I hear you. They say giving up smoking is next to heroin addiction. I gave it up for several years and after my 2nd wife (ex wife) died I started again. It has been proven to be a stress reliever but quickly becomes a crutch for many things with all the negative side effects. Luckily I knew the new girlfriend didnt like smoking and that would have been a big no to the relationship and I knew I could not hide it for long so I just quit. Wasnt easy, I felt the urge to smoke but that also an incentive to quit also. I dont like anything that has a hold on me like that.
Fvcking hell mate. Really sorry to hear that. Not sure how I'd have responded to that,,,,