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  1. #1
    BigGreen's Avatar
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    Not sure if this is the best or worst moment of my day...

    But, whilst in midstream of my after lunch piss, I sneezed, quite violently, and, well, with predictable results. By 'predictable results', I mean to suggest that I peed ALL over the place - and I have a strong prostate, so there was some velocity behind it. Truth be told, the sneeze may have added a little extra 'english' to it.

  2. #2
    Elysium's Avatar
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    LOL! Not over ure clothes?

  3. #3
    Bigen12's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigGreen
    But, whilst in midstream of my after lunch piss, I sneezed, quite violently, and, well, with predictable results. By 'predictable results', I mean to suggest that I peed ALL over the place - and I have a strong prostate, so there was some velocity behind it. Truth be told, the sneeze may have added a little extra 'english' to it.

    Please don't tell me, that you pissed in your own face????

  4. #4
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    One time I was at a club, totally wasted. I go to the bathroom to take a leak. I guess I forgot to unzip my pants so I stood in front of the urinal pissing myself all over myself. So to cover up the odor I spilled my drink all over it. I had to go home, it was unbearable lol.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maraxus
    One time I was at a club, totally wasted. I go to the bathroom to take a leak. I guess I forgot to unzip my pants so I stood in front of the urinal pissing myself all over myself. So to cover up the odor I spilled my drink all over it. I had to go home, it was unbearable lol.

    LMAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  6. #6
    FCECC2 is offline Anabolic Member
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    youre lucky, mine is gettin old and im 23 only..

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigGreen
    But, whilst in midstream of my after lunch piss, I sneezed, quite violently, and, well, with predictable results. By 'predictable results', I mean to suggest that I peed ALL over the place - and I have a strong prostate, so there was some velocity behind it. Truth be told, the sneeze may have added a little extra 'english' to it.

    BAHAHAHA! i have a friend notorius for getting really really drunk and pissing where he pleases.. its usually the kitchen floor, any closet and sometimes on himself.. one day on his b day we knew he was going to get drunk and stay at my place and we covered the WHOLE place with plastic and he was so embarrassed but it was funny as hell

  8. #8
    BigGreen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bigen12
    Please don't tell me, that you pissed in your own face????
    No no...but i did get the magazine rack (and, thus, the magazines) with a good spray. I've elected to let it dry in before I throw them out...

  9. #9
    Bigen12's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigGreen
    No no...but i did get the magazine rack (and, thus, the magazines) with a good spray. I've elected to let it dry in before I throw them out...

    Good plan,

  10. #10
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    lol haha I had a friend who had a couple drinks.. then he went to piss in a stream near by.. He was quite pissed of when he came back so we were asking why... turns out he was seeing how high he could pee.. apperantly it reached his face no problem

  11. #11
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    a friend of mine once got extremely drunk passed out we put him in his bed later that night he stands up in bed puts a hand on the wall and pisses all over his girlfriend who was sleeping with him. we hear this loud scream come running into his room to see him pissing on her head funniest thing i have ever seen

  12. #12
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    LMAO @ this thread....good stuff!!

  13. #13
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    One night my now ex went out with some of my friends for drinks. They came home and were pretty pissed. As my now ex and I were fighting at the time, I slept on the lounge floor, ex went to bed, and two mates, 1 female and 1 male, slept on couches in the lounge with me.
    About an hour later, I was woken bya bump on my arm. I squinted up in the dark (my eyesight is **** and without glasses and in the dark I can;t see ****), and saw it was my female friend. She was taking her jeans down and squatting over the couch. I thought she was changing, and would wonder why the hell i was squinting/perving at her, so I said sorry and rolled over. She moved behind the living room table, and proceeded to take her jeans off.
    Thats when in the quiet of the night, I heard this water being poured sound.
    We had a fish tank in the corner, and the mental image the sound brought to mind was someone pouring a jug of water in the fish tank. I lay there thinking what the **** is she pouring in the fish tank. This went on for ages. Eventually I clicked that she was pissing. I was going to stop her, but it had gone on so long that I figured she must be finished any second, no point embarrasing her by turning on the light, and it was to olate now. But low and behold it just kept going. Another 20 seconds went by and and felt i really had to say something when it stopped. I cannot believe someone her size 5'4 could piss that long. Holy jesus. She then pulled her jeans back up, and amazingly stumbled to the toilet. haha. Wierd.
    So when she left the room, i tentatively patted our $4000 lounge, hoping she hadn;t pissed on that, looking for damp spots. My hand brushed something I thought was dry mud from her shoes. Uh oh. Worried now I leap up and turn the light on. There's a bit of **** on the lounge!!!! And I had put my hand in it!!!!

