with him he got cold feet. I gave him not one, not two but THREE chances. Everytime he came back, I caved. NEVER NEVER EVER AGAIN. You sound like an amazing man with your shit together and there will be a woman out there that will really appreciate that and love you for you.

[J-Dogg]

Thanks again everyone, you guys/gals really are good people. I read though this post from time to time when I need to muster some strength. It was hard to understand while I was emotional and going though it, but I feel so much better knowing I did the right thing and hearing it.

I remember thinking, my life is ruined, she does not love me. Then I snapped out of it and though, My life is not too bad! It's actually pretty good and she was the worse thing about it. It was great, this was the hardest break up for me, and I don't know if I'll ever have a harder one, but I know one thing, I can cope with about anything at this point.

I really have never felt more confident and have never been happier than I am right now.

Thanks again everyone!

[goodcents]

So...........who hasn't been fuked over by a woman?

[Chitown Raider]

So...........who hasn't been fuked over by a woman?