Thread: Physical Attraction/Stereotyping
01-26-2004, 09:06 PM #1
Is it possible to have a physical attraction for someone that wasn't exactly what you imagined? I'm talking about sterotyping here..which EVERYONE does, especially on any fitness board... yes I'm talking about all of us!
I'm not talking about a complete average Joe, but I'm talking about someone you wouldn't pick first out of a crowd...Handsome, tall, but not at all a fitness or body builder which is what I have been around most all my dating years.
The Deal: In fact It was the other way around. Which was even more of a turn on, especially seeing that I was out with someone else that very evening. You can't help but notice of course if someone looks your way, but it was weird and flattering at the same time.
I'm out with a gal friend of mine and 4 guy friends which of course anyone could of been with us, but we were all friends out having a good time.. as we were leaving, I had to take one more glance at this guy and he motioned me over...once my date (really friend) looked, the guy was like never mind and turned away....
I bit my lip, and walked up to him anyways.. He acted surprised (I think he had drunk courage), and said whats up.... he asked if the guy I was with was my boyfriend and I said no....after that, he gave me his number and said he'd like to see me and if I was interested to please call.
Most all of us go by the outside package first of course.. but then what?... it can work, sometimes for a few months, maybe a few years, but what if there is nothing else in common other than looks & staying in shape??
We've all had our fun times and been with the hot ones, and yes I'm sure some of them last...but what I'd really like to know is, what is the reality/percentage of these relationships lasting??? Do you ever look around and see the georgous guy & o.k looking gal together??? All the time... Do they know something we don't....Are they less shallow???? (and no, I don't want to hear, that possibly some people prefer to be with someone that may be a little below themselves to boost their own esteem). Possibly..... but not in this case.
Been there done that.
When you feel it's real, it's so strange....
And..yes I did actually call the person, and come to find out, we are so in tune with one another its amazing... same degree, interests, art, production, one can't describe the feeling.
So this was just a thought I'd throw out....sorry so long....but I thought it would make an interesting conversation about sterotyping.
So please gimme any thoughts any of you may have on stereotyping if you wish!!!!
01-26-2004, 09:40 PM #2VET
- Join Date
- Sep 2001
Stereotype all you want. I'm looking for the hot woman who's compatible with me. I've dated many a hot women, but very few have I actually come to like after a few weeks of getting to know them.
And to answer your question. A personality can make a man / woman so much better / worse looking. With a good personality and click, you want to be around that person more, so you start to become attracted to them.
Does this mean we can't go on a date now ??
01-26-2004, 10:10 PM #3Respected Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2002
- Miller's Crossing
Well BW, I'd have to say it is an interesting circumstance, but one that the majority of us have probably faced at one time or another.
I think first and foremost, it has to be said that their is an attraction of physical persuasion towards the gentleman otherwise your initial thought of approach wouldn't have been. What comes after is yet to be seen, and will only be figured once the chance for success is taken. I feel love(which is obviously not the case as of yet with your situation given the time frame) is sort of along the same lines as justice is supposed to be- Blind to superficial or possible prejudice from fore-drawn conclusions. You have obviously taken interest in this person, even though he may not be, for lack of a better term, the "norm" in what you look for physically in your past endeavors. It seems to me that the first impression has been made, and interest is existent, in possibly greater proportion than originally taken. Your course of action seems clear for the circumstance
Now, as far as stereo-typing is concerned; I do think your somehow equating physical perfection with dead ends in a relationship which is a mistaken assumption, even with past experiences leading to this resolve. It's just that too much of the time, we continue with false hope on partnerships formed and maintained through that first impression, instead of looking at it for what it is.
You are completely correct, all of us make our first impression from what we see in front of our eyes. It's nature, but too often thats where the searching begins and ends.
The same possiblities for failure, or success lie with each person we decide to chance it with; so called "ugly" or not.
A gorgeous woman with a man of unmatching physical favor(or vice versa) could stem from any number of circumstances. Perhaps it is the reason of self esteem, this is surely the way of some. Perhaps it's love, when the beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I know for myself, physical perfection(in my opinion) is not nearly as important as personability, intellegence, compassion, understanding; hell I could list a dozen or more traits which I find more attractive than curves; but the kicker to that is that I'm so consumed in bodybuilding now, a woman who does not take an interest in fitness, at least to a degree, ends up breeding procrastination and lack of discipline in myself to persue what makes me who I am today. Most surely a weakness of mine, that I know, but I don't think it's something thats able of being overcome; at least not yet. So while I don't look for the obvious gymrat when searching for companionship, I know for the reason I just stated, that it won't last between myself and woman who doesn't understand my lifestyle.
Stereo-typing ends with familiarity. Any person with the ability to look past superficial preference can become passionate about a relationship (platonic or romantic). You've already done this, so now, you just have to figure out if your two lifestyles are compatable, and I wish you luck sweets.
01-27-2004, 09:24 AM #4
I definitely look for the hot woman first but if I happen to come in contact with a "not so hot" woman for a period of time and she is cool, she will definitely grow on me. I guess as I get older I care less about how good she looks and more about how good she is to me. Looks dont last forever. I am fortunate enough to have found a beautiful woman who is also the best thing that ever happened to me.
01-27-2004, 09:52 AM #5
I can say for sure as i have gotten older i have been more interested in girls that i have more in common with than just trying to chase after the trophy piece. You still have to be attracted to them or it wont work but i would much rather date a girl who is average looking that i can spend time with and talk to about life, rather than a the best looking girl who is borring. Maybe i am actually growing up.
