so....carl proposed...............

**Nicotine** · 06-21-2009, 12:47 AM

so, as some know of carl. we dated on and off (mostly on) for just over 4 yrs.

he asked me if i would marry him, move in, and he'd help me thru school (put a roof over my head...etc)

we get along amazing, we are comfortable with each other, and he's a demon pig in the sack........

my only concern, is that i feel that when im not around, he doesnt think of me ........ hard to explane. i've never shown up, and he's done anything to let me know he thought of me when we wernt together....

never gotten flowers, a card, etc.

i know im sentimental..but.... i dunno.........

any input/suggestions?

**MuscleScience** · 06-21-2009, 12:52 AM

After the honeymoon phase goes away I dont think about sending the person I am dating anything or say I miss them throughout the day. I am comfortable at that point and just dont think about it. I know with my last ex she mentioned something similar after about a year. I simple said I just think she is always going to be there.

**KatsMeow** · 06-21-2009, 01:01 AM

It's been 4 years and if it's been on and off then there has obviously been some issues. I don't know the extent of them but all I can say, is NEVER settle. I understand that there is an initial honeymoon phase where you can't get someone off of your mind, and some people let that go. But if you want something more than don't settle for him. There is someone else out there that will think of you all day long and make sure you know it.

It sounds like he's trying to bribe you into settling for him.

**Nicotine** · 06-21-2009, 02:38 AM

hrmmmm....i didnt see it as settling before...but i kinda do now .....

we get along great. the past issues was lack of time he had for me with work and the union he works for also, and the fact we lived a bit apart....

the MAJOR issue though, was it was always me travelling 1 1/2 hours each way, twice a week..and he's only been up here 5x in over 4yrs.......

**CMPD213** · 06-21-2009, 05:00 AM

Never settle because when you settle you'll end up getting even less that you settle for... You're not being overly emotional or anything like that, don't think that. It seems he is not being understanding of your situation (living apart & travels)... You need to have a serious talk with him and if he doesn't change it just wasn't meant to be

**Tigershark** · 06-21-2009, 07:46 AM

Never look for the person you can live with, look for the person you can not live without.

**Dancer** · 06-21-2009, 07:58 AM

Originally Posted by Nicotine

hrmmmm....i didnt see it as settling before...but i kinda do now .....

we get along great. the past issues was lack of time he had for me with work and the union he works for also, and the fact we lived a bit apart....

the MAJOR issue though, was it was always me travelling 1 1/2 hours each way, twice a week..and he's only been up here 5x in over 4yrs.......

Sounds like you care a lot and are making time/emotional sacrifices to be doing all that.

**Dancer** · 06-21-2009, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by Nicotine

so, as some know of carl. we dated on and off (mostly on) for just over 4 yrs.

he asked me if i would marry him, move in, and he'd help me thru school (put a roof over my head...etc)

we get along amazing, we are comfortable with each other, and he's a demon pig in the sack........

my only concern, is that i feel that when im not around, he doesnt think of me ........ hard to explane. i've never shown up, and he's done anything to let me know he thought of me when we wernt together....

never gotten flowers, a card, etc.

i know im sentimental..but.... i dunno.........

any input/suggestions?

My girl has had the same issues with me. I am not a very emotional person...

We have been together going on 5 years.

I have had more than my share of F'en around and relationships.

There is not a whole lot I have not done.

Within ANY given person you will not have prefection. If his lack of ''...is that i feel that when im not around, he doesnt think of me...'' <<< If you can not work through that then you need to call it off.

In my life I have lived multiple number of years for each year I been alive, or so I feel. In my relationship when she was going through nursing school many times she was absent in many ways such as emotional withdrawn and physically tired from all the stress.... Look the point that I am trying to make is that you have to keep your eyes on your goals for your personal life... I always knew (not that I am saying you do not) that I would run into hurdles. At the times that she was off in her little world I had to keep in mind the over person.

I did read other say "NEVER settle"... I say we are all entitles to our opinions perhaps you will find that perfect person and perhaps they will be free of all flaws... In my life I never did, and I maybe wrong, with respect to almost every aspect of my life I have had to compromise and settle/except people with all thier flaws...

