Originally Posted by
40plusnewbie
I see a shrink. I have depression and had a ridiculously horrible childhood. I take an anti depressant and am glad I do. When I was 19 I had a lot of pretty serious issues (bad childhood trauma impacting me at a major transitional life time period-adolescence into adulthood) and was very messed up in the head. I was binge drinking like the worse binge drinker you ever met plus using other things too. In my mind I felt like I needed a shrink but I was afraid if I told him some of the stuff I was thinking I would be locked up (I had violent fantasies against my parents, I knew I wouldn't act on them but was afraid the shrink wouldn't know that) so I kept it all to myself and dealt with it all myself by delving into reading about psychology, family dynamics, social psychiatry, anit-psychiatry, etc in an attempt to sort out my issues...which were very effective but not efficient.
When I was a kid I was brought to a psychologist for 'hitting my sisters' when in actuality we just struggled over the remote control and I would win b/c i was the oldest. One time by accident my sister hit her head on the coffee table and had to get stiches. But on a daily basis I took the worst of it b/c they would kick me and stuff while all I did was try to grab the control from their hands (and was eventually successful). My mom made up the crap about hitting my sisters. When I told the dude what was going on in my house on a daily basis I cried and I wanted him to take me home with him. He ordered that child services come to investigate my house. Well the family had like 2 weeks to prepare so they put my wild alcoholic grandmother in a hotel and cleaned up the house. All the child services ppl did was talk to my mom for like an hour and then before leaving asked me to pull my shirt up to see my back. No strap marks from beatings, no case. 2 weeks later back to the same nightmare. That was the old days, today they would have opened a case on my family for sure.
The hardest lesson I learned, and I'm glad I learned it early, was that no matter how the problems got in me (sick crazy family and lots of abuse as a little kid growing up in a chaotic enviornment with my parents out of control- no feelings of love or protection or understanding or support or safety, constantly feeling afraid and not knowing what to expect next, being the victim of random abuse b/c my parents had issues that had nothing to do with me) that I had to take responsibility for myself and all the problems in me no matter how they got there. Being angry at my parents and angry at the world and feeling like a victim (which I was) was not going to do jack to solve my issues.
That's a tough nut to swallow. Suffering physical, emotional, verbal, etc abuse randomly multiple times on a daily basis from the age of 2 by the ppl put on earth to care for and protect you while your a complete innocent and deserve none of it and you have to put that all aside and say "Oh well, it doesn't really matter what caused it, it's in me now so it's my responsibility to get it out."
I didn't see a psych until my late 20's. Not scary or anything. Dude was cool, understanding, and helpful. Very open to working with me on my terms at my comfort level. Didn't try to force anything on me (I still had stigma attached to taking meds for brain problems).
Now I still see a psych and only see him 1x/ every 6 months to check in with him and get a script. He's cool and doesn't push anything. When they suggest stuff if they sense you don't want it or are not ready for it they don't push it at all (unless your an actual crazy person whose dangerous to the public- as in have an actual plan to harm someone in the immediate future, or suicidal).
But what psychiatrists do is medication management. Their hourly rate is too high for insurance to pay for hourly talk therapy and most are not trained in that anyway. They understand it b/c doctors are smart ppl but they deal with problems on a more broad level, with meds. Hell, all doctors do. Sure they will listen to stuff and give advice but just like other doctors your not getting 1 hour counseling sessions on a regular basis. Insurance just doesn't allow for that luxury so social workers and therapists (who have a lower hourly rate) do that aspect of the work.
Messed up brain chemistry is as real as messed up blood pressure or messed up blood sugar levels or messed up cholestol levels. Meds help. They don't 'cure' it but reduce the symptoms (what you experience as problematic in the case of psychiatry) so I am very pro med now for anyone who is open to it.
There should be no more stigma on meds for brain issues than there is for blood sugar issues. Sure other things will help and I highly encourage everyone to do all those things, as psychiatrists will to if you ask them (and sometimes of their own volition) such as exercise, eating right, sleeping right, having friends, having a good relationship, etc, etc.
Don't make the mistake I did and wait 10 years to go see a psychiatrist. Unless you tell the dude that your going to go hurt someone or have a plan to kill yourself you can walk out mid appt if you like or just not come back and they are not going to do anything to try to force you to come back.
Now I've sorted myself out and work in the field helping other ppl with issues and find pleasure in doing so. It takes courage to admit you have a problem and takes courage to reach out for help. For men, at least for men like me, it's much more natural to keep it all inside and try to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. The problem is, if your brain is kina miswired your not getting the same directions on how to do stuff that people without brain problems get. They don't struggle with the things you do, and for the things they struggle with they struggle a lot less.
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