Another pathetic relationship advise thread.

[guest589745]

First of all, I feel pretty lame posting this considering its not a damn relationship oriented forum and I thought I was ......... "Better" than this in a sense but, **** it I guess. Lets see if anyone has been in a similar situation or can offer any advise......


OK, I am 25 years old and I have been with my GF for almost 4 years now. We have a year old child together as well.

The thing is, I have fell out of love with her, I am almost positive. I don't want to continue the relationship but I have grown so "attatched" to her, I don't have the guts to break up with her. I know I should but I can't bring myself to do it. It took me til about a year ago to realize that she is not what I am looking for and is just mean and uncompasionate. One reason why I am afraid to break it off is because I am afraid that she will:

1. Get full custody of my child and eventually have another man in her life that could replace me. I just dont like the idea of another guy being around my kid.

2.File for child support and make my life financially difficult/impossible.

3.Get mad and break my things or call and get me fired from my job somehow.

4. All of the above


It is just so hard to actually bring myself to do it, I am stuck. I mean, if she could change I would stay but we both are not going to and I think we both are unhappy.

Any advise?

[Hackamaniac]

It is always a difficult decision when children are involved
I think if you are unhappy though you should move on
I would tell her I needed some space just to be alone
and see what she has to say about it
Feel her out and go frome there
I wish you the best of luck on a hard decision

[guest589745]

Thanks. I will try to talk to her again I guess. It's not easy.

[dan991]

First of all, I feel pretty lame posting this considering its not a damn relationship oriented forum and I thought I was ......... "Better" than this in a sense but, **** it I guess. Lets see if anyone has been in a similar situation or can offer any advise......


OK, I am 25 years old and I have been with my GF for almost 4 years now. We have a year old child together as well.

The thing is, I have fell out of love with her, I am almost positive. I don't want to continue the relationship but I have grown so "attatched" to her, I don't have the guts to break up with her. I know I should but I can't bring myself to do it. It took me til about a year ago to realize that she is not what I am looking for and is just mean and uncompasionate. One reason why I am afraid to break it off is because I am afraid that she will:

1. Get full custody of my child and eventually have another man in her life that could replace me. I just dont like the idea of another guy being around my kid.

2.File for child support and make my life financially difficult/impossible.

3.Get mad and break my things or call and get me fired from my job somehow.

4. All of the above


It is just so hard to actually bring myself to do it, I am stuck. I mean, if she could change I would stay but we both are not going to and I think we both are unhappy.

Any advise?

I've been here and done that already. But, I got married and then realized. Well, lemme say this.... your fvcked. You have two choices:

A. Try and address the issues with her and hope to resolve them together.
B. Walk away and roll the dice.

Keep in mind that when you have kids, there's not many options. I was also worried about the same things. I didn't want some other guy raising my kid. But, what are you going to do about it? If you two break up, do you think she honestly won't find someone else? You know she will. At that point, since "mom" is #1 in childrens eyes, you are stuck dealing with having to "pretend" to be happy when you see your child, yet you wanna kill the guy that is answering the door when you come to pick her up. Really, you can't do anything about it. Same goes for everything else. Child support, and all that crap is there and WILL haunt you. Sure, she can say she doesn't want child support and you can just work it out with her, but until the child turns 18, she always has that door open to walk thru if you piss her off.

Ask yourself this:

1. Can we work this out together?
2. Am I willing to marry her sometime in the future, or ever?
3. Will I be happy being with her?

If you can't say YES to all of those, you should seriously just end it now. You know that women aren't going to wait forever to get married, so you better just start saving for the ring.

If you can't do it, and you want to just walk, then do it now before you waste more of your life on a hopeless situation. Just do what you can and take care of your kid. Everything else will just fall into place. There is no way to determine where the future lies, but if you do your part you will have an impact on your childs life. Don't make yourself crazy and misrable for the rest of your life. The whole "do it for the childeren" mentality will cease sooner or later. If you are an active role in your childs life, your child will know who her daddy really is. That's really the best you can do.

Dan

[dan991]

And so you know, I was in the exact same place. I had a 2 year old daughter, but I was also married (for 5 months) when I realized I might have made a mistake.

Long story short, we did file for divorce, but ended up working it out and we're happy I guess. I still do wonder however.... what if....

[gixxerboy1]

2.File for child support and make my life financially difficult/impossible.

I don't know how to take that. But a court decides who much to give YOUR child not her. You should have thought about that before you had your child. I don't feel bad if your life is financially difficult so your kids isn't.

[guest589745]

I don't know how to take that. But a court decides who much to give YOUR child not her. You should have thought about that before you had your child. I don't feel bad if your life is financially difficult so your kids isn't.

They will give HER the money, even though the money should be going towards my daughter somehow, I dont have faith that she will be honest with the money. I'd probly be paying for her nails and hair to be done every week basically.

[guest589745]

You should have thought about that before you had your child.

Not much help now is it?