**DSM4Life** · 06-21-2009, 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by Nicotine

so, as some know of carl. we dated on and off (mostly on) for just over 4 yrs.

he asked me if i would marry him, move in, and he'd help me thru school (put a roof over my head...etc)

we get along amazing, we are comfortable with each other, and he's a demon pig in the sack........

my only concern, is that i feel that when im not around, he doesnt think of me ........ hard to explane. i've never shown up, and he's done anything to let me know he thought of me when we wernt together....

never gotten flowers, a card, etc.

i know im sentimental..but.... i dunno.........

any input/suggestions?

From the previous post i read about him, don't do it.

You guys need to go back to dating and thats it. You two had many issues and it didn't seem like he wanted to work them out. You called it quits now he wants you back ? I say F that.

**CHAP** · 06-21-2009, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

From the previous post i read about him, don't do it.

You guys need to go back to dating and thats it. You two had many issues and it didn't seem like he wanted to work them out. You called it quits now he wants you back ? I say F that.

Sounds like DSM knows more than us!!He could have a very valid point!. You are the one that has to live with this decision. Stay or go worry bout your heart first.

Dont get married tho.

***T-MOS*** · 06-21-2009, 09:54 AM

Just from this thread, it sounds like YOU make all the effort and He is just there and feels he doesn't have to put effort in cause you accept him that way so ..... if its been like this for 4 years, its NOT gonna change, in fact after he gets comfortable that he HAS you, he may even be more withdrawn and things will get worse...

DON'T SETTLE, give your heart to the one that is gonna give to you as much as you give to them......

**Chitown Raider** · 06-21-2009, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

DON'T SETTLE, give your heart to the one that is gonna give to you as much as you give to them......

Exactly, it's a two-way street not a one-way road.

**KatsMeow** · 06-21-2009, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by Nicotine

hrmmmm....i didnt see it as settling before...but i kinda do now .....

we get along great. the past issues was lack of time he had for me with work and the union he works for also, and the fact we lived a bit apart....

the MAJOR issue though, was it was always me travelling 1 1/2 hours each way, twice a week..and he's only been up here 5x in over 4yrs.......

My point exactly...if he wanted to see you then he would have made the sacrifice more. I dated a guy that lived over an hour away and went to his house every day then I realized he had nothing but excuses about making the drive himself. So I stopped going there and said "if you want to see me, you know where I live". It's obvious the relationship didn't last because I was giving everything, he gave nothing.

Your relationship is convenient for him because he doesn't have to do any of the work, he knows he can have you if he wants. You need to stop making yourself an option.

NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY WHEN YOU ARE ONLY AN OPTION!!!

It sounds like he has the power to pull you back in whenever you start to turn away and you give him that power, at one point you are going to realize that you deserve much more and you are worth more.

**ph34rsh4ck** · 06-21-2009, 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by Tigershark

Never look for the person you can live with, look for the person you can not live without.

awwwWWWWWWWWWWWW

***RAGE*** · 06-21-2009, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by Tigershark

Never look for the person you can live with, look for the person you can not live without.

great words bro.....

**ph34rsh4ck** · 06-21-2009, 01:25 PM

Originally Posted by prone2rage

great words bro.....

someone hasnt been taking his anti-e's if ya know what im sayin

**Nicotine** · 06-22-2009, 01:39 AM

thanks for the replies guys.. (and gals!)

been doing a lot of thinking. and i dont think i'd go the marriage route.......

i am hot shit, but at the same time, i plan on taking my training to the next step this year. i want to compete in 3yrs.

and with his work/union, and my training and school, i dunno if that'd work for either of us.

he is a pig in the sack.....that shit is fantastic. :P

**jbm** · 06-22-2009, 03:58 AM

**jbm** · 06-22-2009, 03:58 AM

**DSM4Life** · 06-22-2009, 04:49 AM

Originally Posted by Nicotine

he is a pig in the sack.....that shit is fantastic. :P

Can we have specific details please

**chicmagnet** · 06-22-2009, 05:17 AM

No relationship is perfect esp at the beginning, some sh!t needs to be worked out as you go along. Sit him down and talk about your'e and his issues if you are both willing to make a genuine effort it sounds like grounds for marriage although I don't know why you see the need to marry, move in if that doesn't work move out.