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Thread: Marriage

  1. #1
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
    Commando_Barbi is offline AR's Arresting Angel Vet
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    Marriage

    Marriage - Part I

    Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
    wedding,
    he laid down the following rules:

    "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
    expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
    unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
    boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give
    me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

    His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
    will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether you're here
    or not."

    (**** SHE'S GOOD!)

    ************************************



    Marriage - (Part II)

    Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
    anniversary!

    The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
    "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

    "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
    reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

    (HE ASKED FOR IT!)

    ******************************

    Marriage - (Part III)

    Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
    table.

    Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
    and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
    decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
    rings, and the irritated husband says, "\What took you so long to answer
    the phone?"

    She says, "I was in bed."

    "In bed this early, doing what?"

    "Getting a second opinion!"

    (YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

    ******************************************

    Marriage - (Part IV)

    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
    proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite
    of her objections.

    One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home
    and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at
    the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

    His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,
    "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

    (RIGHT ON, LADY!)

    **************************************

    Marriage - (Part V) - The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
    other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
    would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
    flight..

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
    piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
    would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
    had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
    hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
    said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

    God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
    before the masterpiece.

  2. #2
    SwoleCat is offline AR Hall of Fame
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    1) Engagement ring
    2) Wedding ring
    3) Suffering

    Need I say more?

    ~SC~

  3. #3
    Panzerfaust's Avatar
    Panzerfaust is offline Ron Paul Nuthugger
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    Quote Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
    Marriage - Part I

    Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
    wedding,
    he laid down the following rules:

    "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
    expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
    unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
    boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give
    me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

    His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
    will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether you're here
    or not."

    (**** SHE'S GOOD!)

    ************************************



    Marriage - (Part II)

    Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
    anniversary!

    The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
    "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

    "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
    reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

    (HE ASKED FOR IT!)

    ******************************

    Marriage - (Part III)

    Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
    table.

    Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
    and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
    decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
    rings, and the irritated husband says, "\What took you so long to answer
    the phone?"

    She says, "I was in bed."

    "In bed this early, doing what?"

    "Getting a second opinion!"

    (YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

    ******************************************

    Marriage - (Part IV)

    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
    proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite
    of her objections.

    One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home
    and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at
    the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

    His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back,
    "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

    (RIGHT ON, LADY!)

    **************************************

    Marriage - (Part V) - The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
    other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he
    would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
    flight..

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
    piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
    would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
    had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
    hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
    said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

    Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

    God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
    before the masterpiece.

    You rule CB.....

  4. #4
    Cycleon is offline AR-Hall of Famer / Retired
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    hmm.........I wonder who CB is thinking about right now

  5. #5
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
    Commando_Barbi is offline AR's Arresting Angel Vet
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    Quote Originally Posted by muriloninja
    You rule CB.....
    But of course I do

    Glad you enjoyed that.

  6. #6
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
    Commando_Barbi is offline AR's Arresting Angel Vet
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    LOL no one in specific. I'm soooo anti man right now. Don't get me started

    Quote Originally Posted by CYCLEON
    hmm.........I wonder who CB is thinking about right now

  7. #7
    angelxterminator's Avatar
    angelxterminator is offline Senior Member
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    thats some funny shlt...

    "father of four" wow that one cracked me up...

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by SwoleCat
    1) Engagement ring
    2) Wedding ring
    3) Suffering

    Need I say more?

    ~SC~
    That there is experience talking!

    I second the opinion!

  9. #9
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
    Commando_Barbi is offline AR's Arresting Angel Vet
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    We all aren't bad!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by MrMondodondo
    That there is experience talking!

    I second the opinion!

  10. #10
    symatech's Avatar
    symatech is offline Retired Moderator
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    lol good stuff CB

    it's like chris rock says, you can be one of two things 1)married and bored 2)single and lonely

  11. #11
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
    Commando_Barbi is offline AR's Arresting Angel Vet
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    I'd rather be married and bored!!!!

  12. #12
    symatech's Avatar
    symatech is offline Retired Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by Commando_Barbi
    I'd rather be married and bored!!!!
    of course this doesn't apply to swingers....but they're tainted and so its even worse.

  13. #13
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
    Commando_Barbi is offline AR's Arresting Angel Vet
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    LOL hmmm swinging...that could be fun

  14. #14
    PaRiS2005 is offline Female Member
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    Marriage isn't boring, its only boring if you MAKE it boring...I can't wait to get married. Well, I can wait, but its gonna be amazing when I do.

  15. #15
    Commando_Barbi's Avatar
    Commando_Barbi is offline AR's Arresting Angel Vet
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    I miss being married....just not the man I was married to. Someday I hope to get married again.

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