An honest journey

Dear reader,

For all of those reading this blog (Yeah, I am talking to you two) it should be very clear that I am really trying to be as honest as possible when writing this blog. It is simply my way of trying to figure out why certain things happen and put words to them. This mystery started on Wednesday this past week when I felt like I was hit by a truck. It was PURE exhaustion and a clear sign that I needed a few days off. I stayed on diet but did not work out. This worked all well until Friday night when I had to go to a function with my wife. There were food from 18 different nationalities there and I ate everything in sight and topped it off with a few beers. It is like there is something inside of me that do not know who to say S.T.O.P. I do not know WTF this is but it is driving me crazy.

Saturday I was going to have a controlled Carb-up day that turned into some sort of food orgie that I still have no clue how it happened. Same thing on Sunday when I always, without fail, get back on my diet. But not this Sunday, I ate it all. Imagine there is one last hot dog on the planet and you have one chance to eat it, that is sort of what Sunday looked like.

If I in anyway could explain all of this it would be great or if I could simply learn to control myself. Neither seems to be working. I realize I am actually making progress and for that I am thankful but if it would not be for these crazy binges that I go on I would be more than ready to cycle at this point. Guess I just have to be happy that I do seem to be able to rein myself in after a binge and do not constantly stay on one.

Happy F&&$*%$%ing Monday!!!
~T