Relationship Problems

[Bojangles69]

BLOCK QUOTE EDIT OF ORIGINAL POST FOR EASIER READING

Alright, I want an outsiders opinion on my whole situation.

So I've been dating this girl for 7 months, long distance. I've known her two years prior to us dating and we were really good friends.
It was on leave from the military when I finally got the balls to make a move and it was a success.

We started dating soon after and four months down the line I come back on leave and we finally have sex and what not.

We constantly text throughout the day and usually have a long phone convo at night. Last time I was on leave she kept saying, marry me, marry me, and so I asked. She said yes and we made plans to marry and have a ceremony in July. Well July is four months away and here's my dilemma....

Throughout our long distance relationship she'll have these flare ups where she gets really insecure and says, "I can't do it anymore." As if she's breaking up with me.
She'll continue to text me I love you and the first time this happened she apologized and it was good.

It's happened a few times since then, the last was pretty bad.

I basically said, "You just lost me." and turned my phone off. Next day I have a bunch of texts and get a call soon after and she apologized for the whole situation, told me it was selfish and that she had time to think and she really does want to be with me.

So I forgave her and things are good.
Well this morning I call her and she's being kinda mean. Apparently she had a dream about me and realized how much she missed me and needs me and we hung up kind of both in bad moods.

I get a text later saying, "I can't do this for another four months." Now this girl is amazing, everything I've always wanted and she was an awesome friend too.

I can trust her like no other, we have the same interests, like I said, perfect.

But she's just insecure. She grew up in a broken household, parents' divorced, kind of a weird upbringing.

She wanted to marry me so we could be together and she could move out here with me, but she's really worried about that too.
I'm just at a loss on what to do.... We're great when we're together, no arguing or anything, it's just this long distance...

I'd say f u to any other girl and move on but this one is just way different than any I've experienced. The only problem is her insecurities...

[Bojangles69]

BLOCK QUOTE EDIT OF ORIGINAL POST FOR EASIER READING

Alright, I want an outsiders opinion on my whole situation.

So I've been dating this girl for 7 months, long distance. I've known her two years prior to us dating and we were really good friends.
It was on leave from the military when I finally got the balls to make a move and it was a success.

We started dating soon after and four months down the line I come back on leave and we finally have sex and what not.

We constantly text throughout the day and usually have a long phone convo at night. Last time I was on leave she kept saying, marry me, marry me, and so I asked. She said yes and we made plans to marry and have a ceremony in July. Well July is four months away and here's my dilemma....

Throughout our long distance relationship she'll have these flare ups where she gets really insecure and says, "I can't do it anymore." As if she's breaking up with me.
She'll continue to text me I love you and the first time this happened she apologized and it was good.

It's happened a few times since then, the last was pretty bad.

I basically said, "You just lost me." and turned my phone off. Next day I have a bunch of texts and get a call soon after and she apologized for the whole situation, told me it was selfish and that she had time to think and she really does want to be with me.

So I forgave her and things are good.
Well this morning I call her and she's being kinda mean. Apparently she had a dream about me and realized how much she missed me and needs me and we hung up kind of both in bad moods.

I get a text later saying, "I can't do this for another four months." Now this girl is amazing, everything I've always wanted and she was an awesome friend too.

I can trust her like no other, we have the same interests, like I said, perfect.

But she's just insecure. She grew up in a broken household, parents' divorced, kind of a weird upbringing.

She wanted to marry me so we could be together and she could move out here with me, but she's really worried about that too.
I'm just at a loss on what to do.... We're great when we're together, no arguing or anything, it's just this long distance...

I'd say f u to any other girl and move on but this one is just way different than any I've experienced. The only problem is her insecurities...

Now that I can read it I'll respond lol

First problem I don't like is even though you "knew her" before you started dating, while you were dating, you went from a LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP to the prospect of MARRAIGE.

Thats like standing at the bottom of a stairway and thinking you can jump to the top w/out tripping on the 4th step and cracking your ass open.
Which is what it looks like happening.

Its only logical, my brothers been in a long distance relationship for *7 years* and his girl has been pestering about marraige for a while now.
His LOGICAL response was, lets move in together for a year or 2 FIRST then see what happens.

Your response seems to have been "ok fvck it, lets just get married". This is why you don't jump the gun in a long distance relationship. EVEN WHEN you know the person people are ALWAYS changing and that intimate cohabitional stage is essential.

Also, don't think long distance is what is causing conflict and that when you're together its fine because it is now (or so you think/say).

If you move in together you could be cool for 2 weeks then start contemplating each others murder. Don't make assumptions on a situation that hasnt exactly happened yet. (living together for some time to test the waters)

Moreso, the general dialouge between the both of you seems like its lacking a certain degree of maturity and self esteem. If she has LSE (low self esteem) I can pretty much guarantee you will be miserable or soon divorced.

Do not date/marry LSE girls. If you are LSE don't date untill you are HSE and only date equally HSE women. If you see a lot of divorces you begin to understand how LSE always manages to play a major role. Its a cancer in a relationship.

At this point I would NOT marry this chick.
Id move in with her, see how things go, then MAYBE consider marraige. But marraige should be the LAST thing on your mind at this point. In my humble opinion.

-Bo

[LawMan018]

Thanks for the advice... And I would prefer to move in if it were under normal circumstances... I agree that we want to get married sooner then we should... It just sucks being stationed 1800 miles away...

Now that I can read it I'll respond lol

First problem I don't like is even though you "knew her" before you started dating, while you were dating, you went from a LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP to the prospect of MARRAIGE.

Thats like standing at the bottom of a stairway and thinking you can jump to the top w/out tripping on the 4th step and cracking your ass open.
Which is what it looks like happening.

Its only logical, my brothers been in a long distance relationship for *7 years* and his girl has been pestering about marraige for a while now.
His LOGICAL response was, lets move in together for a year or 2 FIRST then see what happens.

Your response seems to have been "ok fvck it, lets just get married". This is why you don't jump the gun in a long distance relationship. EVEN WHEN you know the person people are ALWAYS changing and that intimate cohabitional stage is essential.

Also, don't think long distance is what is causing conflict and that when you're together its fine because it is now (or so you think/say).

If you move in together you could be cool for 2 weeks then start contemplating each others murder. Don't make assumptions on a situation that hasnt exactly happened yet. (living together for some time to test the waters)

Moreso, the general dialouge between the both of you seems like its lacking a certain degree of maturity and self esteem. If she has LSE (low self esteem) I can pretty much guarantee you will be miserable or soon divorced.

Do not date/marry LSE girls. If you are LSE don't date untill you are HSE and only date equally HSE women. If you see a lot of divorces you begin to understand how LSE always manages to play a major role. Its a cancer in a relationship.

At this point I would NOT marry this chick.
Id move in with her, see how things go, then MAYBE consider marraige. But marraige should be the LAST thing on your mind at this point. In my humble opinion.

-Bo

[Bojangles69]

Thanks for the advice... And I would prefer to move in if it were under normal circumstances... I agree that we want to get married sooner then we should... It just sucks being stationed 1800 miles away...

Yeh and I'm not sure if theres another lawman on this forum, but last avy I remember you having your chest was at least a thousand times smaller.

Looks fvcking great bro!