Thread: Taking a BIG dump
09-24-2003, 09:10 PM #1LORDBLiTZ Guest
Taking a BIG dump
Now i don't know about you guys, but i really enjoy sitting on the toilet with a magazine while dropping a HUGE shit. It's like the only time where i can be alone with no one rushing me to do anything. I need a good 20 minutes to drop a loaf and do the paper work. Does anyone else feel this way? If so, what's the amount of time you need to get the job done right? What do you read? Do you turn on the fan? Do you leave the door open? Do you brag about how long it was with your friends? Or am i the only guy who likes shitting?
09-24-2003, 09:13 PM #2
Everyone has a passion in life, and if yours is taking a nice long shit, then staring at it for a while, and taking a couple snap shots, then all the best to you my fellow Canadian.
Look, but do not stare. Stare, but do not touch. Touch, but do NOT TASTE!
09-24-2003, 09:14 PM #3
09-24-2003, 09:17 PM #4VET
- Join Date
- Sep 2001
I'm the quickest shitter in the US. I wait until the turtle head is pokin out and jump on the seat. Give a slight squeeze while checkin out my up-and-coming six pack. Plop. Comes right out. Clean it up with 1 good wipe, sometimes 2 if there's excess - which is hardly ever the case. Pick up and leave.
This my friends, is a lost art. Something that everyone should learn. That way, when you're in that new phase with a girl, it makes it look like you're just taking a leak wherever you go. Trust me on this one. Now the smell, well, that's your own personal problem. Figure it out.
09-24-2003, 09:17 PM #5
The Amphibian Turd
This rare turd is so long that half of it is sticking out of the water. The only way to get it to flush is to break it up into small pieces with the nearest stick-like object, usually someone's toothbrush.
The Farty Turd
This shit comes accompanied with numerous farts and squeaks. It usually happens at work with your boss in the next cubical.
The Teflon Turd
This non-stick shit comes out so clean, you don't need any toilet paper.
The Marker Turd
This thick soft turd leaves a trail of skid mark type evidence in the bowl, but it usually only happens around your mother-in-law's house.
The Second-Coming Turd
You know how it is, you've finished, you wipe-up, you pull up your trousers, then you need to go again..
The Sticky Turd
This shit is so sticky, you use up a whole roll of arse-wipe and then eventually have to use the shower hose to get it clean.
The Garden Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, and it's already half way out. Only one option - Dump it in the back yard.
The Million Dollar Turd
There is a queue for the toilet, you are desperate, it's already half way out, and you have no garden. This is the turd you would pay a million dollars to drop.
The Phantom Turd
You felt it come out, but when you look down, there's no turd in the pan.
The Sweetcorn Turd
You've been eating plenty of sweetcorn so your turd looks like a brown version of a corn-on-the-cob.
The Peanut Turd
You've been eating lots of peanuts, and you can feel them when you wipe-up.
The Upper class Turd
It doesn't matter what this guy's eaten, his shit don't stink.
The Red-Eye Turd
Man - this turd is at least twice the size of your areshole. It's so big you have to call a midwife to help with the delivery. Your eyes turn red, you scream in terror as you feel sure this one will rip you in half before it hits the water. When you wipe your arse, along with the poo, there is a whole heap of blood as well.
The Napalm Turd
It sticks and it burns. This merciless killer is fired from high above and destroys a wide area in one hit. In case of contact with skin, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical attention.
The Unconscious Turd
After a night down the pub, you fall drunkenly asleep on a park bench. You wake up in the morning to find a turd in your pants.
The Exploding Head Turd
You strain and you squeeze, you squeeze and you strain, you need a pair of forceps to get it out before your head explodes.
The Fountain Turd
This bog-rocket shoots out your arse like a Scud missile, and sends a high-powered jet of water upwards which instinctively hits you right in the ring-piece.
The Feminist Turd
It doesn't matter how it comes out or what it looks like, it's always a man's fault.
Flush after flush, this bugger refuses to die. The only way to get rid of it is to pick it up and toss it out the window.
The Immortal Turd
You walk into a public toilet, there is only one cubical and you come face to face with the previous occupant's floater! What do you do? You can't dump on top of it because you might do a 'fountain' contaminated with other persons turd-wash. So you spend the next 10 minuets trying to flush someone else's turd that wont die.
The Liquid Turd
This is not a turd, it's more of a brown-tinged transparent oily type substance that squirts over your arse-cheeks, the seat, the rim, everywhere except into the water.
The Machine-Gun Turd
This turd is essentially a liquid turd, except for the periodic interruption of the solid lumps shooting out in a rhythmic pattern.
