some light humor

[KunipshunFit]

A friend at work sent this to me and I was laughing my ass off because it's so true!

I decided I would post it and let everyone see how true they thought it was.

Mens Merit/Demerit Guide


For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES



You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.. ....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty......0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.....-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings......+5
In the snow .....+8
But return with beer.....-5
And no liners.....-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40

AT THE PARTY



You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
With breast implants.....-18
Tiffany used to work for Tyson ...-100



HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday.....0

You buy a card and flowers.....0
You take her out to dinner.....0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team.....-10



A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15



A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800



THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100
Any other response.....-20



COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience......+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".....-100
You have fallen asleep.....-200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH



You talk.....-100
You don't talk.....-150
You spend time with her......-200
You don't spend time with her.....-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000




Game Over - YOU LOSE!!!

[RageControl]

hahaha too funny

[Rich8888]

Good stuff...bro...I sent it onto to all I know who would appreciate it.

[saboudian]

I like how those 0's reflect what is "mandatory" of a man.

[FireFighter]

man thats so true! haha

[mammoth]

You forgot:

FINANCES:

You make enough money for her to be able to sit home and do nothing while you are hard at work....... 0

You decide to save a certain percentage of your money in an attempt to prove that your are frugal........ +10

You tell her that you are saving money to invest in "our future".......+50

Actually "your future"....... -50

She then finds out that you are actually saving for your next cycle of anabolics!!!........-10000

And YES I am that little fat kid!!! :-D

[KunipshunFit]

LOL, I thought I would add this bit also about sex.

SEX

Light Scented Candles +2
That you went out and bought along with a dozen Roses +10
Along with a box of chocolate +15
That you ate on the way home -10


You have foreplay that last longer than 10 minutes 0
You make sure she has one orgasm during foreplay +2
Multiple orgasm's +20
You were the one who had multiple orgasms -400

During sex you go "hard and fast" and are done in 5 minutes -20
You satisfy her completely...ok ok trick statement
You tell her how amazing she is +20
as compared to your long list of other girls -10

After sex you cuddle 0
And gently persuade her to help your guy up again so you can go again +2
However, while your getting head, you blow your load -200
You then get up and go watch the football game -300
With your friends who are in the other room because you called them on the way back from the store with the chocolate -30000

[Warrior]

LMFAO!!

[mass junkie]

lmao....thats some funny stuff

[Polska]

[Terinox]

Funny shit!

[Butch]

That is fuckin hilarious true shit right there!!!!!!!!!!

[Umberto]

You had me rollin on the floor

Stuff is so true, thats why its so funny

got any more?

[KunipshunFit]

I come across them every now and then

If they are populare I can start posting them every now and then...not often..but here and there..

[Red Ketchup]

How many points for wiping your dick on her bedroom curtains after sex?

[clockworks]

Originally posted by Red Ketchup
How many points for wiping your dick on her bedroom curtains after sex?

bahaha, i used to get chewed out for wiping it on the bedsheets and pillows...i thought it was funny...but then again, i think everything is a joke...=)

you shower before boning. +5
you ask her to shower before boning. -5
you shower after boning. -5
you don't laugh at her queef (sp?) noises. 0
you add to the queef noises with farts. -10

jeez, i'm a vulgar doode...=)

-- clocky baby