    I freaked out. She was coming back from the bathroom, so freaking out and not knowing what to do, and not wanting to embarras this poor lounge ****ting girl (friend of mine for years), I turned the light and and lay back down. She came back and decided to snuggle with me. eeeeeeeeeeeewwww!! So here I am, with my arm around her, her going to sleep, but me lieing there going OMFG!!! I slipped out and went into the bedroom and woke my gf. I kept saying are you awake?!! Can you understand what I am about to tell you (as she was pissed when she came home, and a little groggy). I just kept saying Kristy has **** on the lounge!! Kristy has **** on the lounge!!!!!
    Ex was like 'what??" I told ex she had to clean it as she invited her out. It was about 5 in the morning then, and getting light. I was too chicken and embarrassed to face my friend the lounge soiler, so I jumped in the car and sat at a service station eating food and reading the sunday paper till she had gone home.

    When I thought the coast was clear, I rang my mate who was till there. He told me my ex had gone into work, and dropped my friend home. I asked what had happeend. He had no idea. I raced home to find mate lying on the lounge with the **** on it. Turned out ex had not understood me when i told her, and the **** was till there, with my mate lying face in it. Hahahahah!!!

    I yelled at him to get the **** out of the filth, and thats when I saw where she pissed. Walking round the side of the dining room table, there was the biggest pile of porridge like **** sitting in the chair, shaped where her bum cheeks had squished it!!! All in a pile of piss as the chair is slightly concave hahahahaha. It was so gross I ran outside and threw up. Mate ran outside and threw up also. Ended up having to get another mate round who grabbed the chair and hurled the whole mess over the balcony.

    Exfound out when she got home and freaked.

    The alledged lounge ****ter never knew till about 5 weeks later when i told her bf. Instead of total surprise he was estatic that someone else knew, as she had done it to him many times, but he always cleaned it up, and she never believed him! HAHAHAHAHA.
    Now I look back when i first met her at uni, we lived i nthe same corridor. And i nthe first week, someone had **** outside her door in the hallway, but no one ever owned up.

    Long live the serial ****ter.

  14. #14
    63190's Avatar
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    That's why you have to keep a loaded camera around and fresh batteries for the flash.

  15. #15
    map200uk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tubbytank
    One night my now ex went out with some of my friends for drinks. They came home and were pretty pissed. As my now ex and I were fighting at the time, I slept on the lounge floor, ex went to bed, and two mates, 1 female and 1 male, slept on couches in the lounge with me.
    About an hour later, I was woken bya bump on my arm. I squinted up in the dark (my eyesight is **** and without glasses and in the dark I can;t see ****), and saw it was my female friend. She was taking her jeans down and squatting over the couch. I thought she was changing, and would wonder why the hell i was squinting/perving at her, so I said sorry and rolled over. She moved behind the living room table, and proceeded to take her jeans off.
    Thats when in the quiet of the night, I heard this water being poured sound.
    We had a fish tank in the corner, and the mental image the sound brought to mind was someone pouring a jug of water in the fish tank. I lay there thinking what the **** is she pouring in the fish tank. This went on for ages. Eventually I clicked that she was pissing. I was going to stop her, but it had gone on so long that I figured she must be finished any second, no point embarrasing her by turning on the light, and it was to olate now. But low and behold it just kept going. Another 20 seconds went by and and felt i really had to say something when it stopped. I cannot believe someone her size 5'4 could piss that long. Holy jesus. She then pulled her jeans back up, and amazingly stumbled to the toilet. haha. Wierd.
    So when she left the room, i tentatively patted our $4000 lounge, hoping she hadn;t pissed on that, looking for damp spots. My hand brushed something I thought was dry mud from her shoes. Uh oh. Worried now I leap up and turn the light on. There's a bit of **** on the lounge!!!! And I had put my hand in it!!!!