[gixxerboy1]

They will give HER the money, even though the money should be going towards my daughter somehow, I dont have faith that she will be honest with the money. I'd probly be paying for her nails and hair to be done every week basically.

Thats where dads don't get it. But if she has custody of your kid. Everyday she will be paying for food. When they are in the store and your kid wants something she is paying. If she rents a movie for your kid to watch she is paying. When your not there you don't realise how much is spent. So what the check goes to her. You realise how often a single mom reaches into her pocket book for the everyday things for a kid. Your technically supposed to pay half of everything for that kid. So technically that's part of the electric, rent when the kid lives everything.

[gixxerboy1]

They will give HER the money, .

Well who are they gonig to give it to. A 1 year old kid to manage?

[mick-g]

I would find a good divorice attorney first, then go in for a consultation. You might want to find out about joint or full custody, and ask the attorney where you would stand with that. Does your gf have a stable job, one that will support her and the child, if not, the ball may be in your favor. If you are not looking to have your ex gf around and seek full custody, you might have to make her look bad to gain it, but i would def talk to an well experienced divorice attorney first, prefferably one that has won custody rights for the father. Do this first b4 even talking to the gf about divorice.

[guest589745]

Well who are they gonig to give it to. A 1 year old kid to manage?

THat was my point. Yer right though about the money thing, I just imagine having my child 50% of the time and still giving her child support but Im not sure if it works like that.

[taiboxa]

i didnt read anything but ima go w/ SHANK HER

[V_Vandetta]

bro been down this road ..... and no matter how you look at it it dont end pretty... One I was married before ( not my wife now).... and the sad thing we had been together for years .... and like you i was not in love with her but none the less i loved her ... we had a child together and this went on for 5 years or so .... It just keep getting worse ....

Now in my mind I felt the same way I dont want no other guy in my childs life of even the thought of my child calling some other man daddy..... So i figuard i would stay together for my childs sake .... Not the best move .. as time went on we would fight more and more .... untill on day we got into it so bad My kid was crying and real upset .... I stopped and thought long and hard me staying was a selfish move on my part ... my kid deserved better .. and me being around was not helping .... so after 8 years i ended it .... thinking that my child would have some peace from the fight ing it got MUCH MUCH worse IT WAS WORLD WAR III with lawers custody hearings and so forth and she decided to turn me for AAS use and the hole 9 yards .. trying to hurt me ..... none the less I spent 2 years in court fighting for custody and lost but got visatation ...... which in years to come would get striped away from me ....

Long story short ........ after all the crap settled down . she decided to date a guy that thought HITTING MY KID to get her to shut up while he watched TV... (WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE) when i scene the bruse on her face ( YES HE SLAPED HER SO HARD LEFT HER LEFT SIDE OF HER FACE BLACK AND BLUE ) when i found out the truth I lost it .... so i went to him he said a few words ( not what i wanted to hear) so I beat him and keep beating him untill when i relized what was going on I WAS SITTING IN THE SHERRIFS car hand cuffed .... I had nearly killed him but I broke his back and paralizing him from the waist down anmong mant other things ......... well I spent 18 months in prsion 6 of them months in the county jail .... after all the court hearings the judge sided that my acthion though wrong I did what any loving father would do and that when released I can have my vistation back ........ well she did'nt like this and when i was in prison She picked up my child and moved to Italy with her family and I have not seen my child in more than 11 years now ...

So what i say is you have to ask yourself what is most important to you .. and when the time comes and if you leave know she will make your life crazy .... but i feel for you bro I do .. and what ever you do make the right choices ... dont do what i did becasue in the end I lost the only thing that mattered and that was my child ... and thank god he blessed me with another chance and being a father... and a husband SOME TIMES WE NEVER KNOW WHAT WE HAVE UNTILL IT'S GONE......

but bottem line you dont matter she dont matter what does matter is your child and whats best for him/her.... and if at all possible WORK through it ... becasue nothing is more than family

[gixxerboy1]

THat was my point. Yer right though about the money thing, I just imagine having my child 50% of the time and still giving her child support but Im not sure if it works like that.

That would change a lot if you have your child 50% of the time. Unfortantly it doesn't usually work that way. Good luck to you though.

Sorry for being ruff about the child support. i see what my girl goes through with her child father. He is always behind and bitches that she uses the money for other things. Funny thing though she has never used $.01 of the money. It all sits an account hopefully for her college. Me and her pay for everything for her daughter.

[Bojangles69]

First of all, I feel pretty lame posting this considering its not a damn relationship oriented forum and I thought I was ......... "Better" than this in a sense but, **** it I guess. Lets see if anyone has been in a similar situation or can offer any advise......


OK, I am 25 years old and I have been with my GF for almost 4 years now. We have a year old child together as well.

The thing is, I have fell out of love with her, I am almost positive. I don't want to continue the relationship but I have grown so "attatched" to her, I don't have the guts to break up with her. I know I should but I can't bring myself to do it. It took me til about a year ago to realize that she is not what I am looking for and is just mean and uncompasionate. One reason why I am afraid to break it off is because I am afraid that she will:

1. Get full custody of my child and eventually have another man in her life that could replace me. I just dont like the idea of another guy being around my kid.

