Spiritual Experiences with AAS ?

**McBain** · 09-05-2002, 12:12 PM

Maybe I'm crazy but thought I'd ask if anyone else has had revelations while on cycles about their life. Throughout my entire cycle I have been a psychological mess and confused as all hell. Not knowing one day if I even wish to leave bed. I was also reading some pretty heavy psychology and philosophy books (one of them The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm, I HIGHLY recommend, sounds like a cheesey how to pick up chicks titled but the book is amazing) which definitely added to my confusion about life.

Anyways yesterday I just had a sudden revelation about my life and where it is heading. Everything came today. I was sitting in class thinking and all of a sudden the confusion just parted and left only clarity. It was breath-taking. Just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences on AAS. Maybe it was just a coincidence that it happened on my cycle but this cycle has definitely added to my confusion but as I was thinking once you get a broader outlook on life confusion is sure to follow until you are able to fully comperehend the outlook. Sorry if I am rambling just wondering if anyone had any similar experiences and whether it might be related to the AAS. Not that I'm going to start using test as a mystical gateway

but this was more for my own curiosity.

(Btw I am not high or on any halluconigens nor have I done any drugs at all for a month; and then I just smoked a little pot. Just wanted to clear that up because rereading this that would be my first reaction...to ask if I was on drugs hah.

**Big Rush** · 09-05-2002, 03:40 PM

had the same effect on E...

**symatech** · 09-05-2002, 06:44 PM

and i had the same on LSD...life just seemed to make sense to me, i was completely at peace and had full understanding of the world.....then i came down

**McBain** · 09-06-2002, 03:02 PM

Yeah I've done mushrooms and felt a similar thing but it was merely temporarily false sense of oneness with the world, a dissipation of one's ego. In my opinion drugs like LSD, E, and other hallucinogens merely provide temporary "shortcuts" to enlightenment. But like I said it is a fleeting experience and thus is not really helpful in the long run, it only hurts your body and mind (you know what I'm talking about if you've ever met someone who's done too much E or LSD...it's just a sad waste of life).

The experience I was talking about is still with me.

**symatech** · 09-06-2002, 03:53 PM

I definately agree bro. My previous post was sarcastic, I was mocking the typical "views" of an acid head. I can do this because I unfortunately used to be 1. Having been clean for a LOOOONG time, my brain is still somewhat "scarred" from excessive LSD use. It is a very sad thing to see somebody who has wasted their ilfe with the drug. Like you said LsD creates the illusion of peace and serenity--and this can lead to very drastic consequences.

But in all honesty I had fun while on it....but no more.

peace
symatech

**PUMP** · 09-06-2002, 08:08 PM

I felt that way on E too

**McBain** · 09-07-2002, 01:32 AM

Originally posted by symatech
I definately agree bro. My previous post was sarcastic, I was mocking the typical "views" of an acid head. I can do this because I unfortunately used to be 1. Having been clean for a LOOOONG time, my brain is still somewhat "scarred" from excessive LSD use. It is a very sad thing to see somebody who has wasted their ilfe with the drug. Like you said LsD creates the illusion of peace and serenity--and this can lead to very drastic consequences.

But in all honesty I had fun while on it....but no more.

peace
symatech

doh didn't realize the sarcasm in original post, don't mind me I'm just a little slow

**BASK8KACE** · 09-07-2002, 06:17 AM

McBain,

I'm glad you found clarity.

What was the confusion all about? What was the revelation?

**McBain** · 09-07-2002, 01:43 PM

Just general confusion about life. My place in life. I am a pretty philosophical person so I probably overthink my own actions and lifestyle and the decisions/lifestyles of others moreso than most people. Also I've never been in a serious relationship nor been in love and just been thinking about that.

Thinking about this girl I've been good friends with for like 5 years and now we are romantically interested in one another but both worried it will screw up our friendship so I've been thinking a lot about that and just what I would want in a girl I could be with for a while (not just attracted to). It's a complex situation because it'd be long distance and I've been thinking whether I want it to be exclusive, whether that is realistic and whether that would be counterproductive to our relationship. She's probably the first girl I've really cared about so I've just been thinking a lot about how to go about this since I don't just want to get in her pants, I really want to her to know her. So I'd say that's been the main point of confusion and I think I've sort of figured it out, but I'm still confused as hell. I'm sure most of you guys have gone through similar stuff.

I've also been confused about my schooling. I took a semester off before going to college because I wasn't sure I wanted to go (was drinking and smoking way too much back then). I ended up going to a really competative school though and my grades haven't been so hot and I have had no real direciton in terms of a major. I guess right now I'm a sophmore but I should be a junior (age-wise). I finally sort of realized what I wanted to do though in life. I think I basically just want to help people, there are so many people lonely and unhappy when they shouldn't be, this loneliness and unhappiness often leads to horrible problems like drug habits, eatings disorders and other unhealthy and destructive patterns (I know this is nothing new to anyone just explaining myself). Basically I think I want to study psychology, maybe double major in philosophy or minor in it and just try to help people. I enjoy the subject matter and I've always enjoyed helping people, it's the most rewarding thing in the world I think....helping someone turn their life around.

Well that's my story and I'm sticking to it

Feels good to get some of that off my chest. I've had some really good friends who have been helping me through this and listening and offering advice and I just thank god I am blessed with such good friends. I am also thankful for the support I've gotten here and on another board I post at (been posting my cycle log). There are so many good brothers out there, I think we are all truly blessed to be part of this community.

**BASK8KACE** · 09-07-2002, 08:53 PM

The things that you're going through are not uncommon experiences for people who actually take time in this life to stop, to look around them, and to THINK. It can be a lot easier and sometimes fun to go through life without thinking the way you are, but I think there is so much more to be gained through both pain and pleasure when you take time to do what you're doing--grappling with the difficulties rather than sweeping them under the carpets of "more work", "more drugs", and/or "less awareness."

I hope things work out for you and your friend (I mean in whichever way will be best for the two of you). A lot of people talk the talk but don't walk the walk when it comes to "being friends first" with the one you love. (I'm talking the REAL I'll-help-you-fight-through-hard-times-and-let-you-enjoy-life-even-more kind of friends first).

You hit a chord with me, bud. The kind of things that you're talking about, the way you open your mind, and your willingnes (almost a need) to talk about what's on your mind are the kind of traits that I best identified with throughout highshcool and college--even now. I have made lasting, strong friendships that began over conversations like this.

If you want to chat or just need an ear, lemme know. PM me or give me a shout out on the board.

If you keep on approaching life this way, things will work out for you. I'm not being Pollyanna-ish about this; I'm being serious. Yeah, there are hard times, but if you are truly searching for answers, and keep your mind open--you'll continue to be enlightened.

Wishing you the best, McBain.

BASK8KACE

**McBain** · 09-07-2002, 11:24 PM

Damn bro that was probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thanks for the support, I had actually been wondering whether or not, tonight, me thinking about all this stuff was just too overwhelming for me at this point but I totally agree with you. I think dealing with stuff as it happens is the best way to go about it rather than hiding behind a fear of failure or drugs or other ways of avoiding the problem or task at hand. Thanks