The Coil Turd
A very long and continuous soft turd, about the width of a pencil which coils up at the bottom of the pan. Usually accompanied by a soft whimper from the poor unfortunate donator.
The Surprise Turd
This turd only occurs in places where there are no toilets, and no possible way of cleaning yourself. You think it's just a fart, but then that’s the surprise.
The Klingon Turd
This turd clings to your ring-piece no matter how much you shake and jump up and down. Even 'biting' at it with you sphincter muscle won't shake it loose.
The Alien Turd
You look down and say "No way did that come from my arse!". All the evidence is there but you still refuse to believe that you could have dropped such a strange looking turd.
The Two-Part Turd
You shit so much that you have to flush and then carry on shitting.
The Pebble Turd
You strain for hours, but all you can get out is one tiny little pebble sized plop.
The Peek-a-Boo Turd
You get this turd half way out, then it shoots straight back inside.
Last edited by mass junkie; 09-24-2003 at 09:20 PM.
09-24-2003, 09:18 PM #6Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2003
ya i like dropping huge shits too, but i hate spending 8 min. wiping my damn ass.
09-24-2003, 10:06 PM #7
Key I to practice the art of Drop-n-Run... And I have also genetically passed this artform onto my son... if were in public and he says "dad I gotta poop!" I pick him up and run for the nearest bathroom.. and blam... we both shit faster than a bull riders 8 seconds...
09-24-2003, 10:14 PM #8
holy shit that was reply by mass junkie was the fuuniest thing i ever read
09-24-2003, 10:23 PM #9Originally Posted by KeyMastur
I as well can shit within two mintues its awesome. But when i have time i like to read Maxim on the toilet while taking a nice thick shit!
09-25-2003, 12:32 AM #10Originally Posted by LORDBLiTZ
09-25-2003, 12:40 AM #11
Shitting is nice, some times while reading a playboy i say fuck it and jerk off too
09-25-2003, 01:22 AM #12
everyone loves to poop. i don't wanna hear different
09-25-2003, 04:54 AM #13
Mass that was very educational....that's the funniest SHIT I've read in a while.
09-25-2003, 05:08 AM #14
Hear i sit same as ever, took a dump, pulled the lever, the toilet clogged the water flowed watch out world it's a motherload
09-25-2003, 06:35 AM #15
Some of those were really good
09-25-2003, 11:51 AM #16
It never takes me longer than 2 minutes. I guess I"m blessed..
09-25-2003, 12:12 PM #17Originally Posted by BigMike J
09-25-2003, 12:18 PM #18
Man ohh man is taking a crap one of the fine pleasures in life.
Atleast when the stomach is running like it should and the turds are medium sized, non sticking and require some resistans(but not to much) to push out.
But I hate The Red-Eye Turd and the sticky turd. Or the farty turd while in a public toilett with a girl waiting outside for her turn.
But the absolut best kind of dumps are the ones where you have had stomach pains for several days and have feelt a HUGE pressure building upp. Calmly you walk to the toilett knowing damn well that a huge battle is on the way and then all hell breaks lose. Red eye turds combined with farty turds and liquid turds, some farts almost makes you fucking rocket upp from the toilet and the smell oh my god is unbelivable. You strain and push and press until sweat runs down your forehead, it can take upp to a bloody half hour, but when your done it feels so good, no more pressure or pain in the stomach. You just sit there peacefully and enjoy the smell(and we all know damn well that everyone enjoys the smell of their own farts) for a while gathering energy to wipe your ass.
How many here moan alot when taking huge dumps??
Last edited by Kärnfysikern; 09-25-2003 at 12:41 PM.
09-25-2003, 12:38 PM #19
This is a shitty thread!!!! lol
09-25-2003, 12:47 PM #20Anabolic Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2001
i hear you fellas
bros, i have taken shits that make me feel like i'm giving fucking birth!!!!i'm fucking sweatin' balls, breathing like i'm trying to pass the shoulders through my ass, and sometimes i have a coach in there to get me through it!!
09-25-2003, 01:08 PM #21Senior Member
Originally Posted by partyboynyc
- Join Date
- Aug 2002
add some stool softeners also most of your gylcern based anti e's or flax seed oil should help this bro...
these damn hemroids are tearing the ass out of me
09-25-2003, 01:23 PM #22
Man you bros are anal
(Remembering my college psych 101 courses... the "Anal" phase of development of a newborn, where it enjoys defecating...)
The one thing I hate above all is the "Peanut butter special" shit... it's nasty, sticky, smelly and a pain to get all out.
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