    I freaked out. She was coming back from the bathroom, so freaking out and not knowing what to do, and not wanting to embarras this poor lounge ****ting girl (friend of mine for years), I turned the light and and lay back down. She came back and decided to snuggle with me. eeeeeeeeeeeewwww!! So here I am, with my arm around her, her going to sleep, but me lieing there going OMFG!!! I slipped out and went into the bedroom and woke my gf. I kept saying are you awake?!! Can you understand what I am about to tell you (as she was pissed when she came home, and a little groggy). I just kept saying Kristy has **** on the lounge!! Kristy has **** on the lounge!!!!!
    Ex was like 'what??" I told ex she had to clean it as she invited her out. It was about 5 in the morning then, and getting light. I was too chicken and embarrassed to face my friend the lounge soiler, so I jumped in the car and sat at a service station eating food and reading the sunday paper till she had gone home.

    When I thought the coast was clear, I rang my mate who was till there. He told me my ex had gone into work, and dropped my friend home. I asked what had happeend. He had no idea. I raced home to find mate lying on the lounge with the **** on it. Turned out ex had not understood me when i told her, and the **** was till there, with my mate lying face in it. Hahahahah!!!

    I yelled at him to get the **** out of the filth, and thats when I saw where she pissed. Walking round the side of the dining room table, there was the biggest pile of porridge like **** sitting in the chair, shaped where her bum cheeks had squished it!!! All in a pile of piss as the chair is slightly concave hahahahaha. It was so gross I ran outside and threw up. Mate ran outside and threw up also. Ended up having to get another mate round who grabbed the chair and hurled the whole mess over the balcony.

    Exfound out when she got home and freaked.

    The alledged lounge ****ter never knew till about 5 weeks later when i told her bf. Instead of total surprise he was estatic that someone else knew, as she had done it to him many times, but he always cleaned it up, and she never believed him! HAHAHAHAHA.
    Now I look back when i first met her at uni, we lived i nthe same corridor. And i nthe first week, someone had **** outside her door in the hallway, but no one ever owned up.

    Long live the serial ****ter.
    rofl sounds so insane, almos unbelieable that someone would do that lol

  16. #16
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    You haven't lived until you were so wasted that you pissed in someone refrigerator at a party Could I have done that? *whistle* *whistle*

    Red

  17. #17
    Dmize9's Avatar
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    Your lucky bro.... I sneezed onetime while I was pissing and wound up sh*ting myself.... No Joke.

  18. #18
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    ha ha ha tubbytank whos that in your avatar?

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by sniper320
    ha ha ha tubbytank whos that in your avatar?
    That, dear sir, is a lovely looking fellow I found on uglypeople.com

    He is the coolest dude I have ever seen.

  20. #20
    TexasFitnessGirl's Avatar
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    I can't believe they have a website for ugly people. I mean what if you saw your mother, daughter, son our worse, yourself on there? How horrible. I still LMFAO every time I see pics there.

  21. #21
    tubbytank's Avatar
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    Hah yeah it would be pretty embarrasing to see yourself on there. I once posted a couple friend of mine as a joke, but they were pretty ugly. You couldn't tel leither of them apart. Unfortunately, or fortunately, they never made it on there. lol.

  22. #22
    clockworks's Avatar
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    OMFG tubbytank, that is hilarious!

    My circle of friends has a friend that pees in kitchen drawers when he's really drunk. He wakes up in the middle of the night (drunk), walks to the kitchen, opens the silverware drawer, then pees all over the silverware. Weird.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by tubbytank
    That, dear sir, is a lovely looking fellow I found on uglypeople.com

    He is the coolest dude I have ever seen.

    he's got a pretty good physique.

  24. #24
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    It's not a party until your so drunk that your on the toilet crapping and throwing up at the same time. That is no easy task when your inebriated! But I don't think anything beats tubby's story

  25. #25
    BASK8KACE is offline Anabolic Member
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    Get back to me about this when you're able to ejaculate over your shoulder and knock over a small crystal figurine sitting on the bedframe shelf behind you.

  26. #26
    The Baron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BASK8KACE
    Get back to me about this when you're able to ejaculate over your shoulder and knock over a small crystal figurine sitting on the bedframe shelf behind you.
    Okay, now what do I do next?

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