Originally Posted by
2Sox
First, I want to say to that before I was married, I had been there - threesomes, foursomes, swapping. (During the heyday of Studio 54, and before AIDS, I worked in one of the hottest and longest running night spots NYC. Spent fifteen years in this business.) So I have some basis from which to speak. This wild life felt great while it was going on; I was king of the world. But afterwards, I began to feel vacant. Even though I had plenty of women and lots of sex, I wanted more women and wilder and stranger sex. The more I had, the more I felt it didn't satisfy me. And after the initial rush wore off, I felt increasingly empty and numb. I was surrounded by women and the night life but I still felt strangely lonely. I didn't connect how bad I felt with what I was doing; not until later. After spending some time living this wild life, I always, ALWAYS, came back to the feeling that I wanted to be "of someone" - care for someone deeply. I'd choose a girl to be with and things worked out for awhile but this other desire would start getting a hold on me. I'd play around, invariably to f--k up the relationship, and go back to the wild side again. Does this sound familiar? I learned later on that two desires in me were in a fight. What is it in a man (and a woman) that drives him in this way? I learned we can use anything, ANYTHING to have power and to conquer the world - including a woman. Very often a man has used a woman in sex to feel he is the master of the universe - for awhile. But it always has a man feel bad in ways he may not even be aware of at the time. It boils down to this - the two fighting desires: We're either going to be fair to reality, give it what it deserves - respect. In this case a woman. Or we're going to have contempt - go for conquest, put something under our control, do with it what we want, deeply make less of it, rob it of its reality - to get a cheap, quick, false self-importance. Very often a man and a woman can be in a silent agreement to use each other this way - i.e., swapping, "open" marriages and such. I've been testing this philosophic principle for over thirty years. Invariably, I've seen it as true in every instance, and specifically here, in every relation between a man and a woman. Don't believe this until you test it for yourself and see if it's true yourself. The most interesting thing about this is that each choice - contempt and respect - has its payback - and I only learned this later on. These principles of Aesthetic Realism, I have been scientifically testing for over three decades - so I come from a place of personal experience and knowledge, that I again encourage you to test for yourself. Respect - giving a person or thing what it deserves, ALWAYS has a person feel proud, larger, more substantial. It makes for enormous and growing self-respect. Contempt ALWAYS has a person feel ashamed. These two desires are in us all the time. The good news is that respect - the desire to like the world and people and things in it, is the deepest, strongest desire in all of us. At this point I must state that saying "In my opinion" or "It's my belief" is not applicable - because I've tested this and lived this with my blood and soul and seen the consistent results every time. I can only tell you what I know and ask that you to test it for yourself. If you are honest with yourself about what you find, I know you will be very pleased - and relieved. Having this knowledge in NO way makes me immune to the thoughts and desires that have been described here which we are all familiar with. But it gives me a consciousness and a basis from which to criticize these thoughts so in the end I can respect myself. I hope this clarifies my statements in my previous post above and why I felt so strongly about them.
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