Melancholy Misery/Any thoughts??????????

[dedic8ed1]

After 2 years of rebuilding my life after a fuked up road of drug dealing drug using that lasted almost a third of my life I'm out now in my own spot not having to worry about being my family's problem or anyone else who feels there obligated to assist me in my downfall,I've risen above the manafest I've morphed into and am now self relient and no longer dependent on the misery of others to provide me money for a brief sanctuary out of there reality that they don't relize is just a consequence of there own behest and negligence for life's responsibilities that require us to act accordingly.Almost 2 years two the day I left the county,I have my own place with a semi pathetic job with no room for advancement,but my bills are paid.The sun rises and the clouds clear and you relize that son you ain't even left the locker room to get on the playing field yet, the real battle for an individuals personal o a s i s now begins.

With some weight off my shoulders to get my own spot which I now have,it's my mind that has to deal with the fact that it's my own personal defects that are now hindering my ability to acheive more.Two years went by like a blink of an eye.How can so much humbling strife seem so powerful but yet so yesterday and distant,when it's so demasculating to ride the bus everyday to work with the scum of the earth because you reduced yourself to the size of a decimal point through vice and ignorance carmelized with sheer stupidity.Something like this brought on by oneself is life changing for better or worse,I now got my ride and see homeless people on the street and think to myself could that have been me if I didn't stop fukin up?I'm only 26 wtf?

I feel old and uninspired,empty.When I think of this girl cyndee I was with for a minute,It reminds me of who I was and what I lost.This chik had this kinda sexy cool non chalant attitude that is rarely seen,truly a one of a kind female.When I think of her,oppurtunitys I had and chances to do more in life,it almost seems as if that was a lifetime in itself,how can so much chaos and loss fit inside 17to25?I'll probably never see Cyndee again I might not have job oppertunities like I did before,and for some reason never seeing cyndee again seems to fuk me up more.

My o a s i s won't be achieved without her,I feel so pathetic,any thoughts????????

[king6]

Don't know man, I feel the same way about a certain girl. But I too missed my opportunity. Don't know if I will ever get it again. But that was a rough patch in my life as well. The best advice I can give is don't let is consume you. I know that seems hard to do, I tell myself that alot and still find myself laying awake at nights imagining a alternate reality in which I have her and everything I want. But life doesn't work that way unfortunately. The best we can do is to keep chugging along and hope for something better. I know that sounds depressing, but not everything is rose colored and pretty.

Where is mavsluva? He can provide some words of wisdom.

[dedic8ed1]

I guess I knew that,I lust felt like venting thanks K6

[king6]

I guess I knew that,I lust felt like venting thanks K6

No worries bro.

[Superhuman]

Life is all choices bro... all we can do is hope that the choices we made will lead us to the future we want. From now on though you can make sure that the choices you make from now on will take you there. Happiness comes from within, so if you don't establish that now you will never be happy. Start focusing on what you WANT, not what you don't want. Say "I want to have a fulfilling job making $60k+/year" - don't say "I don't want to be broke"