hey everybody... before I post my story and background info I would appreciate it if people would comment to help me rather than bash me for mistakes I cannot take back. Thank you

I've been lifting weights since I was around 15 and always got good natural gains I was blessed with good genetics and a ample supple of natty test. I was always the most athletic kid around my piers. I then started to take some gnc supps; pre-workout, protein, and some creatine. In high school all my teammates on the football team were experimenting. I was already starting on the varsity team as a sophomore so when I was 16 my coach gave me an anti-estrogen test booster. I had no clue what I was doing I didn't feel good about taking it but I did. I took it for about 2 weeks and I was taking two in the morning and two at night. It was waaay to much for me to handle I would go crazy with rage sometimes. I stopped taking it after that. I was never quite the same after that short cycle and didn't want to tell my dad because he would kill me.

Last summer I started going to the gym everyday making good progress I was finally back to normal. Feeling good and making gains naturally. Then I met this older guy who was a beast. I looked up to him and he would show me new workouts and taught me some good stuff. He told me about pro-hormones and since I considered him my friend I believed what he was saying. He had done many cycles and asked me if I would want to try a small epistane cycle with him. After a 4 week cycle of (1 pill the first two weeks and 2 pills the third week and 3 pills the final week) with no liver/joint support during and no pct after, I think my body shut down... On top of the cycle I was taking a medication called seroquil to help me sleep which shouldn't be taken with PHs. During my cycle I ejaculated daily due to the hormones I couldn't help it. I also overtrained during my cycle injuring many muscles/tendons. I knew something was wrong so I reached out to the guy. He was no help because he didn't think that epi would effect me like that. He said it was to low grade as a PH to shut you down. But I have read everybody reacts differently to the hormones. It was my first week at college when I noticed my balls/penis were dead. I felt sick and was very un-masculine. I had no energy and felt like a wimp! It was a truly horrible way to start college. I then went to the doctor and got a blood test and the tests came back good according to the doc. It's been almost a year since the cycle and I feel a little better but my penis and balls still aren't producing test like they use too. I still don't feel manly like I did before experimenting. I workout every now and then but not like I use too. I would like to get fit naturally again. I am willing to try anything that could help to get my body and mind back to normal. And If any kids under 25 are reading this post thinking about experimenting, DON'T DO IT! It's not worth it!!!


Questions: did taking the test booster make my reaction to epistane worse?possible permanent damage I caused? possible temporary damage? ways I could naturally get my levels back to normal? how much of it is mental? good diet? good exercises?

Thats my story thanks for reading and I would appreciate any positive feedback or advice. THANKS!