Losing my wife

[JA86]

if i had to ride the bus id cheat on you also.

[SnaX]

if i had to ride the bus id cheat on you also.

Wow, really? That is a pathetic thing to post. Another valued member on the AR board.

[rbg]

Don't beat the chit out of this guy...it'll only make her have sympathy for him. The bottom line is it's her fault, not his, he's the one who's single.

I hate to have to add this, but it doesn't seem as though she has him out of her system. What happens the next time she feels alone?

I would talk to her, and highlight the important things. She may find comfort in this fella, who may seem just perfect as he's obviously willing to be at her beck and call whenever she wants him, but she has to ask herself a few questions about this guy. Why was he divorced? If he really was a true friend he wouldn't be trying to get in the way of her marriage and would help her work it out, that's what friends do. Ask her if she is in love with him. Ask the awkward questions and watch her response. Has he told her he loves her? Has she told him she loves him? If she tells you no..he hasn't told her he loves her...then make this point: So she is willing to destroy her marriage to you, a man she supposedly loves, for a guy who hasn't even told her he loves her! Does she think so little of you, to not value you at all? --- Isn't she going to look stupid at this point

So what's she going to do? Ask her the question straight. Put the scenario to her. So she leaves you, hooks up with this guy, and suddenly is now a mother...it's a package deal. She get's him, she also get's his kids. It ain't going to seem so rosie when she thinks it's all going to be romantic nights in, cuddling, when his kids are now sitting in between them. Having to deal with their resentment at this new woman taking their fathers attention away from them. Is she ready for that? So she feels taken for granted now, wait until she has his kids expecting her to cook food for them when they want it, and in the end, he's just looking for a replacement mother for his kids, and someone to be wifey again. It'll only be a matter of time before he'll be taking her for granted too. they'll eventually get into the throes of a normal relationship, he'll be going to work, and she'll be at home cooking, cleaning, and now raising kids that aren't hers!! Sounds just perfect, huh!!!

This is a typical 'the grass is greener on the other side'...as women don't compromise and live without, they go find what they want elsewhere.

Ask yourself this though, do you believe you could have kids with her? When the stress gets too much, sleepless nights, crying babies all day long, kids not wanting to sleep in their own beds because of monsters in the cupboard, and getting in between you every available moment, not being able to go out together alone, etc, do you think she'll go off searching once again for an escape from real life? Do you think you could trust her to be this committed?

She may think this guy has always been there for her...but so have you, and you've been the one who's been supporting her as well. She has to know when you married her, you meant it, and took it seriously. You thought she did too, and that she has let you down. For this, you're disappointed in her. She should have come to you if she had a problem with the relationship.

If she's really the one...you are going to have to find a way to forgive her. I hope it doesn't turn out that you'll end up constantly giving more and more of yourself trying to make her happy that you lose a part of yourself doing so, and forget to do the things that make you happy.

I've known a few relationships where the woman has had a moment of weakness and realised the mistake, and came back to her man, and they've lived a very good life together thereafter. The difference with these situations, is that the woman realised the mistake. The woman came back to her man.

You could always go to him, tell him you're not going to break his arms, or anything...seeing as he has kids. Tell him you want to know what his intentions are. What does he want from her? Get the feeling whether he's just trying to get in her knickers, or whether he really loves her. Make sure he knows that you love her too, and that you're not going to give her up unless she doesn't want you anymore. But there's nothing he can give her that you can't. the reason why I say talk to her and him, is that you are not the bad guy here...you can hold your head high and confront them, make them uneasy, take them out of this comfort zone they're hiding in. You have the upper hand, you know what they're doing, and you're calling them out on it. If he truly is in love with your wife, there's nothing anyone can do to stop him....if a visit from you scared him and made him give her up, he's not in love, he's just trying to get laid. By the sound of it, she hasn't a clue what she wants. If she was truly in love with this guy, she wouldn't be telling him she has to try with you. She's just looking for an escape, at the cost of your mental health.

The fact is...he may think she's freaking wonderful, but if she leaves you for him, it's only a matter of time before she does it again - I mean, she did it to you.

It's lust. Lust blocking all reasoning.

Be honest with yourself. Do you want to live with someone who is always going to make you question the security of your relationship?

In the end, only she can decide what she wants, but you can control whether you wish to continue with this uncertainty, or not.

I understand that you have put alot of time into this relationship, and just walking straight out without trying is not an option for you, this is why I write this way, kind of a diplomatic approach.

I wish you the best.

Good luck

[MBMETC]

What ever happened to a woman being faithful and waiting for her man to come home from from work even if it meant weeks at a time.i know this aint the fuc***g 1800's but come on she cant wait 4 days.looks like when u come home from work you have to hit that shit like 2 times a day until she cant take it anymore or u can do it twice but make sure you hold her after and tell her u love her thats what she wants from you..or bounce and fu** that hoe

[D3m3nt3d]

What ever happened to a woman being faithful and waiting for her man to come home from from work even if it meant weeks at a time.i know this aint the fuc***g 1800's but come on she cant wait 4 days.looks like when u come home from work you have to hit that shit like 2 times a day until she cant take it anymore or u can do it twice but make sure you hold her after and tell her u love her thats what she wants from you..or bounce and fu** that hoe

Too much about partying/drinking/money/fake tits etc these days

[bruary17]

All the "beat his ass comments are retarded" The guy is a scumbag to get involved with a married woman thats for certain, but you beating his ass will get you into trouble and also sink you right down to his level. We're grown ups, not 4th graders. Handle this situation with class and dignity.

The I love him but I'm not "in" love with him comment is not good.

You need to sit her down and ask her........Do you want to be with me for the rest of your life? Do you want to be in love with me?

Give her a couple days to really think about that, if the answer is yes,
You need to rewind back to the day you first met this girl, bring back the spontanuity, the crazyness, the fun of a relationship in it's first stages...but most importantly, be there emotionlly for her, you said you havn't been for the past year so you have some work to do on yourself to make that happen.

Although I don't condone any type of cheating and she was 100% wrong.....she was looking for something you we're not providing.......like Jaime Lee Curtis in True Lies....remember?

I wish you the best my friend, but be tall, strong and confident toward her though out this whole...tell her what she did cut you deep, but you take some of the responsibility....and you want to make it right.....if she had sex with him tho.....thatis the ultimate betrayel in my book...and she deserves no second chance...a lot of guys have been where you are now. Feel your pain buddy...keep your head up and be POSITIVE!

[Failure]

Good luck.