2.File for child support and make my life financially difficult/impossible.

3.Get mad and break my things or call and get me fired from my job somehow.

4. All of the above


It is just so hard to actually bring myself to do it, I am stuck. I mean, if she could change I would stay but we both are not going to and I think we both are unhappy.

Any advise?

Do you want me to respond? Think about it first, dont just answer. People dont always like raw logic.

[guest589745]

Do you want me to respond? Think about it first, dont just answer. People dont always like raw logic.

I would appreciate a helpful response, not a rude comment basically.

[Kale]

bro been down this road ..... and no matter how you look at it it dont end pretty... One I was married before ( not my wife now).... and the sad thing we had been together for years .... and like you i was not in love with her but none the less i loved her ... we had a child together and this went on for 5 years or so .... It just keep getting worse ....

Now in my mind I felt the same way I dont want no other guy in my childs life of even the thought of my child calling some other man daddy..... So i figuard i would stay together for my childs sake .... Not the best move .. as time went on we would fight more and more .... untill on day we got into it so bad My kid was crying and real upset .... I stopped and thought long and hard me staying was a selfish move on my part ... my kid deserved better .. and me being around was not helping .... so after 8 years i ended it .... thinking that my child would have some peace from the fight ing it got MUCH MUCH worse IT WAS WORLD WAR III with lawers custody hearings and so forth and she decided to turn me for AAS use and the hole 9 yards .. trying to hurt me ..... none the less I spent 2 years in court fighting for custody and lost but got visatation ...... which in years to come would get striped away from me ....

Long story short ........ after all the crap settled down . she decided to date a guy that thought HITTING MY KID to get her to shut up while he watched TV... (WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE) when i scene the bruse on her face ( YES HE SLAPED HER SO HARD LEFT HER LEFT SIDE OF HER FACE BLACK AND BLUE ) when i found out the truth I lost it .... so i went to him he said a few words ( not what i wanted to hear) so I beat him and keep beating him untill when i relized what was going on I WAS SITTING IN THE SHERRIFS car hand cuffed .... I had nearly killed him but I broke his back and paralizing him from the waist down anmong mant other things ......... well I spent 18 months in prsion 6 of them months in the county jail .... after all the court hearings the judge sided that my acthion though wrong I did what any loving father would do and that when released I can have my vistation back ........ well she did'nt like this and when i was in prison She picked up my child and moved to Italy with her family and I have not seen my child in more than 11 years now ...

So what i say is you have to ask yourself what is most important to you .. and when the time comes and if you leave know she will make your life crazy .... but i feel for you bro I do .. and what ever you do make the right choices ... dont do what i did becasue in the end I lost the only thing that mattered and that was my child ... and thank god he blessed me with another chance and being a father... and a husband SOME TIMES WE NEVER KNOW WHAT WE HAVE UNTILL IT'S GONE......

but bottem line you dont matter she dont matter what does matter is your child and whats best for him/her.... and if at all possible WORK through it ... becasue nothing is more than family

Could not have said it better myself V. And nice work on breaking that cvnts back !!! Now I also have been through this, my kids were 1 and 2 years old when I left. They are now 17 and 19 and I still continue to pay. The money is for them, even though the ex gets it she still has to raise them and that takes money. Kids are not a throw away item, they are your flesh and blood and the money is for them regardless of the fact that it goes to the ex wife.

[Bojangles69]

I would appreciate a helpful response, not a rude comment basically.

Yeh i wasnt planning on being rude but honestly it doesnt seem like you need it.
If i see the thread take a turn for the worse than Ill submit my opinions but right now it seems pretty basic.

[AnabolicAndre]

Bo is the man LISTEN TO HIM

[taiboxa]

my Q is...
have u sat down and talked w/ her about the mean hateful evil person she is? LOL or maybe ITS YOU?

[guest589745]

my Q is...
have u sat down and talked w/ her about the mean hateful evil person she is? LOL or maybe ITS YOU?

I admit I have my faults but I know in my hear that I am a good person and she has issues that she will not fess up to.

[Smak]

It is always a difficult decision when children are involved
I think if you are unhappy though you should move on
I would tell her I needed some space just to be alone
and see what she has to say about it
Feel her out and go frome there
I wish you the best of luck on a hard decision

That's the most i've ever seen you write.

Great words mah man!

[taiboxa]

That's the most i've ever seen you write.

Great words mah man!

LOL he's not much of a man of words is he..

[Smak]

LOL he's not much of a man of words is he..

haha.

He has those incredible one liners...

[taiboxa]

haha.

He has those incredible one liners...

ha like..
"what does that maen?''
and
"what was her name?"

[Smak]

ha like..
"what does that maen?''
and
"what was her name?"

yea.

Like someone will ask him "Do you think I should break up with my girl?

Hack: "No"

point blank.......