01-27-2004, 10:01 AM #6
im young only 23now, and this last summer i went for all the skinny hotties.. and that would only last for a week or so.. so i did a lot of thinking and i picked a girl who has a lot in common with me, and shes a beautiful girl, she isnt the skinniest in the world, but she is the best girl i could of ever asked for.. and shes very very acctractive to me
01-27-2004, 11:21 AM #7
Wow guys, thanks so much for your responses. Not only did I expect this many but your answers were quite surprising and I thank you for your honesty instead of what could have been immature responses.
Yes, I may too be growing up finally (lol), and have come to recognize how compatible many people are and If I only knew then what I know now, maybe it wouldn't have taken this long.
Pheedno, I agree with you 100% though about fitness and taking care of yourself, and that is not an issue at all. As long as they are taking care of themselves & giving ones own body the respect it deserves, it's quite fine by me... and they don't have to be in the gym. It's actually quite nice for a change.
More responses are welcome!!!!!!! Especially if anyone has a similar experience..
01-27-2004, 11:23 AM #8Originally Posted by KeyMastur
Key.....of course not!!! Only what if I don't match up to your liking!!
01-27-2004, 01:06 PM #9VET
Originally Posted by Babyweight
- Join Date
- Sep 2001
01-27-2004, 01:18 PM #10
I agree that personality is where its at. I dunno, Im overly shy so I always got close with tomboyish girls I was friends with, but would try and date fruffy pretty-girls that would talk to me. THan I realized I like simple tomboys with no edit button. I def like it when a girl is into BMX, MX, and snowboardin..and similar music and stuff. Also for some reason most athletic girls I know are less engorged in sensless drama and self analization. I guess you have to try everything before you find what you like.
01-28-2004, 10:33 AM #11
Babyweight, it sounds like this guy already passed the looks/first impression test. I say go for it, he could be the one. Besides, there are many varieties of good looks and a fit body is just a small part of an overall package. A person can be a non hardbody and still be hot IMO.....for an example look at most models, movie stars, and musicians.
01-28-2004, 06:31 PM #12
Hey don't ask me, I've had it for a girl on the board for years now, but the two of us live about 20-hours away. Guess I'll just have to surprise her one day and show up at the door......are you listening Cali???
01-28-2004, 08:08 PM #13CutieFace Guest
I think it's very common that we see someone and we have an expectation of what they will be like....sometimes we're very surprised because they didn't fit the stereotype we labeled them with....and they are rather different from what we expected...I have found that those that have some form of contact with me are the ones that tend to approach me more easily....why? because by ha ving contact w/ me they have found out that I'm very approachable and friendly and just a nice easy going person......
now if you can find someone, who shares similar intersts w/ you and will yet support those interersts you have that differ from him/her and you can build a friendship in addition to the attraction.....right there is 1/2 of the battle......the being attracted part is the easy part......
i think the biggest mistake of my marriage was that my ex and I were NOT friends, we did not talk to each other...and found out way too late that we had very differing opinions on how to live life in general, how to rais children, how to treat people...there was no friendship......
am I rambling? LOL sorry
just my thoughts on the subject...sometimes if you take the intiative you can be pleasantly surprised by someone
01-29-2004, 01:59 PM #14Originally Posted by THE BIG RED MACHINE
01-29-2004, 06:17 PM #15
01-30-2004, 08:47 AM #16
02-01-2004, 02:17 PM #17
Ok here goes....
I can definately say that I have been shallow in my dating time. BUT!!! I have dated outside of that steriotype. Almost like Babyweight was saying. The girl wasnt exactly hot but we had a lot in common. But for the most part Im rediculously picky when it comes to looks unless Im completely taken by her (whoever she would be) personality.
Love the fitness girls though.
02-01-2004, 05:55 PM #18CutieFace Guest
ok want to hear pathetic? My g/f wanted to check out this new online dating service.....you have to answer this long questionare....so I went through all the questions....w/ her help made sure I answered everything very honestly...instead of you sifting through profiles to see who you'd like....they send you your matches...well I got to the end, received the summary of my profile questions....and guess what....
guess how many matches there wer for Cutie??????????????????????/
yep that's right...NO MATCHES!
02-01-2004, 08:52 PM #19Originally Posted by CutieFace
02-02-2004, 10:29 AM #20CutieFace GuestOriginally Posted by chicamahomico
<sigh> I guess I'll have to find someone who's not a mere mortal
02-02-2004, 10:33 AM #21Originally Posted by KeyMastur
02-02-2004, 12:55 PM #22Originally Posted by CutieFace
BW, how bout this? How about someone you meet that does nothing for you at all but as time passes and you really get to know them very well you find yourself overlooking what you didn't like and all of a sudden they become attractive to you? In my younger years (somewhere around the stone age I think) it was all about looks.......low and behold none turned out to be what i thought they would be. As I matured I found myself drawn more to personality rather than looks.
02-02-2004, 01:15 PM #23Originally Posted by CutieFace
02-02-2004, 04:47 PM #24Originally Posted by Juggernaut2148
Somehow I think I may have to come to realization, that age is going to be the biggest factor of all... Somehow I'm finding it hardier & harder to put my foot down and just say ***ck it and date someone my own age. What I think it all boils down to is low self esteem... when you hear someone tell you " I don't know what I could possibly do for you to make you happy, and your too much for me, and what do you see in me" is a real pisser!
So then you have this person who makes me feel shallow, because he must think why would I want to be with him when (typically) I would want to be with someone better.. ??? Oh God.... I'm sure there's more to come.... I just want to hit someone right now. Does this make any sense???? Just when I thought I was doing good, and it all felt so very right. Now it's too Good! arrrrrgggghhhhhhh BULL**** BULL**** BULL****.
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